What caused the weight gain

KobiHensley

I have been going to a counselor who told me that there are numerous reasons why people gain a lot of weight. It could be trauma, habits from childhood, loneliness, depression, etc.

With her help I found out that this all started when I was married and in an mentally abusive relationship. Being told that I was "fat, ugly, stupid and nobody else would ever want you" at 20 years old for three years it still is stuck in my brain. So I ate to keep people away from me. I am working hard to move past this with her help.

Do you have any past experiences that started your weight gain?

ahoy_m8

I'm glad you are in a better place, OP. You remind me of an experience right after I got out of school. I was volunteering in a shelter for people fleeing family violence, and my shift was after work when the residents took turns with chores like cooking and cleaning and everyone ate together. One night at dinner a new woman out of the blue said, "You know, I'm not fat." She was tall and slim. Everyone kind of looked around and said, "No. You definitely are not. What is this about?" And she told a story similar to yours.

I thought, here is someone who can look in a mirror for a reality check. What if the abusive partner is saying you're dumb or can't concentrate enough or have an annoying voice or something else that isn't visually verifiable? Where do you go for a reality check? It really impressed upon me the power of words repeated over and over.

All that to say, you are not alone. Replace the old inaccurate messages on repeat with messages that are true and affirming to you. I grew up with an emotional eater who told me all my feelings as a child were wrong and I was supposed to be feeling something different. So I learned to stuff my feelings and eat for comfort. I figure we all have something from childhood that we have to unlearn to keep growing. Learning that feelings are ok and it's ok to just feel them was one of those things for me.

Wishing you the best, OP! :flowerforyou:

Xellercin

Yep, it's why I've always said that the best diet is a good therapist.

I maintained a lean weight my whole life until I spent 4 years in a highly abusive educational program while also in an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

I graduated obese and the first thing I did was seek therapy to resolve the emotional trauma that had driven my weight gain in the first place.

I was able to lose all of the weight by focusing on taking care of my body from a place of self love and self respect, not self loathing and shame.

I was able to perceive my excess fat as the battle wounds I suffered and that losing it would have to be gentle, patient process of healing over time.