Back at it again...

sabrinab2022

"You gained a lot of weight"

I had lots of body shaming from my mother this weekend after not seeing her for several months. After sending me a bunch of clothes she no longer wants in size small (I am a large or x-large) I have been left feeling sad and down about myself...

Has anyone felt this way before?
I am now left feeling awful about myself. Not wanting to eat much so that I don't gain any weight.

Purplestuff102

I know the feeling I’m over weight and this guy that I don’t know was like man ur big ! I have never really had any real success with this app it’s like the number one weight loss app in App Store I have used food scale I put activity level at not very active I’m eating healthy but I binge on like McDonald’s and 7-11 sandwiches and chips everyone seems to be having success I emailed customer support they said talk to people in forums. I had the same issue with budgeting my money I kept using the app and wasn’t having any success the app got really good reviews then I tweaked something and it started working like clock work. That’s why I’m thinking something I’m doing needs to be tweaked with this app.

Dianedoessmiles1

Body shaming from a Mom simply HURTS WICKED BAD no doubt!! My Mom passed away when I was 32, but she was both loving and LOL critical! I think Moms of daughters are naturally at times,, cruel without or at times MEANING TO BE!! I do not get that of course. I have a very precious GD who's now 27 and I NEVER EVER said any cruel words to hurt her, she's so sweet and endearing to me. But as I helped to raise her, I could hear the MANY THINGS My Mom said that DID HURT so much. Though not body shaming (I was very thin ,, at that time!) words are weapons in some people hands.

The best advice I learned was to NOT TELL ANYONE I was losing weight!! That way if I had a burger out or something else I'd NOT hear "YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!" I hate that type of thing. At 288 lbs I was, and am now at 175. I move around freely (Well except for breathing, but that can be optional? LOLOL)

I joined the 2022 Spring 5% Challenge. Having support, learning healthy habits makes such a difference to us. Would you like support? Work on healthy habits (not a demand, PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!) while exercising at your own level (Again NO demand of doing to much, actually NEVER over shoot what you can do it only causes injuries) while supporting your team, and them you?

Here's the link (ANYONE reading this can join us please)

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/142698-2022-spring-5-challenge-community

ReenieHJ

Stories such as yours breaks my heart. I know people can be cruel but mothers, of all people?? They're supposed to be nurturing loving people. But again, she's a human being and let's face it, not a one of us is perfect.

{{HUGS}} to you. I hope you can let go of how your mother treats you, you alone have the power to not let what she says hurt. I cannot imagine how difficult it'd be though. I heard it while growing up, not from my parents but from strangers, all the damn time. I figured it must be true so I made sure it was true. Some people are completely clueless as to how they are making others feel and they either don't care of have no filter. I've known both.

You said you haven't seen her in months. Almost sounds like you might want to give her a few more months before you see her again. Meanwhile, focus on YOU and YOUR life, changing your lifestyle to be healthier so that YOU feel better. It won't work if we do it for others or a 1 time goal such as 'gonna lose 20 # for vacation' or whatever. If YOU decide it's time, it'll work much better, keep you motivated better. Good luck and lean on all the great supportive people on MFP.

This app does work but it's up to each individual to make that happen.

ReenieHJ

Oh and please don't feel awful about yourself, it's so counterproductive. I grew up feeling that way, would lose 50#, felt great, gain it all back, felt awful, lose weight again.......It took me about 35-40 years to lose the weight I wanted to with all those ups and downs. If I'd've just stuck to a slow weight loss plan way back then, I could've spent all those years.........well you get the picture.

If you feel you need more support/friends/whatever, send me FR. And remember, you're much more than pounds on a scale. You're a person who can love, be a friend, give your time and heart to others, learn a craft, do a great job at whatever you choose to do in life.

snowflake954

I guess I'd ask "why do you think she said it"? Did she want to hurt you and be mean to you, or is she concerned, but maybe said it in a clumsy way? There are threads always running on here about why people didn't tell me I was gaining? (they just complimented and said nice things, so I thought I was OK), or why doesn't my doctor tell me I need to lose weight? or why did I let myself get so bad that my health is now seriously at risk?

Yes it hurts to the bone, but use it to change your life for the better. Only you can--if you want to. If you don't want to, just tell her that. Mothers usually want the best for their children, but tell her you'd prefer no comments, that you need to work it out on your own.

I really wish you luck. MFP works and one day you could even thank her for pushing you into a change.

Mise_enPlace

My mom is a very critical person (but also caring most times) as well. She thinks she "tells it like it is". I went on crash diets when I was younger based on what she or a classmate said. If I could go back in time I would give myself a hug and not to listen to all that noise. That's what you should try to do. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. Treat your body with kindness and don't starve yourself.

I lost some weight and my mom said something nice about it. Her words weren't even that satisfying to be honest.

mtngrl3

I'll send you a friend request similar family...

healingmysticmelody

I had to kindly/gently speak to my teenage daughter about how fast she was gaining weight working in fast food and eating there once a day and then going to her boyfriend’s mother’s home to eat their high fat Keto diet a couple times a week for supper (if she and the boy weren’t “going out to eat” about 5 times a month on top of it). She burst out in an enormous crying fit and yelled at me about “body shaming”.
I love my daughter. I love her so deeply that thinking of ANYTHING hurting her tears up my heart and gut to the point of physical pain. I was not “body shaming” her. I was trying to tell her the equivalent of “look both ways before you cross the street”. I didn’t want her to feel the way I feel at 250 lbs. I wanted her to think about her choices.
Just “Mom’s” point of view because I would never want my daughter to hurt over a comment that was completely about deep, caring love. I want her to love her beautiful self AND be healthy and happy. I think she is the most beautiful girl in the world, especially when she smiles.

(I’m sure there are also mothers out there who say terrible insulting things and there is no excuse for that kind of mental abuse.)

LindaKowalskii

Wow. Yes. My mom is the first person to point out any weight gain. Also the first to comment when I lose too much. At 79 she will never change. We have come a long way in educating ourselves about positive baby image. I successfully lost 45 lbs 12 years ago and kept most off until the past 2. I have the knowledge, experience, and discipline. Just need to find that motivation again!!!

Dianedoessmiles1

@snowflake954 , I too wondered why NONE Of my many friends took me aside to express their concern about my rapid weight gain. I still wonder, but though I've lost over 100 lbs, it still hurts me so I've not asked. But I do wonder.

I've invited @Sabrinab2022 to join us on a team that has what you all asking for ,,, Support and motivation to the 2022 Spring 5% Challenge. I promise you this is really such a team. We work on during 8 weeks (When the 8 weeks are over, many of us stay on our teams within the 2022 Spring 5% Challenge are 8 smaller teams as we sign up for the next 5% Challenge) developing, NOT to be Perfect none of us can be perfect, but rather PROGRESS instead ,, healthy habits. Such as drinking water, tracking our foods,, we earn points for 1 of the 8 teams we are on,,, when we able to do those. If we struggle with a LTGL (Living The Good Life,, AKA healthy habits) all we have to do is ask for hints, and YO the hints come in so well! We can ask for understanding and this is such a huge support and love I've gotten on that,, they EMBRACED ME!! I am now a leader on this challenge, passing on what I've received. Our exercise does count too, BUT!! We never ever want ANYONE exercising beyond their level! Never please. We do NOT want you hurt!! If you struggle with exercise, so did/do many of us (I do now due to an illness) we have alternative exercise you may wish to try, we'll work WITH you, and at your current ability. The team I am on, we a 70 year old person who has very bad knees, we get that. She was trying to walk, we urged her to instead, work on knee exercises, and arm exercises, more so arm, and core. She was for the first few challenges able to do 10 mins of exercise (The minimum one can report ,,the max is 120) maybe 3 times a week. Believe me,, we ALL Stood behind her cheering her on!! BUT also reminding her to NOT PRESS IT!! She's picked up recently to more, but it's because she's a smart cookie and did not press it. As above some do the max, but they slowly worked their up to that, SLOWLY please.

Sound like we are a supportive and motivating team? Please come and join us. ANY OF YOU!! And please invite your friends too!

Here's the link (I started off in a power chair 97% of the time. Three years ago I GAVE IT AWAY! I no longer needed it!)

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/142698-2022-spring-5-challenge-community

cstuartdc

My parents have told me I've needed to do something about my weight. No dung, sherlock. IT's also amusing when a doctor tells you.

It's like. . .yeah, we get it. We know. Wow, what a great clinician you are. But dare ask a mom or a doctor HOW and you are left with the Deer in the Headlights look along with drool.

IF it helps you I read a headline (didn't get to the actual article) that losing weight is actually scientifically more complex than rocket science. That's right. . .it's easier for a group of us to get some books, maybe contract a few machinists and such and build a rocket to the moon than it is to lick obesity, either individually or a public health level.

IT's a complex of physiological, cultural, behavorial and genetic issues.

So, moms. . .bite me. And yes, this "nattering" seems to be a "mom" issue vs. a "dad" issue. Dad learned to NOT go there with your mom, like, years ago. Mom hasn't learned the converse.

snowflake954

cstuartdc wrote: »

My parents have told me I've needed to do something about my weight. No dung, sherlock. IT's also amusing when a doctor tells you.

It's like. . .yeah, we get it. We know. Wow, what a great clinician you are. But dare ask a mom or a doctor HOW and you are left with the Deer in the Headlights look along with drool.

IF it helps you I read a headline (didn't get to the actual article) that losing weight is actually scientifically more complex than rocket science. That's right. . .it's easier for a group of us to get some books, maybe contract a few machinists and such and build a rocket to the moon than it is to lick obesity, either individually or a public health level.

IT's a complex of physiological, cultural, behavorial and genetic issues.

So, moms. . .bite me. And yes, this "nattering" seems to be a "mom" issue vs. a "dad" issue. Dad learned to NOT go there with your mom, like, years ago. Mom hasn't learned the converse.

Yep, it's obvious you're a male, and not a Mom.

cstuartdc

Yep, it's obvious you're a male, and not a Mom.

Thank you. I'm straight and white too (well, 23 and me says I'm a mutt like all of us)

My comment (the opening and conclusion) was kind of harsh, but really. . .what's the use of her mother pointing out the obvious? Why natter at her daughter about her weight?

Some of you are selling me it's because she loves her? No. . .I don't buy that's the reason (although I'm sure she does). . .it's her OWN issues projecting onto HER.

I'm 53 too. I'm too freegin old and too freegin seasoned. Been around, ya know? IT's too bad her father wasn't aroudn to bring her down a couple of notches. If her father chimed in on it, then shame on him too.

lorpylou

I'm starting over too. Just going to do one day at a time. One meal at a time. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself.

snowflake954

cstuartdc wrote: »

Yep, it's obvious you're a male, and not a Mom.

Thank you. I'm straight and white too (well, 23 and me says I'm a mutt like all of us)

My comment (the opening and conclusion) was kind of harsh, but really. . .what's the use of her mother pointing out the obvious? Why natter at her daughter about her weight?

Some of you are selling me it's because she loves her? No. . .I don't buy that's the reason (although I'm sure she does). . .it's her OWN issues projecting onto HER.

I'm 53 too. I'm too freegin old and too freegin seasoned. Been around, ya know? IT's too bad her father wasn't aroudn to bring her down a couple of notches. If her father chimed in on it, then shame on him too.

Well--I'm 67 and the mother of 3 grown sons. I've had to open a few difficult conversations with them over the years because I love them and saw them starting down a difficult path. If they decide to not heed my advice, that's on them and their future. Sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious to the person involved.

Hope you've raised a lovely family and have a wonderful wife that you haven't had to "bring down a couple of notches". Boy, would I like to have a chat with her. There might be a few "notches" on the other side.