Weight Loss, Toxic People and Sabotage

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  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,960 Member
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    ...and by okra or oysters I mean - if I don't want to eat something (cookies, Margaritas, whatever) then that's my business.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
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    I'm pretty fortunate that I don't have anyone trying to sabotage me, but then again, I've never really made my weight loss attempts public knowledge. I've been a generally "healthy" eater for the past several years so when I wanted to lose a bit more, I just ate a bit less.

    I've learned how to manage when people buy treats and such and don't see at as much of a temptation for me anymore. Like someone said above, if anyone were to sabotage my weight loss efforts, it would've been me falling into old habits.
  • Beautyofdreams
    Beautyofdreams Posts: 1,009 Member
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    @heather240 the struggle is real with self image. But you can change the dialogue that you say to yourself. Would you say or do these things to someone that is a friend or loved one or would you encourage each little step they take to help themselves?
    I go to therapy for very low self esteem and depression. One of the exercises that they have me do is write 5 good things about myself and say them out loud each day. I find it incredibly difficult but it has helped me become more aware of negative self talk and flip the script to encouraging talk. The book, "Atomic Habits", also talks about the importance of self identity which I never would have thought of in habits but it makes sense when you read it. Encourage yourself and forgive the bobbles but learn something from them.
    Wishing you success on your health journey.
  • Sixteen_Tons
    Sixteen_Tons Posts: 61 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    wunderkindking wrote: »
    My handling of someone giving me food is one of the below:
    It's my mother, I see her 3 times a year, her love language is feeding me: I eat the food.

    It's my spouse, I see him every day, he likes buying me little treats: I started a unicorn collection and he mostly buys me those and when he gives me food I throw it in a bag in the freezer for when I do want it.

    It's a friend: I say no thank you, they say okay and move on. My friends, thankfully, aren't pushy about it or overly invasive in any aspect of my life.

    It's someone in a group setting and they're trying to HAND me food - I say no thank you, then I say no really. If they're still trying to insist, I take the food and IMMEDIATELY and unemotionally either hand it to someone near by, put it on a flat surface and leave, or if at all convenient put it in the trash.

    It's someone in a group setting and they're commenting on food I chose myself in a negative way: "Why would you say that?" with a blank stare.

    Frankly my FAVORITE is when someone I don't know tries to push food on me and won't take the polite answer so I get to toss it in the trash in front of them. Only happened twice but the expression on their face is satisfying.

    So much This^^


    I can't see lying about what I will or will not eat or drink. What's the point? Some people (me) don't like okra or oysters. Should that be a problem for someone else I have to ask them, "Why does it bother you?" Because once I say, "No, thanks," then anything the other person says is just blah blah blah to me - and it's really more about them at that point.

    They can work it out in their own little heads.


    Not my circus, not my monkeys.

    Amen, let them figure it out!
  • yweight2020
    yweight2020 Posts: 591 Member
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    yweight2020 wrote: »
    People who are used to your old way of cooking and want that over buttery over fatty food, people who are jealous and you didn't realize it until they start making rude comments like you don't need to lose more weight even though your still to big or saying your to skinny even though your no where near skinny and that's not even your goal. Geez some people you have to distance yourself from or no longer deal with if possible. Your health and life comes first, before you can be their for others and that doesn't include food that's not healthy for you.

    I see nothing to disagree with, unless you think its ok to keep overly toxic people in your life go for it. Me Im to old for the shenanigans and hate subliminal or direct. Because I'm doing something good for myself, I have to hear nonsense, no thank you. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,898 Member
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    heather240 wrote: »
    It's me. I am my own toxic person and have been self sabotaging since a very bad experience during my teenage years.. I'm 44 now. It was the only time in my life I felt good about myself and bad things happened. Then 2 extremely toxic relationships. I didn't think it was possible for me to have someone treat me as bad as I treated myself. I was wrong! Now I found something that works for me diet wise (keto) but every time I start to feel good and drop a few pounds I blow it on purpose essentially. Its like I'm used to feeling and looking a certain way and it takes me out of my comfort zone to feel better and when I'm not sleeping my life away I don't know how to cope with wanting to get everything done I've let slide over the years. Like cooking.. cleaning.. being a good mother to my son. It's pathetic but I don't know how to live a normal life.

    I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing.

    I found therapy essential after getting out of an abusive relationship, and again last year when the pandemic was too much for my usual coping strategies.
  • heather240
    heather240 Posts: 27 Member
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    emmatige91 wrote: »
    Sometimes, when things are the hardest and you're your own worst enemy, all you can do is the next right thing. Normalcy is challenging for anyone when their brain doesn't cooperate. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's also okay to set aside the 'big picture' goals that feel overwhelming when you put them all together at the same time. Maybe today, your wins are in the small choices where you can have grace for yourself and instead of self-sabotage, you choose self-care. You CAN do it! One small choice at a time.
    This hit the nail on the head. I WANT things to be better. But I get so frustrated when I overthink everything instead of taking action to start chipping away at the mess I've created. It took 30yrs to get to this point and I think if I decide I'm going to get myself together I stop as soon as I realize it's too big of a mess. I want instant results and it's just not possible. Ty for the advice. If only I could just stop giving up. Doing what needs done instead of spending hours/days thinking about what needs done. It's a vicious cycle

  • heather240
    heather240 Posts: 27 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »

    I can really relate to this. Thanks for sharing.

    I found therapy essential after getting out of an abusive relationship, and again last year when the pandemic was too much for my usual coping strategies.
    I'm glad someone understands.. at the same time I'm sad that anyone else has went through it. It's so hard to break a lifelong pattern and negativity. I can relate to covid. I lost my job and the job was great because it was very focused.. so 12hrs/day 4-6 days/week my mind was occupied. Even though my home life was still chaotic I felt like it's something I was good at. Then it was taken away. I did therapy after my sons father.. then stayed single for years only to end up with the same "type" but even worse. So 4 years solo again and at 44 I'm content with dying alone. I'm glad that you realized that you were having trouble and got the help you need. I did do therapy and it helped some things.. but when I became aware of some of the deeper issues then I really started to doubt myself as a person. Wish you the best of luck!



  • CenFlo7
    CenFlo7 Posts: 13 Member
    edited July 2021
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    emmatige91 wrote: »
    My toxic, alcoholic, abusive ex-boyfriend, who felt threatened whenever I looked good.
    I lost 270lbs of dead weight the day we broke up back in February, and another 20 since abandoning his bad eating/drinking habits. Only 56lbs to go!

    Now... I eat according to MY plan, schedule, and goals. I workout until I'M tired and ready to go home. I surround myself with friends who support and encourage my journey - and a lot of them have jumped back on the health wagon with me. I'm breaking strength PR's, trying new lifts/workouts, AND my doctor is reducing my thyroid meds. Not only do I look and feel so much better, my mental health is dramatically improved. There is so much hope where there was once only fear and anxiety.

    Now, I'm invincible.

    HELL-F'ING-YEAH, that's straight up gangsta, booh. I truly love reading stories like this, motivates the fire outta me and makes me wanna move even more weight, run farther, cycle faster. Chew nails and spit tacks, rapid fire.

    Congrats on being the master of your own destiny and taking ZERO shiz from the world or anyone in it, for that matter. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION.

    Show UP.

    Line UP.

    GET SOME and STAY HARD.

    Repeat the process.

    [SUPERHUMAN]

    1730e15da9651fee9b5af6a0e66ec5959fd6.jpg

  • Iwannabeapunkrockmom
    Iwannabeapunkrockmom Posts: 61 Member
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    My husband jokes that I'm getting too hot for him and will occasionally say, "omg you look so hot, want me to make you fried rice? Please don't leave me." I just laugh and say, "no thank you, I love you."

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