Exhausted From Doing It All

TriciaBeingAccountable

Hi guys,
I'm a divorced mother of 5. I was married for nearly 20 years. It's been hard being a single mother of 5. Balancing work, life, school, kids, household, pets, AND trying to prioritize my health and fitness, is too hard some days. Some days I'm lucky I have enough water, let alone put on my trainers and go for a run. I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions and I can't keep up, I can't juggle it all. Does anyone else have any tips on how to prioritize sleep, mindfulness, and overall wellness while juggling it all? Any tips for a college student/student parent? What about single parents, do you have tips on a routine that works for you and your family? I'd really like to make friends, any and everyone! Feel free to add me.

avatiach

I want to start by validating you--that IS a lot! I think it's hard to focus on everything. So as far as trying to prioritize your health and fitness, I would pick just 1 or 2 things that you commit to doing. That might be deciding to log your food; or cut out added sugars; or get enough sleep; or go for a run a few times a week. But I wouldn't pick too many things at once. Success with one thing will likely add up to success in other things.
Also--you don't say how old your kids are, but depending on their ages people might have good suggestions.

jaderamirez6829

Always make time for you. You time is a priority so you may be the best you may be. Try physical activities that are relaxing yet engaging; dancing, cleaning up the yard, a game of b ball with the kids it doesn’t always have to be running or walking make it fun. 10-15 min a day makes all the difference. Good luck.
Mommy of 2 on a journey as well.

misssixtea

I also wanted to chime in and say.. wow, that is a LOT to be dealing with! I’m a single mum to two teenagers and work full time, and I feel I’m on a relentless treadmill of keeping up most days. How you do that with 5 kids and college work too is amazing. So don’t be too hard on yourself!
Agree with the advice to pick one thing at a time and focus on it. Think I’ll try that myself, too!
I’ll add you as a friend if that’s ok? Would be lovely to offer encouragement and support if I can!

misssixtea

I can’t work out how to add you! But feel free to send me a friend request. 😊

IAmTheGlue

You really are burning that candle at both ends. I’m sorry so much has been put on you.

Here are my tips:

Start where you are and do what you reasonably can, no more. You don’t have time to go to exercise classes or run? Park further from the store so you get a few more steps in.

Say no. When people want you to do, to help, to volunteer… say no. Your immediate answer is “no” and then if you decide you can, then you can always go back to say yes.

Be super, super kind to yourself. Your house does not have to be in perfect order. Clean and safe is good enough.

Hang in there. It sounds like you have the world on your shoulders. 💐

metaphysicalstudio

You have a lot on your plate. Sometimes, we just can't expend anything more, and that is ok. When I was a single mom I would try to integrate more movement into my life while I was also doing the things that had to be done around the house or in my children's lives. It may have looked like walking around the gymnastics studio while a daughter was taking class, or doing 10 minutes of meditation while the rice boiled. Mainly, wellness looked like making space in my mind for my own thoughts, learning better coping techniques to the stresses of everyday living, and reading for a few minutes before bed. Being active with your kids can get them moving, and that's a great thing, when it's possible. Learning to embrace the unpredictability of single parenthood and opening yourself to the reality that flexibility is the greatest asset for wellness in that situation, can save you some discouragement. Take it day by day.

Cluelessmama1979

We are in entirely opposite circumstances. You have a busy active life, and many children. I'm practically bedridden, with 1 child. I don't have a whole lot to offer as far as things to do, but... as far as making time to do it, I might...

Although I'm 1000% against giving children too many chores, or turning them in to mini parents... I *do* believe it's important for them to learn independent living skills, life skills, and responsibility. And I learned back when teaching preschool that people vastly underestimate what children, even very young children are capable of.

I was so glad, when I did lose most of my mobility, that my daughter is *able* to do things, when I can't. I do as much as I can and she never goes without anything on the occasions when I'm less than able.

I suppose if I was overwhelmed with activities, and needed some time to work on my health, it would be similar?

So I am wondering if there's a way to give more... small responsibilities over to your kids? Preschoolers enjoy sorting laundry. Younger children can sort/fold. 10-12 year olds can wash their own.

Rather than making "clear the table" a huge chore, everyone could scrape, rinse, and put their own dishes in the dishwasher. I think my daughter was 7 or 8 the first time I let her start it?

I'm meaning very small tasks to clean up after themselves rather than full on chores. But skills that take time to learn too, like cooking and sorting mail/bills.

Don't want to seem pushy, every family is different so I will leave it at that, but if you do want more ideas for tiny tasks, let me know!

HoneyBadger302

I can't relate to your particular situation (no kids) but have my own time challenges (working 2-3 jobs, one of which is full time+, commuting, boyfriend/dating, my sport, keeping the house and yard all by myself and finances not allowing for just hiring some help, pets....).

A few things I've had to do lately to keep my priorities, may or may not be helpful for you:

#1 thing is my "Win the Day" aka daily critical task list. I have my main priority categories (health, fitness, mental, career, "life"). First thing right after I let the dog out and grab my coffee, I sit down and choose 3-5 things that day to work on those categories (1 task per category max). These can be small, and may not be my bigger goal, but they are "touches" in the right direction. So example might be "track kcal" but I may not specify that I need to stay in range that day; another may be to visualize for 10 minutes; exercise or yard work for 15 minutes; read my development book; etc).

Fitting things in where I can - for example, I've been missing my visualization most days the past couple weeks after starting my new job (and the commute with it), so today I decided to use that commute time by verbally (out loud to myself) talking about my goals/dreams rather than my usual meditation style. I lift weights in the work gym during the breaks for 15 minutes - not long enough to get sweaty or gross, don't need special clothing to do some lifting, and I still am getting it in. Some days it's just taking the dog for a 15 minute walk when I get home first thing before I get distracted.

During my early am job (barn chores at a horse stable) I listen to a motivating podcast rather than music - helps start my day off with good information, and helps me keep doing the small things every day even when I'm tired.

I just bought an air fryer to help making cooking healthy meals at home easier and faster.

Strict routine is key!! I HAVE to stick to my routine - I plan in some time with the boyfriend, but if he's dragging his feet and putzing around, well, he misses out, because I simply have to be in bed and going to sleep by my bedtime, because that alarm goes off at the same time, and while I have learned I can live on less sleep than I ever realized, it DOES require a rigid routine and bedtime, because less sleep simply isn't an option.

NO is your friend. Realize that other people may not understand - even if they totally should understand, they probably won't (see boyfriend above lol). It will be on you to put your foot down and do the things. Saying "no" is a very important muscle to have, and will be essential to your sanity. At first you'll feel guilty (and other people will selfishly try to guilt you into their way), but once you get used to it, it's not as bad as it seems, and you'll get pretty used to just saying no and sticking to your priorities. Don't bother trying to over explain yourself - they won't get it. Recognizing that THEY are being selfish by not just accepting your no helps too

icandoit2323

Oh man, I so relate.

Mother of 5 young kids and work full time. Husband out of the house most of the day.

My only advice is to do something SMALL and don't let yourself say that it's not enough. Doing nothing is not enough. Doing one small thing is everything.

_Hannahlouise_

I just wanted to say that is a lot as you mention college/students perhaps they could support a little with some chores (not loads) something like learning to put a wash on or hand out clothes.

sarajoyce5992

I grew up as one of 5 children in a small town household on a fairly tight budget. My parents put a priority on health, and almost all of our evening and weekend family activities were sports-related . We skated together, swam together, walked or ran forest trails together, played pingpong , etc. You could adapt the idea to your own budget, location and the activities you and your children enjoy, but you'd be having fun inexpensively and setting a great example for your children. It is also often a great way to spend some bonding time with your teenagers. My brothers and I are in our 60's now, and we all still enjoy being physically active with our own children.

Whatever you decide, do cut yourself some slack - you're handling a very difficult situation with a positive attitude . Hang in there!