Problem with binging
silent_butterfly377
Posts: 7 Member
Hey guys, I just turned 18 last night and could finally sign up/post on MFP so I thought I'd ask you guys for advice. For context I'm female, 5'8 and around 136 lbs which I maintain on a very strict diet of protein bars, eggs, broccoli, etc....except for when, wait for it, on the weekends I completely blow by calorie budget and binge up to 4000 calories. I feel sickeningly full and regret it until the next weekend comes...this cycle has been continuing for the last year.
My goal weight is definitely 121-125 which I reached last year for a couple months before losing it and binging for a month straight leading to my highest weight ever. I think that is the perfect height for teenage girls, as it appeared slim on me however this was the problem: I was constantly cold, thinking about food, and had heart palpatations which I still do at this weight. It doesn't make sense because I was 5'8 and 115 lbs in middle school, and now I'm still the same height, why is my body rebelling against the weight? I know it sounds weird but when I reached my highest weight (145-150) even though I felt completely disgusting I finally stopped obsessing over food and the heart murmurings stopped. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so desperate to get down to 125 yet I always feel so bad physically when I attempt to go below 135 lbs.
My goal weight is definitely 121-125 which I reached last year for a couple months before losing it and binging for a month straight leading to my highest weight ever. I think that is the perfect height for teenage girls, as it appeared slim on me however this was the problem: I was constantly cold, thinking about food, and had heart palpatations which I still do at this weight. It doesn't make sense because I was 5'8 and 115 lbs in middle school, and now I'm still the same height, why is my body rebelling against the weight? I know it sounds weird but when I reached my highest weight (145-150) even though I felt completely disgusting I finally stopped obsessing over food and the heart murmurings stopped. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so desperate to get down to 125 yet I always feel so bad physically when I attempt to go below 135 lbs.
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Replies
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Guaranteed, the reason you are binging is because your diet is SO restrictive the rest of the time. Loosen the reins a bit, let yourself have daily foods you love in moderation. To be the weight you were in high school is unrealistic and your body is telling you that with how you feel.7
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shes_walking_it_off wrote: »Guaranteed, the reason you are binging is because your diet is SO restrictive the rest of the time.
Exactly this! Try to get yourself some extra calories during the week and you may find the weekends become a lot easier.4 -
I agree with the comments above that binges often come from over restriction. But I wanted to add some other things to consider. The weights you are chasing for a 5’8 adult woman are at the very bottom of the “normal” weight BMI. (And 115 would be underweight for a 5’8 adult.) And your highest weights are within the “normal” BMI range for your height.
At the risk of sounding like a cheesy puberty video, as teens our bodies go through a lot of changes. Adult women may have higher body fat percentages than they did as pre-teens. Your body shape will change as well, and you probably need to carry additional fat to be healthy. It can be a hard thing to wrap your mind around when you have a picture of yourself from that age that doesn’t match your current reality. I’m in my 40s, at a “normal” BMI, and am still sometimes surprised by my hips in pictures. My mental image is definitely a lot less “curvy” than the reality I’ve now been living for decades. I’m at peace with it (and actually like the way I look), but it’s still occasionally surprising.
At your weight, if you want to change the shape of your body (just a guess based on your current goals), rather than trying to lose weight, you may want to think about eating at maintenance but adding in some strength training if you’re not doing that already. It can make a difference in your body shape, and adding some strength is great for confidence (and just life in general).
Good luck!8 -
Another vote for "your diet is too restrictive, that's why you're binging".
PS: you cannot compare your weight in middle school to your adult weight. You were a girl, you're becoming a woman -> a totally different hormonal reality, often alongside a different body shape.
Learn to love your new shape. If you are unhappy with your body shape, you can try to improve body composition by doing 'recomposition' (building some muscle and reducing body fat) rather than trying to lose weight.
I weigh the same as you do, except I'm 3 inches shorter. There is no way you look as bad as you seem to think you do. I remember being your age, I was an insecure mess - if I could talk to my younger self and make her see herself the way I see her now...4 -
You have an eating disorder. I'm so sorry. If you're doing this every weekend and regularly putting your health in jeopardy, it's a very serious eating disorder. Please please please talk to a trusted adult and see your doctor immediately. People in this forum can't provide you the mental and physical support you need. You're only 18 and already having health problems because of your actions and it will only get worse if you don't get treatment, mentally and physically. It seems like a scary prospect and you probably think you don't have a problem, but you do. Please talk to someone in your life who can get you help ASAP.2
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Is it possible you are feeling (or perhaps imagining?) your heart racing because of presumably a huge amount of sugar intake on a weekend?
What is your calorie intake and exercise level Mon-Fri? As others mentioned, if that's too low, it could be contributing to your binging.0 -
I agree with everything said above. Lots of us (especially women, whose bodies change a LOT) go through a period of "adult body" confusion.
136 is a lot better weight than 125. I'm your same height.
Please try to eat more during the week (probably around 2300-2600 calories; whatever MFP suggests for maintaining your current weight) and if you can't get a handle on the weekend binges, talk to a counselor or your doctor. They will ease your mind and help you get balanced again before you really have serious health problems. You're heading down a very dark and dangerous path, emotionally and physically. You have many decades to live with the only body (and mind) you've got. Don't break it! Trust me when I say once you break something it's very difficult to fix.
((eHug))
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I’m glad you’ve signed up and reached out, welcome! It sounds like you’re getting a bit of “tough love” here, but I want to give you hugs and answer your question: you say, “why is my body rebelling against the weight?” What everyone here is telling you, and what I am going to tell you too, is that your body is rebelling against being that weight because that’s too low of a weight for you to be healthy at. Listen to your body! It wants you to be an ally, not in a war against what it needs! A woman’s body does not look the same as a middle schooler’s, and nor should it. You want your body to be strong and fit. Become friends with it, help it to become powerful with exercise, and eat a healthy, balanced diet that keeps you in the healthy weight range.
Like at least one other poster here, I, too, wish I could go back to my teenage self and support myself to develop healthy eating habits and not hate my changing body. It took me a long time to develop a good relationship with my poor body! I really encourage you to be kind to yourself and help it be its best self. Hugs again.5 -
Retroguy2000 wrote: »Is it possible you are feeling (or perhaps imagining?) your heart racing because of presumably a huge amount of sugar intake on a weekend?
What is your calorie intake and exercise level Mon-Fri? As others mentioned, if that's too low, it could be contributing to your binging.
Hi, I'm not sure if it's racing due to sugar because even when I binge its only on high protein foods (tubs of greek yogurts, tubs of protein powder) because I am much too afraid to binge on high carbs. I have had heart palpatations in general ever since I got below 145 lbs, it's like magic once I get below that weight I have trouble breathing and thinking clearly. I'm half Asian half White and my dad has a very large bone structure and suffers when he get belows 180, he's like 6'4. I don't know if its genetic or whatever0 -
Another vote for "your diet is too restrictive, that's why you're binging".
PS: you cannot compare your weight in middle school to your adult weight. You were a girl, you're becoming a woman -> a totally different hormonal reality, often alongside a different body shape.
Learn to love your new shape. If you are unhappy with your body shape, you can try to improve body composition by doing 'recomposition' (building some muscle and reducing body fat) rather than trying to lose weight.
I weigh the same as you do, except I'm 3 inches shorter. There is no way you look as bad as you seem to think you do. I remember being your age, I was an insecure mess - if I could talk to my younger self and make her see herself the way I see her now...
Thank you so much! I was just confused because I've been the same height ever since I was 12, I literally haven't grown an inch since yet I could maintain 115 healthy and no problem. I guess my body wanted to get curves or something but it makes me so sad because i'm only 20 lbs away from being able to model professionally. I'm the right height just made the cut and I feel like if I get down to 115-120 it would solve all my problems...2 -
cmriverside wrote: »I agree with everything said above. Lots of us (especially women, whose bodies change a LOT) go through a period of "adult body" confusion.
136 is a lot better weight than 125. I'm your same height.
Please try to eat more during the week (probably around 2300-2600 calories; whatever MFP suggests for maintaining your current weight) and if you can't get a handle on the weekend binges, talk to a counselor or your doctor. They will ease your mind and help you get balanced again before you really have serious health problems. You're heading down a very dark and dangerous path, emotionally and physically. You have many decades to live with the only body (and mind) you've got. Don't break it! Trust me when I say once you break something it's very difficult to fix.
((eHug))
Hi, thank you so much for your support. The thing is that I feel disappointed in myself because I'm the right height to model professionally yet my mom and agencies are pressuring me to lose 20 more lbs, I feel like once those lbs are lost I'll be able to live my life to the fullest and truly enjoying posting photos online without thinking I look like a fat lard...0 -
You have an eating disorder. I'm so sorry. If you're doing this every weekend and regularly putting your health in jeopardy, it's a very serious eating disorder. Please please please talk to a trusted adult and see your doctor immediately. People in this forum can't provide you the mental and physical support you need. You're only 18 and already having health problems because of your actions and it will only get worse if you don't get treatment, mentally and physically. It seems like a scary prospect and you probably think you don't have a problem, but you do. Please talk to someone in your life who can get you help ASAP.
Thanks for realizing I need help...my mom is pressuring me to lose more weight as she's Asian (I'm half Asian half white) and in our culture every girl is expected to weigh 110 no matter her height. I try to tell her I'm having heart palpatations and I don't want to model anymore but she said just to push through it, my dad has a big bone structure and he too felt weak and nauseous if he got down to a certain weight. I feel cold constantly yet I feel so much pressure from my mom and agencies to drop 20 lbs, I"m seriously considering Adderall at this point1 -
You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love3 -
You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol2 -
Most protein bars are glorified candy bars. There's really nothing judicious about them.. Why not eat some quality proteins. Are you eating 400 calories aday - Monday through Friday.
One of the biggest mistakes for any person is going on their first diet. It can set off a lifetime of dieting and rebounding and dieting until there's nothing left but food confusion. Good food fixes everything, but you know this isn't the way to go. All restrictive dieting protocols are never successful. You're young and you need to back right out of this eating cycle. No one can diagnose you or the family dynamics. You need to sit down with a guidance counselor or school nurse. Seek out professionals you trust. You don't want this going on way down the road.2 -
silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Stay strong. Right there, in this post, you're hinting to us that you have the guts to be your own wonderful, healthy woman, on her own path to a happy life. You are the one who needs to be happy with your own life. That's part of the "becoming an adult" process, too.
I get it, I had a mom, too . . . but you're your very own you, and the only you there is. Be brave. ((hugs))5 -
silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Oh lawd... this is toxic as hell... I would be cutting my narcissistic mom off and going low or no contact. FFS.. my husband is Chinese and I cannot stand the cultural brainwashing that comes from that. 🙄3 -
silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Women's basketball!!!!! 😁
(I'm short.
) 1 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Oh lawd... this is toxic as hell... I would be cutting my narcissistic mom off and going low or no contact. FFS.. my husband is Chinese and I cannot stand the cultural brainwashing that comes from that. 🙄
Yea, thanks. My mom literally told me I would be "wasting my height" if I wasn't super skinny and that I should be lucky because not many women have chances to be models. I don't know if I can cut her off because she is helping partially with my college tuition but I have a lot of childhood trauma from my Chinese side of the family...a story for another day.4 -
silent_butterfly377 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Oh lawd... this is toxic as hell... I would be cutting my narcissistic mom off and going low or no contact. FFS.. my husband is Chinese and I cannot stand the cultural brainwashing that comes from that. 🙄
Yea, thanks. My mom literally told me I would be "wasting my height" if I wasn't super skinny and that I should be lucky because not many women have chances to be models. I don't know if I can cut her off because she is helping partially with my college tuition but I have a lot of childhood trauma from my Chinese side of the family...a story for another day.
Oh you poor thing... my husband is also just now unpacking all of his childhood drama from the cultural generational brainwashing and he's 37.
Try to see if there is therapy or help from your school. Someone professional to speak to will help a lot especially with keeping perspective on what's normal and what's toxic.1 -
I just wanted to emphasize the suggestion that @Chef_Barbell made regarding finding a professional to help keep perspective on what is normal. I’m lucky my family hasn’t put too much pressure on me regarding appearance and weight, but there are definitely other things in my family of origin that weren’t normal or healthy and I benefited so much from having a therapist who could listen to me and validate that. Therapy has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, and if it’s available for you through your school, I’d jump on the opportunity to talk through some of this. Hugs, and good luck!2
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Another vote for therapy. You are worth so much more than your height and weight. If you try for this "ideal" you will literally waste years of your life on something that is attainable at much too high a price. Live for you. Some of the people who have answered you have been here for years and are talking to you as loving aunties and grannies. Listen to them. They truly care and want to help.
Good for you for reaching out for help. And by getting help now, you'll save yourself so much heartache and money because if you don't get it now, you'll definitely need it later. It can be tough disappointing our parents, but really and truly, the only person we need to worry about disappointing is ourselves.
Hugs to you
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silent_butterfly377 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »silent_butterfly377 wrote: »You're an adult now. Maybe go see a doctor about your heart problems.
Do you REALLY wanna model? The successful ones survive on cigarettes and cocaine. Are you prepared for that?
^^^^^^actual tough love
Yea I realized lol, and like I said it was my dream to model when I was younger but now I just feel all the pressure from my mom to do it. She said it would bring great "pride" to our family and especially my Chinese relatives and they are already expecting me to do it because I'm tall but I also inherited my white dad's big bone structure is what they didn't realize lol
Oh lawd... this is toxic as hell... I would be cutting my narcissistic mom off and going low or no contact. FFS.. my husband is Chinese and I cannot stand the cultural brainwashing that comes from that. 🙄
Yea, thanks. My mom literally told me I would be "wasting my height" if I wasn't super skinny and that I should be lucky because not many women have chances to be models. I don't know if I can cut her off because she is helping partially with my college tuition but I have a lot of childhood trauma from my Chinese side of the family...a story for another day.
Cutting her off may be premature at this point. Do get therapy at school and ask for help setting healthy boundaries. Ideally, you will learn how to lovingly but assertively let your mom know that the modeling topic is a no-go and off limits for discussion.4 -
Poor OP is gone... I hope she gets the help she needs.3
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