A Year of Dieting - Feeling Down, Waiting for Failure

DupreeTheTRex

August 29, 2021 marked my one year anniversary when I decided to, once again, attempt to make some positive lifestyle changes. I had quit drinking alcohol for three years and I hoped that would help me lose weight but unfortunately it wasn’t enough.

I weighed in at around 275lbs and my wife had just ordered me a cheese subscription box as a gift for my upcoming birthday. Nevertheless I pulled out my scale and began tracking my calories. I portioned my food and even managed to enjoy some of the delicious cheese. The weight was coming off slowly but surely.

Fast forward to about a month ago, I finally weighed in under 200lbs. A number I hadn’t seen in 7 years. I was ecstatic but was about to move homes and would have no appliances. I decided to attempt “going on vacation”. That is to say, eating food for a week without paying attention to my calories. I ended up weighing in at 205 lbs after the week was over, it was pretty discouraging.

Today I weighed myself back in and I’m “all caught up”. I’ve lost the weight gain from my vacation but I can’t help but feel down. I’ve always had success with losing weight but I’ve never managed to keep it off. I’ve lost 50lbs in a couple of months and then proceeded to gain 120 in the next year.

My methods back then were not sustainable. Eating very few calories and exercising for 4+ hours a day. This time around I aimed for a much smaller short term goal (1lbs per week) and I’ve been hitting it fairly consistently and feel like it’s easy to manage.

I’m just at the point now where I’m waiting to fall back into bad habits. When will I gain another 200lbs? It’s haunting me and making me want to give up. How do you go about making yourself feel better when you’re feeling down?

JBanx256

OK just to make sure I'm reading correctly (sorry, I'm at work and have a bunch of distractions etc) - you are CURRENTLY on a sustainable plan that you can consistently stick to, right? Then you're already winning. Just stick to it. It will be slower than your crazy-drastic prior attempts, but I mean, I could just take a chainsaw to my leg for REALLY fast weight loss but that's not necessarily a good idea. So, you know what you need to do. Try to settle in for the long haul. You'll get there but it'll take some time. I realize that everyone wants results YESTERDAY (or now, at the very latest), but you know from experience that just doesn't fly.

re: feeling better - do you actually enjoy any of the exercise, or is it something you feel like you have to force yourself to do? What is something you enjoy otherwise - reading, art, music, movies, playing with the doggo, going out with friends, whatever. You don't have to make your life revolve around your dietary choices and make yourself miserable, so still have fun doing the things you like to do! If you like to cook, start experimenting in the kitchen to find meals that you actually like to eat but that also help you hit your goals.

DupreeTheTRex

JBanx256 wrote: »

OK just to make sure I'm reading correctly (sorry, I'm at work and have a bunch of distractions etc) - you are CURRENTLY on a sustainable plan that you can consistently stick to, right? Then you're already winning. Just stick to it. It will be slower than your crazy-drastic prior attempts, but I mean, I could just take a chainsaw to my leg for REALLY fast weight loss but that's not necessarily a good idea. So, you know what you need to do. Try to settle in for the long haul. You'll get there but it'll take some time. I realize that everyone wants results YESTERDAY (or now, at the very latest), but you know from experience that just doesn't fly.

re: feeling better - do you actually enjoy any of the exercise, or is it something you feel like you have to force yourself to do? What is something you enjoy otherwise - reading, art, music, movies, playing with the doggo, going out with friends, whatever. You don't have to make your life revolve around your dietary choices and make yourself miserable, so still have fun doing the things you like to do! If you like to cook, start experimenting in the kitchen to find meals that you actually like to eat but that also help you hit your goals.

I actually have no dietary restrictions in my diet and don’t exercise. At least I don’t do anything I don’t enjoy doing. I go for hour long (sometimes more) walks with my wife most nights and that’s about it. I do a lot of heavy lifting around the house though lately as I was finishing a lot of hole renovations.

sollyn23l2

You lost 75 pounds. That's an achievement right there. If you managed the dedication to do that, you can manage the dedication to keep going. Just take it day to day. Don't worry about a year from now. A year from now doesn't even exist yet. And if you mess up? You'll pull up your big boy panties and get it back under control. Just like you already have.

gorple76

I might be reading it wrong, but it sounds to me like you’re missing your previous way of eating - unlimited, not calorie counting etc. Your break for a week sounds like you allowed yourself to relax, sink back to normal. In other words, the way you’re eating (or at least thinking about your eating) while you’re losing weight seems like an effortful, difficult process that you want to get to the end of so that you can relax again. If this rings true for you (like it did for me) you could try what I’m doing. I’ve spent the past few months really reflecting on how it feels to ‘relax’ and eat anything I want. I’ve noticed how in reality it’s a rollercoaster of fleeting pleasure, followed by disappointment and discomfort, sometimes guilt and rarely happiness. For instance, I’ve now realised (through careful reflection) that I enjoy going out for a meal and making good choices just as much as ‘letting go’ because actually the enjoyment is about the place and the company more than the food anyway. I’ve essentially worked hard of the last few months on breaking my toxic relationship with food so that I’m feeling less like I’m missing out or limiting myself and more like I’m focussing on the things that actually make life good (nice clothes, good company, being out and active, feeling comfortable in my own skin). Another thing I think you’re saying in your OP is that it’s feeling a bit boring. I’ve started running again, and realising how much easier and faster it is as I get lighter. This is giving me another goal to focus on - maybe shifting your focus to a related goal other than just the scale might help keep you motivated?

MargaretYakoda

BCLadybug888

DupreeTheTRex wrote: »

...I’m just at the point now where I’m waiting to fall back into bad habits. When will I gain another 200lbs? It’s haunting me and making me want to give up. How do you go about making yourself feel better when you’re feeling down?

Firstly, congrats on a full year of both losing and weight management. And the "regain" from your food vacation may have been just your body's reaction to different eating vs actual fat gain. Sodium and water. Our bodies can fluctuate a good 8 lbs on the scale.

But I hear you - I have this fear too, as I have spent decades going up and down the scale, ever higher each time.

I actually feel like you scored a major victory going through this small bump.

It is ironic that the thought of regaining is haunting you to the point of considering "giving up", which of course is basically the only way you can shoot yourself in the foot and regain all you've lost + more.

The thing is, there really is no "giving up" as this is your life, and everyday you choose the food you eat. And a "bad" week or month or year, will no doubt leave you heavier - and the cycle starts again or you stay fat.

For me, it's time to get off that whole way of thinking. There is only me and how I want to live the rest of my life. How I want to age and feel and look. So I believe we must give up the notion that weight-loss is a temporary state, and that weight management or "normal" eating in the "end" can be some kind of free for all.

Suggestion: why not try going on maintenance now, for 1, 2, 3 months even - keeping your weight around 200 lbs? That might help you to feel more confident that you've got this for the long haul. Experiment with different food options or try some new activities? Blog/journal about how you're feeling and thinking. Because this is FOR LIFE, a good life, a healthy life! And rushing to the "end", or fears of making it to the "end" are simply based on a false notion, that there is an end at all.

You are doing great! (((HUGS)))

Cheesy567

You’ve done a great job so far. Take some time to reflect on what’s brought you here. It’s all work that you’ve done, no one else. Not circumstances, not flukes. Your work.

Think about the new habits you have compared to two years ago. You mentioned weighing food. You’re on MFP, so presumably you log your food, at least some of the time. You know how much weight you lost, so you must weigh yourself. Those are all habits— weighing your food, logging your food, weighing your food.

What other habits do you have that have brought you success? Write them down.

Think about how often you have to do those habits to be at your most successful. Write that down next to each one.

Which habits can you slack on a bit? Which ones MUST you do each day? Which habits are goals that you want to add in in the future?

For me, focusing on habits, not the scale, is the goal to sticking with long-term success. When I’m down or stressed, I let my habits that are a bit harder slide, but I stick to my basic, easy habits that still keep me on track and keep me from regaining. Then, when I’m ready, I pick up the other habits one by one and move on again.

Heather from the HalfSize Me podcast talks a lot about habit-based weightloss, and breaks down habits into Minimums, Basics, and Goals (I think those are the terms off the top of my head). It’s really been a great mindset for me and helped me stick with it through a lot of stressful issues that have come up in my weightloss process.

88olds

Temped to say that if you’re waiting to fail you likely will. But the only way to fail in weight loss is to quit. Weight loss is mostly about problem solving and persistence. Don’t qui.

I think our brains hate weight loss. And as I read your post part of your brain wants to wreck you. As a longtime reader of this board something that happens to folks is their brain starts telling them they are failing when they are not. People’s brains tell them a 1 lb loss should be 2 lbs. Or that after 1 year of logging they should know how to do without it. Or that calorie counting is a form of OCD. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is a downward trend. And closer to goal the trend is not going to as steep. It’s not failing, it’s adjusting.

Part of it has to do with the very long and never ending learning curve. Maybe after a year and significant success your brain is telling you that you should know what you’re doing. But it doesn’t feel like that to you and you find it unsettling.

My experience included this. I quit alcohol and lost about 65 lbs on what seemed like auto pilot but then became stuck. So I went to the gym and pumped iron. I didn’t lose weight but it felt great. But eventually I got back to weight loss.

When I restarted my effort I was confused by the fact that the things I did before didn’t work. Finally I realized that I was going into uncharted territory. I had to completely reinvent my plan like it was day 1.

It’s ok tp feel unsettled and uncertain. It’s a new you and takes a lot of adjusting. It’s ok to go on vacation, it’s ok to take diet breaks and aim at your maintenance number for awhile. The important thing is to control the process. The best plan is the one we will actually follow. Congrats on the loss. Good luck. Hope you find something useful in this rambling.

callsitlikeiseeit

So.... you miss being able to eat what you want when you want.

So do I, buddy. So. Do. I.

BUT... I do not miss the 192 pounds that I've lost. And I would bet you do not miss all of the weight YOU have lost.

And as someone else pointed out, you will only fail if you want to. Likewise, you will succeed if you want to, and keep at it. But keeping at it doesn't have to mean depriving yourself. Keep your deficit reasonable. The fastest rate of loss is not the best rate of loss. Fit the foods you enjoy into your calories. It may mean you have a smaller portion of them, or a modified version of them, in some cases, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. And if you have a day where you are over, its just a day. it's not a big deal. Just don't let it turn into multiple days.

You've done great. You've got this. Losing weight, especially a lot of weight, is a LONG game, and a game of patience. Hang in there