Filling emotional hunger

ReenieHJ

Thoughts? Advice?

I've considered counseling and have gone many times before but that boils down to 'having to do the work'. Obviously. I've never found it helpful and am currently going through an internal struggle about _______? Not even sure what. My strong mindset that I've had in the past just isn't within reach at the moment.

I've tried several false restarts over the past 2 months and cannot seem to stay strong like I was. 'Just Do It' always comes to mind, which makes it sound so much easier than it is.

I need to attack this differently somehow. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." But how?

Just putting all this out there. I feel so incompetent and hopeless right now.

cmriverside

incompetent and hopeless

I'll just say, you know this isn't true, right?

Self-talk is powerful.


When I start getting overwhelmed about *whatever* I tend to make little affirmation or Bible verse sticky notes and put them places where my mind tends to wander off into dangerous territory. I can ill afford to let my negativity gain a stronghold so I need to have many reminders that I'm making stuff worse by dwelling on anything other than gratitude.

Have you tried walking meditation or just meditation in general?

Deanner03

Work on identifying alternative coping mechanisms. I know it's hard. I'm there, too. Going for a walk, stepping outside, doing something you love to do all helps. If I still want food, I drink a large glass of water and set a timer. If I'm still craving something after that point, I'll have something. It's a lot of mind games, that's for sure.

sollyn23l2

Honestly, I think it boils down to sitting with your emotions, NOT trying to make them go away, and acknowledge them, and accept that yes, you are feeling this way, and yes, it is ok to feel this way. Too often we want to just make our feelings go away by using coping mechanisms, but they don't really help us deal with our emotions, it just makes us ignore them until they pop up again even stronger.

kshama2001

I've been in therapy since April 2020 and have found that very useful for my brain.

I'm in the middle of selling my house and doing a major renovation at my mother's house, where we are moving. Over the summer I felt anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.

My doctor has been working to find an anti-anxiety med. After trying and failing with Atarax and Effexor, we settled on Cymbalta, which I have been taking for about a month. It's been amazing! We are in the home stretch of the sale, move, and renovation, and are experiencing many road bumps, but I feel better about all that than I was in the summer, when things were going better.

So my recommendation is both therapy and medication.

Oh, just want to make sure you are getting regular exercise as well. Studies have shown that can be as effective for mild to moderate depression as medication so it is always a great place to start. And don't wait to exercise until you FEEL like it as it may never happen in that case. I've often forced myself to start, and am always glad I did.

Xellercin

I've gone through a lot of therapists in my time. A good fit is really critical for effective therapy.

So if you haven't had success with therapy in the past, there's a good chance you never found someone who was a good fit.

ReenieHJ

Thank you all for your input.
I'm so glad to have a place where I can say what I feel and know others understand and/or have gone through similar things.

I've been in this mindset before and found my way out of it so I'm hoping it happens soon.

MercuryForce

kshama2001 wrote: »

I've been in therapy since April 2020 and have found that very useful for my brain.

I'm in the middle of selling my house and doing a major renovation at my mother's house, where we are moving. Over the summer I felt anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.

My doctor has been working to find an anti-anxiety med. After trying and failing with Atarax and Effexor, we settled on Cymbalta, which I have been taking for about a month. It's been amazing! We are in the home stretch of the sale, move, and renovation, and are experiencing many road bumps, but I feel better about all that than I was in the summer, when things were going better.

So my recommendation is both therapy and medication.

Oh, just want to make sure you are getting regular exercise as well. Studies have shown that can be as effective for mild to moderate depression as medication so it is always a great place to start. And don't wait to exercise until you FEEL like it as it may never happen in that case. I've often forced myself to start, and am always glad I did.

I just started an anti-anxiety med (#TeamZoloft) about a month and a half ago and now that I'm past the initial adjustment phase the only thing I don't like is how mad it makes me that it took me until I was 35 to get on it.

I always make the deal with myself that I have to start working out, but if once I start I still am not feeling it, I can stop. And, 90% of the time, I start working out and realizing it's good and I'm glad I've made myself do it. Then, about 5% of the time I go "fine, I'm working out, but I'm taking it easy today". And, there were a few times when I was just like "nope, don't wanna" and so I let myself quit. I see working out as something I do forme, not to me and am okay with listening to my body and just giving myself an unplanned break sometimes.

albamarie61

Xellercin wrote: »

I've gone through a lot of therapists in my time. A good fit is really critical for effective therapy.

So if you haven't had success with therapy in the past, there's a good chance you never found someone who was a good fit.

Absolutely agree!

brenn24179

I want to emotional eat also but realize food is not pain medication. It just gives me another problem, remind myself of this often.

springlering62

I got nuthin, but just want to send hugs. @ReenieHJ is one of my favorite MFP’ers.

If it’s any help, we’re out here pulling for you in anonymousland.

😘

ReenieHJ

Thanks all.

And @springlering62 What a kind and sweet thing to say!

I have an appointment in another month for an update to my meds.(Effexor's been working pretty well for me for a very long time), flu shot and possible Booster shot as well. I'll talk with her then. My weight is definitely tied in with self-image and self-esteem, drive, motivation, depression, all of it. When I was maintaining my weight and feeling in control, I felt good, able, inspired, in control. But now my life has gotten out of control, filled with depression, stress, blahblahblah. I mean, whose isn't, right?
Just gotta find that flip switch to turn my mindless eating off and my self-control on. Oy, if only it were that easy.

Xellercin

That's where excellent support is so critical. Your "mindless" eating is a form of self soothing, it's your brain reaching for anything that will make it feel better in the moment. I'm sure you know that already, but it helps to be reminded that there's actually a really good reason for your behaviour.

FTR, I'm not stressed and filled with depression, but that's almost entirely because I have had excellent therapy for the last 7 years.

springlering62

Reenie, I reached that point several years ago.

I had to make very very difficult choices to cut some immediate family out of my life. This resulted in my leaving my job of 30+ years and the family business failing as a result. You cannot love people into good behavior, or logic them into doing what they need to do. You can’t stamp out all their fires. You can’t prevent their impending crash. God knows, I tried.

At the same time, I realized that, the few friends I’d surrounded myself with were great vacuums of negativity. One day, I told my best friend “enough with the husband you divorced ten years ago. Let’s talk about something else”. Turns out she didn’t want to. I was her emotional dump site, and when I refused to participate anymore, she cut me out.

It sounds cold, but getting these influences out of my life was the single best thing I ever did for myself (outside of marrying my wonderful husband).

I did not believe it was possible to be this happy with life, but it took a while to get here. I always thought of myself as a negative person. Turns out, I wasn’t.

I sincerely hope things improve for you, and that you don’t have difficult decisions to make. But sometimes, selfishness is what’s required. And it’s not always bad.

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

kshama2001

ReenieHJ wrote: »

Thanks all.

And @springlering62 What a kind and sweet thing to say!

I have an appointment in another month for an update to my meds.(Effexor's been working pretty well for me for a very long time), flu shot and possible Booster shot as well. I'll talk with her then. My weight is definitely tied in with self-image and self-esteem, drive, motivation, depression, all of it. When I was maintaining my weight and feeling in control, I felt good, able, inspired, in control. But now my life has gotten out of control, filled with depression, stress, blahblahblah. I mean, whose isn't, right?
Just gotta find that flip switch to turn my mindless eating off and my self-control on. Oy, if only it were that easy.

Psyche meds can stop working. This has happened several times with my brother. It's also what probably happened to me - I'd been very happy with Wellbutrin for 20 years.

kshama2001

Xellercin wrote: »

I've gone through a lot of therapists in my time. A good fit is really critical for effective therapy.

So if you haven't had success with therapy in the past, there's a good chance you never found someone who was a good fit.

Yep, I've had terrible luck with interns and now when I have an intake I insist on no interns. I know they have to get experience with someone, but it's not going to be me anymore.

westrich20940

1. Get out for a walk/hike/jog --- doesn't have to be something intentional for a 'workout'...but just to get out in the sun, and breathing some fresh air. Vitamin D is your friend.
2. Bullet journaling (or some other type of journaling, even if it's just jotting some stuff down in your notes app) could be helpful. I sometimes will write a word doc or even hand write about something that's challenging me and I end up throwing it away or burning it but I find it's helpful just to get it out of your brain and down in physical form.
3. Meditation (even using any of the apps like Headspace) can help. I personally don't like 'traditional' meditation where you've gotta try to 'turn your brain off'....but I am a runner, and running not only helps me (as far as an intentional workout) be 'present'. Like I have to pay attention to my pace, gait, surroundings, heartrate, how my body feels, etc.
4. Hobbies --- got any? Even just engaging in some easy/repetitive activity can be extremely calming/relaxing. Coloring, painting, making string/bead bracelets, etc.
5. It's extremely challenging and difficult but over the past 1.5/2 years I've also realized that there's nothing wrong with feeling your feelings. Not WALLOWING in your feelings but if you feel anxious/depressed....angry....anything --- it's fine, and normal to fee those things. Sometimes, we do more damage trying to like...figure out 'why' do I feel this way or 'how can I stop' feeling this way.....but we have feelings/emotions for a reason. A good cry is always nice. IMO at least.

kimny72

@ReenieHJ sorry you're struggling! I've gained back over 10 lbs this year and I can tie it directly to feeling useless in the evenings and attempting to change that by eating several servings of pretzels or cookies on the couch. I've noticed I'm more likely to snack while watching TV so my current strategy is to turn the TV off earlier and read a book or play puzzle games on my phone. I also bought a big cannister of sugarless gum to keep right by my spot on the couch. Obviously this is not going to fix my feelings, but I'm hoping it will stop the weight gain until I can get the emotional issues worked out. Hang in there :flowerforyou:

caseylizbeth

I used to be a very emotional eater, but I've mostly gotten it under control. When I'm feeling that way, usually when I'm sad or going through a depressive episode, I ask myself a few questions before I eat something.
1) Am I actually hungry? 2) How will whatever I'm about to eat make me feel? 3) Am I going to be upset with myself later if I eat this now? If I am emotional eating I'll try to distract myself until my mood changes.

SelfCaren22

I'm an emotional eater. My best days are when I just allow myself to comfort with food. I don't give in and binge or reach for foods that will make me go over my goals. I find alternatives that I also really enjoy and have a comfort meal in a quiet part of the day. You deserve comfort. Food is comforting to us. Food is just food; it's not a bad guy, it's good.
Think of substitute foods that fit with your goals. I may want XYZ, but I also really like stir-frys or egg soft tacos. Planning is super helpful, especially if portions are more of the problem. If know I have that larger "me time" meal coming, and I know what I've set aside as my other meals, I'm less likely to drop everything and binge over some trigger.
There's not a quick fix. I had to accept that my coping methods are unbalanced and that I'm a bit compulsive. Once I accepted that, I was able to look at the situation as if I were unwell, needing care instead of self hate. I also try to think about how I would treat my friend if this were her. You wouldn't want her to feel guilty when she's sick. You wouldn't want her to "attack" her illness. You would want to take care of her, right?
Find reasonable ways to satisfy your cravings. Avoid actual hunger! Adding more food is better than going hungry and then binging. I always find this difficult and feel like I've failed. But after countless times restricting, breaking, and stress eating my pantry- I've finally recognized that this is necessary.
Do more things you enjoy. Discover things you enjoy. The goal is to find additional ways to give yourself enjoyment and comfort.
Treat yourself as you would a friend the next time your day doesn't go as planned.
Plan, try again the next day, try new activities.
Get rid of the word "restart". This is a process.

JonnyWiller

I do recommend getting some phycological help. I mean, it's not cheap but it helped me a lot

cupcakesandproteinshakes

If you like listening to podcasts try weight loss made real. The host specialises in emotional eating and habitual overeating. She uses a brain based approach. There is a paid for support service as well, but the podcast is free. The first 10 or so episodes introduce the concepts.

feroshusavocado

I just posted about how I stopped emotional eating here: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10849384/how-i-overcame-binge-eating-ride-the-craving-wave#latest