I suffer from depression & my spouse says I'm faking it

julesyb1982

Anyone else made to feel guilty and ashamed for their mental illness? I'm told I "feel sorry for myself" all the time. I've tried every medication and 1,000 counselors. Yet it's all my fault, I should be lucky for what I have, and quit feeling sorry for myself.

I cannot control my depression no matter how hard I try. Being told to stop feeling sorry for myself only worsens things. I don't know what to do.

Being a fat obese cow doesn't help my self-esteem.

julesyb1982

And believe me. If I could flip a switch and shut off depression - I WOULD.

cstoney2013

well you are foreward thinking enough to want to express your feelings, so that is good! I think you should stick with one councelor and work through your issues, rather than going to many different ones. What do you mean by 'every medication?

deborahodom0214

I am so sorry you feel like this. It's sad when those we love make us feel even worse about ourselves instead of lifting us up. The way you perceive yourself was sad also. You need to find a way to gain some self-esteem. Look at yourself and find one thing you really love about YOU and keep repeating it like a mantra. You need to learn to love yourself just as you are - flaws, weight and all. And find counselor 1001 or a new doctor to help with the depression. There are so many new drugs out there now that there is bound to be one (or a combination) that can help you. I hope you find something that works for you. Take care of yourself.

debbash68

Anyone else made to feel guilty and ashamed for their mental illness? I'm told I "feel sorry for myself" all the time. I've tried every medication and 1,000 counselors. Yet it's all my fault, I should be lucky for what I have, and quit feeling sorry for myself.

I cannot control my depression no matter how hard I try. Being told to stop feeling sorry for myself only worsens things. I don't know what to do.

Being a fat obese cow doesn't help my self-esteem.

Depression is an awful illness. You describe yourself in horrible terms, :flowerforyou: time to start to be your own BFF and go easy, give yourself a break .

snazzyjazzy21

It took me 6 years to overcome my depression, then a year and a half to overcome the anxiety that followed. Unfortunately there are people who simply cannot comprehend the idea that the brain can become ill, just like the body. Unless they experience it themselves, it's very hard to convince them that things like depression and anxiety are involuntary and not just brought on by 'feeling sorry for yourself'.

Finding the right medication is hard, as is finding a good counsellor. For me, I just had to do my best to carry on and try to 'ride out' the illness aka just keep living until things got better.

I did find that exercise, healthy eating, and regular social contact helped stabilize my mood and make it more manageable. Other than that, I unfortunately have very little decent advice. I know what it's like to feel ashamed, I know what it's like (as a person from a middle income home) to be told that that I'm lucky and things are just peachy in my life. I also know that there are people in this world who will never understand mental illness, and sometimes that means going this road alone and that ****ing sucks. But you can do it.

Don't call yourself names, don't downgrade yourself or tell yourself that you're being selfish or silly. You're ill. It's not your fault and you've done nothing to deserve it and you just have to do your best to battle your way through. Keep trying medications, keep trying to find a counsellor you click with, keep eating right and exercising and socializing. Do what you have to to make the journey as manageable as possible. There is nothing more anyone could ask of you.

Redbird99ky

Having suffered from (undiagnosed) depression for much of my adult life, I know what you are feeling, in a way. I was fortunate that my current wife was supportive, but I will say that my ex was pretty much like your spouse. While I feel for you , I would strongly recommend that you stay with ONE therapist with whom you feel comfortable, and be THOROUGHLY and completely honest with him/her, about all aspects and facets of your life. I tended to tell the therapist what I thought he wanted to hear, which, on the surface, made the sessions seem productive, but it was highly un-productive in the long run, and actually aided in me downward spiraling out of control at one point.

Best of luck to you, and may God bless you.

michellekicks

I don't suffer from mental illness in general, but I did have a wicked bout with Postpartum Depression that lasted over 2 years. I have no idea what you're going through, but I can only imagine what the spouse of the person with mental illness feels. He/she must feel terribly helpless and want his/her partner back. I'm sure it's not meant to be hurtful, but likely comes from a place of desperation.

I hope you are able to find something that works. Try another doctor.

Kittyvicious1

I have never been diagnosed with depression myself, but I know the signs and have learned to live with the person I am and can become, most importantly being honest with myself. I mean is that I have come to term with my feelings about myself and know I don't want to be that person or feel a certain way. It was five years ago that I snapped and knew I had to make a change in my life. I went back to school, started managing my weight and learned to love myself. My relationship with my husband is way much better now. I have to admit at times I felt sorry for myself and spent days in bed and wanted to be nurtured. I think if my husband caved into my depression, he would enabled and contributed to my behavior and illness. Perhaps your husband wants to see you as a strong vibrant women he knows you can be. Focus on yourself and set goals

carlaunderconstruction

I hope you find a treatment that works for you. Be kind to yourself, and just focus on one day at a time.

NaughtyinCali

Faking it! Why would anyone want to fake depression? Just cause you cant see it doesnt mean its not there. Regardless of what he sees you know its there. I would start with a good physical to rule out any thyroid issues or underlying medical causes. Have you tried keeping a journal of when symptoms get worse. It was a long time before I realized that every year in July I get funky. Duh thats when my mom died. And even though Ive dealt with the loss, I still squirly that time of year. Also, not sure where your at but season changes, lack of sunlight can cause SAD. There are special lights that can help with that type. Vitamin B12 shots have also been shown to help. (They can help weight loss) My advice would be to keep trying until you find out what works best for you. Never give up, there are literally hundreds of treatments out there. Good luck to you and I hope you add me as a friend.

shellsies93

i'm bipolar and I've never been ashamed of it...I've been embarrassed of some of my actions and decisions. Depression is an extremely hard emotion to control but with the right therapy it is definitely possible. Have you ever tried DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), that has taught me how to control both my mania and depression to the best of my ability. Obviously there will be times that will take over but for 90% of the time, that has helped me handle it. I hope you find a method that works for you, whether it be finding the right therapist or meds, anything that will help you deal with this illness. One of my favorite quotes from a song is "me vs. me has always been my biggest fight"; we are our worst enemies, but we need to be our own best friends!! A mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of at all! Good luck to you!

1capybara

good advice that ^ ^ ^ ^

EDesq

Anyone else made to feel guilty and ashamed for their mental illness? I'm told I "feel sorry for myself" all the time. I've tried every medication and 1,000 counselors. Yet it's all my fault, I should be lucky for what I have, and quit feeling sorry for myself.

I cannot control my depression no matter how hard I try. Being told to stop feeling sorry for myself only worsens things. I don't know what to do.

Being a fat obese cow doesn't help my self-esteem.

Were you depressed BEFORE you married? If so that may account for the BAD choice in a Spouse. My thoughts are that you are making a good start to getting better; but you will have to go further. Wt loss is a beginning but to CORRECT your illness, you will have to CHANGE your eating Lifestyle...meaning not just cut calories to lose weight but Change WHAT you eat. I suggest tapping into YouTube Vegetarians/Vegans/Juicing and some Raw Foods, also Naturopathuic Doctors like Dr. Morse and Mucusless Diet Practitioner like Professor Spira; really check out what they have to say and go where that Journey leads. The Body is self righting when given what it REALLY needs and Patience. Then you may find the courage to dump "bad choices" and begin to make Good/Better/Best Choices.

All the Best to you...Be Well, Live Well

want2behappy31

I've been in your boat and it is not a good feeling. 3 years ago it became the worst it had ever been. I hated getting up in the morning, I hated myself & just wanted to give up. My husband was the same way your spouse is and kept telling me that it wasn't a big deal and to get over it. I was so ashamed. How could I be depressed when I had 2 kids, a job, a husband & a roof over my head. Finally on one really really bad day I got up the courage to talk to a guy friend of mine that is also an EMT. It took me several "chats" (really text messages) for him to get me to understand that I had nothing to be ashamed of and needed to go to the doctor. It took me another 2 weeks but I took the huge step and made a call. I went to my appointment without my husband even knowing and started on meds. I never told my husband because I knew what he would say (pretty much what your spouse is saying). After about a month I noticed a change in myself but the medication wasn't agreeing with my body so I changed. Within the next month my husband started to notice my mood change and commented on it. It was then that I finally sat down and had a good long talk with him. He now understands and it makes it so much easier. I'm still on medication for my depression and if I miss even 1 pill it feels like I back at step one. Depression is such a hard thing that not everybody understands. People so often think that people do it for attention but if they really knew what goes on inside our heads they wouldn't think that. My advice for you is that it will be a really long road to find something that works for you. It could be just talking to counselor or a good friend (I have a hard time talking to people so didn't do this) or medication. Either way you need to see a doctor. If you are having problems with your current one look for another and another until you find one that you trust and feel comfy with. Just don't give up no matter what. Depression isn't something that you can battle yourself. You need support from people that understand. It could be that your doctor is the only one that you can talk to but it's better then nobody. I've had about every horrible thought in my head that you can think of and I still do at times. I'm overweight as well and I'm working on loving myself. Never be ashamed of who you are. I'm here if you need to talk.