Sabotage family!

satchel2008

I'm seriously about to freaking loose it!! I currently live with my sister my brother in law and my nephew, not by choice, it's kinda a necessity at the moment for both of us. Anyway I'm seriously just about to *kitten* loose my mind! First they don't freaking clean like ever!! I have to do all the cleaning! I work 60 hours a week they work about 20! But what makes me really freaking angry is the freaking food!! They are addicts so that's where their money goes and when they do but food it's junk! It's cookies, microwave burritos, corn dogs, fish sticks, ice cream, ramen that kinda stuff. And before all this ya I bought the same crap and guess what they would eat my food all the time knowing full well I get off work at 3:30am and that if they ate all my food While I'm at work then I'm just SOL! Luckily there is a gas station down the road so if I came home after my 13 hour shift and seen that they ate all my food well I'd just have to get in my car and go order a pepperoni pizza for 10 bucks and call it a life. It was so bad I had to by decoy food! Yes decoy food food that I figured they would go for in hopes that they wouldn't eat what I really wanted to. My grocery bill would run me almost 200 a week buying all my food for the week and decoy food for them for the week did it work? No usually I would end up eating the decoy food cause they went for what I actually wanted. I hide all non perishable food in my room although that don't stop them from going in there and finding it. I even at one point started hiding it in my car but they found out and would go through my car while I was asleep. Anyway so then I start this diet thing and it's still happening! Like freaking seriously they don't even like the stuff!! They ate an entire box of salad yesterday! Like a big box like thing was like 7 dollars was gonna last me all week and they ate the whole thing! I asked about it and they said they just wanted to be able to say they ate a salad to sound healthy... Then I found these awesome like ice cream but not things at Walmart they are the frozen farmer farm crafted sorbet things and a whole pint is only like 70 calories so figured that would be awesome for days I get a sweet tooth and cost me almost $6 each. So I bought them a big box of ice cream cones and 2 boxes of fudge bars cause they are there favorites and guess what... They ate mine instead... They made up half my chicken for the week too. Like they freaking know I'm doing this! I tell them how hard it is and they just don't care cause I can't just grab my keys and go get a pizza now I literally just have to go to bed without food if I really wanna stick to this. And when I do bring it up to them they get all defensive and act like oh look at the fat girl getting mad about her food and act like it's no big deal. But when it's almost 4am nothing is open and now I have nothing to eat because they wanted to "be able to say they ate something healthy" it really freaking ticks me off!! Oh but that's right I forgot I'm the laid back fat one in the family so who cares right my feelings and problems don't matter. I just feel like no one really gives a *kitten*! Even when I try to just talk about my journey all I'm met with is " well I've never been fat so sorry I just can't relate to you" umm ok and I've never been a drug addict and yet I'm always here for you, you always vent to me about your addiction issues and I've always listed and empathized with you even though I can't relate. And at the end of the day the are both addictions! And it's not the food itself it's the absolute lack of consideration for me!! It's not about food it's the fact that they don't for a second stop and think about me! It happens with tons of other things as well not just food make up, cloths ( yes even my cloths I'm 110lbs bigger then her and she still steals my cloths) my phone chargers my cigarettes literally you name it, and ya they are right I'm the laid back fat one I don't really care but what hurts me is that they don't even tell me. A simple text saying hey stole your charger f you! I mean that's all I want I don't even need them to ask I just want to be told! But no that's to much work so instead my dumb *kitten* goes insane thinking I lost, misplaced, or ate something I didn't! I will literally go insane trying to figure out what happened to whatever it was then find out randomly in passing like oh ya I took that by the way... Like umm ya thanks for telling me I only went crazy trying to figure out what happened to it!! Idk I'm sorry! I'm just so defeated and I have absolutely no one to talk to. Rant over. P.s. I do love my family very much, sometimes I just wonder if they love me.

ReenieHJ

Oh wow, you are living in a severely toxic environment. I feel badly for your niece as well. I know you said you have to stay there but I'm wondering if there aren't some other options?? Income based housing? Local resources that can help you?

Maybe big boxes with locks to keep your things out of their hands. Any way you can keep things at work that you want to save for yourself later? Maybe lock some things in your trunk? Get your own fridge and put a lock on it?
They're users and abusers, completely selfish and it doesn't sound like they'll give you much thought anytime soon.
Obviously I don't know your situation and most times things are easier said than done. But that is a situation I wouldn't stay in, for my own sanity and health and maybe even to preserve the love you feel for them. If they're drug users, it also doesn't sound safe for their dd.
You need to get some help for yourself, to get out, and for them as well. Some way, some how, you need to pull out before you get destroyed. They're going to keep doing what they're doing because, for them, it's working.

Wishing you the best of luck!!! I'm glad you have this place to vent. But that's a terrible way to live.

capamericaag2188

Offfffft that was tough to read never mind live . Hope u ok

satchel2008

Well it's now about 15 hours later got over myself. Asked my sister if she at least enjoyed the 6 dollar frozen water she ate of mine .. she didn't. So was trying to figure out what I could make for dinner decided some salmon with veggies would be good I bought a 15 dollar bag of salmon fillets havnt even had any. Walked into the kitchen and started going through the freezer and couldn't find them. My sister walks in and says what are you looking for. I said my salmon. She says oh I'm making the last 2 fillets now so they are gone... Seriously!! There was like 15 fillets in there I just bought them Monday and you ate the entire bag already!!!! Like I'm just done at this point! I might as well quit!! What's the point! We are currently iced in and can't leave I have one chicken breast left cause they have ate everything else. Like I'm just done honestly!! Not to mention how freaking much I spend;

vanityy99

Buy a mini fridge for your room and get a lock on your door. That’s what a friend of mine had to do because his roommate kept eating all his food loooolll.

glassyo

I'm not proud of this suggestion but, since your family are *kitten* and you can't leave, do something to the food before they get to it. And then make sure they know you did something to it after they eat it.

Extra points if it makes them sick. 😀

satchel2008

I am considering the mini fridge thing. I can't put a lock on my room cause they use the closet in it but I was thinkin bout getting a lock for a mini fridge. I just have a feeling it's going to cause a fight. Is it to passive aggressive? I know they are gonna take huge offense to it. Like even when I made the comment earlier about " what are you serious you ate the whole bag already?" My brother in law got all pissed off about it and started yelling saying if your gonna throw a fit we will just give you money on pay day... The money isn't the point! But everything escalated I actually just came back inside I grabbed my coat and went out and sat in my car to get away from it all. We just had an ice storm so I can't go anywhere but I just needed out of the space. Went to my car at 9:30pm just came back inside and it's 2:00am. JUst don't wanna start a fight by getting a mini fridge with lock.

glassyo

They're going to continue to walk all over you if you don't stand up for yourself. Why do you think they won't stop??
How much money has it cost you to feed THEM and not yourself? I know you said money isn't the point but they're yelling at YOU for buying food you never get a chance to eat?? They go through your car?? So, yeah, it's about lack of respect, too. I know they're addicts but, god, I am so pissed off on your behalf right now.

ReenieHJ

^^^^ ditto!
I'm also burned on your behalf. I don't understand why you're concerned about being too passive aggressive at this point. They are being complete D!@ks about it all. And I don't care if it's about the money or not, call their bluff about it and accept(doubt you'll see a dollar). He!! you're paying for their food and not eating what you're buying for yourself. If you can afford to throw all that out the window, plus wreck your health with stress in the meantime, then stick with your current situation. If you want to change anything, then become assertive and act on it, caring as much about their feelings as they seem to care about yours. Wishing you good luck, they sound like quite the pair to deal with.

I'm not trying to be a witch but wow, they're something else.

satchel2008

I guess I just get worried cause they could just get mad and kick me out and I really don't have anywhere else to go. Without going into details but still prob being TMI just so ppl kinda know where I'm coming from. Bout 7 years ago I was in a horrifically bad abusive relationship for 5 years. Long story short he was a monster and I wanted to save him. He had 12 felonys and 52 misdemeanors on his record and was on parole and he got into some trouble so in order to keep him from going to prison again I took the charges since I had never been in trouble before I knew I wouldn't do alot of time. While I was in jail he needed help paying the bills so I gave him my credit cards. Welp got out and he ran off with another girl drained my account threw me into a ton of debt and lost everything I had. Now my credit went from a 756 down to a 512 and in my area getting a place with anything on your record is almost impossible. I was young and stupid and I hate myself for it!! I've pretty much been single since. Although my sister dose drugs she's never been in any legal trouble so she can get into places and I work a decent job so I can pay for the places. So it's this weird cycle of needing each other. Idk it's been 7 years and I still havnt recovered from it. But just wanted to kinda put that out there ( didn't really wanna get that personal with it) but wanted people to understand that just getting my own place is hard to impossible in my area. Trust me I've tried and it would have been done by now if I could. Guess I've spent my whole life allowing myself to be other people's doormats to use and discard me as they please. I'm hoping through this journey I can begin to see that I'm worth more then that and I deserve to be treated well and with respect and find my voice to speak up for myself. Love has just always came at a price for me. I know that's not love...but I really don't know any other kind.

vanityy99

satchel2008 wrote: »

I am considering the mini fridge thing. I can't put a lock on my room cause they use the closet in it but I was thinkin bout getting a lock for a mini fridge. I just have a feeling it's going to cause a fight. Is it to passive aggressive? I know they are gonna take huge offense to it. Like even when I made the comment earlier about " what are you serious you ate the whole bag already?" My brother in law got all pissed off about it and started yelling saying if your gonna throw a fit we will just give you money on pay day... The money isn't the point! But everything escalated I actually just came back inside I grabbed my coat and went out and sat in my car to get away from it all. We just had an ice storm so I can't go anywhere but I just needed out of the space. Went to my car at 9:30pm just came back inside and it's 2:00am. JUst don't wanna start a fight by getting a mini fridge with lock.

You know how there’s mini fridges made specifically for makeup? Google it, mention to them that you’re thinking about getting one for your makeup and nail polishes. Or don’t even mention it to them, just when they ask say it’s for your beauty products, face masks and such.

Then just pop up with a normal mini fridge- for the first week just have your beauty products in there, eventually get a lock and put your food in there. If they question you just say you’re allowed to your own privacy.
Depending on how small your mini fridge is - you can also throw a sheet over it and some decor on top so that it hides the lock.

Also, ask if they can do something about the closet that you’d like your own privacy.

vanityy99

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s your right as a human being to have your own things. And they will make you feel bad about it because that’s what addicts do, don’t fall for it and don’t feel bad.

knotmel

This is such a tough situation you’re living with and I’m impressed with your persistence and all the work you’re doing to work toward your goals while dealing with a truly rough set of circumstances and unreasonable behavior from your family. You are not being unreasonable at all, but you are dealing with an extremely difficult situation.

Like the others above, I think that setting and holding boundaries with your family, to the extent it is safe for you to do so, could be helpful. A resource I have found so beneficial for learning about boundaries and learning that it is appropriate (not passive aggressive) to have them is the advice column https://captainawkward.com/ . Without ever submitting a question, reading through others’s situations and the advice of Captain Awkward and her amazing commenters has been so helpful to me.

Good luck!

ythannah

satchel2008 wrote: »

I am considering the mini fridge thing. I can't put a lock on my room cause they use the closet in it but I was thinkin bout getting a lock for a mini fridge. I just have a feeling it's going to cause a fight. Is it to passive aggressive? I know they are gonna take huge offense to it. Like even when I made the comment earlier about " what are you serious you ate the whole bag already?" My brother in law got all pissed off about it and started yelling saying if your gonna throw a fit we will just give you money on pay day... The money isn't the point! But everything escalated I actually just came back inside I grabbed my coat and went out and sat in my car to get away from it all. We just had an ice storm so I can't go anywhere but I just needed out of the space. Went to my car at 9:30pm just came back inside and it's 2:00am. JUst don't wanna start a fight by getting a mini fridge with lock.

WHO CARES IF THESE INCONSIDERATE PARASITES ARE OFFENDED AT THIS POINT?

If you must remain living there for financial reasons, definitely get yourself a locking mini fridge. You can get large storage totes that can be locked too, I know this because a friend of mine had to lock up her kids' Christmas presents or they'd snoop.

Personally, I couldn't live with people who have so little respect for me, family or not.

Or you could do what we did at my workplace when someone was stealing lunches out of the fridge and plant bait food heavily laced with laxatives. It worked.

Motorsheen

Just join the US Coast Guard.

New friends, fresh air... exercise, etc. etc.

Unknown

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