Overcoming Toxic Competition

Geekyfatgirl

I realize I’m a competitive person when it comes to a lot of things, however that competition is usually against myself. I strive to be better than I was before, and to prove that I am stronger than I think.

I have some friends that I’ve been recently working out with who are competitive as well, although one is competing against me, and not themselves. When we work out together, I’m always encouraging them to do better than they did last rep or last time, to push for that one more rep and finish strong. I always try to encourage to overcome any obstacles. However, when it comes to me, it feels like I am their competition and they have to do better than I am. If I can make it to 20 reps before exhaustion they have to do 21. If I’m burning myself out at 20 lbs, they have to prove they can do 25. And if I try doing more, they’ll tell me I shouldn’t push myself and that they’re stronger than I am and more capable.

This got very defeating after a while so I stopped working out with them. I realized that I am the only person I need to compare myself to, and trying to beat who I was yesterday to be a stronger me today is my goal.

Have you ever experienced any sort of toxic competition like that? If so, how did you overcome that?

Know that you matter! You are special and loved. Don’t let others pull you down.

Skyler103

I've never had a workout partner at all, but I do the competition against myself thing. In my case, I don't think it's good. I used to think if I didn't feel good enough to work out at least as hard and as long as I did the last time that I wasn't doing good. So, if I didn't feel really good I would skip working out all together. I had a friend who works out all the time tell me that you don't have to be at the top of your game every time. You just have to put in the time. That resonated with me, so now I have some days when I'm really not feeling it, but I tell myself it's ok to have a half *kitten* workout if I just do it. Sometimes, I feel better as I go along and it ends up being great anyway.

Cheesy567

Smile and congratulate them 😉. Stepping away from the competition can do wonders for yourself and for them. It sounds like you’re aware that you drive the competition too, so consciously stepping away will deflate it. And, it should hopefully bring awareness to times when they are congratulating you, and might not be competing with you, but actually with themselves.

Or, just find less toxic workout buddies, if they really are that toxic.

88olds

I find that weight loss and fitness are really solitary pursuits. We might find a kindred spirit but don’t bet on it. I get more support from message boards regarding my weight loss efforts than I’ve ever gotten from people around me. I’ve met supportive people in exercise classes and gyms, playing Pickleball and riding bikes. Sometimes it good to share information. But my plan remains mine, their program is theirs. Seems like every gym has a few people who think they know best and want to let everyone know.

There’s a lot of “information” out there regarding fitness and weight loss. I put the quotes around information because so much of it is misinformation. Tuning out the noise can be difficult. And what you are dealing with is noise. Either tune out the unwanted comments or start working alone. You don’t need this.

And don’t let anybody push you out of your routine.

girlwithcurls2

Hmm, this reminds me of playing pickle ball with my husband. He's a ball-and-stick guy, super coordinated, picked it up easily. I'm a swimmer-solitary sport, no balls whatsoever. I really don't enjoy sports because they weren't fun when I was a kid. When we play pickle ball, he'd slam that little ball every which way. I'm 54 in pretty darn good shape, but with a dodgy knee, and absolutely ZERO desire to throw my body across a court to return a hit. So... I told him that I don't chase down balls. He can hit them trying to make me run all over the place, but it stops the game because I can't and won't run willy nilly chasing these things. It's much more fun to get a good volley going and let it build up into more of a "how's this going to end?" thing than to have the games consistently end with a score of 11-0 (umm, and does he think that losing with that score EVERY SINGLE TIME makes me want to go back and play again?).

Now, we spend the first 30-40 minutes not keeping score. Then we might keep score because it's fun for him, and I play better after being warmed up for a while since we don't play often.

Incidentally, we played with two of my sisters yesterday. One walks for fitness, but pretty much feels like I do about sports. The other is a competitive tennis player. It was them against my husband and me. I had fun, yes, but to be honest, I'll re-think playing with the tennis sister again. Not to mention, there is a whole strategy of playing a short, gentle game up front in pickle ball that she just didn't understand (or like??). So it was an afternoon of zinging balls and me looking at my husband with a "you-can-go-for-that-one" look.

I'm glad you stopped working out with that friend. "Competing" with yourself can be really helpful because it's self-encouragement to push harder. Focus on your own goals and then come here and post in the successes forum so that we can get excited for you

cyndit1

Yes my running partner is very competitive but fortunately I am not usually so it works.

cwolfman13

Sounds a lot like when I was in early high school and that's what the guys would do when in reality none of us really knew what the hell we were doing or how to train properly and actually progress and get what we wanted. That mostly changed once I started lifting as part of being in sport and lifting in a structured manner for that sport and having actual strength and conditioning coaches to coach us up.

Have a good, structured program...follow said program...win. I've never seen a solid program that has you trying to best yourself or anyone else every time you train. It's just not a very good way to train in any application really.