I gained so much weight after my Mom passed away. :(

musicandrabbitlover87

Hi all,

I put on about 60 lbs after my Mom died over a year ago. Her death was sudden and unexpected. She was only 64.

Since her death, I've gained around 60 lbs. I can't stop reaching for candy and carbs. I used to be SOOOO good and watching my food and staying fit but now I can't. I try. I've meal prepped, used the app, and after I log my calories, I fail and reach for sweets.

My clothes don't fit anymore. I was a size 8 and now I am a 16. I feel miserable.

😞

Any suggestions?

LifeChangz

nods, hugs... start reaching for non-food soothers, movie with box of Kleenex. regular bedtimes, good chat with others.... non-food things for non-food things.

grief comes in waves, ruff at times then eases... keep riding the waves and try to shift towards thinking about happy/positive things...

Sinisterbarbie1

I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have at least partially identified that your problem is grief (and/or other emotional issues brought on by your mom’s sudden death) not hunger. Can you find a therapist to help you process these issues? Sometimes workplace benefits include at least a few sessions and more insurance plans now cover talk therapy as well. If nothing else talk to your PCP. When I first started losing weight I went to my doctor and ended up crying in his office for 45 minutes about everything that was going on in my life and how stressed and out of control my life was. Until then I had just been trying to suck it up and soldier on and not really thinking about the health/weight impact things were having on me. Once I actually told someone everything that was going on out loud and felt heard it suddenly became a lot easier to take on the challenge of losing the weight I had gained. Naming my problems also made them possible to address.

kaygirl1730

I’m so sorry for your loss. reaching for a journal and writing or drawing might help.
Grief is so powerful maybe talking to someone.
Wishing you all the best and sending lots of love and light

cariad71

You have suffered a trauma. What a shock to lose your Mom so suddenly at such a young age. Seek out a bereavement counsellor or a group so that you can process the burden that you carry. Heal your soul first then the body will be easier to sort. Be gentle on yourself- you’ll get there.

sollyn23l2

One thing I've learned about trauma.... is that you have to learn how to sit with your emotions without trying to use coping mechanisms and "make" them go away. They will not ever go away if you keep reaching for food to make yourself feel better. They will come back as soon as you set the food down. I've never used food for this, but I used another behavior that was equally destructive and had to learn that it doesn't help, it always just left me feeling worse.

AnnPT77

I'm so sorry that you've had this difficult loss.

Others have given excellent advice about the grief and trauma side of this.

On the more pedestrian side of the situation: I found that making it a point to eat several servings of fruit daily helped reduce my cravings for baked goods and candy. Would it be possible for you to try fruit as a substitute, until you can find non-food strategies?

Are you finding the cravings to be an evening thing, often? If so, are there ways you can improve sleep quality/quantity? Evening cravings can be partly our bodies dealing with accumulated fatigue by seeking energy in the form of food. If there are other stresses in your life you can reduce, that can also help reduce fatigue. Note that overly intense exercise (for current fitness level) or an unnecessarily aggressive weight loss rate (very low calories) are also stressors.

Another possible strategy is substituting stretching, meditation/prayer, journaling, a warm aromatherapy bubble bath or something like that for evening snacking. Resuming an old hobby or starting a new one is also a good evening distraction (bonus points if it requires clean hands like sketching, needlework, playing a musical instrument; or creates dirty ones, like gardening, painting, carpentry).

As a generality, sometimes trying to get everything right all in one swoop is a little too much. If necessary, it's OK to build your way to a more positive routine one step at a time, gradually, as you can manage it. Each step tends to add confidence, a sense of empowerment, and can pave a way out of a hard situation. It can sometimes help to focus on "behaving as if", i.e., trying to treat a new change as just a required thing to do, as if it were tooth-brushing or going to one's job, rather than something that is a choice with options.

I know this is a really hard situation. I've lost both parents, and my husband, among others close to me. You can and will make your way through this difficult time. I don't think that grief ever totally goes away, but it can become smaller in the rear-view mirror, less of an impact on ongoing life. I'm sure your mom would like to see you thrive, and that kind of thought has been helpful to me to take action in my case - I don't know whether that would be a helpful thought for you.

Sending wishes for healing and a clearing view ahead to your future.

kshama2001

Fuzzipeg

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, too. Yours as someone said above is a traumatic shock, there had been nothing to hint at an issue. Believe me its hard enough when you know its a possibility, thinking of my father here. I know you have can have things, given time you might have wanted to tell her. Then there are experiences you will not be able to share in person, each time something good happens in your life your mum would probably be the first person you'd want to tell and then conversely something dreadful happens likewise because she would know the right words for you in your situation.

Turning to a bereavement councillor is a good idea so you can talk things through to find inner calm. If you have faith you could turn to your minister or other trusted person in your church to show you wisdom or enable you to find it.

I hope you will be able to find it in yourself to remember the good times. It is true, true for me anyway, their wisdom does come through. There are even situations best part of 30 years on, in which I think, dad was watching over me. I know your mum would not want you, because it sounds as if you could be making yourself ill, she would want you to carry her guidance and love inside you because hurting yourself will not be helpful to you, or for others in your circle, your children, who ever.

Heaven forbid you are alone, your pain must be amplified, had you not been fortunate to have a good relationship and did not have the opportunity to make your peace, I'm more sorry. I hope this is not to simplistic for you, think of a place where you can go to be safe with your thoughts and sit quietly and think the conversation. I had a place where I'd go and sit when things got really hard, it helps, promise. Possibly sitting with a photograph. I've known someone who laid a place at the table for a meal they would share and talk to their, her position.

At the age I am now, I know I'd want my family to know I want the very best for them were I suddenly, unexpectedly taken. You are a highly valuable person, please love yourself, I know going through trauma makes it really difficult. Take great care of yourself, probably small things one at a time, you will get back to you.