Am I the only one who thinks I look smaller than I actually am?

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swimmchick87
swimmchick87 Posts: 458 Member
in Motivation and Support
I see all of these posts with people saying they've lost weight but they don't see any difference/they still see themselves as much bigger. I'm the opposite. I'm a size 16. Objectively, I know a size 16 is fat, especially on someone who is only 5'4. But I look in the mirror and think I look nothing like a size 16. I see other people saying they're a size 16 (on social media, etc.) and I think they must be lying because they look so much bigger than me.

I have a little upper arm flab that I don't love, and if I'm wearing a tighter shirt I don't like how my stomach sticks out. But even then, I think I look "a little chunky," not FAT. The other day I even saw a video of myself, and while I recognized I wasn't "skinny" it also wasn't like, "Oh there it is- now I see I'm actually huge."

I've never heard anyone else say they feel like this- am I really the only one? Is this like reverse body dysmorphia?

Replies

  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,111 Member
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    I'm pretty sure that when I was obese, I didn't fully realize how big I was.
    It's only now, 75lbs down, that I truly see how big I was by looking at my weight loss progress pictures and by seeing some of my old clothes next to my new ones.

    Body dysmorphia can work both ways, I think.

    But people also vary in how they carry their weight. So, that can also influence how big someone looks.
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 924 Member
    edited July 2022
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    It's very possible to look much leaner than others of the same BMI. I have never looked as heavy as I am thanks to weight distribution. I've been everything from underweight to obese and at every weight, people have been shocked to find out that I weigh much more than they expect. I have always weighed more than my sister who is 2 inches taller, and yet we share clothes and are perceived around the same size.

    That said, it's also very possible to not have a realistic sense of your body size. When I was gaining weight towards obese, I had no sense of how large I was getting. I literally didn't see any change for the first 30lbs because I was wearing scrubs all the time, and my shape stayed generally the same. I was just blind to it until my shape started changing as I got even heavier. Even then, I don't think I ever grasped my bigger size. Plus the fact that no one saw me as heavy as I was, I was very discombobulating.
  • OnTheRoad24
    OnTheRoad24 Posts: 209 Member
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    Looking in the mirror, I don't realize how big I am but looking at my progress and comparison pictures, I can hardly tell a difference even though I've lost more than 20 lbs...
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 712 Member
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    I will agree with both OP and jopa17 that it also takes a long time to see any visible changes when you start losing weight. Neither I nor anyone else noticed I was losing weight until I had lost well over 20, maybe even 30 pounds. That may also be because of how I carry my weight.
  • MsCzar
    MsCzar Posts: 1,039 Member
    edited July 2022
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    I have a very tough time reckoning my Actual Size and the image in the mirror. With wide shoulders, a curvy frame and long torso, I have always been able to look much thinner than most apple-shaped women at the same height who weigh less. That is both a blessing and a curse since it is all too easy to let extra weight happen without really noticing until it's gone much too far.
  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
    edited July 2022
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    Take a break and stop looking into the mirror. It works for those who reinforce a negative, critical image and are too self-conscious about their body image. It also makes you less self-conscious how others perceive you. It's one step to accepting yourself. I can easily look past myself in the mirror and focus on brushing my teeth, etc.

    Limit your time in front of the mirror and recognize what your body does for you. Focus on your fitness goals. My father reinforced this habit. He told my sisters and me to stop looking into the mirror like a bunch of pet parakeets. He wanted us to focus on everything around us and stop being so self-conscious of looks and human beauty and age.
  • kaydensmom2009
    kaydensmom2009 Posts: 57 Member
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    When I was a size 18 I would grab size 10 pants and not be able to pull them up past my knees/thighs and be shocked. I didn’t feel that big…. Until I started losing weight. Now I’m a size 2 and comparing my old pictures is crazy because I looked huge and just didn’t recognize it. As you are aware, regardless of how you carry weight, a size 16 is usually obese and if you lose weight and compare yourself you will see a difference.
  • Hiawassee88
    Hiawassee88 Posts: 35,754 Member
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    https://aworkstation.com/people-are-sharing-photos-of-themselves-weighing-the-same-but-looking-completely-different-and-its-inspirational-80-pics/
  • swimmchick87
    swimmchick87 Posts: 458 Member
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    mlrtri wrote: »
    I guess it’s because most of my life I was at a normal range so these last 6 years of being overweight hasn’t computed? Maybe I am good at lying to myself? I don’t know.

    I wondered if this was part of it for me too. I was thin as a child/teen/young adult. So I don't see myself as a "fat person" as much as someone who grew up overweight would, maybe?
    Sinisterbarbie1 wrote: »
    I also did not see myself as fat when I was — or at least not as fat as I was. I must have recognized I needed to lose weight because I did so. Now when I see photos from a year or two ago that pop up on my iphone in my “memory feed” I literally do not recognize myself. The photos are saved in my phone so I must have thought I looked good enough to save the image at the time. I have also had people send me group photos where I supposedly appear and I cannot pick myself out.

    I don’t want to sound harsh, but not everyone needs to cower in their house and hide from the world when they are fat. It is ok to have self confidence and do great things in the world and not spend all of your time thinking about how terrible you must look. If you are able to pull that off (like I was and you apparently are) then great. But, you are here and I am too, because we both recognized for one reason or another that we had health issues to address. SO no matter how good or bad we look to ourselves heavy, we will be better healthy (and I just keep feeling better now healthy too and hope you will too). I am saying this just to underscore that it has been a shock to find out how much I actually had to lose because I had no idea how heavy I was. I am actually glad I didn’t know when I started because I would have been overwhelmed. So just start getting healthier and you will know when you hit the right mark. Don’t necessarily try to set an ultimate goal weight now.

    Yep, I'm recognizing that I'm sort of on the "cusp" of my weight becoming a real problem. Lately I've been of the mindset that I enjoy food and if I can still do everything I want to do, what does it matter. But I know if I keep getting bigger, I'll be dealing with issues like not being able to shop for clothes in regular stores, having to be nervous about what kind of seats there are at social things or in public places, not being able to ride roller coasters, more health issues like diabetes, etc. That stuff is way more important to me than the vanity piece. I feel like if I could even maintain a size 12-14 I would be "safe" from those issues, and that's not too daunting.
  • kljaia01
    kljaia01 Posts: 5 Member
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    @swimmchick87 I absolutely do think it is possible to think you are thinner than you actually are. I had an experience today where I saw a picture of me and I was utterly shocked.
    I knew I was overweight and technically obese but always thought I hid it well.... until today. The only positive I have to say about this experience is I am thankful I am already on this journey and committed to making lifelong changes for my health.
    Social media and the advent of digital photography has definitely changed how we project our images and I think this also plays into this topic as well. With the right angle we can take pounds off our face and bodies. With an immediate image we can retake the pic and adjust our angle until we get it just right. Not like the film days when you took a picture, waited weeks or months before developing it, and hoped we got a good one!!
    As a side note, the pic I saw today was not one I had taken. No filter.... no pose.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    In my head, I'm a lot smaller than I am. I'm constantly shocked by the mirror or a photo. I think if I was presented with a line up of women my height in all different sizes and told to pick the one I thought I looked like, I'd pick a LOT smaller than I actually am.
  • mlrtri
    mlrtri Posts: 425 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    I think if I was presented with a line up of women my height in all different sizes and told to pick the one I thought I looked like, I'd pick a LOT smaller than I actually am.

    I would absolutely pick a smaller person. So glad to hear others say the same thing. I am not in denial. I KNOW I am overweight. I am 5 ft 3 with 50 lbs to lose. That’s why I am here.
  • fatty2begone
    fatty2begone Posts: 249 Member
    edited July 2022
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    I am in this group too. I know I still have a lot of weight to take off, looking at photos brings size to reality, but looking in the mirror I think I look better than I do. I also have a long torso so I am slim waisted compared to others in my weight category. I see a flat stomach and thinnish waist and that is tricking the eye. I evenly distribute weight , so weight gain doesnt appear as fast as other body types, so yes, it can be a curse before you realize/see how much weight you have actually gained.

  • siberiantarragon
    siberiantarragon Posts: 265 Member
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    I think this is very common for people who are overweight. I've dated two people who were in the obese range and both of them were in denial about it and saw themselves as just slightly overweight. Several years ago, my partner only realized how big he was when he saw pictures of himself and then decided to lose some weight. However, he's gained some of it back and he's still in some level of denial. The other day we were watching a movie and there was an overweight shirtless character in it. He made a comment about the person being "fat" and I pointed out that it was odd of him to judge because his stomach looks literally exactly like the character's. He didn't believe me until I took a picture of him with his shirt off and held it up next to the screen with the movie to show how they looked exactly the same. Even then he insisted it was "just gas." LOL.
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 924 Member
    edited July 2022
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    siberiantarragon wrote: »
    I think this is very common for people who are overweight. I've dated two people who were in the obese range and both of them were in denial about it and saw themselves as just slightly overweight. Several years ago, my partner only realized how big he was when he saw pictures of himself and then decided to lose some weight. However, he's gained some of it back and he's still in some level of denial. The other day we were watching a movie and there was an overweight shirtless character in it. He made a comment about the person being "fat" and I pointed out that it was odd of him to judge because his stomach looks literally exactly like the character's. He didn't believe me until I took a picture of him with his shirt off and held it up next to the screen with the movie to show how they looked exactly the same. Even then he insisted it was "just gas." LOL.

    Yeah, come to think of it, I've seen this a lot in men.

    I've known many, many men who gained a lot of fat and insisted they were just very muscular with a bit of fat over top.

    An acquaintance who used to be an MMA fighter is now obese and has been for nearly a decade and insists he's always just 6 weeks away from having "Magic Mike" abs. He seriously thinks he's just one cut away from visible abs again.

    A friend of my husband's is overweight, but not obese and is constantly talking about how he and my husband are the only two left from their frat days who are still "trim and fit." He's probably a BMI around 28, and my husband has a body fat level under 10%. He legitimately thinks they're basically the same except that he has a "bigger build because he's taller."

    My husband's brother in law is around 400lbs and says he's still built "like a hockey player."

    Now that I think about it, I could go on and on. I know countless men who are absolutely certain that they are much, much leaner than they actually are.

    It's actually kind of impressive.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,509 Member
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    I think most people look at themselves smaller in a mirror. Pictures and video do the real justice.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,876 Member
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    A lot depends on fat distribution. Side by side pictures I can tell a huge difference from my normal maintenance of 180 and right now at 200...but most people are surprised if my weight happens to come up and I tell them I'm at 200 and need to lose about 20 Lbs. They usually don't believe me which is likely due to having pretty even fat distribution and clothes on. When I show them a picture of me on the beach from a few years ago, it becomes very clear that I'm currently pretty chunky.
  • kenziestabes
    kenziestabes Posts: 338 Member
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    Part of my perception of my size was based on the people around me. I'm a moderately tall, broad shouldered woman at 5'10", so a size 18 (my largest) looked a lot different on me than on someone half a foot shorter than me. When I was nearly 250 pounds, I didn't shy away from saying I was obese or saying how much I actually weighed, as I didn't want those terms or numbers to have power over me- my weight wasn't and still isn't something to hide.

    The problem was that nobody believed me. I couldn't be obese, even though I was 75 pounds overweight. I didn't look like their mental picture of someone over 200 pounds, even when I was halfway to 300. The few times weight came up in conversation in my life, well meaning friends told me I wasn't as big as I knew I was. I once even mentioned my bra size to a female friend, and she did not believe me- I HAD to be smaller than that. You get told something consistently enough, you start to believe it. Those who ask about my weight loss journey are shocked when they learn I want to lose another 25 pounds to land at a BMI of 23.7. Surely 165 pounds is too light for someone my height.

    Ironically, while I originally pictured myself as much smaller than I was, I now picture myself as the same size I was 60 pounds ago. Maybe my body has finally caught up with my mental image of it- visibly overweight but carrying it better since the 15-20 extra pounds I'm carrying are spread across a tall frame.

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