Food rules my life I think

justinejacksonm

Which kind of makes sense because we need food to survive and even in nature pretty much most creatures life revolves around obtaining and eating food.

That being said I've officially gained the most weight I've ever had in my life. My weight loss journey has been up and down over several years now. There's a period in my life where I was so motivated and on track that I got into the best shape of my life but couldn't sustain it when life got difficult.

Not being able to fit into even any of my fat clothes after New years, I know I had to get serious and do something even if I don't feel like it. I was doing really good in 2019 and life blew up again derailed me.

Fast forward town I have or was working really hard and even though it had only been like a month and felt discouraged than anything would happen I took measurements and did start to see my body changing even ever so slightly. I started losing weight even though the loss was so minimal and in comparison to how much weight I gained over my goal I still have a really long way to go.

I'm in school full time and at the beginning of the semester it was easier to maintain my positive trajectory but I've quickly lost steam.

I'm realizing especially as my spring break starts this week I really do think food rules my life like my life seems to revolve around food. Everything I want to do involves going out and eating or drinking and it's really depressing especially right now because I'm trying to stay on track and eat right. What kind of started derailing me now was my birthday in January. Followed by Valentine's Day and week after that my anniversary. All of which involve a delicious abundant dinner out and drinks. I haven't completely derailed I'm giving it my best effort even if it's going for a 45 minute walk. But overall I'm depressed as hell especially after a stressful day at school the only thing I have to look forward to is having a drink or something exciting like that and I'm immediately crushed when I remember that I'm trying to be good. Here it is Friday I didn't really work out all week I haven't really consistently worked out for about 3 weeks now and trying to get back into that after just starting to finally make progress but I just don't have the energy man!!!! Cardio seems just so exhausting these days. So it's a beautiful afternoon and all I want to do is go get a shower get dressed and go downtown where all the hustle and bustle and people are and have some guacamole and chips and margaritas or something. But I'm trying to be good. I've gotten back into doing an intermittent fast every week a 24-hour one and particularly if I know I'm going to go for a long walk even if I don't do a fast, I'm committed to doing that before I've eaten anything that day. It really throws off my routine if it gets late and I haven't eaten yet and like today I got home from my walk at 2:00 hadn't eaten anything other than a cheese stick and felt like I just don't want to eat.

That's the thing I really want to lose weight and I just feel like to lose weight I can't eat anything at all and so when I do eat I want to eat the absolute perfect things and if that's not available I just don't eat anything. Gluten-free bakery near me just announced they now sticky buns and literally my whole beginning of my spring break seems like it's revolving around what I'm going to get in my car and go get one since I haven't had one in years.

I'm generally not like a junk food person that just eats whatever I want I try to be very conscious of my food intake I'm just addicted to going out to eat or something. I don't know. Maybe my life is just really boring and that's the only exciting thing there is to do? 😖