Mentally dealing with losing a large amount of weight

JaysFan82

About 15-17 years ago I lost 125 pounds. I was around 23. I remember sleeping with anything that had two feet and a heartbeat after losing a ton of weight. Flash forward to now. I was near 400 pounds in Feb 2022 and have lost 104 pounds so far. I'm now 40 years old but I can see myself feeding off the constant compliments I get at work now. It's such a rush. It's hard to explain. It's almost overwhelming. Like 7-8 a day.

I'm in a long term committed relationship so I'm not about to act like I'm 23 again, but how do you all deal with this massive rush of attention? I find myself putting myself in situations where I know I'm gonna get a compliment on the changes I've made. It's another addiction.

springlering62

Basically….Enjoy them and move on.

They’ll stop soon enough once everybody gets used to the “new you”.

If they don’t, and still keep complimenting, then there’s an ulterior motive on their part and you have to be the one to either step back or politely put an end to them.

No way now how would compliments be worth screwing up a good relationship. They’re just too hard to find, whether you’re male or female.

I’ve got a female friend who cries daily that “there are no good men”. 😥

Hiawassee88

@springlering62 Tell her that your vibe attracts your tribe. That's such a bunch of hooey. She needs to change her game or move to a target rich environment. There are good men....everywhere, but the Lawd ain't gonna send her no married man. Ahhh, hell to the noooo.

@JaysFan82 You'll find your balance. I'm not moved by compliments or criticism. There's constructive and destructive criticism. Too many compliments can mess with your head. My father had a way with daughters. He would tell us to quit looking into the mirror like a bunch of pet parakeets and do something important with our lives. No one gets to coast on their looks for long. It's not bragging if it's true, I've never taken a selfie and I never will.

My best friend here is a pink flower. I've never seen her face, but the half has not been told how much she means to me and others.

amberchen86

If it happens on this site.You can tell them you are still fat then they will leave you alone.Some people think this is a dating site lol.

springlering62

amberchen86 wrote: »

If it happens on this site.You can tell them you are still fat then they will leave you alone.Some people think this is a dating site lol.

I can sincerely say I’ve never had that problem here.

I get the occasional “hey” or “what are you doing”, but they’re few and far between and ignoring is an easy thing to do when you’re in charge of the reply button.

AnnPT77

springlering62 wrote: »

Basically….Enjoy them and move on.

They’ll stop soon enough once everybody gets used to the “new you”.

If they don’t, and still keep complimenting, then there’s an ulterior motive on their part and you have to be the one to either step back or politely put an end to them.

No way now how would compliments be worth screwing up a good relationship. They’re just too hard to find, whether you’re male or female.

I’ve got a female friend who cries daily that “there are no good men”. 😥

I endorse every single word of this insightful post.

I want to underscore the part I bolded: The attention is temporary. Don't learn to enjoy/crave/need it, because it will not continue. If it becomes part of what motivates you, that's yet another slippery slope.

Like Spring, I'm in relatively long-term maintenance, year 6+. From people who saw me often, the attention started 20 or so pounds down, kept going for maybe a couple of months after goal. Year, year and a half or so? I got a little attention/approval periodically after that from people who saw me less often. Couple years, but infrequent occurences. Now? I'm boring to others. It's just me now. I'm "lucky you don't have to worry what you eat" and that sort of thing. Yeah, sure.

Have fun while it lasts, at most. 🤷‍♀️

Sinisterbarbie1

First of all - Congratulations on the amazing weight loss and all the commitment and hard work that takes. You should be getting compliments. They are well deserved. And although they will taper off, you have a ways to go yet, so I imagine you will continue to get them if you continue to make progress. If you are still heavy and you are getting compliments for your weight loss at work I would not automatically assume they are of a flirtatious nature. I would personally probably err on the side of thinking that my colleagues have noticed the great progress and are impressed and are thinking of my health and trying to be encouraging and positive to help keep me going with a good habit that they rightly assume is hard to maintain. I would view their encouraging comments about weight loss just like I would view encouraging comments if I had quit smoking.

You phrased your question in terms of being uncomfortable with craving these comments from colleagues, getting rushes from the attention, and worrying that it is a form of addiction. No one here is qualified to guide you on that, but since some people gain weight to repress feelings or avoid attention being paid to their bodies, it makes sense to me that losing a lot of weight might uncover the opposite (a craving for attention and a rush from positive comments). I think others are right that the attention is likely to wane, so you need to find motivation and positive feelings within yourself, rather than just seeking outside validation from work acquaintances. I would also be curious how your partner is processing this change in your health habits. Is this something you are doing together? Or are you making strides to a new, healthy lifestyle alone? That may also affect how you are interpreting other people’s encouragement and how much you crave it and seek it out.

Bottom line, you are doing amazing and wonderful things for your health, which I hope will also be great for your relationship. All change is hard, and making very personal changes like big weight loss that are visible to the world and that work acquaintances and others can observe and comment on can be excruciating - even when they are positive. I have lost a lot of weight, and I too get compliments about it, but to some extent every compliment comes with a side dish of embarrassment that I had the weight to lose to begin with. People observing and opining on your body is always going to stir up complicated feelings, and they may change over time. Whatever you do, don’t let the feelings derail your progress on your health goals. It is so worth it to persevere.

JaysFan82

I remember when I had lost 65 pounds and one of my friends commented to another that "remember how big he was at Rob's". I was mortified. Nobody ever said anything to me, but to know that people were talking about me. Never again! It really stuck with me.


It's a weird feeling going from nobody saying anything about you to everyone saying something about you. I work in an office with 1000 people. It's constant right now and it feels sooo good to get them. I definitely don't think it's flirtatious. I get along with pretty much everyone there. People are just being nice. I was known as "the biggest guy in the office" so alot of people are routing for me. It's just a lot to process. I know it's a lot of rambling but it's been on my mind for a while and I needed to get it out.

My gf could not be more supportive. She's wonderful and amazing.

springlering62

I think that, us having gone so long either being dismissed as “the overweight one”, or otherwise completely ignored, that any attention paid to us is magnified 100x in our heads.

I can silently sing over some compliments, which others might not even register, for a whole day.

It’s a very nice change from chewing on the hurts.

z6jv4rrmdy

You are doing amazing on your weight loss and I see you logging in every day!
Now for the receiving attention I say you just take them as a compliment and know how well you are doing! You are in a great relationship and she’s there for you supporting you!
I get what you are saying though as I’ve myself have had many compliments and I’ve been married for 29 years so this is completely new to me! I’ve had men message me and when they say one thing too much on their compliments I delete them! My husband is very supportive too!
I was so excited for you when you hit the 100 lb loss and you are still going strong! Keep up the great work, love your girl!!! You know who you are😀

JaysFan82

Thank you so much! It's been a crazy 7 months.

Sinisterbarbie1

It is great that people are rooting for you, and I would not worry about those comments then.

Regarding the mortifying comments by your friends after your initial weight loss - I feel your pain! I try to remember that people are fallible. If they are your friends, they probably mean well, but people say stupid things not realizing how they will land. That was a particularly dumb statement, but even a really positive statement said in the wrong tone or by someone who I think doesn’t understand what I have experienced is not going to land the same way as even a pretty intrusive statement or a question from someone I perceive as connecting with my experience. That is why this whole experience is complicated and why I personally try not to engage with other people’s opinions about my appearance positive or negative. The same people who are telling me how amazing I look now, were the people who were telling me that I looked great and didn’t need to lose weight 70+ pounds ago. All I can conclude is that they need glasses, and that I am better off listening to my doctor and pretty much no one else for weight advice.