I Almost Didn't Fit...

Renewed2021

Today I painfully realized how oblivious I have been in regard to my weight. I've always tried hard to hide it, and although I know in my head how bad the number on the scale is, I don't allow my mind to process it. Today I got a cold dose of reality.

After I picked my son up from the sitter, I decided to surprise him with a trip to Dairy Queen for some ice cream. I resolved in my mind I would let him get what he wanted, and then I would order a mini-blizzard. Truth be told, I surprised my son with DQ because I wanted a blizzard and needed an excuse to get one. Shame on me.

We got our ice cream and went back to sit at a booth to eat. I've never had a problem sitting in a booth, except for when I was pregnant with my son. Well, I sat down in that booth and the table (which could not be moved) went right into my stomach. I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I don't want my son to see the negative effects of my weight. I wanted to go sit somewhere else because I knew how horrible that had to look with my stomach smooshed in like it was, but I didn't because I didn't want to explain to my son why we couldn't sit there.

So we sat there and ate our ice cream.

As I talked with my sweet boy about his day and just watched him, my heart broke again. If I continue down this path my son will be without his mother. If I keep going at this rate, I'm going to be a lot worse off than not being able to fit in a booth. If I keep going at this rate my son is going to learn my bad habits because if I'm eating it, odds are he is eating it too.

I come from a family of morbidly obese people. I don't want to be one of them anymore. I'm 5'3" and tipping the scales at 250 pounds. My doctor told me once I should weigh 140 pounds because of my frame. At this point I'd settle for 200 pounds.

I've got to do this. I have to change my life. I'm afraid of what that is going to look like and I'm honestly afraid of the struggle but it's either I change or I will put myself in an early grave. I don't want to die. I want to live and live the best life I possibly can.

I started this on Monday and messed up from the start. I'm not gonna lie, I'm tempted to wait until Monday to start again but I can't. I have to make the conscious decision to change and to change now. I've never backed down from a challenge. I just wish I could understand why the challenge of getting healthy is so hard for me.

ravengirl2014

You can do this.. my stats are similar to yours ..I am 5'4" and about 175 right now...I made it to 135.5 but antidepressants... pandemic..well ya know...feel free to add me if you want..

Renewed2021

ravengirl2014 wrote: »

You can do this.. my stats are similar to yours ..I am 5'4" and about 175 right now...I made it to 135.5 but antidepressants... pandemic..well ya know...feel free to add me if you want..

I added you. Thanks!
It's been 20 years since I weighed 175. Sad how much of my life I've wasted.

Sixteen_Tons

Renewed2021 wrote: »

As I talked with my sweet boy about his day and just watched him, my heart broke again. If I continue down this path my son will be without his mother. If I keep going at this rate, I'm going to be a lot worse off than not being able to fit in a booth. If I keep going at this rate my son is going to learn my bad habits because if I'm eating it, odds are he is eating it too.

I come from a family of morbidly obese people. I don't want to be one of them anymore. I'm 5'3" and tipping the scales at 250 pounds. My doctor told me once I should weigh 140 pounds because of my frame. At this point I'd settle for 200 pounds.

I've got to do this. I have to change my life. I'm afraid of what that is going to look like and I'm honestly afraid of the struggle but it's either I change or I will put myself in an early grave. I don't want to die. I want to live and live the best life I possibly can.

I started this on Monday and messed up from the start. I'm not gonna lie, I'm tempted to wait until Monday to start again but I can't. I have to make the conscious decision to change and to change now. I've never backed down from a challenge. I just wish I could understand why the challenge of getting healthy is so hard for me.

Hi R..2021,

Your thoughts resonated with me, 37 years ago I quit smoking after 20 years, because I didn't want my son to smoke. below is a copy from one of my posts.

My seesaw is 30+ years long, lost 100 pounds 10 years ago, kept 62 of it off. I really don't know why... After that the good ship Sixteen_Tons hit the rocks. Last week I said enough, I want to do things my weight is preventing, it's a strange goal, but, I want to buy a good suit (Armani, Versace etc....) and have it fit just right (Hmmm, never knew I was a clothes horse!). Mostly I never want to darken the door of a 'Big & Tall' store ever again!

For me a combination of logging my food, fasting, and calorie cycling is working. For you it might be some other system. Losing weight is hard, breaking the habits of a lifetime is incredibly hard.

I set down some simple rules for myself this time:

Choose any diet that's healthy & suits your tastes & lifestyle there's no wrong answer.

Don't lie to yourself or try to rationalize it away. If you had a day when you didn't meet your goals. Acknowledge it, take ownership, reflect on what caused it, and develop a strategy to avoid the trigger.

Most of all don't give up, when you're down on yourself, sit down with your son and enjoy a bowl of grapes, or whatever healthy fresh food you like and laugh with him. Just don't forget to log it. LOL

There's no magic bullet, no Miracle diet, losing weight is a grind, it's all about CICO.

I sure don't have all the answers, or I'd have met my target weight long ago, but, if you don't keep trying you will definitely not succeed.

Renewed2021

[/quote]

Don't lie to yourself or try to rationalize it away. If you had a day when you didn't meet your goals. Acknowledge it, take ownership, reflect on what caused it, and develop a strategy to avoid the trigger.

[/quote]

This! I need to do this! Especially with my triggers! Thank you.

88olds

There’s a place in my heart for people who are here because they are parents. The moment I changed went like this- I felt lousy. I felt bad almost all the time in those days. I weighed 285 lbs. I had HBP, sleep apnea complete with CPAP, debilitating back pain and a seemingly permanent cough. I was drinking too much and eating too much. Nothing I liked better than an entire evening of wining and dining. Our daughter was about 2. We were watching TV and she decided to go play with her brother. As she left the room she turned and waved and said “bye bye daddy.” I thought- she’s going to be doing that at my funeral. That did it. Leaving 2 little kids with no dad was the thing I wasn’t going to do.

She just turned 28. I ran my kids ragged at the parks in Orlando. That was a big NSV at the time. You can do this.

Start a food diary. Get a food scale to crunch the numbers. Never quit your food diary. Well, I quit my after 5 years at goal weight but I go back as needed to maintain. But I’m trying to convey the idea that if you are going to get involved in weight loss there is no end. It’s a way to live.

Start to monitor your thinking. Beware of your own brain as it will try to wreck you. It will tell you that calorie counting is too hard, or too picky or extreme. Your brain will tell you that it takes too long or it will exaggerate every bump in the road to prove to you that it doesn’t work. Or that it may work but it doesn’t work for you. Your brain will try to convince you that your metabolism is damaged. Or that its not possible to lose weight without punishing exercise programs. None of this stuff is true.

What is true is that we lose weight eating in a calorie deficit. Counting calories works. It has to work because of how our bodies are designed. Our bodies are made to try to survive hard times by storing excess calories as fat. Fortunately, for most of us those hard times don’t arrive. But just like eating excess calories puts on weigh, eating in a deficit will take it off.

But there’s a fairly long calorie counting learning curve that gives a lot of people trouble. There’s a lot of number crunching at first. But that gets easier with time. Plus there are a lot of potential missteps. Everything from bad planning, fatigue, misread menus and nutritional information, to basic math- lots of ways to make mistakes. In fact mistakes are unavoidable. You know that thing about experience is the best teacher? In weight loss its really the only teacher because everyone’s program is a bit different. And that’s because we each have to live our own lives.

Weight loss has 2 parts- eating in a calorie deficit and living with it. Avoid the temptation to go all in on the deficit to where you have to beat yourself into living with it. Suffering isn’t necessary. Stay away from the idea that you have to rush through this. Like I said before, there’s no end. We have to live with our plans every step of the way. A plan that we won’t actually follow is not a good plan. The good news is plans can be fixed. In fact the tinkering and adjusting never ends.

Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Face each problem one at a time and try to find solutions. But you don’t have to win every battle. You just need to win enough to keep losing. The process doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be good enough.

Sorry this is so long but your post hit a nerve. You can do this. Start your food diary and log in everything you eat or drink that has calories. Over your number? Wildly over? Log it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Everything gets logged. Your diary is the record of the problems you face. Those problem areas are standing between you and goal weight. Pretending they aren’t there won’t solve them. Personally I hated logging over my number. But I found that I hated it so much that I worked harder not to do it. But you are never “off” your program when everything gets logged. The process is more important than the numbers.

Last thing- use the MFP calculators to find the maintenance calorie target for your current weight and make a plan for that. When you have the process in place, experiment with the calculators to aim for a calorie deficit. No, it doesn’t have to be 2 lbs per week. 1 lb or even .5 lbs is perfectly fine so long as you actually hit the numbers. You can adjust more later as you learn the process. Read this board much and you’ll see how many people wreck good efforts trying to go fast. Don’t be one of them. You can have the life you want. I thought weight loss was going to be the death fo fun but what I found was liberation. Friend me if you want. I’d be happy to help you if I can. Good luck.

MaltedTea

In addition to the well-deserved "Hugs" I tagged this as Inspiring too @Renewed2021. From your username to your willingness to bluntly share your CURRENT story to your FUTURE expectations, all of it can trigger positive change.

And, perhaps every now and again, you can head back to the DQ booth as a way to gauge your progress. Not only your physical ability to sit comfortably but an increased mental agility when it comes to healthy decision-making around nutrition.

Can't wait to read about your progress over time.

Renewed2021

88olds wrote: »

There’s a place in my heart for people who are here because they are parents. The moment I changed went like this- I felt lousy. I felt bad almost all the time in those days. I weighed 285 lbs. I had HBP, sleep apnea complete with CPAP, debilitating back pain and a seemingly permanent cough. I was drinking too much and eating too much. Nothing I liked better than an entire evening of wining and dining. Our daughter was about 2. We were watching TV and she decided to go play with her brother. As she left the room she turned and waved and said “bye bye daddy.” I thought- she’s going to be doing that at my funeral. That did it. Leaving 2 little kids with no dad was the thing I wasn’t going to do.

She just turned 28. I ran my kids ragged at the parks in Orlando. That was a big NSV at the time. You can do this.

Start a food diary. Get a food scale to crunch the numbers. Never quit your food diary. Well, I quit my after 5 years at goal weight but I go back as needed to maintain. But I’m trying to convey the idea that if you are going to get involved in weight loss there is no end. It’s a way to live.

Start to monitor your thinking. Beware of your own brain as it will try to wreck you. It will tell you that calorie counting is too hard, or too picky or extreme. Your brain will tell you that it takes too long or it will exaggerate every bump in the road to prove to you that it doesn’t work. Or that it may work but it doesn’t work for you. Your brain will try to convince you that your metabolism is damaged. Or that its not possible to lose weight without punishing exercise programs. None of this stuff is true.

What is true is that we lose weight eating in a calorie deficit. Counting calories works. It has to work because of how our bodies are designed. Our bodies are made to try to survive hard times by storing excess calories as fat. Fortunately, for most of us those hard times don’t arrive. But just like eating excess calories puts on weigh, eating in a deficit will take it off.

But there’s a fairly long calorie counting learning curve that gives a lot of people trouble. There’s a lot of number crunching at first. But that gets easier with time. Plus there are a lot of potential missteps. Everything from bad planning, fatigue, misread menus and nutritional information, to basic math- lots of ways to make mistakes. In fact mistakes are unavoidable. You know that thing about experience is the best teacher? In weight loss its really the only teacher because everyone’s program is a bit different. And that’s because we each have to live our own lives.

Weight loss has 2 parts- eating in a calorie deficit and living with it. Avoid the temptation to go all in on the deficit to where you have to beat yourself into living with it. Suffering isn’t necessary. Stay away from the idea that you have to rush through this. Like I said before, there’s no end. We have to live with our plans every step of the way. A plan that we won’t actually follow is not a good plan. The good news is plans can be fixed. In fact the tinkering and adjusting never ends.

Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Face each problem one at a time and try to find solutions. But you don’t have to win every battle. You just need to win enough to keep losing. The process doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be good enough.

Sorry this is so long but your post hit a nerve. You can do this. Start your food diary and log in everything you eat or drink that has calories. Over your number? Wildly over? Log it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Everything gets logged. Your diary is the record of the problems you face. Those problem areas are standing between you and goal weight. Pretending they aren’t there won’t solve them. Personally I hated logging over my number. But I found that I hated it so much that I worked harder not to do it. But you are never “off” your program when everything gets logged. The process is more important than the numbers.

Last thing- use the MFP calculators to find the maintenance calorie target for your current weight and make a plan for that. When you have the process in place, experiment with the calculators to aim for a calorie deficit. No, it doesn’t have to be 2 lbs per week. 1 lb or even .5 lbs is perfectly fine so long as you actually hit the numbers. You can adjust more later as you learn the process. Read this board much and you’ll see how many people wreck good efforts trying to go fast. Don’t be one of them. You can have the life you want. I thought weight loss was going to be the death fo fun but what I found was liberation. Friend me if you want. I’d be happy to help you if I can. Good luck.

Thank you so much! This is great advice and you have helped me feel like I can actually do this!!!

I have finally realized this is a marathon and I've got to take it one moment at a time for now. If I try to do more than that, it's overwhelming but I realize now that one moment is fine! I'll get there. Steady on.

Thank you again @88olds !