HELP!!!

huskerfan72p

I am in need of some serious help and motivation!! I am 49 years old and recently separated from my husband of 16 years. I feel like I am at rock bottom with my weight and weight loss. I have tried all different kinds of weight loss programs; WW, Noom, ect. I am at my highest weight that I have ever been (around 410lbs). I am terrified that if I don't find a way to stick to a program I will die.
Anyone have advice to stay motivated and any help in general?

suzij27

Sounds like you are going through a challenging time. Programs are guidelines. You’ve got to find what you can stick with over the long haul.

The first bit of advice longtimers will tell you is to weigh and track everything. You may just want to start by tracking what you are currently eating and then cut it back by 500-1000 calories per day. Going to a low calories diet cold turkey can be a disaster for most people.

The best suggestion I have is to try not to change everything at once. Pick one or two habits to incorporate, and once you have those down, add another. For example, if you drink 5 sodas a day, have one. Or if you eat 2 bagels for breakfast, have one.

I listen to a couple of podcasts that address both of these issues and the hosts have all lost 100+ pounds. They emphasize tracking, changing habits, mindset, and sustainability. The are Half Size Me and We Only Look Thin.

Please be kind to yourself. And take action every day, no matter how small. The only way to change is to make changes.

SuzySunshine99

You don't need to follow a "program" to lose weight. You don't need to adhere to a set of rules, stress about carbs or sugar or try to follow any named diets like keto.

Your life is stressful enough right now, so keep it simple for the time being. You need to eat fewer calories. You can continue to eat the foods that you like, you just need to reduce the amount.

Set up your profile in MFP, log your food, and try to keep to the amount of daily calories it gives you to lose 2 pounds per week. Take it one day at a time, and don't give up if you have a bad day. Log it, and move on to the next day.

AnnPT77

OP, suzij27 and SuzySunshine99 gave you some advice that sounds good, to me, on the weight loss/physical health front. The things you're going through on a psychological front are different, and I fear that few of us here are expert enough to advise you, although perhaps others who've been through a similar personal-life blow will have ideas. (I wish I could help, but have never been separated from a spouse. I was widowed at 43, which is difficult, but differently so, with different coping strategies.)

Just know that I'm cheering you on, hoping you can find a happy path forward. I believe you can, even though things are hard.

glassyo

[edited by Staff]

OP, @suzij27 is pretty spot on with her advice.

I would just add little tips and tricks like don't torture yourself eating things you don't like. You'll just end up eating that and then something you DO like. Just find something you can live with. You said you tried a few different programs. I know when I started the whole diet thing, I did my research on a whole bunch of different diets to see which I could live with. Actually weight watchers was it because, at that time, I could eat what I wanted and just had to stay within points. I looked at Atkins but that didn't even last a millisecond because no carbs? Not on my watch!

Good luck, OP. You already lost however much your SO weighed!

glassyo

Absolutely nothing I said in the edited part was wrong but whatever.

ReenieHJ

All of the above, PLUS be kind to yourself, and above all, be patient for results. Try not to feel discouraged, but remain positive that you will do this. Lots of positive self-talk gets me through some weak moments.

Plus, if you're an emotional eater(like I am), you might want to seek some specialized support or therapy because you're dealing with a lot in your life ATM. You can go into this feeling strong and empowered, or feeling weak and incapable. Being separated for over 12 years left me feeling very empowered and capable; I'm hoping for the same for you.

Good luck!!!

kshama2001

When I separated from my husband I became a residential volunteer at a yoga retreat center. My program included a lot of personal growth work. 2/3 of my volunteer work was active. And then there was the yoga, of course. I can't think of a better way for me to have transitioned out of my marriage.

I realize running away to a yoga retreat center is not a practical suggestion for most people, so will break down the elements:
1. Change of scenery and people
2. Active and busy
3. Personal growth

Earlier in our marriage we were both in the military. He separated a year before I did, and took a job that kept him away from home most of the time. I realized I needed to do something to fill the void, so in addition to my 50 hour a week job, I took on a part time job, and two night time classes. I was in my 20s then and would not wanted to have had that schedule in my late 40s, but think the underlying principle of keeping busy remains valid.

These days I'm just volunteering one hour a week, at my senior center. They have 11 staff and over 300 volunteers. I bet any senior center needs volunteers. I'm also thinking about volunteering at my library. There are so many great resources at the library, and most people do not know about them, which is a shame. Before I buy cookbooks, I borrow them from the library. Mine also lets me have access to the New York Times Cooking.

You may be thinking, "I'm over 400 pounds! I don't have energy for myself, let alone other people!"

Since you're concerned about your health, the place to start is with your doctor. They should be able to refer you to a physical therapist, who can help you put together a program suitable for your abilities. They should also be able to refer you to a registered dietitian and a therapist. One good thing about the pandemic is the expansion of telehealth. I get my health care through the VA and see my therapist via video conferencing, and have also worked with a dietitian over the phone.

(Throwing this out there for those who are low income and in states with robust public health like mine of Massachusetts with MassHealth - my brother gets home visits by his social worker and many other amazing benefits.)

When you're up for it, do consider volunteer work. Giving back to the community is a great way to get your mind off yourself

ReenieHJ

To quote @kshama2001's last thought.....
When you're up for it, do consider volunteer work. Giving back to the community is a great way to get your mind off yourself

That's also a great place to find like-minded people to interact with. Going through separation can be isolating, if you let it. Keep reaching out.

Strudders67

I agree with all of the above. You're going through a lot at the moment, so be kind to yourself and take things slowly; don't try changing everything at the same time. Logging on to MFP and recognising that you want / need to lose weight is a huge start. Read some of the 'helpful' posts at the top of the forum as there's lots of useful info already on this site.

Some people like to set small goals, with a reward for reaching it. As an example, when you've lost 11 lbs such that you're below 400 lbs, treat yourself to a manicure or a facial or something that you wouldn't normally do. Don't set a time-frame for getting there, just aim to get there. Perhaps treat yourself every further 25 lbs lost after that.

The idea of eating foods that you know you like, but in smaller portions, is a good start. A smaller bowl of cereal, one less potato, a smaller portion of pasta or rice, one less cookie etc. Gradually you can make more tweaks to reduce your calories but it's far easier to be on a diet if you like the food you're eating. Be aware that some foods will make you feel fuller than others. Some people bulk up on vegetables, many find that more protein makes them feel fuller for longer. No-one is the same, so it's trial and error.

Log everything that you're eating, so that you know what your intake looks like. As much as you can, weigh everything solid and use measuring spoons for every liquid as packaging info isn't always accurate. Also, eyeballing a portion size / weight is invariably wildly inaccurate!

Aside from entering your info to the set-up screen in MFP to see how many calories a day would have you losing 2lb a week, I'd also suggest setting it, briefly, to 'maintain current weight' to see how many calories that is. Eating anything less than that number should see you losing weight, even if it's slowly. On days when you are really struggling, just not exceeding that 'maintain' number is a big positive. And if you do have a high-calorie day, log it, take a deep breath, and just get back on track the next day.

Good Luck. And Congratulations on making a start by coming here.

MimiFries

I haven’t been able to figure out how to friend you, but I would like to.