Goal Weight Support - Is This a Thing?

TexasTallchick

Is anyone leery of the attention you might get when you’re at your goal weight?

I’m very tall with other assets men tend to like. I don’t feel comfortable at all at my current weight, even though I still get interest, but I don’t follow up.

I attract attention everywhere I go due to my height. Strangers stop to talk to me pretty much everywhere I go. Some comment on my height, or my U of Michigan shirt and some have said that my husband is a lucky man. Um, he’s not. He died at 47.

So, I’m a widow at 42, definitely want to find my chapter 2, but not a guy who’s only into me for physical reasons.

I hope this doesn’t come across as vain, because I’m anything but. I used to get this attention in my 20’s. No idea how to handle it now.

Helpful suggestions appreciated.

rosebarnalice

If I'm honest, I have to say no. Although I am tall and have big boobs and long blonde hair, I always had such a poor self image that I was convinced I was an ugly ogreish monster and that no one would be attracted to me heavy or thin. Now, at 60, when I look back, I was never classically "beautiful", but I wasn't as ugly as I always felt when I was younger. Perhaps it was self fulfilling expectations: I didn't ever feel beautiful, and so I never was.

GymBunnyPaige

I saw this yesterday but didn't comment because I'm not losing weight and I'm quite a bit younger than you. I wasn't sure if I could even be helpful. But after coming across your post today and thinking about it some more, I have something to say now.
I tend to get leered at, approached, "cat-called" (I hate that term- it's not cute and fun- it's harassment) in my day to day life as well. I'm not tall but like you said, it's the "assets" I'm always getting weird comments on. So I do relate, unfortunately.
As an older teen, this type of attention became way more frequent compared to when I was still a child, and it freaked me out. I didn't feel prepared (as if one ever does) but I got used to it eventually. Then I became an adult and actually started to look like one and that's when the unwanted attention spiked seemingly overnight. It was a tough adjustment and throughout my late teens & early 20's I tried experimenting with ways to avoid drawing attention to myself.
I tried only dressing down when I went out, baggy sweatpants, PJs, beanies, long sleeves. I wore sunglasses indoors so that nobody could make eye contact with me. I didn't make friendly conversation and was very short with people. I made myself as unapproachable as I knew how because I was so exhausted from being approached and interrupted multiple times a day when I was trying to go about my business and even being put in threatening situations (such as being physically blocked in at gas stations, followed in parking lots, etc).
Here's what I learned: it doesn't work. Not for me at least. All those extra measures I took to be less visible and less approachable did NOTHING. In fact I'm pretty sure a lot of men have a pajama fet*** at this point because I got the worst comments when I was in frumpy sleepwear.
So I guess what I actually learned during those years is that people who approach women and make uncomfortable comments about our appearance are simply the types of people that cannot be avoided with sweats and sunglasses. It's the culture we live in that enables scary and dangerous behavior, and disregards women's personal space, time, and feelings. It's not me. It was never me.
I cannot avoid being harassed. That is not up to me. As horrible as it may feel to admit, it's the truth.
Therefore I do what I want, dress how I want, talk to who I want, and try not to focus on who may be looking at me or thinking about approaching me. I think that I was always so focused on it, and it made my body language come off as nervous and timid, and that's why people with predatory vibes were easily picking me out of a crowd. Once I accepted that this is how things are and started walking with my head held high and actually giving these creeps a thousand yard stare from across a room or parking lot, they stopped approaching as often as before.
Turns out, it was my confidence and belief in my own strength that really changed things for me. Of course I still get approached and commented on to pretty much the same degree as before. Confidence only goes so far, but I am more relaxed now and I'm able to focus more on my own life and my own actions.
Apologies for the giant word wall, and I get that this basically boils down to "do nothing" but unfortunately this is a matter of the societal norms we live by and not what any individual woman is doing to handle the attention. I wish there was more I could say or do, but I really hope you don't let the thought of weird men stand in your way of your goals or your confidence. You deserve to feel happy and be healthy and take care of your body even if it ends up being more desirable-looking to men. I'm so sorry that we as women even have to factor that sort of thing in but just know you have my support and encouragement.

MaggieGirl135

@GymBunnyPaige Bravo!!! Incredibly insightful!

dblirondog

I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I could add more inspiration. I’m only 7 days into my journey though. I’m still learning. I know you will find your answer, don’t give up!

callsitlikeiseeit

So.... I have lost over 230 pounds.

Talk about going from invisible to NOT.

But I also have a bit of a different perspective. I am a performer, an actor, a writer, and am USED to being in the spotlight.

Now, I am married, and wear my rings 24/7 so, that does prevent most men from saying anything (doesn't prevent the looking. I HAVE noticed when my husband is WITH me... the looks are FEWER and even though he looks like a long haired hippy, he still looks like he might kill you if he caught you looking at me, especially when he has on his leather riding jacket LOL).

In any case, I do not try to hide my figure, as some women do. Everyone wears clothing that they feel comfortable in. I worked hard for my figure. Now, I'm not wearing mini skirts and midriff tops cause thats not me (nor is my figure THAT good LOL) but figure flattering jeans and fitted t shirts- absolutely. But then, I also wear leggings and workout tops and baggy sweatshirts. It doesnt seem to matter, truly.

You can't control what other people do or say. period, full stop. You CAN control how YOU respond to them. I live in a small, rural community. These guys here... are harmless. In my immediate TOWN... most of them probably know about where I live, for crying out loud. Or could find out, pretty quickly. It's a town of 600 people. Not hard to find out about someone if you want to. But my go to, when one of them gathers the courage to SPEAK to me and ask me OUT (it happens rarely, since like I said, i DO have rings on), is that if they ask my husband, and he says yes, then I might consider it. That usually hushes them up and gets an apology and an 'Oh, I didnt know you were married' type response'. I smile and say it's okay and appreciate the offer and away they go. Well, sometimes it just confuses them, some of these guys aren't very bright LOL.

But that's me and MY personality, and how I deal with it.

As far as a guy just looking ... i mean, you COULD say something (what are you looking at? can i help you? etc) but... that just makes a scene. and I dont know that I really see the point in that, as it just brings MORE attention to you. Even I just ignore that. Someone looking while they hold a door, say thanks and keep going.