How be a better man to your woman!
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Don’t ever tell her she looks thin or fit. She’s gonna want money to buy new clothes. Tell her she’s fat. Feeling-bad-about-being-chubby-and-being-thankful-she-got-a-man-in-her-life sex is awesome!
Anytime she gets on a diet (which would be anytime you stupidly allow her out of the kitchen to fetch a magazine) , just start telling her you will be working late and just eat your regular man food. She will whine about you not being supportive etc but really, what she gonna do? Make a thread on MFP to get sympathy votes? Eat your chicken wings at your local strip club. Have fun.
Anytime she gets period, just go away man. She don’t want you around and you don’t wanna be around her. So why bother? Just go. Might I recommend strip clubs?
Anytime she gets on a diet, you can go on a diet with her. Workout with her. This way, when you lose weight faster than her (and you will. You’re a superior gender as proven by all the male hating threads here), you can sabotage her diet and workout by killing her motivation. And that is a key in a good relationship. Always make her feel bad about herself. You don’t want her feeling confident and leaving your looser *kitten*, do you? If you want fit girls, go to a strip club.
If she asks you “does this make me look fat?” just shove a knife in your thigh and scream at her “DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK CRAZY?!?!?!” and then hit the strip club. You will thank me later
Anytime she tries to get fit via normal diet (AKA, eat right and workout versus crash diets) then you just grab a hose and hose her down while saying “BAD PIGGY! Don’t eat stuff piggy! Oink oink fatty!” and then tell her you’re going to the strip cub where normal girls are on HCG diet
And if all else fails, just tell her she’s becoming her mother. Nothing motivates a woman to move as being told that. Try calling her old while eyeing your kids babysitter. She will thank you later for the inspiration. Visit your local strip club while she finds the inspiration though. Less fatties there.
And above all, remember this is Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games and to not take life too seriously. That includes this thread btw
Anytime she gets on a diet (which would be anytime you stupidly allow her out of the kitchen to fetch a magazine) , just start telling her you will be working late and just eat your regular man food. She will whine about you not being supportive etc but really, what she gonna do? Make a thread on MFP to get sympathy votes? Eat your chicken wings at your local strip club. Have fun.
Anytime she gets period, just go away man. She don’t want you around and you don’t wanna be around her. So why bother? Just go. Might I recommend strip clubs?
Anytime she gets on a diet, you can go on a diet with her. Workout with her. This way, when you lose weight faster than her (and you will. You’re a superior gender as proven by all the male hating threads here), you can sabotage her diet and workout by killing her motivation. And that is a key in a good relationship. Always make her feel bad about herself. You don’t want her feeling confident and leaving your looser *kitten*, do you? If you want fit girls, go to a strip club.
If she asks you “does this make me look fat?” just shove a knife in your thigh and scream at her “DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK CRAZY?!?!?!” and then hit the strip club. You will thank me later
Anytime she tries to get fit via normal diet (AKA, eat right and workout versus crash diets) then you just grab a hose and hose her down while saying “BAD PIGGY! Don’t eat stuff piggy! Oink oink fatty!” and then tell her you’re going to the strip cub where normal girls are on HCG diet
And if all else fails, just tell her she’s becoming her mother. Nothing motivates a woman to move as being told that. Try calling her old while eyeing your kids babysitter. She will thank you later for the inspiration. Visit your local strip club while she finds the inspiration though. Less fatties there.
And above all, remember this is Chit-Chat, Fun, and Games and to not take life too seriously. That includes this thread btw
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Replies
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:ohwell:0
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“BAD PIGGY! Don’t eat stuff piggy! Oink oink fatty!”
I can't wait for a man to say this to me. I will jump his bones ASAP!!!
Oh HAI, Taunto!0 -
The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.0
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lmao nice taunto :laugh: :laugh:0
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The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
But won't the glitter and vanilla perfume cause an infection?0 -
No, no, no....it is like pixie dust and it's magical!The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
But won't the glitter and vanilla perfume cause an infection?0 -
The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
I tend to forget all the pains in the world when in the comforting hands of a naked woman. Its the little things, or preferably, 2 big things, that helps us get over the pain.0 -
The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
But won't the glitter and vanilla perfume cause an infection?
I'm pretty sure stripper sweat is full of antibiotics, so I bet it's okay.0 -
The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
But won't the glitter and vanilla perfume cause an infection?
That's not the kind of infection he was hoping to be at risk from.
On a different note I had a mate whose girlfriend went on a diet once. He put on sticker on the door of the fridge saying "F**k off fatty". He seemed to get away with it.0 -
The bandages on your leg after stabbing yourself will also garner a lot of stripper-sympathy. And we all know nothing is sweeter than the fake concern of a naked woman.
But won't the glitter and vanilla perfume cause an infection?
I'm pretty sure stripper sweat is full of antibiotics, so I bet it's okay.
BEST.ANSWER.EVER.0 -
Wow!!! I'm apparently married to the PERFECT man! I KNEW it!0
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Oh Taunto, you are so full of sexy. You have all of life's answers0
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Oh Taunto, you are so full of sexy. You have all of life's answers
He does, he really really does. :laugh:0 -
would you mind if i didn't take your advise i would like to live a long life. plus i already have trouble getting girls to like me0
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lots of oral0
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If she asks you “does this make me look fat?” just shove a knife in your thigh and scream at her “DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK CRAZY?!?!?!” and then hit the strip club. You will thank me later
This part is classic! Love it0 -
geez no wonder I'm single. If only I had seen this before the skinny ***** left. Guess it's time to find me a fatty.0
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would you mind if i didn't take your advise i would like to live a long life. plus i already have trouble getting girls to like me
This reminds me of something a friend told me once. I was complaining about how I couldn't find a decent guy and he said "Try looking for a decent MAN, instead. They're much better to be around". Still love that advice.0 -
would you mind if i didn't take your advise i would like to live a long life. plus i already have trouble getting girls to like me
Follow my rules and you won't have any trouble with womens0
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