This is my last resort

starrrjo

It's happened!
I can't say I wasn't expecting it, I just never thought it would be this hard.

I've hit rock bottom. I've hit the point where a smile feels like pure pain. I can't bring myself to even wear a shoe that slightly shows my foot as my what was once a tiny foot is now a swollen mess.

I continually tell people (and myself) that I am happy with the way I am, but how can I be when all I want to do is lock myself away in a dark room?

The mirror shows a person I don't like. Someone I shouldn't be. How did it get like this? One minute I am a 15 year old cheerleader with a flat tummy and not a care in the world. Now I am a 25 year old mundane office worker with a hate for everything that involves being in day light.

I need to make a change, it needs to happen now or else it will never happen.

You would think that being told that if I don't lose weight, I will never conceive would have been enough.
You would think that being told that I am likely to develop diabetes before the age of 30 would have been enough.
You would think that the pure memory of the time my boyfriend said 'You can tell you've put weight on' would have been enough.
You would think that my nephew asking me how I got a big belly without having a baby would have been enough.

No! So what does it take to stop a person doing this to themselves? I continually comfort eat. I can easily justify spending £20 a time on a take away but I can't seem to gather the sense behind treating myself to a nice outfit? A top for £20 wouldn't even cross my mind as an option 'waaay out of my price range'....however, 'oh I'll take the large with stuffed crust for £19.99 please'.

My life shouldn't have come to this and no matter what excuses I have, its over. New me, New everything!

Care to give a damsel in distress a lil' help?

rayonrainbows

hey girl!
not sure if it helps but i'm super jealous of you being able to spend £20 on a single meal... that like USD$27?? if i had that kind of change to spare, i would be buying broccoli and cauliflower and healthy grains and super flavorful cheeses etc. unfortunately, i am living in nicaragua where such things as fresh spinach & kale & brussel sprouts etc are virtually non-existent.... it's pretty much just cabbage here lol
butttttt if you have the motivation (which i think you do), there are so many amazing HEALTHY recipes that you can make when you can afford quality ingredients. my suggestion is to put that money for pizza into a delicious dish of baked brussel-sprout with a bit of nice shredded Parmesan and a delicious fresh salad with arugula and kalmata olives etc. it'll be wayyy better for you, and seriously just as delicious.
another suggestion that i read on the site today (i just joined yesterday) is to make an "improvement jar" -- for every pound you lose, decide how much you want to put in it (£5 or £10 per pound) so when you get to the weight you desire, you can use that money to buy new, fitting clothes!
i wish you luck!! you can do it!
xx sara

starrrjo

Thank you Sara, that sounds really helpful. I don't know why I haven't taken up cooking...perhaps this could become a hobby...hmm

But don't worry, I can't afford to spend £20 on a meal which is why I'm always flat broke lol. The saving idea is really good. I'm definitely going to try it.

Thank you so much. xxx

poohbear1958

Hi, I'm just up the road from you in Brum. Please feel free to add me for support.

ChrisM8971

You would think that being told that if I don't lose weight, I will never conceive would have been enough.
You would think that being told that I am likely to develop diabetes before the age of 30 would have been enough.
You would think that the pure memory of the time my boyfriend said 'You can tell you've put weight on' would have been enough.
You would think that my nephew asking me how I got a big belly without having a baby would have been enough.

No! So what does it take to stop a person doing this to themselves? I continually comfort eat. I can easily justify spending £20 a time on a take away but I can't seem to gather the sense behind treating myself to a nice outfit? A top for £20 wouldn't even cross my mind as an option 'waaay out of my price range'....however, 'oh I'll take the large with stuffed crust for £19.99 please'.

My life shouldn't have come to this and no matter what excuses I have, its over. New me, New everything!

Care to give a damsel in distress a lil' help?

Being told by other people never does the trick, I know because I used to smoke but I stopped because I decided thats what I needed to do for me.

I am now an obese non smoker and hid behind the "at least its not as unhealthy as smoking" until I realised that the reason why I was white after a holiday in Greece was because I couldn't face uncovering in front of others. I am going back next year and I will come back with a tan.

Deciding to do this for you is the first step and you have made that. Now is the dedication bit, weigh and log everything and eat below your calories. If you think you are going over take a walk or some other exercise to give you more calories to play with. It really is that simple.

Everyone here that I have friended have been ultra supportive and questions on the message board are normally answered quickly and well (just do not mention "starvation mode"

I log on every day and am always willing to encourage and comment so feel free to add me if you wish

mrsclgray19

hiya i just joined yestaday,and im really hoping i can do this to xx

slim4health56

Okay, good for you! What's your plan? You've addressed what you don't like. How, specifically, are you going to deal with this? Why did your last "diets" fail (by the way, stop dieting). All from comfort eating? If so, what are you going to replace eating with? (Hint: it takes about 30 days to form a new habit, and it's almost impossible to replace an old habit -comfort eating - if you don't replace the old habit with a new habit.) Come up with a PLAN. :flowerforyou:

starrrjo

Thank you Poohbear1958, I have added you as a friend. Thanks for the support

rayonrainbows

i definitely recommend taking up cooking, if you have the time & if you think it might interest you!

it makes adding your meals on here a bit more work (because you have to add all the ingredients), but that way you know EXACTLY what foods are going into your body, and you can control it better!

i'm vegetarian, so it doesn't make much sense for me to eat out here (you can only eat rice&beans so many times). so i've taken up cooking. it's a lot of fun (for me. everyone's different). my salt intake is less than half of what it would be if i ate out, and i can add way more variety to my meals.

actually, i became vegan like 6 or 7 years ago (just went veg in the last 3), and when i became vegan, i went from almost 200 pounds to 160 in 5 months, simply because it "forced" me to cut out the ice cream and hot pockets and to be more conscientious when i ate and snacked.. it was surprisingly super easy & it made me feel amazing..

i feel you on the flat broke part haha, but i'm also considering making an "improvement jar" -- i'd love to know there's that little bit of money hidden away to buy some new clothes when i can fit in the sizes i want to!

like someone else said, it has to be something you want. you have to commit to a true lifestyle change. i heard someone say yesterday "it took you years to put on all that weight, don't expect it all to come off in a month" -- but you can do it if you commit!!

good luck

starrrjo

You would think that being told that if I don't lose weight, I will never conceive would have been enough.
You would think that being told that I am likely to develop diabetes before the age of 30 would have been enough.
You would think that the pure memory of the time my boyfriend said 'You can tell you've put weight on' would have been enough.
You would think that my nephew asking me how I got a big belly without having a baby would have been enough.

No! So what does it take to stop a person doing this to themselves? I continually comfort eat. I can easily justify spending £20 a time on a take away but I can't seem to gather the sense behind treating myself to a nice outfit? A top for £20 wouldn't even cross my mind as an option 'waaay out of my price range'....however, 'oh I'll take the large with stuffed crust for £19.99 please'.

My life shouldn't have come to this and no matter what excuses I have, its over. New me, New everything!

Care to give a damsel in distress a lil' help?

Being told by other people never does the trick, I know because I used to smoke but I stopped because I decided thats what I needed to do for me.

I am now an obese non smoker and hid behind the "at least its not as unhealthy as smoking" until I realised that the reason why I was white after a holiday in Greece was because I couldn't face uncovering in front of others. I am going back next year and I will come back with a tan.

Deciding to do this for you is the first step and you have made that. Now is the dedication bit, weigh and log everything and eat below your calories. If you think you are going over take a walk or some other exercise to give you more calories to play with. It really is that simple.

Everyone here that I have friended have been ultra supportive and questions on the message board are normally answered quickly and well (just do not mention "starvation mode"

I log on every day and am always willing to encourage and comment so feel free to add me if you wish

I'm terrified of losing the motivation again. If I tell people, I am changing how I eat to get healthier they will role their eyes and say 'yeah, for how long this time' so if they don't believe in me, how can I believe in myself.

I'm feeling very determined though, I can do it Thanks for your help.

starrrjo

hiya i just joined yestaday,and im really hoping i can do this to xx

I am happy to support you if you need it? New starters might benefit each other?

starrrjo

Okay, good for you! What's your plan? You've addressed what you don't like. How, specifically, are you going to deal with this? Why did your last "diets" fail (by the way, stop dieting). All from comfort eating? If so, what are you going to replace eating with? (Hint: it takes about 30 days to form a new habit, and it's almost impossible to replace an old habit -comfort eating - if you don't replace the old habit with a new habit.) Come up with a PLAN. :flowerforyou:

Okay, well, I've been reading a few posts and I can see where I am going wrong. My biggest weakness is probably convenience food and binge eating whilst at work. I suppose substitution is the most logical way around it? I love love love fruit, but the time it takes to prepare it deters me, so I suppose if I don't buy it, I can't have it right?

My sister always says, I have a major sweet tooth however my problem is slightly worse because I whenever I eat something sweet, I have to balance it with something savoury.

Here is my plan:

-Water! - The water fountain is far closer to my desk than the vending machine. Fill a bottle every time I'm empty, hopefully will deter bordom hunger.
-Snacks!- I currently snack...a lot....like, I will drive for 30 minutes if it means getting the best milk shake in town with chocolate sprinkles, flake and all the trimmings. If I bag up fruit and healthy snacks, it will save me calories and petrol?
-Exercise!- One of the perks of my job is we have an on sight gym, Free to use to all members of staff....which is one privilege I have never taken advantage of, until now! Im thinking Tuesday and Thursdays?!

Time to create a new habit I think Thanks xxx

Robin_Bin

Good luck!
Here's my take on the top suggestions for beginners that I've seen here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/how-to-use-myfitnesspal-427993

talk2elles

Aww, bless you. We have all (or at least most of us on here) been there and can sympathise. Try to be nicer to yourself and if you make a mistake - as I do regularly - just start again from that same moment. Don't punish or starve or belittle, just brush it off and say 'I'm still closer than I was last week'

Wishing you all the best, and welcome to MFP :-) xXx

starrrjo

i definitely recommend taking up cooking, if you have the time & if you think it might interest you!

it makes adding your meals on here a bit more work (because you have to add all the ingredients), but that way you know EXACTLY what foods are going into your body, and you can control it better!

i'm vegetarian, so it doesn't make much sense for me to eat out here (you can only eat rice&beans so many times). so i've taken up cooking. it's a lot of fun (for me. everyone's different). my salt intake is less than half of what it would be if i ate out, and i can add way more variety to my meals.

actually, i became vegan like 6 or 7 years ago (just went veg in the last 3), and when i became vegan, i went from almost 200 pounds to 160 in 5 months, simply because it "forced" me to cut out the ice cream and hot pockets and to be more conscientious when i ate and snacked.. it was surprisingly super easy & it made me feel amazing..

i feel you on the flat broke part haha, but i'm also considering making an "improvement jar" -- i'd love to know there's that little bit of money hidden away to buy some new clothes when i can fit in the sizes i want to!

like someone else said, it has to be something you want. you have to commit to a true lifestyle change. i heard someone say yesterday "it took you years to put on all that weight, don't expect it all to come off in a month" -- but you can do it if you commit!!

good luck

You're right, 10 years of mistreating my body and I expect it to be fixed with a quick apple now and again. I agree, Even if it takes me another 10 years to lose it all, It will give me a longer and fitter life and you can't argue with that.

starrrjo

Aww, bless you. We have all (or at least most of us on here) been there and can sympathise. Try to be nicer to yourself and if you make a mistake - as I do regularly - just start again from that same moment. Don't punish or starve or belittle, just brush it off and say 'I'm still closer than I was last week'

Wishing you all the best, and welcome to MFP :-) xXx

Thank you that is so nice. I really like that quote 'I'm closer than I was last week' made me smile!

starrrjo

Good luck!
Here's my take on the top suggestions for beginners that I've seen here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/how-to-use-myfitnesspal-427993

That post is really useful. Thank you for your help

shortformyweight

Welcome to MFP. You are welcome to add me if you would like to, we can support each other. Good luck.

KarateMadMum

Hey! I know how you feel! Don't despair tho you have made the first step!

Few suggestions....

2 jars... one labeled "To lose" one labelled "Lost" fill the to lose jar with marbles/beads/buttons anything you fancy.. make sure if you want to lose 50lbs that there are 50 marbles or whatever in it.. then as you lose weight you transfer the marbles from "To lose" into "lost"

Get a sealed money box pound land do tins.. for every pound you lose put a pound of money in it

Treat yourself to a little something each week instead of the £20 on take out spend £5 on a new lippy.. you need to reward yourself somehow thats not food.

Good luck you can do it!

Robin_Bin

Here is my plan:

-Water! - The water fountain is far closer to my desk than the vending machine. Fill a bottle every time I'm empty, hopefully will deter bordom hunger.
-Snacks!- I currently snack...a lot....like, I will drive for 30 minutes if it means getting the best milk shake in town with chocolate sprinkles, flake and all the trimmings. If I bag up fruit and healthy snacks, it will save me calories and petrol?
-Exercise!- One of the perks of my job is we have an on sight gym, Free to use to all members of staff....which is one privilege I have never taken advantage of, until now! Im thinking Tuesday and Thursdays?!

Time to create a new habit I think Thanks xxx

Great starting plan. I suggest you add tracking to it. For some people it helps even more if they record what they eat before they put it in their mouth.
Try things like licorice tea. Licorice is natural sweeter than sugar. Don't try to cut out all the things you like, deprivation usually doesn't work long term. Fruit is great for someone with a sweet tooth. Consider making your own shakes... if you're going to take up cooking, go for the good stuff -- lots of yummy recipes here and other places on the Web... and you can find ones that are healthy and taste good. Awhile ago I put together some blog entries -- one about cravings and one with over 100 snacks that are less than 100 calories (some are healthier or more filling than others, so use with care.)
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/cravings-282817
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/snacks-of-100-calories-or-less-267198

starrrjo

Hey! I know how you feel! Don't despair tho you have made the first step!

Few suggestions....

2 jars... one labeled "To lose" one labelled "Lost" fill the to lose jar with marbles/beads/buttons anything you fancy.. make sure if you want to lose 50lbs that there are 50 marbles or whatever in it.. then as you lose weight you transfer the marbles from "To lose" into "lost"

Get a sealed money box pound land do tins.. for every pound you lose put a pound of money in it

Treat yourself to a little something each week instead of the £20 on take out spend £5 on a new lippy.. you need to reward yourself somehow thats not food.

Good luck you can do it!

I absolutely love this Jar idea, and I am definitely doing it. Also the money idea is brilliant. Thank you so much, Im really excited now

fatoldladyonamission

Hey, I'm in much the same boat as you and desperate to do something about it too. I've had an account on here for a couple of years, but only started talking to people and using it properly two weeks ago. The great news is I've already dropped half a stone, and I was on holiday for 10 days of that 2 weeks. MFP us great, it makes you accountable to the system and to your friends on here, and so far everyone I've got to know has been amazing!

I'm wildly jealous of your work gym, if only lol, but I've bought myself a Fitbit to keep me honest about what I do and when so hopefully it'll all pan out Love the idea about stashing cash for every pound you lose. Totally going to do that

starrrjo

Here is my plan:

-Water! - The water fountain is far closer to my desk than the vending machine. Fill a bottle every time I'm empty, hopefully will deter bordom hunger.
-Snacks!- I currently snack...a lot....like, I will drive for 30 minutes if it means getting the best milk shake in town with chocolate sprinkles, flake and all the trimmings. If I bag up fruit and healthy snacks, it will save me calories and petrol?
-Exercise!- One of the perks of my job is we have an on sight gym, Free to use to all members of staff....which is one privilege I have never taken advantage of, until now! Im thinking Tuesday and Thursdays?!

Time to create a new habit I think Thanks xxx

Great starting plan. I suggest you add tracking to it. For some people it helps even more if they record what they eat before they put it in their mouth.
Try things like licorice tea. Licorice is natural sweeter than sugar. Don't try to cut out all the things you like, deprivation usually doesn't work long term. Fruit is great for someone with a sweet tooth. Consider making your own shakes... if you're going to take up cooking, go for the good stuff -- lots of yummy recipes here and other places on the Web... and you can find ones that are healthy and taste good. Awhile ago I put together some blog entries -- one about cravings and one with over 100 snacks that are less than 100 calories (some are healthier or more filling than others, so use with care.)
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/cravings-282817
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/snacks-of-100-calories-or-less-267198

I remember a few months back I tried mint tea, which i really enjoyed, so I bought a box and never opened it. I might have to crack it open again.

The problem with not cutting all the things out I like is all the things I like and currently eat are calorific, will that not just set me back too much? 2 steps forward, 3 steps back and all that?

dakitten2

Make small changes at a time. Sometimes people get overwhelmed if they jump in feet first and change everything in a single day. I had a struggle with diet soda. I used to drink 8-10 per day. One of my dear mfp friends told me that I really should change over to water. He explained the many reasons why, but I couldn't stop cold turkey. I started by drinking soda/water/soda/water. Then I would make myself drink 2 waters to every 1 soda and then 3 waters to every soda. You get the picture. Finally it was all water and now I drink 3-4 liters of water per day.

You CAN do this but only if you want to do it for you. I'll be 59 this month and started my lifestyle changes on October 20, 2011 at 290 pounds. Last week I reached my goal and cut my weight in half. Don't wait as long as I did. It will make it harder, but never impossible for anyone. I've had double knee replacements and bulging back discs. It made exercise harder for me but I found my way with lots of swimming and water aerobics until I could get my weight down enough to do other things.

Take it one day at a time and sometimes you just have to look at one meal at a time.

starrrjo

Hey, I'm in much the same boat as you and desperate to do something about it too. I've had an account on here for a couple of years, but only started talking to people and using it properly two weeks ago. The great news is I've already dropped half a stone, and I was on holiday for 10 days of that 2 weeks. MFP us great, it makes you accountable to the system and to your friends on here, and so far everyone I've got to know has been amazing!

I'm wildly jealous of your work gym, if only lol, but I've bought myself a Fitbit to keep me honest about what I do and when so hopefully it'll all pan out Love the idea about stashing cash for every pound you lose. Totally going to do that

Half a stone in 2 weeks is AMAZING!! I can't believe that. Well done!

I'm hoping to meet some supportive people to help me a long the way. Part of my problem is I cant do anything alone, regardless as to whether it will only benefit me or not...

The work gym is excellent, I will definitely be using it, I have a colleague or 2 that might jump on it too so at least I wont be alone in that.
I also have a cross trainer at home which is gathering dust and currently sporting some fashionable cushion covers to dry, perhaps I should dust it off a pull it out....?hmmm

gillporteous

It's clear you have the motivation there add me and I can hopefully help support you.

X

starrrjo

Make small changes at a time. Sometimes people get overwhelmed if they jump in feet first and change everything in a single day. I had a struggle with diet soda. I used to drink 8-10 per day. One of my dear mfp friends told me that I really should change over to water. He explained the many reasons why, but I couldn't stop cold turkey. I started by drinking soda/water/soda/water. Then I would make myself drink 2 waters to every 1 soda and then 3 waters to every soda. You get the picture. Finally it was all water and now I drink 3-4 liters of water per day.

You CAN do this but only if you want to do it for you. I'll be 59 this month and started my lifestyle changes on October 20, 2011 at 290 pounds. Last week I reached my goal and cut my weight in half. Don't wait as long as I did. It will make it harder, but never impossible for anyone. I've had double knee replacements and bulging back discs. It made exercise harder for me but I found my way with lots of swimming and water aerobics until I could get my weight down enough to do other things.

Take it one day at a time and sometimes you just have to look at one meal at a time.

I absolutely love swimming. I used the excuse of living too far from one to go, but I recently passed my driving test and have no excuse now, because when I'm driving 30 minutes up the dual carriageway to get a milkshake, I in fact drive straight past the swimming and leisure centre.
In my head, I am not the size the mirror shows me, so I need to prove to myself that the weight is temporary, and I can get it off, I put it on, so I can take it off.

You're right, I can do it, and you'll see, I will

Robin_Bin

I remember a few months back I tried mint tea, which i really enjoyed, so I bought a box and never opened it. I might have to crack it open again.

The problem with not cutting all the things out I like is all the things I like and currently eat are calorific, will that not just set me back too much? 2 steps forward, 3 steps back and all that?

Tea can be a great way to drink something lo-cal, sweet and filling. Doesn't work for everyone, but given the length of some of the threads on the message boards about tea, it seems to help many of us.

Some people are "all or nothing" with their eating. But for most people it does not work well for the long run. Three steps forward and one back is still 2 steps of progress. While, yes, your 2 steps forward and 3 back is not... but that tends to happen when people deprive themselves. The people who totally cut out the things they like generally cannot sustain it. Over time and experimentation, you may find some new, healthier things that you like even more than what you used to like, but going "cold turkey" often results in binge eating or feeling like a failure when you have even a small amount of the "forbidden foods" and that can cause even bigger problems in the long run. Most people don't find it sustainable without a way to eat at least some of their favorites and the ability to eat at parties or family events.

If you want your weight loss to last a few months and then to end up weighing more than you do now... deprivation followed by binge eating or not having learned how to maintain is fine. Yes, eating some calorie-dense foods you like will "slow down your progress", but if you don't want to start (or continue) a cycle of yo-yo dieting, you need to find a way to live that you can maintain for the rest of your life. So are you ready to give up XYZ (whatever it is for you) for the rest of your life?

Or... will you consider other options? Can you buy and eat XYZ in small quantities? Since buying small quantities is not always possible (or way more expensive), can you freeze or store most of the XYZ someplace where you won't be tempted to eat it all at once? For instance, I'm not willing to give up chocolate for the rest of my life, but I can buy truffles and limit myself to one at the end of the day when I've left enough calories (also motivational for leaving enough calories). Can you make it in a healthier way? Certain dishes (pasta alfredo comes to mind) are more than double the calories in a restaurant than some recipes... and the recipes even taste better! In addition, the restaurants (in the U.S. where I am) have huge portions -- sometimes 2-3 meals worth. So, if I make it at home, it tastes better and I eat about 1/5 the calories worth! (The downside for pasta alfredo is that I don't find it worth the trouble to make in small quantities.)

Anyway, you probably get the idea. The key is to find a way to enjoy your life in a new, healthy way... it may not include all of your old foods or habits, but it should still be enjoyable and sustainable.

Best wishes!

tjthegreatone

What happened between 15 and 25?
How did you lose your self esteem?

Moving on to the solution - expect variable bits of advice from different people, but it's all a trial and error game which you will be doing for the rest of your life (YES, there is no 'quick fix' diet; so choose realistic sustainable changes that you can make gradually).

If I were to do the whole weight loss thing again, instead of setting some arbitrary calorie goal and ruthlessly cutting down to a low amount, I'd log a normal week of food and exercise (measure portions and log everything, even water and diet drinks).

Then deduct a certain amount of calories (many people go for 500) - see what can go - maybe the extra chocolate bar in the afternoon could become an apple the mid-morning sugary latte can be swapped for a coffee with semi-skimmed milk (much cheaper).

If you really like pizza you can make your own - bound to be healthier, tastier and lower in calories. Or find a substitute: this will take some trial and error.

The 'I like calorific snacks' is not a viable excuse - we all do! You have some options.
1. find alternatives.
2. each small amounts of your favourite snacks frequently, or eat them much less frequently.
3. workout more to burn more calories so you can have them.
Most people find a mixture of options one and two more realistic.

Then consider extra exercise - you could start simple: an extra 30min walk 3 times a week - then more. Or if you belong to a gym, a beginner's fitness class might be a welcoming and more motivating environment.

The first week or so will be tough but within a month you should be in the swing of things. I'd also recommend not weighing yourself daily, and in fact it might be best if you can not to weigh yourself for a month and you'll be in for a pleasant surprise

Robin_Bin

You're right, I can do it, and you'll see, I will

Attitude is critical. And you're right! You can do it. I look forward to seeing your post the Success Stories board eventually.

Ed98043

The first thing you should do is fix your internal dialogue so that you're not directing blasts of hatred at yourself. I mean, last resort? Pure pain when smiling? Hate for daylight? That's a lot of drama, especially from someone who's only looking to lose 50-or-so lbs. It's not going to go well if you can't forgive yourself your imperfections and look ahead with a positive attitude. All the self-hatred and histrionics gets you is stress binges and giving up because you went over calories one day. Try to relax a little and give yourself a pep talk instead of a beatdown.