Starting again for the 1000th time

ash1864

I feel like I'm starting all over again for the 1000th time and it's so depressing.
I'm around 90kg, 5"8, female, aged 30. I've been playing this game since I was 14.
I know how to do it and do it well, it's just so hard to keep it up.
If anyone has any advice for continuity and not being waylaid by life, please let me know. I let life events get in the way - I lost over a stone between Feb-May this year, then because I went on holidays throughout the summer until August, I never got 'back on track'. It's September now and and I feel overweight, the doctor is concerned about BMI and I'm terrible for comfort eating and portion control. I let my emotions rule my eating if I'm not calorie counting and planning in exercise. But when I do that, all I think about is planning my next meal, how many calories I've had, how many I can have, can I have that chocolate bar within my daily amount, how much will I burn off at that class later. AND it is EXHAUSTING. Tips for a dispairing 30 year old here!

DFW_Tom

All I have for you is some tough love advise: Stop starting over again - its not working. You need to change your everyday way of eating forever. You need to change your attitude towards dealing with stress and rewarding yourself. Losing fat and keeping it off can be so much easier than you are making it. It is not always fun, not everything in life has to be fun. Learn to eat to live instead of living to eat.

"I know how to do it and do it well, it's just so hard to keep it up." I can see that it would be when you are looking for a way to reward yourself with chocolate bars. You report you have had success in the past losing weight. I'd guess it was by exercising more than normal and denying yourself the kind of food that taste so good and makes you feel so good for a short while. The wrong kind of foods are like addictive drugs - not healthy at all but once started eating them we grave more. You want to be healthy so stop eating unhealthy foods. Any food that causes cravings for more is unhealthy no matter what it says on the outside of the packaging.

"I let life events get in the way" Blaming outside influences on poor dietary intake is just making excuses. Some days/weeks/months/years are good. Some aren't. That is the nature of living. Soothing your soul by eating junk only compounds the bad times. Trying to fit in unhealthy foods and or more calories just causes more stress. Stop doing that. We eat to fuel our bodies, not because it will make us feel better or takes our minds off current troubles. Veering off your everyday healthy eating path happens from time to time. Doesn't mean you need to keep following what you already know is the wrong path. Get back on track and don't worry about the detours in the past.

" I'm terrible for comfort eating and portion control" If you would stop eating the stuff that you crave the comfort eating and portion control will take care of themselves. I strongly suspect that you would be unable to remain overweight eating all the healthy, non-graving foods you can. How your body responds to some reputed healthy foods most likely differs from how other's do. For me, the fructose in fruits causes cravings just like the higher carb load in whole grains (pop corn and oatmeal) does. I had to eliminate those type of items until my body learned to respond to them without spiking insulin.

" I let my emotions rule my eating if I'm not calorie counting and planning in exercise." Nothing wrong with knowing how much fuel we are taking in unless it plays a part in our personal reward program. Exercise is good for overall health and will result in more energy throughout the day that helps us to keep moving. It doesn't burn that many calories on it's own and shouldn't play a part in planning our calorie intake - unless it is a rare, intense, and prolonged exercise. Face up to emotional issues instead of trying to hide them for a short time through comfort foods. Forgetting your troubles for a short while by eating junk doesn't make the troubles go away and like causes more trouble.

"AND it is EXHAUSTING" It doesn't need to be. When it is stressful, you are doing something wrong and any good results you achieve will be temporary. Don't make things so overly restrictive that you can't stay with it for the long term. Expect bumps in the road to healthy eating and live with them without giving up. Good luck and health!

snowflake954

I agree with @DFW_Tom in many ways. You're 30. Are you going to suffer for the rest of your life? You need to find a new way and perhaps try some different things.

I think you can eat food you like and still lose. There are so many options. Up your protein, veggies, and fruit. See what happens. Most menus have lower calorie options. Study a menu BEFORE you go out. See how many calories are in your favorites. Maybe you can eat half of something and take the other half home.

Chocolate can be dynamite unless you can satisfy yourself with a couple of smaller pieces. There is "elimination" and "moderation" decide which you can do.

Whatever you decide, remember you'll be doing this for the rest of your life. It has to be sustainable.

Exercise is very good for you, unless you're exhausting yourself. Choose carefully and do something you like. Do different things to keep moving. When you get to the point where your day is not complete without movement, you'll know you've arrived.

Please don't get discouraged. If you can manage to eat and do things you like while losing, the stress eating will go. You'll be happy. That's your real goal. Stop now and again and ask yourself "Am I happy with this?" If the answer is "no", then change it.
Good luck. You can do this.

cmriverside

Weight loss is mostly psychological for most of us.

And what Tom said. There are lots of foods I have to limit because if I do eat them it sets up insulin spikes/cravings/hunger.

Find a level of food you can do for life. Don't try to eat 1000-1200 calories, that will lead to lack of adherence.

Set some foods aside for now.

For instance, I have a dessert like cake or cupcakes or ice cream or cookies once a week, not every day. Dessert for the rest of the week is fruit.

RoblinB

Two months ago I too started again for what felt like the 1000th time (and I am definitely older than 30!)

I think there is much wisdom in the above comments.

What is making a difference for me this time is people. I have chosen to engage with this community, rather than lurk in the background. So often I have tried to do this alone. Having others with me is helping substantially, and I suspect I will always need to build some form of accountability into my life.

Rockymountainliving

I have lost almost 40 pounds but it has taken me over 1 1/2 years. I am shorter and older and just walk for exercise. My calories are pretty low. 1240 to lose 1/2 pound a week, 1440 to maintain (based on my history not MFP calculations). I made changes I could live with permanently. No alcohol or any calories for beverages, no binge foods in the house. Buy treats 1x week only. Reward myself with travel, clothes etc. not food.

yirara

Yes, what those clever people above said. You need to make it a habit, like getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. You decide you want good teeth, and you need to find a legit reason for wanting to lose weight. Just being at a lower weight is such a rubbery reason. Find a proper one from which you can draw motivation.

history_grrrl

Great advice here. I’m struck by the OP’s comment about being unable to stop thinking about meals, calories, rewards, etc. when on track. I realize we’re all different, but as someone who has always been a mindless eater, I have found that planning what to eat ahead of time actually stops me from obsessing about and feeling controlled by the process. Once I know more or less what today’s meals will be, I don’t have to think about it at all. But I do need to include things like that chocolate bar, or in my case, that half-square of 70% chocolate, in the snack category. I do think it’s a difference between feeling/being in charge of the process and feeling that it controls you.

springlering62

history_grrrl wrote: »

Great advice here. I’m struck by the OP’s comment about being unable to stop thinking about meals, calories, rewards, etc. when on track. I realize we’re all different, but as someone who has always been a mindless eater, I have found that planning what to eat ahead of time actually stops me from obsessing about and feeling controlled by the process. Once I know more or less what today’s meals will be, I don’t have to think about it at all. But I do need to include things like that chocolate bar, or in my case, that half-square of 70% chocolate, in the snack category. I do think it’s a difference between feeling/being in charge of the process and feeling that it controls you.

Exactly this. Pre-logging makes all the difference for me.

I just got back from a long holiday and a volunteer gig in a small rural town where I tried it all and/or ate what was available, including a pound of fudge I had no business picking up on the home. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Today is my first day back. I haven’t “fallen off the wagon” Yes, I’ve indulged, but years of logging and thinking about it have provided me with the tools to get right back to business.

My diary is now prelogged through next Sunday. That helps calm the itch. I know what I can snack on, and when I can have it. I knew what to shop for this morning and walked out of the grocery store without a single impulse buy. If it’s in the house, I am gonna eat it. Solution? Preplan.

I know that everything I’ve planned- breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, dessert- is food that I enjoy. There is no joy in eating stuff you don’t. Frankly, life is too short for cardboard diet foods.

I’ll be having tons of blueberries and cottage cheese, my daily chocolate pancakes with homemade (and very low cal) cream cheese, homemade ice creams and sorbets and popsicles, chili fries, fettucine alfredo with sautéed shrimp, caprese salad, coconut rice, smoked BBQ pork, steak, baked potato. Yum yum yum. And it all fits well within my calorie goal with room to spare. (Did I mention I just came off three weeks of unfettered eating? Lol. Time to cut a bit. Tools, remember?)

I learned that there was more to sitting around and feeling sorry for my obese self, blaming myself, others, circumstances. It was up to me to assess and take control of my life.

I also learned it was time to give up the “I Can’t” fears that held me back for years. I can! I can run! I can stand on my head! I can fly on a trapeze! I can lift that there barbell! There are so many things I can do, and so many more I want to do.

Don’t be me and do all this thirty more years down the road.

Lay it all out, assess, and start making changes. You don’t have to change everything at once. Small steps.

But you have to pull yourself together and you have to really want this, and be prepared to make a permanent change.

MacLowCarbing

I struggled till I was in my 50s with ups and downs, so I feel ya.

I think the key I have found for me is in sustainability. I just always would slip back into the bad habits because the new and improved habits were just not natural to me and even if I kept them up a few weeks/months, they never really felt like a "normal' day, more like going out of my way, or fighting against the tide.

No matter how great or healthy what you're doing is, if it's not something you can keep up with for the rest of your life, it's not going to last. There's always the struggle of "falling off the wagon" and getting tempted and becoming discouraged. Find a plan, and foods, and exercise, that you can effortlessly fit into your daily life, that doesn't seem like you're going out of your way to do it.

Like maybe instead of a gym membership because you almost never get there after the first month, invest in some weights/resistance bands/a thigh master/whatever and work out at home. If you hate cooking, pick foods you can throw together without cooking or pick frozen meals or meals you can order that stay within your calorie range. If you have food addictions, address them and stay away from those that trigger you.

Anyway, I've decided to stop trying to fight against the tide. I will try new things and habits if I think they can help but if it becomes a struggle to do the right thing, I will just look for something else that works.

AnnPT77

I think others have given good advice about tactics to try, that are solid. I haven't done most of them, because I'm an undisciplined flake basically (hedonistic aging hippie). Nonetheless, I was able to calorie count my way to weight loss back in 2015-16, and have been at a healthy weight since.

My conclusion: Finding the tactics that make things easier for oneself as an individual - that's key. What those tactics are will vary from one person to the next, because we're all unique individuals with differing preferences, strengths, challenges, etc.

I needed to take the reins, and persist until I found the ways to adjust my routine eating and activity habits so that I achieved the calorie balance I needed. I had to take responsibility, and persist.

Try to find things that make the effort easier for you, not something that is difficult to keep up, not something reliant on discipline, motivation, willpower, etc. Experiment, looking for what reduces your calorie intake manageably, is practical, tasty, reasonably filling, lets you have a social life, etc. Review your diary, see what constitutes easier vs. harder days. It might be food, it might be sleep, boredom, stress, emotions, habits, too much or too little exercise, . . . . Notice what your triggers are, and experiment with strategies to respond differently to them.

Find ways to move more (exercise or daily life) that are reasonably fun, or at least tolerable and practical. Extreme, punitive exercise is nonessential, and can be counter-productive.

Put the things that make it easier into your routine habits. Keep doing that, you'll make progress. Don't worry about a rare day that's out of sync: It's a drop in the ocean. Just get back to your normal routine ASAP, and keep looking for more reasonably tolerable, practical changes in habits/patterns.

ash1864 wrote: »

I feel like I'm starting all over again for the 1000th time and it's so depressing.
I'm around 90kg, 5"8, female, aged 30. I've been playing this game since I was 14.
I know how to do it and do it well, it's just so hard to keep it up.
If anyone has any advice for continuity and not being waylaid by life, please let me know. I let life events get in the way - I lost over a stone between Feb-May this year, then because I went on holidays throughout the summer until August, I never got 'back on track'. It's September now and and I feel overweight, the doctor is concerned about BMI and I'm terrible for comfort eating and portion control. I let my emotions rule my eating if I'm not calorie counting and planning in exercise.

If emotional eating is part of the picture, don't hesitate to seek expert help with that. There should be no more stigma about talking to a professional counselor when we have difficult problems with thought patterns, than there is about talking to a mechanic when we have trouble with our car. That's why professional helpers exist.

If that's not an option, look into relevant books or podcasts that apply those techniques in one's own life. One I've seen recommended here is The Beck Diet Solution, which is not "a diet", but rather about applying cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies in one's own life.

I'm not a podcast gal, but I've seen others here recommend some of those for similar reasons, too. I hope they may chime in.

You are in charge here, even when it doesn't feel like it. You can make change in your life, and when you realize that viscerally, it will be very empowering. It will give you skills you can go on to apply in other parts of your life.

Since you're being smart enough to apply yourself at 30, rather than waiting until 50+ like I did, you will be doing your future self a huge favor in terms of health and quality of life. Go for it.

But when I do that, all I think about is planning my next meal, how many calories I've had, how many I can have, can I have that chocolate bar within my daily amount, how much will I burn off at that class later. AND it is EXHAUSTING. Tips for a dispairing 30 year old here!

Perhaps calorie counting isn't the best method for you. It's possible to lose weight in other ways, even though getting calories in line is the underlying mechanism for all of them. That's what some of the other popular "diet methods" are going for: The plate method, intermittent fasting, low carb, "intuitive eating" (in the sense of rules/guides for doing that, not simplistically), whatever. If calorie counting feels too obsessive to you, it may not be your best method.

I'm old enough (67) to have been adult before calorie counting was remotely practical, though people knew about calories. People lost weight then by various methods, including simply reducing portions and seeking more filling foods, making changes until their weight started to drop. My own father did that, lost many tens of pounds in his 60s, and kept it off for the rest of his life.

Calorie counting worked great for me, but to me it's a fun, productive science fair project for grown-ups, not at all obsessive or stressful.

If you do continue calorie-counting, it's normal for it to feel a little bit busy or stressful while getting into the routine, but trying to minimize emotion, anxiety, guilt, etc., would be a good idea. (I know that's easy to say. But still.) If it's that temporary kind of effect, you may find you're calmer as time goes on, if you can stick with it for a while.

Best wishes.

kshama2001

Re: podcasts, I like Half Size Me: https://www.halfsizeme.com/category/podcast/

Heather lost 170 pounds over five years, has maintained it for over 10 years, and has been a coach for some time, basically offering cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) strategies like "Beck," above.

There aren't ads, but she can spend some time in the beginning of the episodes promoting her paid services. You can fast forward over that or let it wash over you. I listen to her when I'm walking, gardening, or at the gym.

Usually Heather is coaching, but here's a recent episode in which she interviews another recovered binge eater:

https://www.halfsizeme.com/hsm604/

In episode 604 of The Half Size Me™ Show, Heather talks with Dr. Amy Johnson (host of the Changeable podcast) about how the mind works and how understanding your mind can be a game-changer for you. Plus, they chat about

— how your brain and your thought processes affect the goals you set
— how your mind spins stories (and what to do about it!)
— what things to watch out for
— and more!

Dr. Amy Johnson is psychologist, podcast host, and best-selling author. You can learn more about her work on her website.

carlharr1

try intermittent fasting.

Jthanmyfitnesspal

First of all, my observation is that there is nothing wrong with you. You evolved from people who were food insecure. It was highly advantageous to be able to eat a wide variety of food and to over-eat whenever possible, storing extra energy for later as body fat. We also evolved to avoid unnecessary activities, saving energy for when it was needed.

Humans can carry a lot of body fat, and that is not our downfall, it is our SUPERPOWER, that made us the dominant species on earth.

The odd thing is that we find skinny people attractive at all: they clearly don't have access to enough food! What's with that?

But, we also pay a price if our bodies carry too much fat, particularly if we are also inactive. So, there you have it, your body has not evolved to leave food on the table, so, if you want to lose weight, you have to override your natural tendencies with rational thought ("will power"), and it's hard!

If you want to try something different, I suggest consulting more experts and joining more groups. Most of us go it alone, and that is usually an issue.

Best of luck!

musicfan68

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

sollyn23l2

musicfan68 wrote: »

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

Awe, come on, everyone should poo their pants at least once as an adult.

springlering62

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

musicfan68 wrote: »

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

Awe, come on, everyone should poo their pants at least once as an adult.

I know you said this in jest, but….

My mom was bedridden,required spoon feeding, and was in adult diapers for several years at the end.

My entire goal with this whole lose weight/get fitter thing is to avoid pooping myself as an adult.

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. It occurred to me that he was 20 years older than I am now when he passed, and in terrible health. Heavy smoker, recovered alcoholic, severely diabetic, congestive heart failure.

If all I have left is 20 years, I want them to be excellent, fun, and full years. I don’t want to be confined to a bed or “lift chair” , watching endless reruns of that SVU show, and forced to eat the crap the nurses cook up, and waiting for them to change my diaper afterwards.

These years are a gift, to be treasured and parsed wisely.

Corina1143

One suggestion.
Log your meals ahead for 3 days after vacation before you leave for vacation.
Just a friendly reminder to start right back the minute you get home.
Same with holidays, special occasions.

sollyn23l2

springlering62 wrote: »

sollyn23l2 wrote: »

musicfan68 wrote: »

Winning4EJ wrote: »

A good cleanse may help not only clear the body but also the mind. I'd consider taking laxative(s) according to the directions and drinking a ton of water to flush out your system of anything that could be effecting your appetite and mind negatively. It may be helpful for starters.

Eating light like mostly soups and salads ect that day.

No, OP, this is totally unnecessary. Bad advice.

Awe, come on, everyone should poo their pants at least once as an adult.

I know you said this in jest, but….

My mom was bedridden,required spoon feeding, and was in adult diapers for several years at the end.

My entire goal with this whole lose weight/get fitter thing is to avoid pooping myself as an adult.

Yesterday would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. It occurred to me that he was 20 years older than I am now when he passed, and in terrible health. Heavy smoker, recovered alcoholic, severely diabetic, congestive heart failure.

If all I have left is 20 years, I want them to be excellent, fun, and full years. I don’t want to be confined to a bed or “lift chair” , watching endless reruns of that SVU show, and forced to eat the crap the nurses cook up, and waiting for them to change my diaper afterwards.

These years are a gift, to be treasured and parsed wisely.

Absolutely. And laxatives will definitely not help accomplish that. But, as to the OP's initial question... I strongly recommend taking it slow and accepting that it will take a while. No quick fixes.

Jacq_qui

I am someone who has started over lots. I'm very much two steps forward, one back. I read a really useful thing here once; "you're starting over again because you didn't learn everything you needed to the last time"! I really like that. Everyone has to find their own path - as said above, what works for one, won't work for another. Each time I restarted I looked at what worked last time, what didnt'. I've found a few things:
Exercising to fit in treats was just backwards. Exercise for a healthy body, not to justify what chocolate I want to eat later. (Sugar craving is HARD, but you can control it a lot better if you don't keep feeding it)

I no longer count exercise calories - I used a calculator (like this https://www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html) to work out what I should aim for.

Eating the same calories every day has also made it easier - I no longer get hungry on days I can't get to exercise because well, I eat the same amount each day.

Emotional eating is hard. Definitely consider how you can work on reducing this (for me I found routes to stress mgmt) There are books, courses and all sorts on this. I learned that if I'm eating chocolate in response to feeling bad, then the thing I love just becomes an extra punishment and makes me feel worse in the long run.

To help with emotional eating - I never walk through shop aisles in stores which have all the chocolate and biscuits in. I just don't go there.

If you buy something, you'll eat it. So don't buy it! I still scour the cupboards hunting for something, but if it's not there, it's amazing what I'll settle for!

That said, I usually have a bar of dark chocolate I can nibble on. It has to be properly dark though otherwise I would possibly be tempted to eat it in one go. Much easier to add in a 50cal square to my diary then 250cals +.

I quit eating after dinner. I just have enough in the day to not need it now.

I'm still a work in progress, I'm ok with that! You don't have to be at your target weight to be happy. And reaching your target weight doesn't mean you'll be happy either. Find things that you can include in your life long term. Northing worthwhile was ever easy, right?

sollyn23l2

Jacq_qui wrote: »

I am someone who has started over lots. I'm very much two steps forward, one back. I read a really useful thing here once; "you're starting over again because you didn't learn everything you needed to the last time"! I really like that. Everyone has to find their own path - as said above, what works for one, won't work for another. Each time I restarted I looked at what worked last time, what didnt'. I've found a few things:
Exercising to fit in treats was just backwards. Exercise for a healthy body, not to justify what chocolate I want to eat later. (Sugar craving is HARD, but you can control it a lot better if you don't keep feeding it)

I no longer count exercise calories - I used a calculator (like this https://www.calculator.net/calorie-calculator.html) to work out what I should aim for.

Eating the same calories every day has also made it easier - I no longer get hungry on days I can't get to exercise because well, I eat the same amount each day.

Emotional eating is hard. Definitely consider how you can work on reducing this (for me I found routes to stress mgmt) There are books, courses and all sorts on this. I learned that if I'm eating chocolate in response to feeling bad, then the thing I love just becomes an extra punishment and makes me feel worse in the long run.

To help with emotional eating - I never walk through shop aisles in stores which have all the chocolate and biscuits in. I just don't go there.

If you buy something, you'll eat it. So don't buy it! I still scour the cupboards hunting for something, but if it's not there, it's amazing what I'll settle for!

That said, I usually have a bar of dark chocolate I can nibble on. It has to be properly dark though otherwise I would possibly be tempted to eat it in one go. Much easier to add in a 50cal square to my diary then 250cals +.

I quit eating after dinner. I just have enough in the day to not need it now.

I'm still a work in progress, I'm ok with that! You don't have to be at your target weight to be happy. And reaching your target weight doesn't mean you'll be happy either. Find things that you can include in your life long term. Northing worthwhile was ever easy, right?

I've done pretty much the same thing. If it works for you, that's awesome! And you make a great point. Losing weight will not make you happier in and of itself. It *may* help if it allows you to do more of the things that make you happy.