Looking for advice from all you knowledgeable friends

dlebbin

Please be patient while reading this. I tend to ramble....

I followed a keto type (basically lower carb) using exogenous ketones (one of my daughters got started on Pruvit, so I joined to help her out). Long story short, I did drop weight, I was doing the elliptical every morning (I'm 67 and have two replaced hips and one replaced knee, with another knee being done December 18th this year). The elliptical is the only thing I can do that doesn't bother my lower joints.

Now on to the yucky part of the story. My oldest daughter had been battling Stage IV Melanoma for 3 1/2 years. She lived 10 hours away from me, and I drove down every two months for the 3 1/2 years, so I was there for every scan, MD appointment, infusions, radiation appointments. You get the picture. Momma was always there. Last November, the treatment she had been on for a year stopped working and tumors came back with a vengeance. They switched her to a new immunotherapy on November 3rd. The following week she developed pneumonia, but it went undiagnosed because it was thought to be inflammation in the lungs due to the immunotherapy treatment which causes inflammation in the lungs. That following week, she was not feeling well, coughing up blood, was in touch with the oncologist who told her it was due to the inflammation from the immunotherapy. I had just been down there, and my second oldest daughter was going to fly down on Sunday the 13th to be with her. She got there and called me and said "Mom, she doesn't look good." The next day, they sent me a picture of her and I said they needed to call 911. I booked the first flight I could get, which didn't get me there until the next morning at 6 a.m. By the time they got her to the hospital, she was in septic shock. At 2 a.m. they said her heart was working so hard to keep her BP up, they they had to intubate her. She coded twice while they did that. I got to her bedside at 8 a.m. on Tuesday, November 15th. She was on complete life support. The MD's said her organs had already started shutting down. She never even knew her Momma was there. To say I'm shattered is just not a big enough statement.

I have been dealing with grief, depression, alcohol issues (funny how you think alcohol will make everything go away, and it's right back where you left it before you started drinking). I've gained 20 lbs. back, just because I don't care anymore what I eat. The good news is I've joined a grief group at a church on Monday nights, and I'm seeing a therapist for basically all of the above that I listed. I have not had a drink in 61 days. (Yea for me).

I've been trying to go back to the keto/low carb thing, but it's just not working. Granted, I'm sure my cortisol is off the charts with the stress/depression/grief, which doesn't help matters. I'm not pre-diabetic (HBA1C is 5.2) but I can never get my glucose lower than 100, no matter what time of day I test it. I'm not happy that I've gained this weight, but I also have had people keep saying to me I need to be gentle with myself and not put so much pressure on my weight with everything else I'm trying to deal with.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for honest advice. Should I back off and just try to get everything else I'm dealing with in order? Should I just concentrate on eating healthy foods? Does Keto stop for some people? Am I beating a dead horse trying to go back to keto (I've read so many people say it stops working for them after a while, and I was keto/low carb for 1 1/2 years). What about just counting calories? Ugh. Too many decisions, but I need to drop this weight because it's just adding to my depression and not helping that part of my problem. Does all this make sense? I will listen to any and all advice. Thank you all so much for reading this. BTW, my angel's name is Erika.

cmriverside

I'm sorry for your loss, Erika.

Everyone has an opinion, but you have to make your own decisions about whether the stress of losing weight is too much right now.

Keto doesn't, "stop working," if the person is still in a calorie deficit. It is also not necessary to do Keto for weight loss, it's about eating less in general. Keto just helps some people feel more "full" and that's what is helping them stay at a calorie deficit. I don't do well on carbs any lower than about 100g per day - it's too hard and not necessary. I just cut back on sweets and wheat and that works really well for me.

I lost 80ish pounds and never did Keto. 15 years later and I'm still at that healthy weight. I was under a lot of grief/loss/stress when I started losing the weight and I still say it was the best thing I've done for myself. Self-care during emotionally difficult times is really important. Are you doing anything pleasant, like walking outdoors or meeting friends for fun activities? Believe me, I know about sadness and grief and it's not helpful or even necessary to prolong it. Your daughter would not want that for you. Pain is inevitable - suffering is optional. You can let go. I had to realize it wasn't disrespectful for me to let go when someone died, it was honoring the joy they had given me.

Hug, good luck and keep reading. :flowerforyou:

cmriverside

Oh, I'm sorry...were you saying your daughter's name was Erika? I missed that part. Apologies.

Also, well done on being free from the bondage of alcohol. You're right, it solves zero problems and just creates more.

dlebbin

Yes, my daughter was Erika. Thank you for your kind response. You are right about the alcohol. It's a trap that you can fall into thinking it will numb you and help you to forget what's going on. That only lasts in the short term. Comes with more problems than it's worth.

cmriverside

You're welcome. I know it's all really difficult to process and there will always be days when I want to sit in jammies with a tub of ice cream, but I feel so much better being at a healthy weight. Life is so much easier.

I had to give up alcohol too. Same basic reason(s) as you. It was my way to check out from sadness, anger, frustration, loss, grief, fear. It also was my friend to celebrate with.

Thing is, I do/did the same thing with food. A pizza will not bring back my family. A bag of M&Ms doesn't make my mind quiet. I had to find other ways to deal with all the negative stuff my head can make up or just dwell on, and I can't "medicate" with grilled cheese sandwiches all day. It's the same thing as alcohol.

I hope you stick around. Keep posting around the boards and read about everyone's experiences or opinions. It helped me a lot to be on this site when I was sorting through my food/emotions issues.

ninerbuff

I lost my brother to alcohol and drug addiction this past March. His birthday is this month. And I'm sure that will be a sad day for me. I empathsize with your loss.
Everyone deals with grief different and I'm sure it's WAY HARDER when you lose a child. I don't know that feeling but I know if I lost my daughter, it would hit me harder.
You can only do what you're able to and with time, you'll get back on track WHEN YOU'RE ready to. What I can say is don't use food or drink to try to numb the pain.
As for keto, IMO you have to have a strong discipline to have that be your life long diet. As long as you're in a calorie deficit, you'll lose weight again.
I wish you the best and hope that you find it within yourself to take care of you even through this tough time.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

spiriteagle99

I am sorry for your loss.

I didn't do Keto, but I did do low carb when I lost weight. The weight loss was most dramatic the first time I did it (14 lbs. the first two weeks) and much less so on each of my subsequent attempts. (There were several because I found that way of eating pretty unappealing over the long run, so every time I lost weight, I would regain it once I began eating carbs again.) Part of that is that the big losses are primarily water weight and after a while your body gets a lot more stingy about releasing a lot of water weight. OR maybe I got better about staying hydrated. In any case, keto works only if you are in a calorie deficit and it is not that difficult to eat enough to maintain or gain weight, even if you never touch a carb.

I agree with those who say to be gentle with yourself. At the same time, I have ended up losing weight when I was depressed and my life was out of control because what I put in my mouth was one of the few things I really had control over. I decided that I wanted to eat a more healthy diet instead of my usual junk food because in the long run it would make me feel better. I needed to feel that I could make choices and stick to them. So right now, instead of focusing on wanting to lose weight, maybe focus on finding healthy foods that make you feel good when you eat them. For me, that's fresh fruit and some vegetables. YMMV