1 year - an angry rant

julanig612

It's been just short of a year from when I started my journey to health. I couldn't walk to hang my washing and I realised something needed to be done. Urgently. I joined a CrossFit class and got stronger. I joined pilates and toned my core. Hell, I even joined karate, which I had always wanted to join.
I got fitter but didn't lose weight. I went off all sugar. NADA. Went off carbs. Tried intermittent fasting. Mediterranean diet. Calorie counting. Trauma and sleep therapy. Gallbladder cleanses.I tried anything and everything. It has been a year and I am even heavier. As I type this I am in bed with sore knees from another workout session. I have PCOS. I realized this would be hard but seriously wtf. I cannot feel this way. I cannot continue nor can I give up. I am stuck and I am sad. I should be on an "after" photo right now with all the lifestyle changes I made, but alas. All the exercise and healthy eating seems to be for nothing. Everyone makes it look so easy. Oh JUST do this or that. You'll lose quickly. Nopes. Apparently not me.....
I will not go the pharmaceutical route. I need a solution, not a band aid. I need advice. Where to from here. I weigh 98 kgs, 1.68m tall, female, 39 years of age. Bring it.

Lietchi

That's a lot of strategies. Did you try reach one separately? How long did you stick with each one before deciding it didn't work?
And how much weight did you gain.and when?

Specifically for the calories counting: how long did you try and how much were you eating?

manderson27

The process you need to follow is easy but sticking to it isn't, being patient isn't.
1. Aim to lose 1lb a week
2. Weigh and measure EVERYTHING on a food scale
3. Enter it all honestly into the diary good and bad. Use that info to tweak your calorie choices
3. Weigh every day first thing and enter result into a trending app (I use Libra for android) this is not essential, but I found it really helps me understand the ups and downs and it does give you a visual of your trending weight.
4. Be patient. Weight loss is not linear you will go up and down on a daily basis, too much salt, extra exercise, time of the month, more carbs than normal all this can make you retain water which shows on the scale and can mask actual fat loss. Don't despair it will go away again.
5. Do this for 3 months, not 3days or 3 weeks but 3 months. Then see where you are.
6. If you have gained you are still eating too much open your diary and let us take a look we may be able to advise areas you can improve on
7. If you have maintained you need to tighten up your logging and make a few lower calorie choices
8. If you have lost then it is working, keep going, keep making good choices and above all stay patient.

I have lost 32 lbs the last 10 have taken me a year because I lost focus a bit and maintained for a lot of the time. I am looking to lose another 20lbs and it might well take me another two years but I will get there. Because I am patient and determined. You can do this, it will take time, it will be frustrating, but consistency is key.

snowflake954

Sorry you're having difficulty. Most of us watch our calorie intake first and foremost. Exercise is good for your health, but you can't count heavily on it for weight loss.

Calorie counting. Did you use a digital food scale? How long did you try it?

springlering62

Have you been weighing and logging your food?

I know from experience you can’t out-exercise overeating. Believe me, I’ve tried.

I also know that, personally, I reach a point when I exercise too much, my appetite skyrockets-as does muscle and joint soreness. I am reluctantly discovering there is a law of diminishing returns.

I was far more successful at losing and maintaining when I ate less and exercised less.

Counterintuitive, huh?

crb426

The manner in which you have named so many strategies makes it seem that you dabbled in a each one but never stuck to it. And Calorie Counting seemed to be almost an after thought in that list.

You lose weight by eating fewer calories than you burn. If you have gained weight after a year, then you have been eating more calories than you've burned. It's really that simple.

Set up your calorie goal in the MFP food diary to lose 1-1.5 pounds a week. HONESTLY weigh and track every calorie. Keep track of your body weight in a trending app like manderson27 suggested. (I use Happy Scale on iphone.) Then BE PATIENT.

If you do it right, and honestly (meaning don't eat things that you aren't logging), then this process works. Even if you have a few slip-ups now and then, this works.

cmriverside

It's all about calories.

The PCOS may make it a bit harder, but there is still a calorie level that will allow you to lose weight. It just may be a bit lower than other women your size who don't have PCOS - but it can be done.

Like the previous posts have said, it's about an honest reliable number that you have to find yourself. Don't give up. Talk honestly with your endocrinologist and gyn and maybe ask for a referral to a Dietician.

Retroguy2000

CICO is all that matters. PCOS apparently makes things a little harder though. It may be assumed that IF should help you lose weight, but that assumes you aren't over-eating beyond your TDEE during the feeding window, which is certainly possible.

Perhaps you've already done this, but there's no mention in your original post that you have diligently tracked all calories for a period of time, say six weeks or so. Including all treats, cheat meals, liquids, weighed portions if necessary, etc.

On the positive side, you've probably lost some fat and built some muscle with all that training.

neanderthin

If you weigh more now that before all of your interventions, I'd say you need professional help. Obviously, you know that eating too many calories increases weight, so you know you shouldn't do that. There's many new clinics opening that deal with lifestyle especially for people that are overweight, obese, have PCOS, diabetes etc, maybe look into that.

autobahn66

springlering62 wrote: »

Have you been weighing and logging your food?

I know from experience you can’t out-exercise overeating. Believe me, I’ve tried.

I also know that, personally, I reach a point when I exercise too much, my appetite skyrockets-as does muscle and joint soreness. I am reluctantly discovering there is a law of diminishing returns.

I was far more successful at losing and maintaining when I ate less and exercised less.

Counterintuitive, huh?

I can personally attest to this!

I lost 23kg in 6 months between July and December 2021. Got to my initial target weight and started maintenance for a few months.

Restarted attempting to lose weight through the year a couple of times.

In the meantime I started properly running - ran a marathon in April - and have done 2300km this year.

But I am exactly the same weight I was this time last year!

I initially thought - how is this possible? And the reality is that I was eating more to keep up energy for my running, or to recover from running. And it would be so subtle: an extra little here and there, consistently though the day. Eating the kids left overs, having a biscuit if the kids were having one, sugary recovery drinks and gels, an extra snack in the evening. All of it really hard to track and unplanned calories (and generally appropriate fuelling for what I was doing with my body - just not compatible with weight loss).

And that's ok - it's not quite what I wanted, and I'm still technically obese (just about), but my legs are like tree trunks (I live in the hills so every km is up or down a hill) and I am a million times fitter than I have ever been, and I'm certain my body fat percentage has fallen.

And the main thing is that I know I can manage my weight actively now. I know that if I want to lose weight, I need to track everything that goes into my mouth, and make this the focus of my efforts. That means taking it easy with running (up to 30km a week is helpful, 30-60km a week means probably going to over eat and >60 km means burning enough energy that I can't 'accidentally' keep up with calories burned and will lose weight even with the increased appetite).

For the OP:
I am sorry you are feeling so angry and sad. Others have given practical advice and I agree with them - certainly it worked for me when I was solely aiming to lose weight.

My perspective is more related to how you feel, because I have had lots of similar feelings of urgency, distress, anger and frustration, both in the past and now.

And my experience is that the feeling that something needs to be done now is actually not that helpful, and can be quite harmful. For me, it came from a place of not accepting who I am, what my body is like or what I can do. Even down to what I was eating - I set a goal of just recording what I ate (no deficit, just write it all down) and I actually couldn't do it because there was a major disconnect between what I wanted reality to be and what the reality actually was.

This is the same when setting goals. I had (?have) this thought that if I just do a perfect diet for the next week and run 80k and get enough sleep and and and... then everything will be perfect. But it's totally unrealistic, and leads to a sense of failure when (obviously) I don't do everything perfectly.

So I've learned to set small achievable goals, each with a clear priority, and ideally a range of great, acceptable and missed (so calories might be 1800 is great, 2000 is acceptable and over 2300 is missed). I have also learned to try to dismiss the feeling of urgency and absolute necessity, I'll still be the same person tomorrow as I am today, and I have to accept who I am to make any changes to myself.

cwolfman13

springlering62 wrote: »

Have you been weighing and logging your food?

I know from experience you can’t out-exercise overeating. Believe me, I’ve tried.

I also know that, personally, I reach a point when I exercise too much, my appetite skyrockets-as does muscle and joint soreness. I am reluctantly discovering there is a law of diminishing returns.

I was far more successful at losing and maintaining when I ate less and exercised less.

Counterintuitive, huh?

I tell this to people IRL who ask me for my advice and they're always baffled and bring up my endurance cycling and 1/2 centuries and whatnot. They are always surprised when I tell them that I didn't get into any of that until I had lost my weight and went into maintenance. When I was losing weight pretty much all I did was walk everyday and hit the weight room 3x per week for 40 minutes or so and eat sensibly, with the occasional jog here and there.

I always tell them that big exercise is going to also lead to a big appetite and if they can't control their food they aren't going to lose weight.

AnnPT77

julanig612 wrote: »

It's been just short of a year from when I started my journey to health. I couldn't walk to hang my washing and I realised something needed to be done. Urgently. I joined a CrossFit class and got stronger. I joined pilates and toned my core. Hell, I even joined karate, which I had always wanted to join.
I got fitter but didn't lose weight. I went off all sugar. NADA. Went off carbs. Tried intermittent fasting. Mediterranean diet. Calorie counting. Trauma and sleep therapy. Gallbladder cleanses.I tried anything and everything. It has been a year and I am even heavier. As I type this I am in bed with sore knees from another workout session. I have PCOS. I realized this would be hard but seriously wtf. I cannot feel this way. I cannot continue nor can I give up. I am stuck and I am sad. I should be on an "after" photo right now with all the lifestyle changes I made, but alas. All the exercise and healthy eating seems to be for nothing. Everyone makes it look so easy. Oh JUST do this or that. You'll lose quickly. Nopes. Apparently not me.....
I will not go the pharmaceutical route. I need a solution, not a band aid. I need advice. Where to from here. I weigh 98 kgs, 1.68m tall, female, 39 years of age. Bring it.

First, I completely understand why you're so upset and discouraged, and I'm very sorry.

There is so much BS and idiocy on the internet, on TV, in tabloids/magazines, and very little basic truth. The "diet industry" profits when we can't lose weight, or lose then regain. That makes us into repeat customers. It benefits them if they can keep us ignorant, confused and failing. Because of all that noisy mythology in the culture, a lot of people believe the nonsense, and spread it . . . with the best intentions. Even some personal trainers do that. Horrifyingly, even some doctors do that (they don't get much nutritional education in college).

"Exercise and healthy eating" don't inherently cause weight loss. Neither do the specific things I bolded in your OP. Some of them are great, amazing, healthful things . . . but they don't lead to weight loss unless calorie intake drops below the calorie output from everything we do - the total of calories we burn from "metabolism" (basically things like heartbeat, brain waves and digestion), all the way up to daily life activity (job/chores/hobbies) and exercise. For most people, exercise is the thing on that list that burns the fewest calories.

To be clear: It's not necessarily essential to count the calories. Anything that lowers calorie intake enough below calorie output - that'll get the job done. That's why intermittent fasting - or low carb, or whatever - trigger weight loss for some people. It helps them get calorie intake down. (What helps can be pretty individual.) Counting calories just makes the process more transparent.

Personal anecdote: I ate quite healthfully for 40+ years (I've been vegetarian since 1974, for example). I gained weight after college to the point of being class one obese. After cancer treatment - yup, got cancer while "eating healthy"- I became very active, even training hard routinely (usually 6 days a week) and competing (not always unsuccessfully). I stayed class 1 obese (165 cm (5'5") and randomly up and down around 83-89 kg (183-195 or so pounds)).

In 2015, I started calorie counting. I believed the MFP estimates to start, then used my own data after I had a month or so to work with. I estimated my exercise calories carefully, and ate those, too, as MFP recommends. I didn't materially change my exercise from what I'd been doing for well over a decade. I didn't change the range of foods I eat, just the portion sizes, proportions on the plate, and frequency of some calorie-dense foods. I didn't intentionally rule out any foods I enjoy, though probably some dropped to zero frequency because they just weren't that important to me. I didn't do anything I wasn't willing to do permanently to stay at a healthy weight, except for a sensibly moderate calorie deficit.

(An aside: My calorie needs turned out to be quite different from MFP's estimate, BTW. That's unusual, statistically speaking, but it can happen . . . especially for people with things like PCOS, which you have, or hypothyroidism, which I have.) After I had that data, I used my own experience data to fine-tune my calorie goal.

In just under a year, I was a healthy weight . . . at age 60, for the first time in literally decades. I've been at a healthy weight for around 7 years since, using what I learned by calorie counting and adjusting based on my own data.

Will that work for you? I don't know. I'm quite confident, from reading research as well as personal experience, that calories are key, and that counting them can work. Don't believe MFP's or a calorie calculator's estimate. Treat it as a starting point, collect experience data, and adjust. Since you're female and 39, you're probably not in menopause yet, so you should base your weight loss estimates on comparing body weight at the same relative point in at least two different menstrual cycles. \

If you find that your loss doesn't match your expected loss, and you need to adjust your goals, give that new calorie goal the same length of trial. It's like a productive science fair experiment for grown-ups, and with the right attitude, it can even be kind of fun.

Give it a fair chance, and use your own data once you have enough. See how that goes.

Best wishes!

P.S. You may have a bonus in store, when your weight loss really gets going. I mentioned that I'd been active for a couple of decades. When I lost enough fat, I was surprised to see that I had some kinda cute li'l ol' lady muscles under the fat layer, looked what some people called "toned" in some areas. They totally didn't show when I was obese, I just looked blobby. You may find the same bonus.

JMcGee2018

Others have made great points, but I specifically wanted to address the PCOS. Hormone problems can typically cause a metabolism shift around 10%. If your TDEE is predicted to be 1700 and you have PCOS, your TDEE might actually be around 1530. That means if you were setting a weekly weight loss goal of .5 lbs a week, which requires a 250 cal/day deficit, and basing it off of the 1700, you’d actually be eating less than 100 calories under your TDEE because you have PCOS. That’s a really slim margin and VERY easy to miscalculate.

I have a very short friend with PCOS, and she has to work with a dietician to lose weight because for her to eat at a deficit she needs to eat less than 1000 calories a day, something that DEFINITELY shouldn’t be attempted without doctor supervision.

All this to say that it IS possible to lose weight, but there are obstacles that can make it very challenging a as well.

snowflake954

The OP hasn't logged in since Dec 6th.

PinboardGoose

snowflake954 wrote: »

The OP hasn't logged in since Dec 6th.

So? That was only yesterday? Give people a chance.

springlering62

PinboardGoose wrote: »

snowflake954 wrote: »

The OP hasn't logged in since Dec 6th.

So? That was only yesterday? Give people a chance.

In @snowflake954 ’s defense, she’s many, many time zones away and has a full plate. I’m guessing she got her days mixed up.

She’s a very thoughtful and informative poster.

It can be very discouraging to pour a chunk of time into a response and then realize an OP was only in the site for a day and those of us who try o encourage and offer advice can get hypersensitive to it. I know we’re both pulling for everyone to join us on the “lighter side”, and it breaks my heart to see people give up quickly.

Although that’s obvs not what our OP has done here.

I think she just got her dates mixed up.

quiksylver296

You state you need advice. My advice is read @AnnPT77's post above. Maybe even print it out and put it somewhere you can review it often. It's gold.

springlering62

LOL
At the pizza. That’s exactly what we do. We order a large salad (no dressing) as an appetizer to fill us up before the pizza arrives.

It’s those darn Parmesan pretzels, though. They are little calorie bombs but soooooo good. So we just get half an order and try to take half of that home to reheat with the other half of the pizza for lunch the next day.

And we do our pizza about 3 or 4 in the afternoon, so it can be both lunch and dinner.