Dealing with judgement

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Clover_girl
Clover_girl Posts: 3 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone! I'm new here and I wanted to ask y'all a question because it's kind of an awkward one and idk where else to ask it. How do y'all deal with judgement? Like judgement from people who don't understand why you're trying to lose weight. I'm not overweight (I'm 118.6 lbs and a lil under 5'4), so I feel like most people wouldn't understand why I'm trying to lose weight, so I've mostly kept my weight loss goals a secret. My reason for wanting to lose weight is simply that I am unhappy with the fact that I've gained weight recently so I wanna slim down a bit so I can feel more confident in my body. I'm literally just doing it for myself, and I feel like that's pretty valid, but I'm so afraid of people judging me, thinking I'm vain or shallow or have an eating disorder or something, that I feel the need to hide it from others. If any of y'all are in a similar situation and have advice, I'd love to hear it, so thanks in advance :)

(Note: I originally posted this under "challenges" but then realized that that was the wrong section, and couldn't figure out how to delete it, so sorry if you're seeing this twice!)

Replies

  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,653 Member
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    Ok, this is totally not going to answer your question because I don't think anyone's ever judged my weight loss other than a couple people around here being overly concerned I had an ED when I said I was going to hit maintenance at a crawl instead of upping all my calories at one time.

    I just have a suggestion.

    Sooooooooo you really are at a good weight and, depending on how much you wanted to lose, could put you undeweight and you do NOT want that. You're probably looking more to do a recomp of which I don't know much about because I suck and don't lift weights.

    Much more knowledgeable people than I will have the right words. 😁
  • claireychn074
    claireychn074 Posts: 1,445 Member
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    If it’s judgement from people I don’t know or care about, I ignore it. I’ve been judged tonnes of times over the years for life choices, and it’s other people’s problems - not mine (that becomes easier to accept as you get older). If it’s family and friends then I will listen and consider, as maybe they have a point. Ultimately they still aren’t me, and I will consider their views but then make my own, hopefully informed decision.

    And here’s a stranger giving you advice which I’ve just recommend you ignore! I agree with @glassyo - have you considered recomp? We think all know what size our body feels good at, but if you end up underweight it can have as many health implications as being overweight. It’s not the healthiest choice for longevity, makes you prone to illness, tiredness, and if severely underweight, affects hair and nails.

    So, have you genuinely put weight on? How old are you and is this natural weight (ie going from a teenager to a young adult), do you exercise, and how much do you eat?
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    JBanx256 wrote: »
    My general line of reasoning is, if you're not funding me, feeding me, or f***king me, your opinion does not matter and you can GTFO telling me what to do with my body.

    My physique is definitely atypical and I do get unsolicited "advice" from people, most of whom I'm sure mean well but just have no concept of what it means to stay in their lane. Depending on exactly who it is (eg, someone's sweet little gramma is going to get a more polite response than some busybody Karen), how tactfully they convey their thoughts (and what kinda mood I'm in at the moment), they will get different responses, ranging from polite acknowledgement ("hmm alright") to scorched-earth vitriol.

    That said, I'm going to cast another vote for recomp... but I will argue that @glassyo definitely does not suck, despite what they say ;)

    This 💯... other people's opinions about me matter none
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,130 Member
    edited August 2022
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    The first thing is to know your audience. Only share with people whom you know will be supportive. It's not a great topic to bring up if you don't want negative comments.
    Weight loss/food plans etc. are not something I talk about with most people, because it's too open to opinions that I don't want to hear. I tend to have a few different replies when people make any comment about my body - even if it's a somewhat harmless comment I still don't really appreciate that if it's an unsolicited intrusion. That's just me. Figure out a few nice replies and a few snip replies depending on the situation; practice them, and you'll feel empowered.

  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Do you talk to people about dieting and trying to lose weight, or the fact that you are in a deficit / cannot make certain choices right now? If so, I would say in a way that invites feedback and commentary and opinions. It also makes people feel like we are indirectly suggesting THEY are an inappropriate size. I do not talk about my goals, what I eat and why, etc to anyone.

    Just a thought. May not be applicable.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,811 Member
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    I'm very open and comfortable about talking about weight, diet and dieting.
    Part of that is because it's only my opinion that really matters to me!

    There's a spectrum or how much notice I might take - comments or advice from strangers or people I don't respect (either the person or the opinion) just washes over me and doesn't get a second's thought.

    People that I know have my best interests at heart I will listen to but then assess.
    For example - In my first year of maintenance two close friends had opposing opinions:

    My cycling guru friend was very much of the opinion I should lose more for performance reasons - ultimately, I decided not to as my physique choice is very different to his but the opinion had merit.

    A failed dieter friend thought at exactly the same time and weight I looked "scrawny" and had lost too much. But that was through her personal prism of being a failed dieter as long as I've known her. Living proof that the lasagne and red wine diet isn't very effective for weight loss!
    Her opinion was well meant but had no basis in reality and was dismissed (silently - she didn't deserve any put down).

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