is it selfish?

tristaj90

My husband and I have been talking a lot about having a 2nd child. I am putting it off because of my weight loss journey. I started in March of 2012 at 234 pounds and as of May 2013 I got down to 133.6 pounds, but now am back between 140-145. I really want to get to 130 before trying for another baby.
Is that selfish of me? I really do want another baby, but I refuse to start trying until I reach 130 pounds. I know that when I become pregnant I will need to gain weight, and will whether I want to or not, but I don't ever want to see my scale get above 160 again...

Anyone else feel similar or have any advice for me?

mygrl4meee

I have to wonder if 10 to 15 lbs is making you want to wait to have a baby if there is something deeper going on.. as do you feel not ready for baby number 2! I see your close to 100 lost. Is it a mental thing and you so badly want to. be ab.le to say hey I lost 100lbs!!

tristaj90

I wouldn't say i'm not ready. I am scared because my first ended up in a c-section and I don't want to go through the surgery again (afraid of the risks involved-though i feel since i am healthier now i will be able to get through it easier than last time) but i know that th end result is going to be AWESOME. I love babies and used to want 4 until i had a c-section. I plan on getting tied up after baby #2.
I do want to get to 130 but mostly because for my height of 5'4" i'm supposed to stay between like 108-145..and i'm on the high end of that.

oiseau17

I think you should do what feels right for you and your body. My advice to you (once you're ready for baby #2), find a doctor and hospital/birthing center that allows vbacs! It's entirely possible to have a vaginal birth after a c-section with the right medical care. I had an emergency c-section (after preparing for a completely natural birth) so I completely understand your fear of another one.

skadoosh33

Just continue to workout through the pregnancy and eat healthy. You should only gain 15-20lbs since you aren't at your ideal weight to start. My wife ran and did 5ks throughout until 8 months, delivered at 39.3 weeks this July and was 5'5" 141lbs at delivery. We did our first hike a week after and only took 2 weeks to get back to 120lbs. If you are motivated you won't need to worry about gaining weight.

Jewles1285

I do not find it to be selfish. I myself have had a discussion with my fiance that I will not try for a baby until a certain weight as well. Its your body and what you feel comfortable doing with it. Its better that you feel 100% going into a pregnancy so you can be happy and healthy. I find it extremly responsible and mature of you to make that decision for yourself!

linsey0689

I haven't had any children yet but I kind of understand where you are coming from. When I started I was at 285 and now that I have lost 50 lbs it's a big deal to me and I would find it hard myself.

bethannien

It's not selfish. Your body is where you'll be growing a baby, you should feel healthy and comfortable when you do that

Minks_esposa

I don't think it's selfish. I have 3 kiddos who are spaced out in age and I wish I would of had them closer in age instead of waiting so long. When my kids are older I will have 1 in high school, 1 in middle school, and 1 in elementary school. Our 3rd kiddo was a surprise. If I were in your situation I would probably go ahead and try for #2, who knows it may take a while to conceive and once you have your kiddo you can focus on getting back to 130. If you are anything like me you will get pregnant instantly lol. Thankfully DH is snipped now. Good Luck with whatever you decide.

himilayaneyes

I don't think it's selfish that you want to reach a healthier weight before having another child. I am married and we would both like children. I have to admit that he wants them more than me in the sense that I am trying to reach a healthier weight before having them while he would be pretty happy to have them now. However, I'm in the health care field and I know of the risks associated with obesity and pregnancy. Thus, he has to wait until I reach a healthy weight. I also have other things going in my life such as grad school which is making me put off having children until I graduate next year. However, these are things we discussed before we got married. Marriage involves compromise...I would gladly wait a few more years for children. However, for my husband's sake, I have agreed that we can try to start a family next year. So no, I don't think you're being selfish. However, as someone else has mentioned, there has to be some other underlying issue (e.g., emotional, intimacy issues, financial, etc.) attached to your not wanting to have another child yet since you are in the healthy weight range, even if you are on the high end of it. Plus, have you considered seeing a registered dietician in preparation for pregnancy and regarding safely gaining the appropriate amount of weight during your pregnancy? Good luck.

amyk0202

I don't think it's selfish. I always thought I would have another baby (I have 4 already) and was doing to same thing--waiting until I lost weight before I got pregnant again. In my case it took so long to take the weight off that I decided that I am done now :laugh: . In your case, you are so close to your goal weight that it shouldn't take you long to get there--months instead of years.

If you want a vbac, you should use this time to find a doctor that will allow you to do that. It's impossible around here. My 1st was an emergency c-section, then I had vbacs with my 2nd (2001) & 3rd (2003) children. By the time I had my 4th in 2005, my OB would not do a vbac even though I had 2 successful ones previously. Same practice & group of Dr.'s. I think the liability for them had just gotten too expensive & they weren't doing them any more. It was soooo frustrating because I always go into labor early & go pretty fast so when I went into labor at 35 weeks, they had to get the c-section done real quick before I actually had the baby---STUPID!!! A vbac is soooo much easier to recover from than a c-section, so good luck on your search!

Francl27

Your body, your decision, but having gone through infertility and knowing a lot of people who have gone through secondary infertility, I don't really understand why people wait when they don't really have to... the longer you wait, the harder it is to get pregnant.

Although personally I'd probably base my decision on the age difference between the kids than on being x weight, especially considering you'll have to lose weight again later anyway.