Lost weight and Lost friends

beckyslack32

Hi everyone. So I began my fitness journey almost a year ago. I quit smoking and drinking and eating unhealthy. I joined a gym and I am down almost 50lbs. I am so proud of myself and at the same time lonely. Pretty much every single “friend” of mine now doesn’t talk to me or treats me differently. Has anyone else experienced this? Sad and happy at the same time.

IAmTheGlue

I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s happened to me as well. I never really was into drinking or smoking, but some people I actually care about treat me differently because I look different, I guess. I don’t know, but I was also pretty sad about it.

My husband still treats me the same except some days he is like “Just don’t do all this and then leave me”. Which that’s definitely not part of the plan. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe you will need to find some new friends by like joining a running club or some kind of club related to your new interests?

Retroguy2000

They weren't friends.

You're improving yourself, and doing something that's important to you. What sort of friend abandons someone for doing that?

If it's because you aren't going out drinking like you used to, again, not really friends, they were just people you hung out with while drinking.

Hopefully you'll meet new people who are into fitness, and they'll be better friends than those ones. And congrats on losing nearly 50 pounds in a year.

snowflake954

Make new friends.

cmriverside

Yeah I agree with the other replies.

I changed my entire life when I lost 80 pounds, and part of that was I let go of my former friend circle. Our get togethers had previously been food focused, low activity type of things and that just didn't fit my mindset any more. I do miss the epic food feasts, but that's how I got to be 220 pounds and if I continued to be around that as often I wouldn't have been able to keep that weight off.

I now spend time doing active things with active people. That is a lot more fun for me and is a positive thing in my life.

The other thing is that my overweight ex friends just would not stop talking about food, weight, complaining about how "fat" they are and yet none of them wanted to meet up for a walk. Losing weight is hard. I don't blame them, but I can see how my weight loss would possibly be confronting to them.

Xellercin

I definitely had to retire some friendships after I quit drinking, but I've moved a lot and changed jobs many times, so I'm pretty comfortable with the concept of certain friendships working only for certain phases of life.

If you met people like them today, would you want to connect with them? If not, then move on.

Now none of my friends are substantial drinkers, most are active (some of us are disabled), and all are health focused.

IAmTheGlue

Xellercin wrote: »

I definitely had to retire some friendships after I quit drinking, but I've moved a lot and changed jobs many times, so I'm pretty comfortable with the concept of certain friendships working only for certain phases of life.

If you met people like them today, would you want to connect with them? If not, then move on.

Now none of my friends are substantial drinkers, most are active (some of us are disabled), and all are health focused.

^This!! If you met them today would you want to connect with them? That’s so smart!

They say “Friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime”. They aren’t all the same thing. And honestly, if you don’t want to do the same stuff they are doing, maybe find some people who do enjoy the things you enjoy.

SuzySunshine99

Just playing devil's advocate...is there anything that changed about your attitude and interaction toward them that might have pushed them away?

Not knowing the details of your situation, I don't want to blame you, but sometimes, you also have to look at yourself.

Sometimes, when people go all-in on their health and fitness goals, it becomes the topic of every conversation they have. Enthusiasm is wonderful, but is not equally shared by everyone around you.

Comments about health and fitness can sometimes be construed as "judging" other people who may not have those goals, making them feel self-conscious or inadequate.

Again, I'm talking in generalities here, because I don't know you or your friends. I agree with other posters that you should seek out friends who enjoy the same activities that you do.

ninerbuff

There could be a couple of different reasons:

Your lifestyle no longer aligns with there's, so they don't ask you out with them anymore.

You may be subconsciously making them feel bad about themselves because you achieved what they perceive they can't do.

You may be giving out advice they don't want to hear.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

kshama2001

I definitely had to retire some friends when I quit drinking in the late 90s.

I moved to a new town last year and joined a lot of groups. And started a volunteer job. I am an introvert, and it is especially difficult for me to make friends. I am happy to report that my efforts have finally paid off.

veganbabe2021

I totally get what you’re going through. It happened to me as well. I simply made new friends that have similar lifestyle! Congrats on your weight loss!!!

beckyslack32

Thank you everyone for the comments, advice and insight.

csplatt

I mimic what another poster said -- when you got very serious about your health changes, is it possible that you were unable to talk about anything else? That could have driven people away if they felt like every interaction included discussions about counting calories, weighing food, trying not to eat something, clothing size, body size, etc.

beckyslack32

As for the comments indicating I would be talking about my fitness journey and that is pushing friends away actually that is not the case. I don’t talk about what I am doing unless asked. I do understand how hard it is to change habits and put in the work and never would want someone to feel obligated to change their lifestyle because I changed mine. I changed mine because of the fear of dying at a young age from heart disease or cancer. I have two kids that need me to stick around. I have expressed that I am no longer drinking alcohol because I was having a problem with it. I would over indulge and was the “fun friend” but truthfully I was just the blacked out drunk friend who carried allot of pain. I am proud of my sobriety and my lifestyle change. I guess after some thinking I am ok with not having people in my life that wish for me to stay on the old path I was on.

cwolfman13

In my experience, a lot of friendships are in passing and come and go or change through various phases of life. My friend circles have changed significantly through various phases of my life...different when I graduated college, different when I got married, different when my wife and I had kids, etc. Even with my best friend who's really been the one constant for many many years, things are different because he's now divorced and single and wants to do divorced, single guy things that don't really jive with my family life.