Am I just fooling myself?

satchel2008

Am I just fooling myself? Like can I actually do this? Can I acheive a goal? I have struggled with my weight pretty much my whole life. Why is it so freaking hard for me? I know it's hard for everyone but why dose it feel like it's easier for others even in situations that I've tried doing it in groups I'm always the one who puts in more work and gets less results. I loose like 20 lbs or so and then nothing for just months just nothing else happens I'm so tired of it. Bout a year ago I decided I was done I'm fat and that's that I will accept it and move on with my life and never think about it again just screw it. But here I am AGAIN thinking...could it be different this time? Could I actually see results? It's not complicated just eat right and work out ... Right?? I've tried for the last year to love myself regardless of my weight but I can't help but to crinkle my nose Everytime I see my reflection. I'm tired of being the but of my own fat joke. I'm tired of being the "fat one" in a family of thin women. But can I do it? Why is it just thinking about trying to do it gets me overwhelmed and emotional? Maybe it just brings up all the other times Ive failed... Am I destined to fail once again? I know nothing good in life comes easy but usually after the sacrifice its supposed to come....right? It's hard when everyone you are around have never had to worry about it my family complains about there weight but it's usually tears over 10lbs and while I understand everyone has their own goals and insecurities it is frustrating to hear them complain that they need to loose 10lbs or worse that they need to gain 10 lbs when I need to loose 100lbs. My sister and I weighed ourselves the other day, I'm exactly 110 lbs heavier then her. And I know I shouldn't compare myself to her but it's hard since so many other people do/ have. We look the same pale, blue eyes, and long dark hair. People make jokes that I'm the fat one and she's the thin one. And I've even dated guys in the past that once they met her told me they felt like they got duped cause they didn't realize there was a thinner version they could a had instead. So it's hard for me not to compare myself to her like everyone else seems to. I wanna be better. I wanna be stronger. I wanna believe I can do it. I wanna love myself. I wanna be happy. I wanna have the discipline it takes to achieve these kinda goals. But the question still remains... Am I just fooling myself?

Walkywalkerson

I'm sure wiser people than me will come along with some great practical advice.
I'd just like to say that I understand how you feel.
I'm probably a lot older than you at 46 but I struggled with my weight my whole life too.
And any 'diets' I tried were OK for a short time but ultimately unsuccessful in the long run and I gained it all back plus some.
Its taken me all these years to actually drum it into my head that the only thing that works is small sustainable changes.
Things that you can do forever - not just while you are trying to lose weight.
Weightloss means eating less calories than you burn - so it is very important to get yourself a digital food scale and weigh and log every mouthful.
It sounds boring - but guessing portion sizes does not work.
Exercise isn't as important as calories - but it helps and makes you feel great.
When I was obese I started with walking - just short distances at first - which was really difficult.
But like everything it got easier and I can walk 10 miles now without a problem and enjoy
doing it!
Set yourself a mini goal, work out how many calories you need to lose 1- 2 lbs a week and be consistent.
You'll get there - it takes time and determination and there will be times when you are over your calories or you won't lose weight one week - but that's OK- just dust yourself off and keep going.
Think of where you could be this time next year!
I wish you all the best 😊

timetokicksome

I was 100% where you are. Minus the sibling comparison. That must be very difficult.

I've also been heavy all my life and although I am not yet where I want to be I have struggled with the same mindset you have.

Once I started focusing more on the health aspect of it, instead of the scale, then the lbs started shedding.

Its not only about just losing weight its a whole entire process. What trauma have you experienced in your life that made you turn to food. Learning to cope with your emotions instead of giving up and binge eating or drinking.

I started working with a coach to help change that all or nothing mindset - that a lot of people struggle with. She made it ok that I can still eat the things I love as long as I am being mindful. Start slowly. Don't beat yourself up.

My coach not only helped with my mind set but she also leaned me towards weight lifting instead of just cardio. Which Is a new found love. I really enjoy it. Plus the more muscle you have the more calories you burn thus the more calories you can eat.

It really helps having friends who are on the same journey as you. Check out snoop dog - closing the gap on youtube. Its brilliant. So true. I had to leave some people behind in order to focus on being the healthier version of me. You are the company you keep. The brain is so powerful - if you change that mindset from "what if I fail" to "I will succeed" than anything is possible. Believe in yourself. If you fall down you get right back up. You will not fail as long as you keep trying. There's never a better time than to start right now.

Sending positive vibes your way.

satchel2008

Thank you walkywalkerson and timetokicksome. I'm about to turn 32 and I've been on and off diets alot and ya I know they have to be lifestyle changes. I went on keto a few years ago and did the whole weighing my food thing and literally thought being fat was easier lol I absolutely hated it! Took forever was so time consuming and I work 70 hours a week I'm not sure I could do that again I may have to take a different approach but I do know it's important. And ya I do that even now I say darn had I just stuck to that diet I'd be this many months or years into it and where would I be?? So I think that alot.
As for the trauma in my life.... Wow that's a big one my whole life has pretty much been a trauma to the point my friends used to call me WML. Short for walking Murphy's law. It's also hard cause I come from a family of drug addicts... Prolly hence why they are all really thin. Luckily I never did drugs but my drug of choice (food) although legal prolly not much better. I'm not sure there is enough therapy in the world to go through all my trauma but I have my own ways of dealing with it I just need to stop using food as one of them. I also kinda plan on mosty strength training I'm not to worried about what the scale says anymore (the scale use to rule my life and I would become obsessed with it to the point I would weigh myself up to 7 times a day) I mostly now just care about how I feel and when I think back on the times I felt the best in my life it was times when I was physically strong in even if I was still big I was strong and I loved that feeling of being strong so that's what I want is to feel strong again I'm not gonna focused on a number on the scale or a jean size I just wanna feel strong. Cause as of late I just feel big and weak. I struggle with motivation alot cause the thing is the only person I can do this for is myself and I'm the one person I'm never willing to do anything for it seems.

yirara

Why would weighing food take so long? I guess I spent about 5 minutes per day weighing food, and it's just part of life. Brushing teeth also is part of life, and generally takes longer. Yet everyone does it. Same with getting dressed, doing the hair (well... ), preparing and eating food. Why is it thus so difficult to add one more little thing to the daily routine that is a) as good for you as the other things and b) likely a lot quicker, provided you don't use a big pile of cooking ingredients each single day that you've never used before.

snowflake954

First off-- STOP comparing yourself to anyone else. You do you. I've been on here a long time and some people cannot start unless they are mentally ready. Some need counseling because they need to straighten a few things out first.

This is going to take a long time, so get ready, be patient. It has to do with consistency over time. Primary focus should be diet. Get that digital food scale and weigh and measure everything you eat and drink. Read the "Most important posts" to find out how to avoid common problems. Take all your measurements and keep a weekly journal. When your weight loss stalls you can take a look at how many inches you've lost and it will keep you going. Read the success threads to pick you up when you're down. Pick exercise that you enjoy. Then as you go along, you will learn and things will change, so be ready to try something new. Good luck to you.

Xellercin

Okay, first, you have dated some TOTAL A-HOLES. Sorry, but that's just about the most d-bag, asshat thing a man could ever say to a woman he has chosen to date.

Second, a healthy diet that results in weight loss is not a punishment you put your body through for being too fat, it's a form of loving self care that involves giving your body what it needs to thrive. Until you change that mindset, you will likely keep struggling the same way over and over.

You need to first figure out what barriers are in your way. What's holding you back from living a healthier lifestyle? Are you coping with stress with food? Do you compulsively eat? If so what are your triggers? Do you just not have time to cook or don't know how?

Basically, what does an ideal, healthy diet that would produce a lean body look like for you? And what is stopping you from living that life?

Answer those questions first and then you can start tackling the problem, step by step, instead of just hoping that beating yourself up produces different results this time.

coblujay

No, you are not fooling yourself @satchel2008 My first post here in July of 2021 was similar in nature to what you just wrote. Can I do this? Can I stay focused? A number of fellow MFP peeps commented with amazing advice. I was so excited to hear from people who had lost weight and maintained it for years. Frankly, I'd given up but decided to give it another try after my annual physical.

Here I am 6+ months later down almost 65 pounds and on the verge of leaving the 200's forever. This morning, I weighed exactly 200 pounds. I actually believe I can get to goal weight around 160 pounds. My sister joined me for the journey and while she hasn't used MFP much along the way, it's been fun hiking and celebrating our wins. She is now at goal weight after losing around 50 pounds and I'm working towards my goal of losing around 100 pounds. She's still my biggest cheerleader.

What has made a difference for me so far?

• Get engaged in this community. Find challenges where you have a group of people cheering each other on and understanding that weight goes up and down, sometimes without explanation. As long as your trend is moving in the right direction overall, we'll get there. Cheer others on. You are part of their cheering squad that will help them stay encouraged. I use the Happy Scale app to track trends.
• I weigh everyday and log it in the challenges I've joined, even when I go up. That doesn't work for everyone, but it has worked for me. Who am I fooling if I skip some days because I'm embarrassed? It is what it is.
• Find an exercise or two that you enjoy. I don't always want to work out, but I started swimming this year and I love challenging myself to improve my times. My sister and I hike almost every week and we try to improve each time. Having a fitness tracker (Apple Watch) shows me how far I've come in distance, time and effort. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way, but the tracker helps me see it.
• Learn from the masters. There are incredibly knowledgable people here. Friend and follow those people. All of our action plans are going to be different and reading through comments from a variety of those people will give us some ideas on how to deal with the challenges.
• Take photos of your progress. My sister and I take weekly photos when we are hiking. You don't have to show anyone, it's just for you and you'll appreciate having them over time.
• Log accurately. It's the same as weighing. I only lie to myself and it only hurts me if I don't. Log even when you go over. The history contained here is interesting to review. How does what I ate relate to my weight? Are there certain foods or patterns that resulted in my losing or gaining weight?
• Read the inspiring threads about NSV (non-scale victories), success stories, what people say when you lose weight, etc. (Especially when you need a reminder about why you are doing this for you)
• Never give up. We are all going to have times when we get off track. Just forgive yourself and get back at it.

If I can do this, so can you. I'll be cheering you on!! (And kitten those guys who don't realize what a gem you are. They don't deserve you anyway!)

JulieNFitPal

@satchel2008 It is hard. I've am there. I have worked long hours and that doesn't always help me to be active. Sitting while driving to work. Sitting at a desk all day. Sitting driving home. There is very little activity you can do while driving to and from work. I now use that time to relax mind, refocus my thoughts and I just enjoy the trip. Sitting to catch the news or a comedy on TV. I was doing way to much sitting.

I started being active on my breaks. I took a quick walk around the building just to be active and enjoy the outdoors. I started playing the radio while cleaning the kitchen and dancing to the music. It just made me feel good. Play "This is My Fight Song". "This is my fight song. Take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song. And I don't really care if nobody else believes. 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." Yes, you have a lot of fight left in you. I hear it in your words and being strong is something you mentioned. Being strong needs to include your thoughts.

Try focusing on mental well-being as in learning to focus on the positives in your life. For every bad thought, think of 3 positive thoughts. For example, 1. I am overweight. 2. I have lost weight in the past. 3. I am strong. 4. I am eating healthier than before. The one negative helps me recognize that I am overweight but that is not what I want to focus on. The three positives help my mental well-being to move past the negative and refocus. If you need help, try Connect.Whil.com and spend just 5 minutes helping yourself to relax. Try the seven day steps of Mindfulness Basic Training. It can make you feel better mentally and that is a good place to start.

Kudos to YOU, for acknowledging your stress. And remember, everything is going to be alright. Sometimes we just need a little direction on how to start over.

My weight is now under 200, but I am still considered obese because of my height. I am thankful, I have been keeping that weight off for almost a year now. I now have new goals - to be a little more active, eat a little better, increase my fluid intake a little (which by the way, flushes your body of pounds) and loose a little more weight. These little goals are attainable. My resolution, if you want to call it a resolution, is to improve on what is good for my health a little at a time and make these my new habits. Examples of little changes may be increase drinking 3 glasses of water a day to 4 glasses a day or being active 15 minutes a day to 30 minutes a day. This way I am not beating myself up over not reaching my ideal goal. Now I celebrate more often that the little goals are improving my health and my mental well-being.

It's a feel good thing. I pray you find my suggestions helpful.

satchel2008

Thank you all. I think I'm starting to realize I have a bigger mental block with this than I realized. I've over come so much in my life and I fight through it with little problems this seems to be the one thing I just can't mentally get past but I think I'm gonna try. Maybe I just havnt felt like I'm worth the effort or maybe it's cause I'm scared that I will succeed and I will still hate the person I see in the mirror. I think that's my biggest fear. As of now I can day dream, I can make a fantasy of oh if I could reach my goal I could do this or be that or wear this or feel this sort of way and I think I'm so scared that I will make it and I won't feel any of it and then where would I go from there?? What happens when your wish comes true and it's not everything you thought it would be. I know this is a crazy list of what ifs and I'm thinking way far down the line. That's a big issue for me I'm a huge over thinker. But I think I just need to take this one day at a time and stop overwhelming myself with future things. Thank u guys

Xellercin

There's a reason that I've always said that the best diet is a good therapist.