Half the Person I used to Be

dakitten2

Earlier this week I reached my goal. I was excited but still felt "let down". It took me one year, 10 months and 6 days to reduce my weight from 290 pounds to 145 pounds. I'll be 59 next month and have had double knee replacements and bulging discs in my back. Losing all that weight has helped my knees and my back, so I am very thankful for that.

So why am I so down? I've not lost the emotional bingeing urges that I have always had. I've not lost the love for fattening foods, even tho I've eliminated them for the most part. I've developed a sweet tooth I never had before. And my body is just plain ugly. I wear a size 8 and some small/mostly medium tops. My shoe size dropped from a size 10 to a size 8. I wear the same bra size I wore in high school (36C). But I am still avoiding having my picture taken like I did before.

My thighs and legs are so mangled due to knee surgeries etc. My first knee replacement ended up with the doctor breaking my leg on accident during the surgery. That was in 2005. It took me 6 years to be brave enough to have the other leg done even tho I was walking bone on bone. I have excess skin everywhere because of my age and my inability to do a lot of exercises. So I spent the majority of my exercise concentrating on water aerobics and lap swimming and walking once I lost quite a bit of weight.

I have no desire to post before and after pictures. I have a before picture in my profile and I am the one in the center with my 2 skinny sisters on each side. This picture was taken in June at Father's Day. I took some pictures on the day I reached my goal, but I look at them and still see so much fat and saggy skin.

My dietician has recommended that I can lose a max of 10 more pounds. I guess I will try it, but still feel like it will only make it worse with saggy skin.

While I feel better knowing I am healthier and have eliminated a lot of medicines that I used to take, the vanity in me still wishes I looked halfway decent. My face is full of wrinkles that were never there before. My ribs are sticking out, but I still have a small stomach pouch. My butt I'm happy with. But the legs and thighs just have masses of hanging skin even tho I walk a minimum of 10 miles a day.

So I guess I am a semi-success story. If I could afford skin removal surgery, I would certainly do it.

paruls86

Congrats!!!!!:drinker:
BUT I WANT A PIC....:laugh:

You know.... what you have done is a complete success not a half baked success.... 145 pounds is not a joke... you did it and should be proud of it... i am not very knowledgable about loose skin but i have heard weight lifting and dry brushing helps... obviously both take time... atleast get a fully covered pic taken just to have your own proof...

msjames1999

Congratulations on your success!!

g6944266047

I totally understand your disappointment. Trying to tell you that it doesn't matter is not my intention. BUT ...

145 pounds!

50% of your starting weight!

walking 10 miles a day!

And all that @58. Not 18-28-38!

It seems to me that the person with that kind of determination can certainly set another goal and achieve it. I don't know you but off the top of my head:

1) Some kind of kickstarting - fund raising service or something like that.

2) A relatively young surgeon that needs a public success story more than money!

3) An experienced surgeon that needs a public success story more than money or one that gives you a doable payment plan!

Anyway good luck and most of all focus on the positive!

Luv2Smile55

You look absolutely amazing! I just think your mind hasn't had time to catch up with your new body. I agree with other posters. Take some pictures and in time I bet you will start seeing how great you look too.

Awesome job! Congratulations!!

ckish

Hey girl...would you rather be 59 years old and 290 pounds with "filled out" skin or a 59 year old 145 pounds with extra skin flapping in the wind? Everyday of your life you may need to face the challenges you've overcome thus far. Give your body, heart, and mind time to adjust. Hang in there girl! XOXO

caribear1984

I can understand your disappointment, but like the previous poster said, don't discount your amazing success! And give it some time, your skin may rebound more over the next year.

And congratulations on your great loss!! ????????????????????

MissFuchsia

Congratulations again on reaching your goal weight. You've been my friend on here over 18 months now and you're have always been such an inspiration to me. You're are an amazing lady and I'm proud to be your mfp friend :flowerforyou:

I know what you're going through. After reaching my goal weight last year and I was left feeling empty. I thought losing the weight would be a magical cure for everything I was unhappy with. The reality was I basically exchanged one set of body image issues for another. I had stretch marks and loose skin. My bras had gone down at least 2 cup sizes.

Over the past year my stretch marks have faded and skin has tightened up considerably. I know I'm younger than you (29) and workout a lot, but given time your skin may improve.

You are not a 'semi success' story. A 145 lbs loss is incredible. As you've said, your health has improved and taking much less medication. I really hope with time your mind will catch with your body. Stay positive and be proud of what you've achieved.

allaboutthecake

*ahem* YOU are the SKINNY person in the MIDDLE of two sisters. YOU. ARE. SKINNY. :flowerforyou:

tavinsmom

That is an incredible success.

curly1986

You ARE a success. And looking at your pics, you look amazing... And YOUNGER than you did before.

marcvandenberg

Well done..

tworthen79

Awesome Job!
I have always said that, eating right and exercising is the easy part, it's cleaning out your mental junk that's hard.

dakitten2

OK, going to try to upload pictures. I've never had any luck before.






See how fat and saggy my legs are!

blc1971

First of all, congratulations not only for dropping so much weight but also for taking such measures to improve your health!! You are definitely a success story and you deserve to celebrate the progress you have made.

As to your cravings, I think some of us are just predisposed to be addicted to sugar and fats. I have to find substitutes for those things I'm craving, or I allow myself to have a small amount within my calorie allotment. I find that I binge if I forbid myself certain foods, so I just control the timing and portions.

I totally feel your pain on the loose skin, but because you lost a large amount in a relatively short period of time it is to be expected. I have some loose skin under my arms (bat wings), inner thighs, and of course on my stomach and I've only lost 41 lbs in the past year (I'm 42 yo). I also have lots of stretch marks! It looks like I've been mauled by a tiger!! I did notice that when I hit a plateau a little over 2 months ago my skin began to tighten up even though I didn't lose any weight. I think it was part of the process of my body resetting itself. So once you're in maintenance mode you may see some improvement. I've also started dry brushing (you can look up "how to" online) and moisturizing. It has gotten noticeably better.

I hope this helps and just want to say that your accomplishment is truly an inspiration to others. Be proud of your success because there are many folks out here who are proud of you!!

HelensReady

Bless you...This is what I'm scared of :0)

I have lost 17lbs on MFP and 20lbs before, I have 120lbs or more to lose
I'm 5ft 3inchs tall
I'm 46yrs old
and my skin is already sagging on my arms and legs
I can do exercise but have had three abdo surgeries due to cancer, so only walk, bike ride, housework and dance

My plan is to get skin removed after...if the cancer hasn't returned.

Is there no way you can get the skin removed? in the UK the NHS sometimes offer to do this, especially if it is having an effect on their day to day life, physically and mentally.

Like other posts... I also wish you didn't feel so low at reaching your goal weight and a fantastic size 8...which is an amazing achievement and you have put years on your life by doing this I'm sure.
however not liking what you see in the mirror is never the result we want when we have worked so hard getting the body size we have wanted for years, for that body to become nothing like what we thought it was going to be just doesn't seem fair ((

I have no real advice as I'm at the beginning of this journey, however I have a huge amount of empathy and really hope you get the results you deserve for all your hard work at losing 148lbs

Take care Helen xx

memawx12

I am older than you and also have concerns about the flabby skin. I have been 'dieting' for 4 months and have lost 32 pounds so far. I need to lose another 50, but I already see that dreadful under arm hanging skin. I do arm exercises every day (in addition to 30-45 minutes of cardio) hoping that will help firm it up, but I have my doubts. I'm so sorry you feel so bad about yourself. It takes someone with a lot of courage and strength to discipline themselves and lose 145 pounds. Concentrate every day on the positive things about yourself, because you have accomplished A LOT and you need to believe in yourself.

VorJoshigan

You're a success story to me. Thank you for sharing.

anotherwarriorgirl

I think you look GREAT! The only thing that would have made the picture even better is if you had a huge smile on your face and meant it.

You are a strong, powerful woman who achieved something that only a few are successful in doing. Look in the mirror, tell yourself you're beautiful and believe it.

shariguymon

Pam, don't worry, you have achieved great success. The sagging skin is from losing so much weight so fast...As you work on toning it will slowly improve.......Patience hon..... and as for that sweet tooth, that can be conquered as well.....it is gradual...It is accomplished over time by paying closer attention to what you eat, not just calories...as you slowly replace refined sugars with natural sugars and diminish amounts you will lose cravings....choose a favorite, I have 7 grams of dark chocolate, and allow yourself to have it.......I have my 1/4 ounce of dark chocolate nearly every day......I never feel deprived, and I don't crave sugar any longer.....I've discovered that there is a tipping point, and when I stay below it I have no cravings, and enjoy every utmost morsel of food that I consume......I'm glad that you are my friend....I admire your accomplishments and urge you to feel good about yourself and fine tune what you have done and of course, have patience and continue to learn all you can about every aspect of your health and Go For It.....You seem to be an expert on commitment and drive so I know you can do whatever it takes to become the best you can be.........Patience is what you need! believe in yourself, and be of good cheer.....You have come so far!!!!
Shari

jeanywren

I am older than you and I know if I get this weight off, I will not ever wear shorts!!!! My legs are full of horrid veins, never mind saggy skin!!! And my face is haggard now!!! To me you look pretty darn good. Some of the skin may tighten up, and ten miles a day!!!! You are doing well, smile and be proud of your achievement.

jeanywren

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princessd84

I've just had a nosy through all your profile pics and you look great! Totally unrecognisable from your "before" pic. Please don't be harsh on yourself. You've worked hard and achieved so much, but sometimes it takes the mind a lot longer to catch up and accept the new you. Just keep reminding yourself how much healthier you are now and how good you look

Mario_Az

good job

justlistening

Congrats on your success! You look amazing!

I understand what you mean by the saggy skin, but honestly it does not look bad. You are so much more healthly and off meds.

lovesretirement

Congrats to you! You have worked so hard. Please be happy with yourself and what you have accomplished!
I am 60 and you are the inspiration I need!

Yes, I know about the skin thing...I have it now from the yo-yo dieting all my life, and I know it will be worse 50 pounds down the road.
Losing this time around is for health only! My biggest fear is being sick as I get older and having to take a bunch of medicine.

So if I have hanging skin, I will just cover up like I do now. I have not worn shorts or gone sleeveless in so long, it will not be an issue.

phw426

I think you are amazing....10 miles wow....you should be proud and flaunt it....put a smile on that face and that is what people will see......so smile and be blessed, I am 56 and you are an inspiration to me.

Lemmynade

You are half, HALF of what you were, but now you get to gain a whole new perspective! You've achieved what so many say they're going to do, but never make the necessary changes. You are beautiful!

I don't think the skin's really that noticeable. But I'm not wearing it, so I think you should reach out, open your mouth and tell people what you want and need! Someone may know a plastic surgeon that can help with a payment plan, do pro bono work or even a combination of both. See a trainer and see what kind of exercises they recommend. Go to a dermatologist and see what they can help you with. Or find a wardrobe that highlights what you love about your new body but hides what you need to work on. That skin has gone through changes as you have, it won't adjust over night!

DeathListFive

OK, going to try to upload pictures. I've never had any luck before.






See how fat and saggy my legs are!

Yeah, but do you see how much less weight you're carrying? All the medicines that you don't have to take anymore? How healthier you are! YOU are an AMAZING woman! You've been such an inspiration to so many people.