What do you do when....

Tattoos_and_Tea

What do you do when you continue to gain weight through self sabotaging, binge eating and not being able to stick to calories? Plan out food diary, walk lots and go to the gym 3 times a week but literally has no will power. Asking for a friend.... 🧐

LaBellaHarris

I try to make it as inconvenient as possible to binge. I'm the primary grocery shopper in my household, so I buy chips and snacks that my husband and kiddo like but I don't, even when I turn into a hungry hormonal werewolf once a month, so there's nothing easy or mindless for me to eat from the pantry without making the active decision to prepare something. I only buy what's on my grocery list (use your local curbside option, if it's free, so you don't even have to see the Danger Aisles™️, whatever those are for you), and if my husband tries to put M&Ms on that list, I take it off or switch them out to the ones I don't like so I'm not tempted to eat them. I schedule my grocery shopping during the parts of the month where I've got more energy to say 'no' to bad decisions. If I'm eating out, I make sure that I say upfront that I want water and will be passing on the complimentary bread or chips; that immediately drops the meal by several hundred calories, and because I said it out loud, I feel like I have to stick to it or be embarrassed. I also make the decision to eat something with a vegetable as the main ingredient before I look at the menu, which doesn't always mean a lower calorie total, but often is the case. I make myself drink the full glass of water during the meal (at least one) before anyone even thinks to ask about dessert, because it helps me feel fuller and therefore less likely to even want to look at the tempting options. If I end up wanting dessert, I try to con someone else at the table into sharing versus getting my own (because I will eat whatever is placed in front of me, and desserts are often big anyway).

I've found that hot tea is a good alternative for me when it comes to emotional snack eating, since it's not really about hunger. It's about comfort for me. So, a warm cozy drink with a little bit of something sweet (splash of my fave creamer or a teaspoon of local honey) usually satisfies that for me, plus I can feel good about making progress on my hydration goal.

zebasschick

what i did was food substitution. i lost 71 pounds with food substitution and daily walking - not power walking, just walking. i dropped from 242 to 171 before i started calorie counting.

i started eating light cheese instead of full fat cheese, fat free lower sugar yogurt (i love dannon light & fit) instead of whole or low fat yogurt, low fat ice cream instead of full fat ice cream, egg substitutes instead of whole eggs and so on. lower calorie salad dressing is out there, and some of it is way tasty. so if i binge on the same foods, it will be much lower calorie binges.

i also found snacks i really liked that were lower in calories. i like snack pack sugar free in orange and strawberry, and each has 5 calories. there are 88 calories in a light & fit (or kroger light greek) yogurt plus there's protein. i love jello cook and serve sugar free chocolate pudding - lower in calories, super chocolatey. i recently found a no carb bread and cake mix (scotty's) that doesn't increase my blood sugar, so it's probably legit, and there's the legendary 37 calorie brownie recipe.

and i found that eating things that really satisfy me keep me from binging as much. for me, if i eat something for convenience that i don't love, i may go eat something else for more satisfaction, where i don't eat as much if i eat stuff that i really love.

one last thing that may or may not apply to you. if you put a pound of roasted, salted pistachios in front of me, i may stop a few times, but in a short time, i'll have eaten all of them. if i grab a 1-ounce bag of peanuts, i finish that but don't usually go back for a second bag. my husband finds the same with cookies - individual servings help him not keep eating them and eating them.

i found walking or bicycling helped me lose weight where i didn't experience that as much with resistance training (weights, machines).

and i figured out that i binge the most when i'm exhausted but pushing myself or stressed. i am trying to change my levels of tiredness and stress whenever possible.

LilithReigns

I personally have learned the only way I will continue to make good changes is by being honest with myself, watching how I talk to myself, and doing things when the desire and urge is present not waiting.

If you have had an unhealthy relationship with food (binging etc) it takes time to break down the cycle and to understand why. Food is so interconnected with our emotions and experiences as women. It could be a variety of things that effect how we eat and our ability to be consistent with physical exercise. It is just as much mental.

I find having a routine helps, meal prepping of course, I try to walk after meals even if its only 15 min, I do physical activities I find healing and fun, like dance classes and yoga. I track my weight but only once or twice a month I know it takes time and I refuse to obsess over numbers.

some things that have also helped is tracking triggers and mood swings I am bi polar so this does effect my eating habits.

IAmTheGlue

Self-sabotage has a mental reason. Get to the reason.

For me, the smaller I get the more male attention I get from everyone from my husband who literally can’t keep his hands off me, to randos at the store… sometimes I pump the brakes on my weight loss for that reason. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes it feels unsafe (not my own husband, but random guys leering or hitting on me makes me feel unsafe at times.)

I have major health problems and sometimes I get scared I can’t stop losing weight and I pump the brakes.

Worried about lose skin? Look flabby? Where did my butt go? Where are my boobs?!?? There are a million reasons I have stopped myself in the past.

Get to the reason of the self-sabotage and you can fix it.

I’m full steam ahead right now. Even though my husband won’t stop, even though I get more male attention… I just keep going. I know what my triggers are and I remind myself that I am safe. I am fine. Just. Keep. Going.

I hope that helps. 💐

rosebarnalice

When I "don't have the willpower", that's a bit fat red flag to check in on my feelings and my mental health. Period. Some good starting questions for me are:

• What feelings are you trying to avoid or stuff down with food?
• What's eating YOU that making you want to eat?
• What you you REALLY hungry for--because we know it isn't food?
• What hole are you trying to fill in your heart with that food?

More times than not, it comes down to being lonely, angry, bored, depressed, disappointed, anxious, or stressed. It's also common for me to discover that a recent event has turned on a very old tape in my head--one of those tapes that says "I'm not good enough, I'm a fraud, I'm a bad person, I am not loveable, I'll never be as good as [fillin the blank] . . . . ."

When I acknowledge the "feelings behind the feedings" I find it easier to give myself grace and get back on track.

AnnPT77

I think others gave you really good advice above. I'm just going to mention some probably more-minor factors you could consider. For me, my willpower/motivation is a very limited resource.

Some things that can deplete the willpower budget are non-obvious. If you can improve your sleep quality/quantity, that may help. Sub-par sleep causes fatigue, and fatigue makes the body seek energy (calories) so spike appetite, plus the fatigue itself can make it harder to find the energy to resist temptation. The same is true for stress: It can increase fatigue, so steps you can take to manage stress more directly (vs. through eating) can be helpful. Urges to overeat late in the day may be especially likely to relate to fatigue in some way, because we get more tired as we get further from our last sleep.

On top of that, if the situation is really troubling/puzzling to you, it can be a good idea to seek out some professional help in sorting that out. There should be no stigma in that, any more than there is in going to a registered dietitian when we need help with nutrition, or a personal trainer if we need help with exercise planning. When thought-patterns are the problem at hand, professional help with those can be a big help, and it need not necessarily be a long-term thing.

Tattoos_and_Tea

Thank you all so much for your replies.
Its definitely a mental thing. I have been feeling very anxious and have feelings of depression, lack of self worth and self confidence. But I've known that for years. In fact, I knew that when I started calorie counting on here 14 years ago.... (yes, I really have been here that long, maybe more). I lost a lot of weight, from 15st to 8st and still wasn't happy so know its a mental thing. I'm now 10st 7lb and struggle with weight gain after spending so many years losing weight. I think I binge for that exact reason. I worry that I'll be 40 next year and I'll still be worrying about my weight even when I'm 60 and before you know it, that's it and I would have wasted my life worrying about my weight. Does that make sense? Yet I still want to lose weight, but I don't want to stress myself out by doing it, so I binge, then feel worse, then gain weight and decide I need to lose weight all over again. Vicious circle.

Damn, that's a realisation!

snowflake954

I know you do lifting, so maybe pushing yourself to do that is stressing you? Perhaps change up your exercise for a bit, try something new. I used to push my exercise to get in "calories burned" for the day. I now have relaxed and just try to do something everyday--just stay active. Mixing it up has helped take the pressure off, and makes exercising fun. You need fun. A walk in the park can give you a lift mentally. Find a new hobby. Something that gives you pleasure. Good luck. You can do this.

cosmiccurves

I think so many people have said this perfectly, it truly is the most difficult part of weight loss and our journeys, getting over the mental humps. I am very much an out of sight, out of mind person! I do most of the grocery shopping as well, so while there are snacks that my husband and our boys enjoy that I buy and sometimes like to indulge in, I keep snacks that I know I have a weakness for out of my house. Ever so often I will get it and then 'hide' it from myself but most of the time, I recognize that I am having to rewire my brain, my approach, and my habits in order to be able to enjoy the things I love without completely overdoing it.

The other thing that helps me is tracking EVERYTHING, including if I binge. Something about seeing the numbers of a binge compared to the days I stay on track is a visual shock to me and it's the first thing I think of when I am trying to avoid self-sabotage. I do not deprive myself of ice cream once a week with the family, I just log it. But now I find I am bingeing less and less because I am tracking it and I don't want to disappoint myself by seeing my calories goal WAAAAAAAAY over where it should be.

Not sure if that helps! You can definitely do this!!!

88olds

zebasschick wrote: »

what i did was food substitution. i lost 71 pounds with food substitution and daily walking - not power walking, just walking. i dropped from 242 to 171 before i started calorie counting.

i started eating light cheese instead of full fat cheese, fat free lower sugar yogurt (i love dannon light & fit) instead of whole or low fat yogurt, low fat ice cream instead of full fat ice cream, egg substitutes instead of whole eggs and so on. lower calorie salad dressing is out there, and some of it is way tasty. so if i binge on the same foods, it will be much lower calorie binges.

i also found snacks i really liked that were lower in calories. i like snack pack sugar free in orange and strawberry, and each has 5 calories. there are 88 calories in a light & fit (or kroger light greek) yogurt plus there's protein. i love jello cook and serve sugar free chocolate pudding - lower in calories, super chocolatey. i recently found a no carb bread and cake mix (scotty's) that doesn't increase my blood sugar, so it's probably legit, and there's the legendary 37 calorie brownie recipe.

and i found that eating things that really satisfy me keep me from binging as much. for me, if i eat something for convenience that i don't love, i may go eat something else for more satisfaction, where i don't eat as much if i eat stuff that i really love.

one last thing that may or may not apply to you. if you put a pound of roasted, salted pistachios in front of me, i may stop a few times, but in a short time, i'll have eaten all of them. if i grab a 1-ounce bag of peanuts, i finish that but don't usually go back for a second bag. my husband finds the same with cookies - individual servings help him not keep eating them and eating them.

i found walking or bicycling helped me lose weight where i didn't experience that as much with resistance training (weights, machines).

and i figured out that i binge the most when i'm exhausted but pushing myself or stressed. i am trying to change my levels of tiredness and stress whenever possible.

^^^This

Good stuff on this thread. Step back and look at your overall plan. How aggressive is your deficit? Are you in the suffering through it mindset? Try to get away from that and make a plan that you think you can actually live with. When your brain says “Oh no. that will take too long” tell your brain to shut up.

As the others on this tread point out, a good plan will get us away from an over reliance on willpower. In some situations plain willpower is the only available strategy. But willpower is a limited resource. It can wear out quickly from overuse. Weight loss is mostly about problems solving and persistence. Solve enough problems over time and we get to goal weight.

Try to make a list of things you like to eat and see if they can be modified to make them plan friendly. Some things cannot. Can you fit in a limited portion later in the week? I’ve found that I’m not very good at saying a hard no. But what I can do is delay and compromise. If I have a craving for chocolate maybe I can fit some in 2 or 3 days down the road. Then I can get a chocolate bar, eat half and put the other half in the freezer for next week. A lot of people can’t do that with chocolate because once the have it they will eat the whole thing.

The only way to do this is to find what works for you personally. It involves a lot of time consuming trial and error that drives many people crazy. Calorie counting works. It has to work, its how our bodies are designed. Eat in a surplus we store calories as fat, eat in a deficit we draw down the stored calories. But it takes a lot longer than most people would like. Never quit. Good luck.

Tattoos_and_Tea

Thank you all so much

Xellercin

I would go to therapy and address the emotional issues that are driving the behaviour.

brandyryan311

Well I’ll admit it - I’m ‘the friend’ @Tattoos_and_Tea was asking for 😉
That scenario and description was spot on. Thank you for putting it out there and thank you everyone for such great insight. I just finished 2 months of Optavia - I knew from day 1 I shouldn’t do it because as soon as I stopped the 800 cal diet, I’d gain it back. Guess what? I’ve gained 10 pounds in 7 days! I am a self sabotager, I get insecure when I lose the weight, I feel the pressure to keep it off and the weight of disappointment when I gain it back. My go-to stress reliever is chips, followed by regret. I like to eat on my commute to make the time go by. That’s a 1,200 cal snack. I only log when I’m in my range. I’ve deleted MFP 8,493 times.
But I love all of this advice and I’m going to restart today and use this community more. Have a blessed day.

AnnPT77

brandyryan311 wrote: »

Well I’ll admit it - I’m ‘the friend’ @Tattoos_and_Tea was asking for 😉
That scenario and description was spot on. Thank you for putting it out there and thank you everyone for such great insight. I just finished 2 months of Optavia - I knew from day 1 I shouldn’t do it because as soon as I stopped the 800 cal diet, I’d gain it back. Guess what? I’ve gained 10 pounds in 7 days! I am a self sabotager, I get insecure when I lose the weight, I feel the pressure to keep it off and the weight of disappointment when I gain it back. My go-to stress reliever is chips, followed by regret. I like to eat on my commute to make the time go by. That’s a 1,200 cal snack. I only log when I’m in my range. I’ve deleted MFP 8,493 times.
But I love all of this advice and I’m going to restart today and use this community more. Have a blessed day.

FWIW: It's very probable that the 10 pounds in 7 days was not all fat, probably not mostly fat. When you go from eating a tiny amount (like 800 calories' worth) to eating more, you will see the scale go up somewhat dramatically because:

1. You have more food in your system on average on its way to becoming waste. Putting it graphically, that's not fat, it's future pee and poo.
2. It takes water to metabolize certain parts of foods, so we retain more water when we eat more - possibly a lot more retained water, depending on what was eaten. That's not fat either, it's part of what a healthy body needs to do biochemically to utilize the food.

In order to gain 10 pounds of fat, you'd need to eat a minimum of roughly 35,000 calories more than your weight-maintenance calorie level, or 5000 calories more than your current maintenance calories on average per each of those 7 days. That's not impossible, but I'll bet you'd notice.

Most of the time, it's easy for us to exaggerate in our own mind what the impact has been of an individual over-eating incident or short time period ("I've ruined all my progress!!!") and some of the water/waste effects conspire to help us do that catastrophizing. Obviously, I can't say for sure what happened in your case, but I'd bet on at least a fair fraction of that regain not being fat at all.