How big I think I am is always different than reality

mlrtri

I have lost 25 lbs so far. I would still like to shed another 25 lbs. I am halfway to my goal.

When I was at my heaviest I never thought I was THAT big. Sure, I needed to drop some weight but I wasn’t that bad. Then I would see pictures of myself and the images just didn’t jive with how I thought of myself. (Which is why I avoided photos like a plague).

Now that I have dropped some of the weight I still struggle with having a true understanding of my size. I saw myself in photos wearing my XL shirts. They were too baggy and looked horrible. I hesitated to buy Large. I couldn’t possibly fit in a large, could I? But I did. Over the weekend I was at a family function wearing my large shirt and again saw my picture. The large is becoming too large. But my brain is screaming “There is NO WAY you can wear a medium.

I had to order a t-shirt for work and had to put the size. I put XL because I was afraid it would run small.

So I question if what I see/feel in my head will ever be close to reality.

Just curious if others are going through this as well.

Thank you for listening.

zebasschick

you're not alone.

years ago, i was struggling with anorexia. at 5'4", i weighed between 97 and 104, and i KNEW that was quite slim, but when i looked in the mirror, i saw a heavy me. years later, when i was at my heaviest at 242, i didn't let any family members take any pics of me. i have only a few my son took when my husband and i got married. i had no idea what i really looked like, as i mostly perceived me at what would have been double my weight.

now i weigh 144, and i'm very aware that who i see in the mirror may not reflect reality, so i take it with a grain of salt and try not to worry about it. i buy clothes by measurement, and it works out okay.

westrich20940

Yeah. I lost ~20-25ish lbs during the Covid shutdowns (i.e. no stores open or definitely no way to try on clothes in a dressing room). So I kinda had to figure out what size I was in order to get new clothes. I got a Stitchfix box as a little 'treat myself' thing and I used my measurements to put in my size guidelines. They sent me a pair of jeans in my first box and I took them out and held them up and looking at them I thought, "OMG there is NO WAY these will fit me"....my visual estimate of how big or small I am isn't correct lol. They fit great. I also went to Old Navy (which I don't usually shop at, at least in the past when I was in a bigger body - it seemed like the cut of their clothes just wasn't right for me)...but they were having a huge sale and I needed pants for work. Same thing again, got the equivalent size in the jeans I had just got from Stitchfix, held them up and thought, "No way!"...but again, they fit fine.

It's normal!

springlering62

Ohhhhhhhhh yes. Still have those moments / days.

Sometimes I pull stuff out and I still think no way can I wear that!!

It’s especially noticeable when packing for a trip. Our last couple trips to see the kids, I could have gotten by with a normal sized backpack, but am so used to cramming a checked bag with XXL clothes, I packed a ton of unnecessary stuff.

Our next trip involves a discount European airline with the tightest, tiniest carryon restriction. We’re trying to stay inside that so we don’t have to pay the exorbitant checked bag fees. And it appears I need to take rain boots and raincoat, and allow room for souvenirs on the return leg. Have been carefully planning bag contents for weeks. Wee little clothes make SUCH A DIFFERENCE. Shame the feet didn’t shrink by half, too. 😂 I’ll orobably have wear the boots on the plane.

But anyway, yes. Body Dysmorphia IS a thing. Lots of people experience it. And as @zebasschick says, you can accidentally go too far in the other direction because you can’t even see yourself. I secretly look in most windows as I walk past to see if I can judge my size or if I’ve changed in the last few hours. It can be very OCD’ish.

mlrtri

Thank you for your comments. I would love for a moment to see myself through someone else’s eyes because I can’t trust mine. Lol.

BZAH10

Do take some time to look into body dysmorphia, as @springlering62 mentioned. It's real, but there are things that can help. Also, it takes a while for your brain to catch up to your body, so just be patient, but do a little research. It may help you.

csplatt

I struggle with photos. I love the way I look in the mirror but photos cause me to have a crisis.

herringboxes

I have another layer to this struggle, because I have low vision and cannot see in a mirror anymore. I can barely see a photograph, only under the best conditions and even then very poorly. So I have very little idea what I look like right now.

Also difficult because I have noone to give me feedback. I thought my husband didn’t notice but now he has slipped with a few criticisms. (Insecurity).

Interestingly, there is a flip side to my situation and I’m embracing it. I don’t know what I look like, so I’ve actually gotten more confident, not less. I’ve never worn shorts, never wanted to show my legs. This year, I’ve got shorts and also a short skirt. Screw it. Maybe I’d be shyer if I could see in the mirror. I can tell my legs have more muscle due to squats and deadlifts, so I’m just going to assume they look fine.

I wore two piece bathing suits this summer for the first time in my life (though I’ve certainly been at this, my fighting weight, before, but never had the confidence). If people are judging me, I don’t see them. Too bad!

I would say that after a few months I’m still catching up to my new “image” of myself, but I’ve made progress. It’s no longer quite as strange.

I didn’t have as much to lose (25 pounds) and don’t have a significant background with self image issues. I think this must affect almost all of us.

zebasschick

having someone to ask is complicated. of course, your loved ones aren't going to say "oh, did you lose weight? i can't tell the difference" to you. i wouldn't expect them to.

herringboxes

No, certainly not. But some of us might have a friend or sibling or spouse we can ask if we look okay in this outfit or whatever.

I normally would not need that but I can’t judge for myself any longer.

So I’ve decided, screw it, I’m fine 👍

spiriteagle99

I lost 55 lbs. several years ago and have been maintaining that loss since. (5'5" - 123 lbs.) When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a bony upper body with obvious ribs and skinny back. When I look down at myself, I see a round soft belly and large muscular legs. I don't know if i'm fat or thin - probably both. I've had medical personnel make comments about the fact that I need a small gown or that I'm thin and I take their word for it, but I still buy medium size clothes because that's what I've worn for so many years. If they are regular clothes, they are too big, if they are running clothes, they may be too small. I never buy clothes online that are sized because I have no idea what their idea of a size is. I've gone into a store wearing a size 10 pants and walked out in a size 4 and they weren't that different. Vanity sizing is a real issue. I still wear a pair of size 12 shorts that fit fine - but they are 30 years old and sizing was different then.

AnnPT77

Yes, you're normal. It took me a long time to start seeing myself as my new size (nearly 1/3 less body weight than I started with!). It took many months at goal weight for my self-image and my actual appearance to start to converge, and even then it was a "sometimes" thing. A realistic self-image became more consistent with time, but even in year 7+ of maintaining, I have my moments.

I think it was a couple of years into maintenance, when I was walking down a narrow hallway at my YMCA and saw one of the trainers I knew, a slim guy, coming toward me. I automatically turned sideways to make myself narrower, and he said (joking tone) "I'm not that fat!". My reply: "Right, but I still think I am!".

It takes time.

My advice: If you're not totally photo-averse, start taking a series of them, maybe once per month. Don't wear just undies, but wear something close-fitting but not compressing, or something revealing that humans can wear in public without risking arrest, like a bathing suit or short-shorts and a sports bra. Get full-length front, side and back views in consistent lighting conditions.

You don't even need to look at them, just take them and save them. You may not see month to month differences right away: I still looked consistently fat to myself when looking at fresh photographs, even comparing.

I remember posting photos on the before & after face thread here, and writing that I wasn't sure there was a noticeable difference. Other people said there was, but maybe (I thought) they were just being nice? Now, when I look at those same photos, I can see that there really was a significant, visible difference.

Brains are weird. Don't let yours convince yourself you're not making progress. If the scale is dropping, and tape-measurements are gradually decreasing, or your smaller clothes fit more loosely, you're making progress.

You brain will catch up eventually, I predict.