Giving support... realistically

ratherbeskiing

Ok- so my mom is unmotivated and wants the easy way to lose weight without doing the work. Very seditary lifestyle. (She thinks otherwise and encourages me to "take a break" often because I want to run a few times a week.I do not consider Farmville a workout) She just found a bootcamp online for $100 bucks and wants my support and my dad to do it with her. Not my dad's idea. I think my dad would do it with her but only to support her not because he wants to do it. (He, last weekend, asked me to go hiking with him, which I did- we went slow but he did it. I was so happy for him. She was invited and decided to go to a mexican cookout instead)

1- I asked her to walk with me yesterday she didn't (not the first time I have asked her)
2- she spent over a $1,200 on a road bike that she never uses- YES, I have asked her to go with me.
3- I got her Jillian for beginners for Christmas and she has not used it.
4- I have an elliptical in my room in front of a tv so she can watch her Kelly and whoever it is or her home improvement shows- never once even gotten on it.
5- she has a MFP account and never used it.

Now she wants me to be supportive of this bootcamp which I told her to look up free ones online and free apps on her phone and try them first. I hate to see her spend money on things that she will use for like a day and then give up on. Now she is mad.

How do I be supportive AND realistic at the same time????

kellyskitties

I'd say she just has the wish but not the work in her. You may be her role model, but she doesn't want to do all that work to get there. Maybe it would better if she chose some small changes and then rewards herself with the video if she achieves some other commitments (like logging food for a week).

The problem is, ultimately it is up to her. She's likely not been ready before, and may not be this time either. You cannot do much about that or someone else's bad decisions. Support her when she tries and just love her when she doesn't. You get one mother, don't let this get in the way. I hope you are being kind in your words and behavior with her.

I think it's pretty cool you and your dad went hiking - have you invited him again since he enjoyed it so much? Maybe she could go and wait at the end point for you guys with some water and the car. It's harder if you show up but don't participate - might motivate some.

ratherbeskiing

Yes, my dad and I want to go again just things have come up (weddings and work- I work every other weekend and he only has weekends off) on my next weekend off we plan to go.



... and I am not trying to push her but I have been there- all talk and no action so I know what she is going through- and I am just sick of hearing her want to try things that I know she can't do and not start with things she can. I would have never ran a 10 mile run my first time out or hiked Everest first time out. I feel like this is what she is trying to do. (not the hiking part) but jumping into something she can't realistically do. She tried the Jillian for beginners once and stopped after 10 (or less) min because it was too hard- this bootcamp is not going to be easier.

grentea

You sound like a caring person, but maybe you have to let your mom make her own choices. In my opinion, what you are calling as being realistic may come across as being judgmental. Your mom with get in better shape on her own timeline, when it suits her. You can encourage her to work out and offer your time to work out with her. If she wants to spend her money on something, that's her prerogative. If it's not your money, don't worry about it. People will get healthy when they want to. They have to find the motivation on their own.

cmriverside

Yeah, don't take this on yourself.

I am assuming it's her money to do with as she likes. Maybe Bootcamp is exactly what she needs - maybe not, but it's her life.

I have people in my life like this too. They complain but don't do the work. I just nod and change the subject.