Is marriage/monogamy dead?
As the title says, is marriage/monogamy dead? With divorce rates at around 50 percent(last I checked), hook up culture running rampant, and alot of infidelity, can anything work nowadays? Were we as a species ever meant to be monogamous?
What does the future hold for relationships/marriage?
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts 🤔
What does the future hold for relationships/marriage?
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts 🤔
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Replies
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No. But I do know a few people who are living a very open poly relationship and the primary two are about to get married. Way too complicated for me to see how and if they have kids but I also know someone who was born out of a poly relationship. I don’t know her well.
There’s enough data to say that the leading cause of divorce is marriage. But there’s not much to say the leading cause of lasting marriages and monogamous relationships. It’s pretty subjective.2 -
Gonna say no since I'm still married and have been for nearly 16 years. Does our relationship have its up and downs? Yeah, sure. But it's nothing that a little discussion and communication can't solve. And yes, some issues are harder to discuss than others, but we're still going strong and so are the monogamous relationships of several of our friends.
I think it's that people are finally realizing that monogamy is not the only type of workable relationship out there and that many people can and do have fulfilling lives with more than one partner. But those relationships still take a lot of open communication and curtailing negative emotions (or working through them) to work.
People are different; what works for you may not work for me and vice versa, etc.6 -
Nope--married 37 years and he's still chasing me around. We laugh a lot together. We also have our problems, but manage to work through them. With 3 grown sons and 2 small grandchildren we have a close family, so we're lucky. My married son and his wife also seem stable. Time will tell. I can't imagine cheating on my husband.7
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Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy8
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divorce? in this economy??4
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I'm a macaroni penguin, just haven't found my soul penguin.
I used to be human, but I couldn't find another faithful human
I'll stick with penguins bc I love to show affection, and birds are 90 percent faithful to their partners.
Besides, penguins aren't allowed in divorce court anyway
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Peachesnstuff wrote: »I'm a macaroni penguin, just haven't found my soul penguin.
I used to be human, but I couldn't find another faithful human
I'll stick with penguins bc I love to show affection, and birds are 90 percent faithful to their partners.
Besides, penguins aren't allowed in divorce court anyway
i’ll be your penguin
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ermengarde22 wrote: »Peachesnstuff wrote: »I'm a macaroni penguin, just haven't found my soul penguin.
I used to be human, but I couldn't find another faithful human
I'll stick with penguins bc I love to show affection, and birds are 90 percent faithful to their partners.
Besides, penguins aren't allowed in divorce court anyway
i’ll be your penguin
I have found my soul penguin. Monogamy is NOT dead! ♥️♥️
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I try not think as a group thinker. Marriage is dead for only those that think that even if its a high percentage. Marriage is alive and well for thise that think that even if its a low percentage. If i wanted to get married i dont give a rats *kitten* if everyone around me said it is crazy to do. And if someone i knew thought marriage was horrific so be it, im not about to make a case otherwise. Im not invested in other peoples opinion. Live your life and you will find out where you stand on all the topics that arise. Just have the courage to stand up for your beliefs and those stats dont really matter.15
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Are you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.2 -
Married and monogamous here for 9 years. Deeply in love and happy I found my mate. We travel the world together and he is also my best friend. So to answer the question.. yep marriage is alive and well!1
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I try not think as a group thinker. Marriage is dead for only those that think that even if its a high percentage. Marriage is alive and well for thise that think that even if its a low percentage. If i wanted to get married i dont give a rats *kitten* if everyone around me said it is crazy to do. And if someone i knew thought marriage was horrific so be it, im not about to make a case otherwise. Im not invested in other peoples opinion. Live your life and you will find out where you stand on all the topics that arise. Just have the courage to stand up for your beliefs and those stats dont really matter.
It boils down to the saying - whether you think you can or you can’t - you’re right3 -
The never ending issue on my mind, this. I always feel split about it personally.1
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TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.2 -
For me - it's alive. Approaching 32 years with the same amazing lady... Wouldn't have changed a single thing and looking forward to the next phases of life.4
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I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation5 -
d. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
Agree with this 💯- from my own personal experience -3 -
TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.3 -
snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.
Aww that’s sad. I would think that the absence of a monogamous partner does not preclude being part of a vibrant & active community or family and it certainly shouldn’t keep people from building wealth to care for themselves & to give away.
Eta: I think also we need to remember the people who are childless and child free by choice. Those people seem to do very well in old age. I have numerous examples in my own life, including my children’s aunts & uncles.
PPS It just occurred to me also that we may be conflating having children with monogamous relationships and certainly the two are not the same and you can have either without the other.
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TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband
saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.
Aww that’s sad. I would think that the absence of a monogamous partner does not preclude being part of a vibrant & active community or family and it certainly shouldn’t keep people from building wealth to care for themselves & to give away.
Eta: I think also we need to remember the people who are childless and child free by choice. Those people seem to do very well in old age. I have numerous examples in my own life, including my children’s aunts & uncles.
PPS It just occurred to me also that we may be conflating having children with monogamous relationships and certainly the two are not the same and you can have either without the other.
True--but at some point one could ask the children if they preferred a monogamous relationship for their parents.1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.
Aww that’s sad. I would think that the absence of a monogamous partner does not preclude being part of a vibrant & active community or family and it certainly shouldn’t keep people from building wealth to care for themselves & to give away.
Eta: I think also we need to remember the people who are childless and child free by choice. Those people seem to do very well in old age. I have numerous examples in my own life, including my children’s aunts & uncles.
PPS It just occurred to me also that we may be conflating having children with monogamous relationships and certainly the two are not the same and you can have either without the other.
True--but at some point one could ask the children if they preferred a monogamous
relationship for their parents.
Oh that’s interesting! In my mind I was comparing singlehood to monogamy because I have limited experience with other kinds of
relationships.
But I don’t think that I would ever ask my children what kind of relationship I should have. For one thing, it isn’t their relationship. And for another I wouldn’t put them in a position of having to make an adult decision.
That said, if I were in the position of being a single parent my personal choice, for their safety & stability, would be to remain single until they are grown. Other people disagree with this, but I believe the children are the priority
eta: thank you for the engaging conversation. It’s been a while for me😁2 -
TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.
Aww that’s sad. I would think that the absence of a monogamous partner does not preclude being part of a vibrant & active community or family and it certainly shouldn’t keep people from building wealth to care for themselves & to give away.
Eta: I think also we need to remember the people who are childless and child free by choice. Those people seem to do very well in old age. I have numerous examples in my own life, including my children’s aunts & uncles.
PPS It just occurred to me also that we may be conflating having children with monogamous relationships and certainly the two are not the same and you can have either without the other.
True--but at some point one could ask the children if they preferred a monogamous
relationship for their parents.
Oh that’s interesting! In my mind I was comparing singlehood to monogamy because I have limited experience with other kinds of
relationships.
But I don’t think that I would ever ask my children what kind of relationship I should have. For one thing, it isn’t their relationship. And for another I wouldn’t put them in a position of having to make an adult decision.
That said, if I were in the position of being a single parent my personal choice, for their safety & stability, would be to remain single until they are grown. Other people disagree with this, but I believe the children are the priority
eta: thank you for the engaging conversation. It’s been a while for me😁
Yes, but do people ever listen to their children? It's eye-opening. Mine have very conservative values now that they are grown. After telling me how mean I was for years when I wouldn't let them do or have everything their friends did. I didn't say that the children should make the decision. However, believe me, they do have an opinion.1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »
I don’t believe in soulmates but I believe we make the best choices we can 😊snowflake954 wrote: »TwitchyMagee wrote: »Living well single is better than mediocre monogamy
In Italy they say "Meglio solo invece di mal accompaniato". Translated: "Better to be alone than in bad company".
However, if you are able to find your soulmate to share the ups and downs of life, it's a win-win.
ETA: but it’s more than that. For some people being alone is a joy so that even good company is just a variation rather than an enhancement.
The idea of a committed relationship being the culmination of something irritates me. Having monogamy and marriage being a goal seems twisted. Happiness comes in so many forms that the worn in ruts that so many people fall into seem not so much a choice as something they think they’re supposed to do
If you and another human choose monogamy and are happy with it that’s wonderful but I believe it should be a choice and not an expectation
What I have seen here (Italy) is that single is fine--until you get old and sick, especially without children. My husband saw so many people that are alone coming to him (his job includes estate planning) and had no one to care for them or leave their property to.
Aww that’s sad. I would think that the absence of a monogamous partner does not preclude being part of a vibrant & active community or family and it certainly shouldn’t keep people from building wealth to care for themselves & to give away.
Eta: I think also we need to remember the people who are childless and child free by choice. Those people seem to do very well in old age. I have numerous examples in my own life, including my children’s aunts & uncles.
PPS It just occurred to me also that we may be conflating having children with monogamous relationships and certainly the two are not the same and you can have either without the other.
True--but at some point one could ask the children if they preferred a monogamous
relationship for their parents.
Oh that’s interesting! In my mind I was comparing singlehood to monogamy because I have limited experience with other kinds of
relationships.
But I don’t think that I would ever ask my children what kind of relationship I should have. For one thing, it isn’t their relationship. And for another I wouldn’t put them in a position of having to make an adult decision.
That said, if I were in the position of being a single parent my personal choice, for their safety & stability, would be to remain single until they are grown. Other people disagree with this, but I believe the children are the priority
eta: thank you for the engaging conversation. It’s been a while for me😁
Yes, but do people ever listen to their children? It's eye-opening. Mine have very conservative values now that they are grown. After telling me how mean I was for years when I wouldn't let
them do or have everything their friends did. I didn't say that the children should make the
decision. However, believe me, they do have an opinion.
Don’t they always 😂1 -
Peachesnstuff wrote: »ermengarde22 wrote: »Peachesnstuff wrote: »I'm a macaroni penguin, just haven't found my soul penguin.
I used to be human, but I couldn't find another faithful human
I'll stick with penguins bc I love to show affection, and birds are 90 percent faithful to their partners.
Besides, penguins aren't allowed in divorce court anyway
i’ll be your penguin
I have found my soul penguin. Monogamy is NOT dead! ♥️♥️
90% 🤣0 -
ElMeroKeeQue wrote: »No. But I do know a few people who are living a very open poly relationship and the primary two are about to get married. Way too complicated for me to see how and if they have kids but I also know someone who was born out of a poly relationship. I don’t know her well.
There’s enough data to say that the leading cause of divorce is marriage. But there’s not much to say the leading cause of lasting marriages and monogamous relationships. It’s pretty subjective.
Yeaa I'm hearing alot more about poly relationships, but I don't think everyone can do that, like you said it can get complicated. But hey whatever works for each individual0 -
Are you under the impression that marriages were happier and healthier at some point in the past?
If so, I strongly recommend that you read up about the history of monogamous marriage in the western world. It's a pretty messed up history actually.
Most relationships are not built to last forever, and that's okay. The benefit now is that people have the ability to leave marriages that are not working, they aren't stuck in them until they die.
FTR, I'm very happily married and have been for years in a marriage that just keeps getting better over time. But this is a second marriage, so yeah, I have no problem seeing divorce and monogamy as totally compatible things. I'm in a tremendously committed, monogamous, wonderful marriage only because divorce is possible.
Just don't expect most relationships to last forever, and try not to see that as a bad thing. It's a good thing when relationships that should last end. It's also a WONDERFUL thing when people who are great together find ways to grow together through life's ups and downs.
Just expect that to be rare. Because it is. And it might take more than one try to get it right.
I'm not saying that relationships/marriage were better in the past. But I would say that people seemed to not give up so easily back then compared to now. With the coming of technology, I'd say that it has had a negative impact on the way we date and have relationships. The coming and going of relationships is a normal part of life, but we are living, in my opinion, in a society where we want instant gratification for everything. And if anything fails to gratify this society instantly, we give up on it. Perhaps it's my disillusionment with my generation, idk my 2 cents. Congratulations on your happy marriage
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Happy to hear about all these happy marriages! Some faith in humanity restored1
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I’m married and so are the majority of my friends. I believe in God and that marriage and being faithful are what God wants.
It does seem like a lot of people nowadays don’t value it anymore though. People are into instant gratification and being lazy.4
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