OMG...I can't believe he was interested in me

HealthyChanges2010

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kajaknowers

yesterday evening, I was feeling so low I actually cried. I am not one to cry too much either. All I could think was why am I still fat and ugly. Problem was I knew I was being stupid but my self worth has completely diminished.....yeh sure I got the guy but I am still thinking I was the end of an evil joke.....pull the fat bird....hahahaha.....so much so I don't want to go out clubbing for a while until I feel skinny.....all I see in the mirror is a big stomach, fatty thighs and flabby bingo arms....it doesn;t help that my 2 best friends are drop dead gorgeous and always get a lot of attention.....I feel like I want it too.....maybe part of the problem is that when your stone cold sober, your not as confident, yet I don't want to be a slave to the drink as that will get my further away from my final goal....its a double sided coin.....I need morale boosting activities.

x

RoadDog

yesterday evening, I was feeling so low I actually cried. I am not one to cry too much either. All I could think was why am I still fat and ugly. Problem was I knew I was being stupid but my self worth has completely diminished.....yeh sure I got the guy but I am still thinking I was the end of an evil joke.....pull the fat bird....hahahaha.....so much so I don't want to go out clubbing for a while until I feel skinny.....all I see in the mirror is a big stomach, fatty thighs and flabby bingo arms....it doesn;t help that my 2 best friends are drop dead gorgeous and always get a lot of attention.....I feel like I want it too.....maybe part of the problem is that when your stone cold sober, your not as confident, yet I don't want to be a slave to the drink as that will get my further away from my final goal....its a double sided coin.....I need morale boosting activities.

x

First of all, you're very attractive. Seems like you are the only one that can't see that.

Secondly, alcohol doesn't increase your objectivity; just lowers your inhibitions.

Keep doing what you are doing. Hopefully, you'll begin seeing what the rest of the world sees as you reach each milestone in your weight loss.

BrownEyedG1rl

You are beautiful, that's why he was talking to you! I do understand how you are feeling though. I have a similar situation going on RIGHT NOW with a guy at work. He is into me and I can't figure out WHY??? I'm so overweight, zero self confidence. He tells me I'm beautiful and that I should have confidence. It feels good to hear that, but I still question why? Meanwhile, HE is the picture of perfect health and very fit. Like I said, i don't get it.

Hold your head high girl! You got it goin' on!!!

porter09

i know how you feel, iv lost 135lbs (would like to lose another 20 to be where i want) and no matter how many poeple say dont be silly your already skinny enough it just doesnt resonate, to me im still big and it is very hard to get over. i dont go out clubbing or on nights out as i just think whats the point no body would bother with me, somedays it does upset me thinking that i am just going to be single all my life( iv never had a bf) but somedays it doesnt bother me, but i guess its all just down to us to get over these feelings, we can only try our best.
im happy for you that this good looking chap chatted you up, obviously you have more to offer than you think, i would have quickly scurried away probably turning a bit red lol

Kasuko

One thing I would like to put out there. While I am no amazing looker myself. I am honestly more physically attracted to women of a larger build. That's not to say I am attracted to BIG women though. Kaja, you may think you are "overweight" but thats to you and that shouldn't stop your self esteem. We all want to look better, that's just us. To me it's more the "beauty" of the girl than the "shape" of her body, and you have that going for you.

I can also say that I am very unattracted to very thin girls. If I can so much as see a hint of rib cage they are out in my books. So don't be shocked that someone picks you over thinner girls. Just like we shouldn't be shocked when you [girls] pick us over the Arnold Schwarzenegger's of this world.

cheexe

Mkay, here's what I finally figured out: There is someone lovely for everyone, no matter who you are.

When I was skinny, guys that were into skinny girls were into me. When I had braces in the middle of my 20's, guys who thought my braces were cute were into me. Now that I'm bigger I'm with a guy who loves my curves.

At anytime in my life there were always cute boys around for one reason or another (I sure do love cute boys!).

And I sure wish I realized how hot I was when I was 20, I would have taken advantage!

Which brings me to my next point!

Right now you are the youngest you are ever going to be. Enjoy your beautiful face, sexy hair & young (whatever shape) body because 2, 5, 15, 50 years from now you are going to look at pictures of yourself and say "Wow, I was so pretty, why didn't I take advantage and enoy it!"

I might add that I live in LA.

Rachael

You are all so beautiful! Just from reading your posts, I can understand why people would want approach and talk to each of you (assuming they could get up the nerve).

Plain and simple, this guy approached you because he saw an attractive woman he thought he’d like to meet! Please believe that he had no reason to see you as anything other than the lovely person who was right in front of him at that moment (and definitely not the butt of some evil joke).

More important, though, please give yourself credit – both for your achievements and for the beautiful person you are! And give him some credit, too, for having the good sense and good taste to approach you!

OpalFruitJam

I know exactly how you feel! There was a night I went out and some guy approached me and started chatting to me and only a few moments later his gang of friends came over and said it was a bet- who could pull the ugliest girl in the place. This is after I had dropped 10lb.
I have now dropped almost 30lb and still feel like I felt on the dreadful night, that everyone is doing it as a joke or as a bet. I had a boyfriend when I was 30lb heavier... I have nothing now and have become ever more distrustful.

You look fantastic though and I cannot imagine why you would be so down/low about yourself. You have come such a long way- I hope you remember the night and maybe even stay in touch with him! If not, put it down to a huge ego boost! You look lovely!

tn2010

I have been married to a really HOT guy (I'm serious...my friends and colleagues comment all the time and just recently I had a gay guy yell out his car window that my husband was hot and too bad he wasn't gay). In the time that we've been together I have never weighed as little as he does (160ish). I am a very confident woman, so I wasn't afraid to shamelessly flirt to get the guy, but I always lock the door before I weigh myself and I've NEVER told him how much I weigh. He has absolutely never made a comment about my weight (I've been in a relationship like that once...boy was that guy surprised when I booted him to the curb), and he supports me 100%. I don't wonder why he chose me, I know we complement each other incredibly well, so I have to believe that my confidence in myself as a strong woman is what drew him to me in the first place. So, the next time you go out to the clubs, read back through these posts, put on the clothes that make you feel the sexiest and most confident, and go get 'em! You are doing incredible work, and you should enjoy it every step of the way!

cheexe

FruitJam! You are adorable! Sheesh.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It doesn't mean you were ugliest girl in the club, it means he was the most insecure, mean-spirited, nasty, dumb*ss in the club!

People who feel good about themselves don't treat others that way.

Try not to take it personally and let it ruin your experiences with the nice boys you are bound to meet

hutchgrape

Kaja,
The best way to start beleiving in yourself is to say "Thank you" whenever someone pays you a compliment. Just say "Thank you" and leave it at that! Most of us tend to say "Thank you...but...I'm still fat". We cut ourselves down when we get a compliment. So, in the future, what are you going to say?? THANK YOU!!! Once you start accepting those compliments, you will start believing them and in yourself.
And like one of the guys said earlier, some guys are attracted to girls with a little meat on their bones. I know my husband is. So don't read anything into the incident at the bar and just accept the fact that he was trying to pick up on a girl that he was attracted to.

kajaknowers

Most of us tend to say "Thank you...but...I'm still fat". We cut ourselves down when we get a compliment. So, in the future, what are you going to say?? THANK YOU!!! Once you start accepting those compliments, you will start believing them and in yourself.

I like this....I find myself constantly getting comments like wow your the best I have ever seen you but I put a negative spin on it by saying....well sure I look better but thats because I was the size of a fat wrestler.....I will try and start to accept compliments but I never have been.....it never seems genuine as I don't know how to accept it

BTW guys, I am taking all the things your saying in.....MFP is literally a life line for me.....I can express my emotions here and people understand the way I feel as we all have similar stories to tell.

x

dj_stevie_c

do you know what....no matter how much ppl tell me I lose weight.....I can't get over the scale.....I'm still overweight.....I wouldn't see why anyone would think I am "hot".....the truth is I will probably need councilling.....all my past relationships have been with men that have made me feel like ****.....always putting me down.....when I was 18 I had bundles of confidence.....I would love to get it back but these things are easier said then done.


Thanks for the support though.

x

You are the female version of me

The horrible thing about me is that I find the whole 'chatting up' thing really embarrassing, even when I hear other people trying it, it makes me cringe, I feel that as I am I have nothing to offer, when I lost loads of weight I had a little more confidence but I still didn't see myself as someone others would find interesting let alone fancy.

How could someone fancy me? It makes no sense when I look over that way and see that guy who's thin and single.... why would someone choose me?

Well put it this way, I've been single for 7 years now. My last relationship was great (2 years long) but we really weren't the best match for each other and we ended up splitting, although we are now best friends we don't see each other in any other way, that said now she's married and has a great husband (I was his best man at their wedding) and wonderful son I do wonder if I'll ever half half the happiness she has gone on to find.

In fact in the last 7 years the closest I have come to any sort of love is two gay guys chatting me up. Which I found really flattering but as I'm not gay myself I had to decline

I completely know where you're coming from.

Nina74

yesterday evening, I was feeling so low I actually cried. I am not one to cry too much either. All I could think was why am I still fat and ugly. Problem was I knew I was being stupid but my self worth has completely diminished.....yeh sure I got the guy but I am still thinking I was the end of an evil joke.....pull the fat bird....hahahaha.....so much so I don't want to go out clubbing for a while until I feel skinny.....all I see in the mirror is a big stomach, fatty thighs and flabby bingo arms....it doesn;t help that my 2 best friends are drop dead gorgeous and always get a lot of attention.....I feel like I want it too.....maybe part of the problem is that when your stone cold sober, your not as confident, yet I don't want to be a slave to the drink as that will get my further away from my final goal....its a double sided coin.....I need morale boosting activities.

x

Oh this whole thread makes me want to cry. It's odd- we all see the beauty in each other, but we can't see it in ourselves. I guess it is true that we are our own worst critics!

About the clubbing- I did my fair share in my mid-20's and I was curvy (upper 100's./low 200's) and my friends were super skinny. I always felt like the 3rd wheel, but, trust me, when and if I wanted I got plenty of guys myself. After awhile I realize that although at the time it seemed like a big deal, the guys at the clubs were not the kind of guys I really wanted to be with, long term. Not that you can't find great people there, but I realized most of it was fake and I was putting myself down over ridiculous ideals.

I don't know how you get confidence...it's something I struggle with ALL of the time and all of my life, even at my skinnest (155) I thought I was hugely fat. Much of it comes from self talk.

I think you are on the right track about morale boosting activities...what I am trying to focus on, too.

And I *totally* identify with DJ Stevie- I wondered if my lovely someone is ever going to come along.

hutchgrape

How could someone fancy me? It makes no sense when I look over that way and see that guy who's thin and single.... why would someone choose me?

Stevie,
There are girls out there that are attracted to bigger guys. I am one of them. A bigger guy makes me feel safe and secure when I'm in their arms. Who wants to spoon and skinny guy and get stabbed by his hip bone? When I met my husband he was 270 lbs and found him very attractive, and he found me attractive at 170 lbs. The only problem with that is we both gained weight together.
The point is, you will find someone that is right for you! I was single for 10 years before meeting my husband. There is a girl (or 2 or 3...) that will fall in love with you for who YOU are. All of you, including your personality. Come on, your a DJ, you have to have some kind of personality! Believe me, a girl is more attracted to guy that can make her laugh than a guy's physique. So step up that confidence and go out and find the girl of your dreams because she is out there!

dj_stevie_c

How could someone fancy me? It makes no sense when I look over that way and see that guy who's thin and single.... why would someone choose me?

Stevie,
There are girls out there that are attracted to bigger guys. I am one of them. A bigger guy makes me feel safe and secure when I'm in their arms. Who wants to spoon and skinny guy and get stabbed by his hip bone? When I met my husband he was 270 lbs and found him very attractive, and he found me attractive at 170 lbs. The only problem with that is we both gained weight together.
The point is, you will find someone that is right for you! I was single for 10 years before meeting my husband. There is a girl (or 2 or 3...) that will fall in love with you for who YOU are. All of you, including your personality. Come on, your a DJ, you have to have some kind of personality! Believe me, a girl is more attracted to guy that can make her laugh than a guy's physique. So step up that confidence and go out and find the girl of your dreams because she is out there!

I know, I just don't see it.

I have the personality I think, just not the confidence, belief in myself.

kimber607

Don't short change yourself!
Confidence is sexy..if you don't think you are worth it..who will?

and Hey Jeremy..I remember you and Mandy...hope all is going well with you guys
I lost 27 pounds here abut 2 yrs+ ago and have gained back 10..so I am here and trying to get back on the bandwagon

Kim

NWCountryGal

I do darlin. I am also having a hard time with being 57 and single. It's an inside job but yet, I feel better about myself then I did 6-7 lbs ago. I am learning also that it isn't just about looking better, but feeling better is way important to me now. Remember too that a "good looking man" may have a heart of stone. Knowing what I know now in life, I would have no problem dating an overweight man if he truly wanted to be healthy. I would love sharing with him all I've learned on MFP. Meanwhile, I continue to remember who I am rather than how much I weigh or how I look. Some days it is hard to know that someone is not attracted to me. I met a fellow I went to 2nd grade with, 50 years ago!! He liked me alright, but only wanted to sleep with me with no ties. There was a time I would have been flattered. Now I know I am worthy of more, the whole package!! hugs, Denise

Right,

So I am safe here to assume that many people of MFP lack confidence as being fat has that effect on your confidence and although I have lost over 60 lbs I still feel the same size. Here's my little morale boost. On Friday night we went to go for a few drinks in London with some of my best friends and we went to this club. I was having a really nice time even though I wasn't drinking (as it has too many calories) and at about 1 my friends were hooking up with some guys and I was like oh brilliant I am the 3rd wheeler again....this is just the same way it has always been....I was like of course your still fat thats why no1 is talking to you. So I went to the toilet then came back downstairs and started looking for my friends and this literally drop dead gorgeous man started talking to me, initially I wasn't interested as I am very shy when it comes to men....well at the moment I am....I left him and then later on in the night he came to find me and we kind of hooked up....he was literally like 6ft 2 and a kind of sean william scott lookalike.....plus I wasnt drunk so it wasn't a case of beer goggles.

However, for a good part of the night I was like a) why is he interested in a whale and b) I was thinking he has been dared to chat me up and I was the butt of some horrible joke.

I am looking forward to the day I feel I am deserving of a lovely, friendly man and that I don't have to doubt my body....maybe in 14 lbs time when I am finally "normal" weight, I won't think it. Please, if you still have confidence and body issues can you share.

Kaja x

geri1geraldinesuzanne

i was driving on the motorway and this van passed by and the guy inside whistled and waved at first i thought i might have left the lights on or had a flat tyre but he kept smiling and looking at me, that kind of made my day! haven't told my husband yet though.
:noway:

LittleSpy

I have a horrible self image.
This weekend, my HUSBAND caught me changing clothes in the dark from a distance and I was mortified. I was in a bra & undies and he was *seriously* excited about it and ran up to hug & grope (:blushing:) me while I continued to be insanely embarrassed (I believe I was repeatedly shrieking "Don't look at my fat! Don't look at my fat!"). I can't believe he actually likes the way I look.
I weigh about 30 pounds less than I did when we started dating 4 years ago and 75 pounds less than I've weighed the majority of the time we've been together. I still have a hard time believing he ever found me attractive, especially then, but even now. Bless that man for putting up with my issues. :embarassed: :laugh:

scotlanded

Ugh, I have the same issue! A guy who I've been friends with recently told me he 'had feelings' for me -- the same feelings I've fought against having for him for ages because all of the girls he's dated were significantly thinner than me. The day after he told me this we hung out and made out and a few days after that he's telling me that he doesn't want to date me for a myriad of reasons. I like to think differently, but the back of my mind is always telling me "He got to kissing and cuddling you and realized how fat you really are and doesn't want you anymore."

It sucks

alexwalper

First off, Kaja, you are gorgeous. Do not doubt that at all; I would totally swing the opposite way for you haha .

Now that I've embarrassed myself, I shall agree with you all. I will get random bursts of confidence, but they are so very quickly diminished when I notice my chub or compare myself to the gorgeous skinny girls standing nearby. I started dating my boyfriend after I had lost forty pounds, but gained them back over the course of our dating. Shocking enough to me, he just wanted even more to see me more scantily clad because my boobs had gotten bigger haha. Lucky for me, he handles my freak outs about feeling fat and gives me the hypothetical slap in the face I need /

I think the important thing is just realizing (and remembering!) that you are entirely worth every flirty glance, every smile, every wink or nod, and definitely every cheesy pick up line. Don't ever doubt that!

barefootbabe

Hehe, if you want to talk about meeting future partners during the weight loss journey, then I have a story for you!

In 2008 I was one of the first members here. I had decided to drop a fair amount of weight that I had put on in a previous relationship (men aren't the only ones who can be nasty about weight gain). I joined MFP after looking into a calorie counter and quickly became a staple of the community and made a ton of great friends.

Among those MFP friends was a pretty girl named Manda. She was very cool, made me laugh and of course very pretty. Problem was, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had been burnt very badly, and to be honest had a bias against internet relationships (the fact she was 1500 miles away didn't help at all). Eventually though, we decided to meet, I flew to Texas to see her for a week, where we continued to diet, exercise and yes, fall head over heels in love. She moved to North Carolina a couple of weeks later, and 8 months after that we got married.

I guess my point is, that when you take steps to better *you* (like you have in losing a great deal of weight) then many times the other parts follow suit. The whole 'good things happen when you least expect them' thing. Sometimes those things are even joining a weight loss site and having the great love of your life fall into your lap!

You've taken the steps to make a better life physically and mentally for yourself, so don't be surprised when life drops something good on you too!

Sarge!! I'm one of the few who has been here long enough to remember! So good to hear you two are married now, how perfectly lovely!!

NWCountryGal

Ditto Sarge, how cool you are still here helping others as well:) Thank you so much, Denise

Hehe, if you want to talk about meeting future partners during the weight loss journey, then I have a story for you!

In 2008 I was one of the first members here. I had decided to drop a fair amount of weight that I had put on in a previous relationship (men aren't the only ones who can be nasty about weight gain). I joined MFP after looking into a calorie counter and quickly became a staple of the community and made a ton of great friends.

Among those MFP friends was a pretty girl named Manda. She was very cool, made me laugh and of course very pretty. Problem was, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had been burnt very badly, and to be honest had a bias against internet relationships (the fact she was 1500 miles away didn't help at all). Eventually though, we decided to meet, I flew to Texas to see her for a week, where we continued to diet, exercise and yes, fall head over heels in love. She moved to North Carolina a couple of weeks later, and 8 months after that we got married.

I guess my point is, that when you take steps to better *you* (like you have in losing a great deal of weight) then many times the other parts follow suit. The whole 'good things happen when you least expect them' thing. Sometimes those things are even joining a weight loss site and having the great love of your life fall into your lap!

You've taken the steps to make a better life physically and mentally for yourself, so don't be surprised when life drops something good on you too!

Sarge!! I'm one of the few who has been here long enough to remember! So good to hear you two are married now, how perfectly lovely!!

emmyworthy

You should believe it because you are stunning!!
But I know how you feel.. every time anyone shows any interest in me I automatically assume they've been dared. When I lost my virginity, it got around and one of the boys who had been horrible to me in school came over to me when I was out in a club and told me the guy must have been playing "pull the bull"! It's people like that who ruin your confidence but looking at how well you have done has encouraged me that this site is definitely worth a try=]

Remember you are gorgeous and deserve to have men falling over themselves to get with you!