what IS an acountability friend?

zebasschick

i've been with MFP for almost 10 years (my old account doesn't work, so i now use this account), and while i've had friends here in all that time, what is an "accountability friend"? i don't feel like i need someone else to hold me accountable, although i do enjoy swapping likes, reading each others posts, and so on. maybe the accountability in accountability friend isn't literal.

so, help me out here - what do you mean or understand accountability friend to mean?

thanks, all!

Lietchi

Good question, I've wondered the same thing when I see people asking for accountability buddies.

I'm accountable to no one but myself. If anyone started telling me off because I had a week of less exercise or higher calorie intake, I don't think I'd take it kindly 😂

SuzySunshine99

I think what some people want is someone to call them out if they don't log for a day, skip their exercise routine, go over their calories consistently, etc. I'm assuming it's a two-way street, and you'd do the same for your "accountability partner".

It wouldn't be for me...as Lietchi said, I'm only accountable to myself. But, if it's a mutually beneficial relationship for both parties, then to each their own.

AnnPT77

Yeah, I've kind of wondered the same. Would it be a polite name for someone who nags? Or - cynically - someone else to blame if motivation dies?

The one thing I can think of that sort of makes sense is if having an "accountability buddy" helps a person be more accountable to themselves because there's a witness, or because they feel like if they are clearly working at it they can inspire their buddy to keep going, too (the latter kind of an accountability reverso)?

I've used various "share your workouts" or similar threads here in that way, to help me be accountable to myself. It seems like the challenge threads/groups, or motivation/contest threads/groups could have a similar effect, and - while I don't mostly use those - it seems like that would work better for me than hanging my accountability on one person or a few.

I also find the tendency to look for others at the same stage with the same challenges to be a bit alien to my needs, too: When I was new here, I was more interested in the successful then-times old hands in the Community, and what they'd learned from experience, how they made it work. (They were great!)

Different things work for different people, though, I guess.

springlering62

Thanks for asking this, @zebasschick

This is something that always bugs me. Not pointing fingers, but I saw a new profile a moment ago asking for an accountability partner. I’ve seen that profile pic multiple times under multiple new ids since I’ve been here, always seeking an “accountability partner”
Or someone to “motivate” them.

I just have to pull the old definition of insanity out of my butt. You know the one….doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results….

Evidently their former accountability partners are epic fails and can easily be blamed for failing to motivate them each time.

Jeez, I had tons of opportunity for
Motivation: health, kids and husband, watching my mom decline due to obesity and diabetes. If that doesn’t motivate you, how can you expect a rando stranger on the internet to?

I just want to frantically tap out “eat less, move more, log your damn food” but that wouldn’t be very friendly or encouraging. 😬

I’ve got MFP friends, but tbh, we mostly piss and moan at each other about messing up; celebrate each others successes, be it a loss, a particularly good workout, or simply surviving a holiday; and we spend an awful lot of time on aches pains weather and sometimes ridiculous memes.

That keeps me accountable, because I realize that a.) other people really do have the same issues as me and b.) I feel sorta obligated not to screw up too badly and let them down, as I know I ache for them when they do the same.

But as @AnnPT77 points out, I got MUCH better value from taking time to read threads and seek advice from longer term, successful members here on the boards .

There is no magic, perfect accountability partner, no more than there is a magic perfect weight loss pill, detox, or vinegar/tea/juice/powder/yada yada. .

Accountability in weight loss is highly overrated, imho. Individual Responsibility for the win.

AnnPT77

As a related tangent: I think it's very reasonable for people to seek support/encouragement/camaraderie here. It's just that I'm not sure friending another relative beginner is the most productive - I guess that would vary individually?

When I started working on getting fitter in my 40s, not that many of my RL friends or relatives were into physical activity. It would've been easy to feel like the oddball nutcase bigtime, especially pre-rowing when my "motivation" was a bit fragile, and my physical self-confidence extremely low. It would've been easy to give up.

While I think I'm not the most socially motivated, I know that humans - me included - are kinda wired to notice and fall in line with perceived group norms. I made it a point to sign up for some group classes, try to be friendly there (within the limits). I signed up for various online newsletters, so I'd be slapped in the in-box with fitness info. And so forth. I was trying to create some counter-influence to my RL context.

The context for weight loss, a decade plus later, was similar: Most of my friends, even some of the rowers, were overweight. There was a micro-culture around me that treated being overweight as normal, losing weight as impossible or weird. There were plenty of those so-called joke memes that tried to make fatness cute or funny. ("I'm not fat, I'm fluffy" with a tiny cartoon sheep - jokes about the stomach as crumb-catcher, not being able to see the scale or one's feet, blah blah blah.)

For me, the MFP Community was a great way to surround myself with people who thought weight loss and weight maintenance was not only normal, but achievable, interesting, and worthwhile. I learned So. Much. from the "been there, achieved that" MFPers of the time!

But I do feel like the "accountabilibuddy" kind of idea maybe hangs a lot on a small number of people. If they fail and drop out of site, does that make failure seem normal?

P.S. Yeah, statistically failure sadly is pretty normal. But feeling that viscerally when seeing others give up may be more powerful. Humans respond more to stories than statistics.