Weight loss

smurray2334

I’ve been trying to loose weight my entire life, I know everything about dieting, best foods to eat… all of it. I’m tired mentally, emotionally and physically. I had a nutritionist but she gave up on me, I’m pre-diabetic, there is always a health issue, I start great in the morning but by evening forget what I started and eat whatever I want. My family are tired too, sometimes it feel like I’m the one responsible for everyone’s diet in the house.
I need help.

cmriverside

Have you considered psychological therapy? Over-eating has a lot of psychological underpinnings and it's possible that a good therapist could help.

You can do it, but it's up to you.

Lhenderson923

I agree with the above poster. Therapy may help significantly for you. There are some that are well trained in diet and food issues. It is true that it is up to you. Not your nutritionist or your family. They can be there for support, but in the end it is about the decisions that you make. Remember that it is less about motivation (which can be super helpful to get started, but comes and goes), and more about discipline and dedication. You absolutely can do it!

ppartin19

I'm 70 and discovered in 2013 that I was allergic to chemicals added to food to extend shelf storage. I cannot eat any fast food, convenience food, or microwavable food. It took more than one hospital trip for an analeptic shock that put me on an anti-inflammatory diet. I finally discovered in 2/2021 that following the prescribed diet was better than the alternative.

Since then I've lost 41 pounds, my hair, skin, and nails have never looked or been better. I read ingredient lists, question everything, and try to stay both sane and healthy. I want to shout out the news of the newly converted to everyone, but "everyone" isn't interested.

It's up to you to learn what you need versus what you want and you may need some help with that. I'm ashamed to say it took me 69 years to get to that point on my own.

elisa123gal

You are in control... so take control. As you said, you know what to do and what to eat. How can you "forget" that in the evening. You just don't want to do what you know you should do. The first step in succeeding at anything is to own that you put yourself where you are.
Myself? I understand how a young person under 30 has a lot to learn about calorie counting and dieting.. because many of them never had to think about weight gain. But.. as we get older.that excuse of "what's happening?" doesn't fly.

ahoy_m8

OP, I can feel your exhaustion coming through your post. Is the plan you have for yourself too much change all at once? That would make me too tired to stick to my plan by the end of the day, too.

I'm a big believer that the only way to make lasting change is through small things done faithfully, not Herculean efforts here and there that fizzle out. In the diet context, a small change might be no snacks an hour before bed. Or replacing high calorie drinks with low calorie alternatives. A big effort that makes no real difference long term would be something like a "juice cleanse" or fasting to "jump start" weight loss.

I hope you can crack the code on what makes it doable and easy to stick to for you.

ETA: spelling

AnnPT77

I'm not discounting the therapy option, because it's a good one. There should be no more stigma or hesitancy than if consulting a personal trainer for exercise help, or a registered dietitian for nutritional help. Therapists are there to provide thought-patterns help.

In addition to that:

1. I wonder, when you mention "by evening forget what I started and eat whatever I want" if you're over-restricting calories, or giving yourself extreme limitations in defining "healthy foods" or "diet foods".

2. I also wonder whether there might be other factors in the mix: It's common to have appetite or cravings bloom in the evening, or so-called will power waver then, because as the day goes on, we subtly become more fatigued. Fatigue tends to make the body seek energy, i.e., food, calories.

With respect to #1 above, eating some number of calories under your weight-maintenance calories will result in weight loss. Eat many, many calories under, one theoretically loses weight fast . . . but it's harder to stick with it long enough to lose a meaningful amount of weight. Sometimes, a very slow loss rate - eating just a little bit under maintenance - can be a faster practical route to a healthy weight, than would be an aggressively fast loss target that results in breaks or slips, perhaps big ones. Slow loss is fine, and more achievable.

There have been folks here who just set calorie goal at maintenance, try to average eating some number lower than that, and not pressuring themselves to keep that white-knuckled low. That can work.

One of the classic diet myths, especially true when I was coming up (I'm 66), but still true now: There's a perception that women need to eat punitively few calories, certainly 1200 or fewer, in order to lose weight. It's just not true as a universal. It's true that some older, inactive, petite women do have low calorie needs. But bunches of us don't, especially if currently materially overweight, busy in daily life, active exercisers, taller/bigger people inherently, etc.

What calorie goal are you targeting? Where did you get it, and based on what data about you (age, height, weight, lifestyle, etc.)?

Another diet myth is that you need to eat special "diet foods" and avoid even a trace of "bad foods". Also not strictly true! Nutrition is important for health, so it's good to eat a well-rounded range of things. There's no need to live entirely on veggies/salads, avoid sweet fruits (or the occasional other sweets), skip all bread and pasta (or "white foods", etc.). Any combination of foods that is sustainable, and adds up on average to less than daily maintenance calories, will result in weight loss. Deprivation is not essential.

Some people do have trigger foods that they're unable to eat in moderation, once they start eating those; so they want and need not to eat those foods. Which those are - or if there are any - is quite individual. Apart from that, there's no need for a generally healthy person to rule out foods or whole categories of foods. (Clearly, if someone has a health condition or medication that contraindicates certain food choices, that needs to be respected.)

It's OK to include some treats, some fast food, processed foods, etc. Balance is the goal, not deprivation. We're trying to find happily sustainable habits that lead us to a healthy weight, and keep us there long term, right?

With respect to #2 above:

How is your sleep quality and quantity? If not ideal, can it be improved?

How is your nutrition? (Truly sub-par nutrition can cause fatigue, and for some people, severely restricting carbs can do it.) Also, sometimes cravings are triggered by sub-par nutrition . . . and we don't always crave the foods that would remedy the deficiency, we might crave something else, oddly enough. Getting enough protein, healthy fats, and plenty of varied, colorful fruits and veggies can help.

How is your hydration? There's no need to drown yourself in water, but dehydration causes fatigue, too,
and sometimes hunger/dehydration signals are mixed. All fluids count (yes, even coffee and tea). If your urine is pale yellow, you're probably fine. If it's dark, try drinking more, spreading it through the day. If you have issues with urinary urgency or frequency - a common issue among women as we age - increase hydration gradually, and try to avoid going "just in case" or at the first (controllable) urge, if possible. If having disruptive problems, see a urologist. (I've taken this advice myself, BTW.)

How is your stress level? (It sounds like that could be relevant for you?) Stress causes fatigue, can lead to sparked appetite. If stress is relatively high, are there things you can do, other than food, that would help reduce your stress level? Some people benefit from prayer or meditation, mile exercise, aromatherapy bubble baths, adult coloring books, journaling, or other approaches. It goes without saying that if there are stressful things in your life that you can simply skip, do that - but it's not often that simple.

I'd go back to the therapy point, but if any of the above resonates with you, perhaps there are some changes you can make that will make weight loss easier. Sometimes "easy" is a more important thing than "fast". Often, even.

Taking an analytic, problem-solving approach - if and when you can find the emotional energy to do it - may help.

Wishing you a route to success!

Bridgie3

Hey S Murray, you sound like me.
one amazing thing I have done for myself, is I just get my own food. I get what I eat, anyone else in my life can feed themselves.

It surprised me how much of my eating came from feeding others; and how tired I was feeding others.

I'm diabetic, and gone low carb, so that means high fat which is hard for everyone, including the doctors, to get their heads around. But high carb low fat is old science. High fat low carb is really helping me.

emmamcgarity

Is it possible you are making too many changes at once and it’s causing you to get overwhelmed? I’d suggest starting a little slower. Instead of worrying about your calorie target, just focus on tracking everything for the first week. Even if you have to guess at some items and even if you are consistently over the calorie goal on MyFitnessPal. Just track.

Then after a week of tracking, focus on one small change for the next week. Nothing drastic. Just one small change each week until it gets easier for you. You pick the change each week that you want to make. Always small changes.

It seems like tracking calories in an app should be simple, but that doesn’t make it easy. Change is hard. Changing too much at once is really hard.

ReenieHJ

What about rounding up the troops and getting everyone on board with eating healthier, prepping meals together, or at least sitting down with them to discuss the matter? Dh makes his own food because we eat so differently. If I ate what he did, I'd weigh 400 and be so unhealthy. It's entirely his choice what he eats, I don't go there with him because I know he won't budge(I've tried). So I worry about what I put in my own mouth and he does his own thing. Do you have children still in the house you have to feed? Are they capable of joining you in this adventure and you can support each other?

Figure those 2 things out first. There is no written rule that says YOU need to be the only cook in the house. And if there is(at least in your house) then you have every right to cook what you want to cook and leave it up to them whether to eat it or not. Don't use it as an excuse to not eat healthier for yourself. I know, easier said than done.

I graze a lot but when I do eat a meal, I pile on the veggies, green salads, that sort of thing. Then I think protein, mostly lean protein, nonfat yogurt, eggs. Very few grains(especially white starchy sort of things because I could eat my weight in noodles and breads) but I do like spinach wraps and oatmeal. Some fruits when they're in season and actually taste like what they're supposed to taste like.

Just some thoughts I had. Be kind to yourself. This is the only body you'll ever have, it's up to you to take care of it. It can be tiring, mostly mentally for me. If I find myself focused on it for too long, it drains me. Make a simple plan to start, IMO it's easier to not stray and give up the ship. And don't be afraid to ask for your family's support, just maybe they'd be more than willing to help you!!

ETA: Last thing....the best thing that works for me is the logging in of calories every day. If I get too far off that, I find myself doing the gain/lose pendulum swing again.
It's not an easy thing but it's simple mathematics. Just find the way that works best for you and fits in with your lifestyle. Good luck!!

pridesabtch

I also find that if I write out daily goals, I do better. There is a thread “Just for Today” in the support motivation section where I record it. Then the next day I come back and indicate how I did with a or a .

They are usually simple things, but include some things that easily get away from me like a night cap (or 3) and going to bed at a reasonable hour. Here is an example:

JFT Wednesday
- Up by 6:30
- Weigh
- Work by 8:00
- Meeting/work stuff
- Home by 4:30
- Log food
- Stay within calories
- No alcohol
- Ride Peleton aka “damn bike”
- No snacks after 8:00
- Bed by 11:30

Really nothing too fancy, but after a bad day at work, I often want to drown my sorrows. If I wrote down that I won’t, I have to make a conscious decision to alter my plans. There are also days, date nights, where I will simply plan on logging food, but not set a calorie goal and not limit drinking. I use the data to understand a blip on the scale. That isn’ta bad thing, but is something I decided to do. Being aware of our choices and mindful of the plan is important for me.

I’ll tell you now, if I hadn’t committed to myself to ride the bike tonight and not to drink, I’d crash on the couch, turn on the TV, and have a beer. Instead I will most likely ride because I told myself I would. I’m only really accountable to me, but there is a support structure on the JFT thread.

Lisa_allenn

Here are some tips to lose weight.
Do not skip breakfast. Skipping breakfast will not help you lose weight.
Eat regular meals.
Eat plenty of fruit and veg.
Get more active.
Drink plenty of water.
Eat high fiber foods.
Read food labels.
Use a smaller plate.
Do regular exercise and yoga. They play a major role in our lives to stay healthy and fit.

cmriverside

I hit "disagree" on Lisa's post above only because I don't agree that all of those in the list are necessary for weight loss and they're listed as if they're rules.

Skipping breakfast is a matter of preference.

Regular meals (such as scheduled?) may work for some people. May NOT work for others.

I agree on a variety of whole fruits and vegetables.

"Get more active." Can't hurt. Not necessary for weight loss.

Plenty of water. Okay.

"High fiber foods." Yes, but there is a limit for me above which it causes gastro issues. For me, about 50g fiber is the top end and 20 is the low end.

Food labels. Good to learn, not necessary for weight loss. Can become an obsession. Easy fix? Eat mostly food that doesn't come in a package with a label.

Smaller plates. Good strategy!

Regular exercise and yoga. Good for you, not necessary for weight loss.

BCLadybug888

My goodness there is a lot of wisdom posted here! Thanks to everyone that took the time to write such thoughtful and helpful replies. 😊 I hope OP benefits as much as I have.

Small, sustainable changes are the way to go as long as you stay patient & don't get fed up with the pace or occasional plateau. That can be an issue for me since I have so much to lose, but I remind myself that a year from now will still happen (God willing) and I can be in a much better place or still bouncing around, wringing my hands, like I have for literally decades already.

annliz23

You can do this tweak what your eating I am not dieting but I have cut down in my portion size and and added more fruit and protein in my diet and make sure I walk each day and exercise regularly, you can do this add me if you want.

annliz23

BCLadybug888 wrote: »

My goodness there is a lot of wisdom posted here! Thanks to everyone that took the time to write such thoughtful and helpful replies. 😊 I hope OP benefits as much as I have.

Small, sustainable changes are the way to go as long as you stay patient & don't get fed up with the pace or occasional plateau. That can be an issue for me since I have so much to lose, but I remind myself that a year from now will still happen (God willing) and I can be in a much better place or still bouncing around, wringing my hands, like I have for literally decades already.

I agree small changes help as it's a life on going plan to be healthier.

smurray2334

Thank you all for all the wonderful support and wisdom, I am still trying to loose weight. I appreciate the advice on therapy (might be the way) My last child is about to leave the house (Joining the army) so it will just be my husband and I.
I have had to change my diet drastically because I have become gluten intolerant, I'm not celiac but I will get awful diarrhea if I slip up. Having made this discovery the swelling and pain in my tummy has gone away (Unless I slip up). My husband and I are going to try smaller portions, long walks (While the the weather is good) and earlier nights.
I look forward to your messages and I will post our result.

quiksylver296

smurray2334 wrote: »

Thank you all for all the wonderful support and wisdom, I am still trying to loose weight. I appreciate the advice on therapy (might be the way) My last child is about to leave the house (Joining the army) so it will just be my husband and I.
I have had to change my diet drastically because I have become gluten intolerant, I'm not celiac but I will get awful diarrhea if I slip up. Having made this discovery the swelling and pain in my tummy has gone away (Unless I slip up). My husband and I are going to try smaller portions, long walks (While the the weather is good) and earlier nights.
I look forward to your messages and I will post our result.

Glad you're still here 4 months later, and have figured out one issue (gluten). Baby steps get us to our goals!