I need help. Need to lose 80lbs and I have back issues.

mechwd

So a couple of things are required to explain my situation.

1. I am a 41 year old, 6.1 foot male who hovers around 275ish give or take. I have had weight issues since about the age of 24 but really my bad experience with food started as a child as my military dad would not let me waste any food. I'm talking about taking uneaten sandwiches out of the trash so as to not waste them. So I grew up with a mindset that if it's on the plate, I eat it. That has carried through all the way to now. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. My wife doesn't really like to cook things outside of sweets so sadly we eat out a lot when she is sick, tired, or whatever. We eat out about twice a week. What also doesn't help is that I work from home and have a desk job so I sit all day.

2. I use to be active playing ice hockey until I started having severe back issues. I have been diagnosed with lumbar arthritis and have a disc bulge in my lower back. Needless to say, I don't do a lot of weightlifting. Almost anything can hurt me from sleeping weirdly to sitting for long periods of time, standing for long periods of time, etc. I use to go to PT but I moved and the new PT person here hasn't been that great. I want to get back into hockey but my muscles are the worst they have ever been. I get winded going up the stairs. My knees hurt and I just feel like I am 80 years old all day. For example, when I get on the treadmill, I can walk for about a half mile before the pain is too great and I have to get off.

3. I have Barretts Esophagus. This really such because I do need to watch what I eat pertaining to spicy and processed foods, but I do such a good job managing other things to prevent it that I have a bad habit of knowing what I can get away with. Like overeating if it isn't too close to bedtime, or knowing I can take some tums. As I want to get into exercise more I can't exercise for an hour or 2 after I eat. So that leaves me tired in the morning with no energy to exercise, or late at night when I am tired from work. I have tried to get my wife to make sure dinner is prepared later than normal so I can exercise, but that is spotty at best.

So, if you have made it this far sorry for the long text but I'm just at a point where I don't know what to do anymore and I don't have the motivation to do what I need to because of all the other stuff in life (work, kids, etc). I feel like I am alone in my journey but I know that's not the case. I just need some help. I always feel too tired to exercise, and along with my back and Barretts, it just seems all too hard.

88olds

OK. I can tell you for a fact that you can turn this around because I’ve done it. Nothing special about me. I was 44, 6’, 285 lbs. Now I’m 72. Yesterday I weighed 178 lbs. I haven’t been over 186 since 2006.

Calorie counting works. It has to work, it’s how our bodies are designed. Actually our bodies are designed to survive hard times by storing extra calories as fat. But for most of us in the modern world the hard times haven’t arrived. It’s a good problem to have really. But Mother Nature did not envision this much food. So we have concentrate on living within some reasonable limits.

Folks come on here every day and want to fix their relationship with food. I don’t really know what that means. I don’t think in those terms and don’t really think I have a relationship with food. I have relationships with friends and family. I can’t have relationships with inanimate objects. But I do have to eat. I can’t just avoid food in general. And since I do have to eat every day, eating involves a lot of habits. And once upon a time I had a lot of bad eating habits. You probably do too. The good news is that bad habits can be swapped for better habits. And more good news it that good habits are basically the same as bad ones as far as being habits is concerned.

So “relationship with food” is actually too vague to work with from a problem solving perspective. If you’re hoping in the end for some sort of autopilot heathy eating or always making good choices I can’t help with that because I’ve never found it. And while we’re at it I think I have known 2 naturally thin people in my life and they just weren’t interested in food or eating. They both viewed it as a nuisance. That’s sure not me.

Try not to think about how much you have to lose past the next 5 lbs. Don’t worry about what a big undertaking it is or how hard of a struggle it will be. It’s not really all that hard if you just embrace the process. And please do not get into stressing over the time factor. The time factor is the number 1 killer of weight loss. Even MFP will start spitting our projections as to where you can hope do be at some future date. Forget X lbs by Y date as a goal. The only place you want to be by Y date is better than you are now. Do that long enough and time will be on your side in this. The trend is you friend.

Get a food scale and start a food diary. Start weighing what you eat and logging it into your diary. My food diary was always done with pen and paper. Lots of people like the computer and gadgets but using the computer reminded me of being at work. Just start keeping a record. If you eat out a lot (I always have btw) you need to figure out how you will deal with that. One thing I found was that by using a food scale and measuring cups (liquids only) at home I was able to train my eye as to portions.

When you’re ready use the MFP calculators to calculate a modest calorie deficit, no more than 1 lb per week. I also like to always know my maintenance number. So long as you are between those numbers you should be losing something. Avoid the temptation to aim for the most aggressive calorie deficit imaginable. Weight loss has 2 parts- eating in a calorie deficit and living with it. People tend to go all in on the deficit and try to beat themselves into living with it. Generally doesn’t work. The best plan is one we will actually follow.

Right now there’s a chance that your brain is screaming that you aren’t going to get involved with all that weighing and measuring and writing stuff down. I’ve had plenty of people tell me I have OCD for even suggesting it. But you said you wanted help and don’t know what to do. This will in fact work. The diet “secret” is in plain sight. We just have to recognize it when we see it.

And while we are at it- beware of your brain in this. I think our brains hate weight loss. Actually parts of our brains hate any kind of change but they seem to hate weight loss the most. Our brains will go to nearly any length to talk us out sticking with it. Any uptick in the scale is a disaster. Any loss is too small to be worth it. Any mistake is total failure. All of those things are false.

Weight loss is mostly a matter of problem solving and persistence. So start your food diary. It may seem like a big pain in the neck at first but it gets easier as you learn the numbers for things that you eat regularly. Sometimes you might forget- go back and fill in as best you can. When you get into calorie counting you will encounter gray areas. Can’t be avoided. Make good faith estimates or even guess when you must. Over time you get better at handling that sort of thing. There is a considerable calorie counting learning curve. It involves a lot of trial and error that some people can’t tolerate. But stick with it. Lately I’ve taken to comparing learning calorie counting to learning to play an instrument or shooting baskets. Ever play a wrong note? Ever miss a shot? Did you throw up your hands and quit? That’s what people do here when counting calories.

Here’s the number one thing about counting calories- always record everything you eat or drink that has calories in your food diary. Going over your number, even wildly over is not a reason not to record it. Going over your number is a problem to be solved. Solve enough problems and you will get to goal weight. You will soon find that you have a better chance of hitting your number if you have a plan. If you find at some point that your plan isn’t working (this will happen) try to fix it to make it better for next time. Good luck.

And this- I’ve been several internet weight loss groups, #1 exercise? Walking. Good exercise. Good stress reducer. And this too- my first “workout” was 8 min on the stationary bike that I dragged out of the corner of my basement. 8 min was the most I could do. Doesn’t matter where you start so long as you start.

JaysFan82

Dude, you can do it. There's always a way around your limitations. I'm 40 years old. I started in Feb.2022 weighing 388.6. Sore knees, digestive problems, sore lower back, constant muscle cramps. Started swimming laps at the pool and counting my calories religiously. Worked up to the Elliptical and now I'm running 5km a day three days one, one day off with strength training. I'm now down 138.8 pounds weighing 249.8 with just 14 more to go.

You can do it! You just gotta want it badly enough!

MaggieGirl135

I agree with the other two. You can do it; of course you can. I just want to suggest finding another PT person. PT has been critical for my husband (with different back problems).

mechwd

You guys are right. I can do it. I’ve started putting photos of me in my hockey gear where I work so I can be reminded of my goal to get back on the ice. My wife and I are making an exercise area downstairs where I can put our treadmill and some of my hockey training equipment so I easily use it (such as my slide board).

I will slowly work up to stuff. I know I won’t be able to do much at the start but anything is better than nothing.

Thanks everyone. I need to be more active on here to keep my mind centered.

RunningJustIncase

How do i add you as a friend on here?!

avatiach

You can do it.

And one thing that will probably help is, don't rely on your wife for the cooking. Cook for yourself, and for her!

Men can cook too and cooking really helps with watching what you are eating. If you want more...vegetables...protein...less fat...or whatever fits into your diet, if you cook it, you control it. I can say that when my husband cooks, he almost never makes enough vegetables!

As you think about your eating, you can see what works for you. Are you a volume eater? (Only satisfied if you eat a LOT? You can add vegetables.) Do you really like protein? Focus on that.

One day at a time...

JaysFan82

100% yes. My gf and I work opposite shifts so I constantly cook for myself. Pintrest is a great resource.

DiamndMnd

If you're worried about eating out and eating unhealthy, maybe try batching your meals or meal prepping. Husband and I have been making food for the week on Sundays. Then our lunches (and sometimes dinners too) are good to go. No thinking involved. Grab and go and it's way nicer if you're tired after working, etc.

I can totally relate to not being physically in it to want to work out. I'd like to lose 20 pounds but I also have so issues I'm working thru that leave my body tired and too exhausted to work out, even if I am mentally there for it.

Take it a day at a time and remember, it's one meal at a time too. Every time you eat is a new chance to start over and make better choices!

Good luck & you got this!