Struggling to eat. Halp pls.

Mechanikitty

I'm having a really strange problem this last week. I find myself having a healthy meal and then struggling to make up the calories elsewhere. I feel like I'm forcing myself to eat and it's not entirely pleasant.

I've struggled with undiagnosed disordered eating since I was fifteen: extreme restriction(under 500 calories), fasting for long periods and binging at least once a week. I'm nineteen now and I'm utterly sick of it. I was losing weight and gaining it back with these irrational months of disorder and then months of eating slightly above what I should have been, not exercising at all.

Three months ago I started a more reasonable diet: 1200 calories with a deficit of 300 calories from my BMR of just over 1500. In the last two months I've started running and I already struggled to eat 1200, often failing. If I averge it out I ususally eat 1000 calories of food and then the exercise taking away from that. I'm failing at eating back exercise calories. I eat when I'm hungry ususally and try desperately to eat healthily(I'm vegetarian too) but I find myself having to eat cheese toasties and quorn burgers just to add to the calories.

For example today I had homemade lentil soup with a buttered roll and an extra thick yogurt with compote for dessert.
I just forced myself to eat brie on bread a moment ago and then a nakd banana bread bar. I didn't enjoy it at all but I need the calories and nutrients.

This happens every day but I've never hated it this much. I have no body image problems and I can see I'm losing weight in the mirror, I know I'm not fat, I know I'll be perfectly happy with myself 20 more lbs down the line.

Any ideas on why this is happening? My diet is high in protien for a vegetarian with lots of low fat greek yoghurt and beans. Ideally I need calorie dense healthy foods(bodybuilders should know about that right?).

I don't eat fish or white meat like some vegetarians but I'm happy with eating crustaceans, eggs and cheese and I'm not picky with food.

wrests

It's pretty difficult to begin eating that much food, especially when you've been essentially starving yourself for so long. Mentally, you probably don't believe it will 'work' to eat more, and that can stress you out and make you have less of an appetite. Physically, your body's confused as crap by what you're suddenly starting to put in it. You can easily add calories by using protein powders (shakes are also GREAT, you can use ice cream, yogurt, milk, etc to thicken them and add more cals), mayonnaise, avocado, protein bars, nuts, etc. I'm trying to do the same thing and while it sounds silly, it IS hard to figure out how to pack all that in when you've been living by a motto of less and less and less!

sgdenton

I can totally relate.

I was diagnosed bulimic in my early 20s and have fought the starve/binge/purge cycle for years. I've work hard in recovery to learn how to healthily lose weight and be fit. I aim for 1200 plus any exercise calories, but I also have a hard time always meeting those calories. I still have that mentality in the back of my head that says "don't eat so much, you're going to be fat forever." I know that I need to eat to lose, and I NEED to do this the healthy way.

I often times get to about 800 calories and feel full for the day, yet I have been trying to add in the extra calories in. I use almond butter, avocados, protein bars and other healthy fats to make up the deficit.

Believe me, you aren't the only one dealing with this, and good for you for doing your best to eat healthy! Hopefully adding in some more higher calorie healthy foods will help you stop feeling like you are forcing yourself to eat when you aren't hungry.

Mechanikitty

Thank you for taking the time to read this and give helpful advice! I really felt alone on this matter and didn't think that another person with an eating disorder would be trying to lose weight. I think I fell pray to the fact that the majority of people who are on these forums are trying to put weight on after having an ED. I was also reluctant to post because I thought that people without eating disorders would simply tell me to go to a doctor or that I still had a disorder.

I also feel the extreme need to do it the healthy way because if I don't I can see myself very easily not being able to stop. That's why I need to learn now. I need to push aside the 'that's enough for today, I'm not hungry, I don't need it' mentality and just give my body the fuel it needs.

The main thing I'm taking from this is that avocados on toast with salt and pepper is delicious -the only thing I've tried them with in the past- and I should eat that more often. Try and sneak in a protein bar between meals and to put mayonnaise on my sandwhiches. I realise I should have had jelly(gelatine free) and icecream with my sister for dessert instead of a yoghurt but I was too scared too.

Thanks again, I'll try my best.

NonnyMary

do you think that you are struggling to eat because your eating disorder is still lurking and fighting your current way of eating?

If not, then it could be that you are eating enough nutrients in the food and getting adequate food and that will naturally fill you up.

Since I dont know because I'm not there in real life, maybe you could answer which one.

I was just thinking, if your appetite is not that strong, then try to choose the best foods nutritionally so that you at least get what your body needs.

If you want to increase your appetite, then eat food that is so appetizing that you will enjoy it.

I hope that helps a little

cmriverside

If you like avocados, start putting them in your smoothies. They are delicious in protein smoothies, or just regular vanilla smoothies. Add avocados to your sandwiches. Use full fat greek yogurt, not the lowfat stuff you've been using. Full fat cheeses, full fat milk.

Add cheese to your scrambled eggs. Cook them with a good amount of butter.

When I was losing weight and having trouble getting enough calories, full fat dairy really made the difference, as well as adding olive oil or coconut oil to my smoothies. More fat will help your hormones settle down, too.

Sometimes it's just a flaw in our mindset that is easily changed.

Good luck.

Mechanikitty

do you think that you are struggling to eat because your eating disorder is still lurking and fighting your current way of eating?

It is most definately fighting with it's last dying breaths, haha! They say a lion is most dangerous when it is hurt or dying, I believe that is a good metaphor. I just hope it doesn't make a recovery.

I know that I'm not getting enough, I can feel it. It doesn't come in the form of hunger because after years of restriction I barely notice hunger pangs but I snatch up any moment that I sense them to get some food in me. There's telltale signs like headaches and a fluttery, weak sensation that lets me know I haven't had enough.

I'm a bit lazy but I'm a good cook so I ususally make one meal a day that's really healthy and enjoyable, other than that I'm filling in blanks with rubbish. I don't take any pleasure in a cheesey baguette or a bowl of icecream like other people would so it's a struggle and I'm not a snacker either so no luck there.

wrests

I guess I shoulda mentioned that my advice is coming from someone who struggled with ana for years- don't feel alone! Lots of people here- even if they didn't have an eating disorder- still suffered from disordered eating at one point in their life. It isn't easy to overcome the part of your mind that's telling you that it's a good thing to have 1000 calories left over for the day, or that you're gorging yourself when you shouldn't be. Everyone's here because they have or have had an unhealthy relationship with food!
Edit to add that even if you're not much of a snacker, nuts are still FULL of calories so you can have a small amount of them and still get your numbers up

DatMurse

why would you take in more calories? Who says you need to consume 1000 or 1200 a day? As long as you are not eating 0, I wouldnt worry too much.

NoAdditives

For your height, you should be at a healthy weight right now. You don't need to worry about losing anymore weight. D your best to eat more, even if you have to work at that slowly.

nerakma

why would you take in more calories? Who says you need to consume 1000 or 1200 a day? As long as you are not eating 0, I wouldnt worry too much.

Not this ^^^^

Good luck and well done for getting this far.

DatMurse

why would you take in more calories? Who says you need to consume 1000 or 1200 a day? As long as you are not eating 0, I wouldnt worry too much.

Not this ^^^^

Good luck and well done for getting this far.

why not that? care to explain why when someone is attaining enough protein?

nerakma

why would you take in more calories? Who says you need to consume 1000 or 1200 a day? As long as you are not eating 0, I wouldnt worry too much.

Not this ^^^^

Good luck and well done for getting this far.

why not that? care to explain why when someone is attaining enough protein?

Good grief. Nope.

Hannah_Hopes

Also in recovery - after long periods of not eating correctly your body adjusts to that level so when you start eating more /less you need to give it time to re-adjust to the new eating pattern so give it time and keep pushing yourself a little at a time and you'll be there soon enough

Calorie dense foods like nuts really does help to snack on too

NonnyMary

do you think that you are struggling to eat because your eating disorder is still lurking and fighting your current way of eating?

It is most definately fighting with it's last dying breaths, haha! They say a lion is most dangerous when it is hurt or dying, I believe that is a good metaphor. I just hope it doesn't make a recovery.

I know that I'm not getting enough, I can feel it. It doesn't come in the form of hunger because after years of restriction I barely notice hunger pangs but I snatch up any moment that I sense them to get some food in me. There's telltale signs like headaches and a fluttery, weak sensation that lets me know I haven't had enough.

I'm a bit lazy but I'm a good cook so I ususally make one meal a day that's really healthy and enjoyable, other than that I'm filling in blanks with rubbish. I don't take any pleasure in a cheesey baguette or a bowl of icecream like other people would so it's a struggle and I'm not a snacker either so no luck there.

Hi - then if its your eating disorder making you not desire food, then that is what to work on. I believe what the medical professionals do is "exposure" .. in other words, rather than shy away from food, they encourage you to eat even if you don't feel like it, in time you will be exposed to eating food and it will be ok.

Just make sure you eat all your necessary nutrients first, find out what you should be eating in a day and eat that.

I'm not giving too much advice because I dont know enough about it since im not a doc but I think that might help you with what I said.

Mechanikitty

For your height, you should be at a healthy weight right now. You don't need to worry about losing anymore weight. D your best to eat more, even if you have to work at that slowly.

Thanks for that but as I said I have no body dysmorphia, I may reach a point between 120-110lbs and decide I want to work on gaining muscle/losing body fat and come straight back to 125-130lbs but slimmer. My goals are not set in stone.

@Hannah_Hopes, I think that's exactly what'll happen. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and eventually it'll become second-nature.

@NonnyMary, I'm glad you said that because that's actually what I've been doing. Like Hannah said I should just give things time to adjust and maybe I won't need to force myself so much, it'll come naturally. Not looking forward to the bit inbetween now and that stage though, haha.