It's a war inside my head

DildoModel76
DildoModel76 Posts: 1 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I have a voice in my head, a beast, my beast. The proverbial "bark of the beast" is my voice, a scarred, lonely child, abandoned by his parents, adhd like a mother *kitten* to the point that he's always been awkward, odd, distracted and unwanted. One who has found comfort in overeating garbage food the same way a junky finds his fix in the 20 minutes after shooting up, for those brief moments I'm free of him.  44 years in I just want silence, I fantasize about taking a walk into the woods with an ungodly amount of hallucinogenic drugs, a half dozen helium balloons, a trash bag and some zip ties, take the drugs, fill the trash bag with the helium and right as the world starts to melt pull the bag over my head, tie it down and drift away. I m so tired of failing, I'm so tired of dusting myself off and trying again, I just want it over.

Replies

  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I don't know what to say.. nothing I could say will change how you feel. Im sorry you feel this way though and hope that you can speak to someone who can help.. a professional maybe.


    We all have voices.. I figured if mine can spit negative crap at me then it can also spit positive. I choose what I listen too.
    Someone once said to me.. you don't have to listen to that voice, you don't have to believe it.


    I wish you peace of mind. 🙂
  • Dootzy1
    Dootzy1 Posts: 2,349 Member
    Please find someone to help you with your mental health. We are not qualified to help you sort through the complex issues that surround you. There is help available, but it will require face to face, step at a time kind of process... Peace and all the best in your pursuit of health.
  • al0481113
    al0481113 Posts: 67 Member
    You can find an audio book "The power of now" by E. Tolle. It's about our inner voices. You might find it interesting.
    As a psychologist I can say that if you feel that you are strong enough to get rid of your issues on your own then make it happen! Or...try to find a professional specialist who will really help.
    Wish you all the best! You are the star. Just start to shine.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,380 Member
    Know that there are strangers who care about you, believe you can make a contribution to the world. (I'm one.) However, there is little I can *do* except offer encouragement.

    You can find the strength to make positive steps.

    It's fine to take a good step or two, rest up, then take a few more. You can.

    It's a platitude, but with time and patience, things really do get better, can even blossom.

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