venting - in need of support

hannahjames295

Hi, I'm Hannah
first of all apologies for using this as a place to vent, just need to write things down.
So in the last 5 years I have gained 3st.
I have also:
come out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship
Finished a degree
Moved 100miles from home, then moved further again
Lost my grandmother, great grandmother, uncle, great uncle, 'grandad' I never met and didn't even know existed until a day before his funeral as my family lied to me all my life.
My mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer which had spread through to her womb and bowel, thankfully she had successful surgery and chemo which I cared for her through. She has also just been diagnosed with heart problems that are likely genetic.
I have lost 5 friends, all in their early to mid 20s, all sudden and traumatic - including one of my best friends choking to death at a meal (I was resuscitating him, and feel like a failure that he didn't make it)

So, my point is, I am a comfort eater, currently I feel stuck in a self destructive cycle, I am just waiting for the next thing to happen in my life.
I would like some advice from fellow comfort eaters who have broken the cycle.

Thanks x

Ps: I understand how self pitying this sounds, but I want to give some perspective on why I am struggling so much. I also understand that I am laying myself wide open to trolling, I would just like to ask that anyone thinking of it keep it to themselves or they will be reported.

Lizzy622

You've made the first step to get out of a bad cycle by coming here. The other day I was completely frustrated after work and would have sat down and eaten the stress away. Instead I got my sneakers on and walked for about 20 minutes. It cleared my head and when I went back in the house I ate a healthy dinner. Just take it one day at a time and one moment at a time. :flowerforyou:

kathleennf

Wow- that's a tough set of stresses! I will pray for you, Hannah. Send me a friend request too if you want. I have been here faithfully for almost 3 years now...

MB_Positif

I truly hope that people don't give you *kitten* on this post. If there were like 12 less tough things that you'd been through, I probably would have been a punk and just shared my success story thread where it shows how I pretty much maintained my weight through illness and brain surgery, but I won't (should you want to see it, the link in my About Me section).

That said, you have been through a ridiculous amount of stuff and I hope that you can find some peace in your life soon. I've never been a comfort eater, but I simply just eat all the time. Feel free to bounce any questions off of me and add me if you'd like. One technique I have been told about is the HALT method which means if you are about to eat ask yourself, "Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?" If you say yes to anything but hungry put off eating.

Good luck hon!

_HeartsOnFire_

You've made the first step to get out of a bad cycle by coming here. The other day I was completely frustrated after work and would have sat down and eaten the stress away. Instead I got my sneakers on and walked for about 20 minutes. It cleared my head and when I went back in the house I ate a healthy dinner. Just take it one day at a time and one moment at a time. :flowerforyou:

^^^This. The first step is often the hardest.

I would also suggest, consider getting a counselor. I did for issues I had and it has helped me with my comfort/emotion eating/drinking. It's done wonders. Plus being that you said it yourself, you are waiting for the next thing to happen. You need to work on not feeling like that, which is hard, and it takes a LOT of work and I think a counselor would help greatly. You can't live in fear of what "might" happen. You've been through a lot, it seems like depression and grief are definitely, familiar, and they can pull you down (I know from experience).

Also, always believe in yourself and that you CAN do this!

__Di__

Hi, I'm Hannah
first of all apologies for using this as a place to vent, just need to write things down.
So in the last 5 years I have gained 3st.
I have also:
come out of a mentally and physically abusive relationship
Finished a degree
Moved 100miles from home, then moved further again
Lost my grandmother, great grandmother, uncle, great uncle, 'grandad' I never met and didn't even know existed until a day before his funeral as my family lied to me all my life.
My mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer which had spread through to her womb and bowel, thankfully she had successful surgery and chemo which I cared for her through. She has also just been diagnosed with heart problems that are likely genetic.
I have lost 5 friends, all in their early to mid 20s, all sudden and traumatic - including one of my best friends choking to death at a meal (I was resuscitating him, and feel like a failure that he didn't make it)

So, my point is, I am a comfort eater, currently I feel stuck in a self destructive cycle, I am just waiting for the next thing to happen in my life.
I would like some advice from fellow comfort eaters who have broken the cycle.

Thanks x

Ps: I understand how self pitying this sounds, but I want to give some perspective on why I am struggling so much. I also understand that I am laying myself wide open to trolling, I would just like to ask that anyone thinking of it keep it to themselves or they will be reported.

That's a lot for a person to go through, I hope you find success in your weightloss.

Ensure you log all your food and drink, personally, I find it helpful to log in the morning (preplan all my day's food and drink), then if I am tempted to stray, I remember that I do not have spare calories and it seems to help me stay on target.

All the best to you and wishing you all triumph in your weightloss plan xxx

cheshirequeen

I'm so sorry you have gone through all of this. I can't even imagine how that feels. Feel free to friend me. I've been on almost 3 years as well and am here to support in any way possible. :flowerforyou:

kookanddra

The first thing that came to my mind is that you really need to stop feeling and waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Positivity will eventually bring in light to you. You've been through some amazing stress and trama that you really need to come to terms with. I too have experienced death of a friend and the guilt of not doing more. That will stay with you for a very long time but it will become easier to carry if you stop blaming your self and get some help. You've made the first step in asking us here. Keep talking. It helped me. Good luck my friend. My thoughts are with you.

FitCurves444

I have to begin by saying that you have been under a lot of pressure lately and I am amazed at how resilient you are. I am also proud of you for recognizing that you have been self-medicating with food. Food is not the best comforter. Now that you have come to MFP, you are getting control over the possible abuse of food. Feel free to vent.... MFP is your sounding board. We are not professional counselors, but we are all in here for the purpose to get fit.... and in that aspect, you will get the support you need.

javajinny

It takes practice to turn your comfort eating response into an exercise instead response. I do sometimes, and sometimes I don't. What works for me when I just can't make myself exercise and HAVE to have comfort food, is I've found alternatives. Icecream is a go-to for me; there's a place called Tasti D Lite that has an AMAZING icecream product that fills that need and has only 70 calories a serving. Mac & Cheese is another comforter for me; I've found a recipe that uses a blend of 2% milk cheddar and super low-fat mozz that's not that bad for me (especially if you use lots of broccoli and less pasta). Cookies are another comfort; I've found this fantastic chocolate mint cookie that I can have 6 of for just 230 calories.

I am turning to food less and less and to the sneakers more and more, but sometimes you just want the cookie. So have some alternatives around. And totally don't beat yourself up over any "losses." This is a lifestyle change and you have to deal with life as you're changing. It takes time. None of us are perfect at work or perfect with our spouse/kids/friends. We can't expect to perfect with ourselves either.

hannahjames295

I truly hope that people don't give you *kitten* on this post. If there were like 12 less tough things that you'd been through, I probably would have been a punk and just shared my success story thread where it shows how I pretty much maintained my weight through illness and brain surgery, but I won't (should you want to see it, the link in my About Me section).

Wow, you have every right to share that, I'll go take a look, I think it'll help, another sense of perspective. Also the HALT method might be something basic I can use from now, I do tend to just eat without thinking...

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate it, and again sorry for whining, I just needed it all to stop circling in my mind, heard that could help.

EricJonrosh

Thanks for sharing Hannah - that's one of my favorite names, did you see the movie?

Venting is totally appropriate since emotions and stresses of life have a lot to do with why most of are us on here in the first place. I have a lifetime of family issues and abuses. It's very difficult not to turn to food because it's a nice reward, it's consistently good, great if your a good cook, and it's always there for you.

LATELY, and I'm not trying to be pedantic but this has been working for me after decades of failure, I've been saying "this too shall pass." It reminds me that when I try to make a change in life, all kinds of issues will cave in around me trying to keep me from succeeding.

FR sent. Keep logging!

MB_Positif

I truly hope that people don't give you *kitten* on this post. If there were like 12 less tough things that you'd been through, I probably would have been a punk and just shared my success story thread where it shows how I pretty much maintained my weight through illness and brain surgery, but I won't (should you want to see it, the link in my About Me section).

Wow, you have every right to share that, I'll go take a look, I think it'll help, another sense of perspective. Also the HALT method might be something basic I can use from now, I do tend to just eat without thinking...

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate it, and again sorry for whining, I just needed it all to stop circling in my mind, heard that could help.

Haha, thanks

You are definitely not whining!

kelciebananas

That sounds like a ton to deal with. I hope you take a second to just remind yourself how strong you actually are. I know you probably don't feel like it, but the fact that you're even trying to make more positive changes in your life on top of dealing with all the things that have been thrown at you just means you're a warrior!

I used to alternate between comfort eating and starving. It has taken a really long time to confront the fact that I had an eating disorder. I think I was in denial for a long time. I'm at a point now that I really want to take control and not be at the whim of cravings or slaving to repress them. I'm ended up deciding on veganism. It gives me structure, and I feel cleaner because of it. Now when I snack throughout the day, I don't have to feel guilty about what I am eating. And because there is no guilt, I don't end up down cycling into starvation to "make up" for my mistakes.

I am finding that during this transition, I still feel the need to munch when I am bored or sad. I just actively choose things now that are good to munch on. If I am craving popsicles or ice cream, I eat frozen fruit. If I am craving something savory, I eat plain, organic popcorn or a rice cake or two. I donated everything I had that wasn't healthy, and the only snacks I keep in the house now are good ones. Nuts and berries and grains. If I want something more substantial, I have to cook it. It makes it much harder to justify wasteful consumption, because I can't just microwave something up.

Anyway, sorry about the rambling. If you ever need any ideas or recipes or anything, feel free to message me.

CorrieJane

Hi Hannah,

I'm Corrie, nice to meet you. I'm sorry for all you have been through recently, that is a lot of emotional and mental weight to bear. I am a comfort eater too-in about the last 4 years I also got out of a bad relationship and went through many struggles with college, friendships and trying to figure out who I am and how to feel like myself again. And along the way I also put on about 80 pounds. I have recently (August 1st) recommitted to logging my food and getting my body and health back to whee it should be, so that it can't hold me back anymore.
I recommend taking it one day at a time-It can be overwhelming to think about the ultimate goals, I just focus on one day, one meal at a time. Also, I find it helps me to be honest about logging everything I eat, even on bad days. If I have a poor food day, I admit it, accept it, log it, tell myself that it was a bad day, and then I move on. I refuse to feel guilty anymore, a bad day is a bad day, tomorrow I will be better.

I like what Lizzy622 described, making a choice to go for a walk instead of eat, doing this has helped me avoid grazing through my fridge when I get home from work.

Good luck Hannah, focus on you and what makes you happy, enjoy life, and feel free to add me as a friend if you would like, the more the merrier!

Corrie

hannahjames295

I truly hope that people don't give you *kitten* on this post. If there were like 12 less tough things that you'd been through, I probably would have been a punk and just shared my success story thread where it shows how I pretty much maintained my weight through illness and brain surgery, but I won't (should you want to see it, the link in my About Me section).

Wow, you have every right to share that, I'll go take a look, I think it'll help, another sense of perspective. Also the HALT method might be something basic I can use from now, I do tend to just eat without thinking...

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate it, and again sorry for whining, I just needed it all to stop circling in my mind, heard that could help.

Haha, thanks

You are definitely not whining!

Just had to say, I've not yet read the story, but the name made me laugh water out of my nose, so thank you!

atiana19

All that I can say is that you have to see the grand scheme of things...You have to take care of yourself for you and to be able to help others. In 2011 I lost my grandmother who was my best friend to cancer and I was also her hospice caregiver she died next to me at home. Then the next year over my 3year old was diagnosed with cancer as well in both kidneys she is currently in remission. I put on a lot of weight thru this. I stepped back recently a few weeks ago and realized I felt like crap and looked even worse. It was time to take care of me so I can handle the struggles of life whatever they may be in a healthier way and not punish myself for the hand that I was dealt. Trust me when I say that we all have the inner strength to do it its just a matter of commitment and loving yourself enough.Good luck on your journey

hannahjames295

Thanks again to everyone for the support and friend requests, unfortunately for some reason the friend request page is 'down for maintenance' so I may be a while in responding.
The advice people are putting up is really good, particularly on trying to turn to food not exercise, hope it can help others that may be going through similar things.
I am waiting to see a counsellor through work, but no idea when that will be, but I'm optimistic about it, and a little scared!

OneWildAndPreciousLife

I'm so sorry you've been having such a rough time. Take care of yourself. Feel free to add me if you like.

_HeartsOnFire_

I am waiting to see a counsellor through work, but no idea when that will be, but I'm optimistic about it, and a little scared!

I was too at first. Here I am a year later and 500x better! I am so thankful that I did it. I had not had a lot of luck in the past, but the one I found is absolutely amazing!!! You'll be glad you did it!!!

_HeartsOnFire_

Also, do give yourself a LOT of credit for what you have been thru, what you have survived and what you have accomplished. You've come thru it all, and it's made you who you are today. A stronger person whose dealt with a lot of suck in her life, but you've come thru, you've survived and didn't let the *kitten* take you down too...You're taking the first step, that's a really difficult thing to do in itself. It takes a lot of courage. You are stronger than you think you are.