Grief

quiller4287

My wife passed on 10/08/23 of a sudden heart attack. We were married 50 years. 07/05/1973- 10/08/2023. I simply can not express how heart broken I am. I've cried screamed at God to please let this be a nightmare. I've heard it all. Think happy thoughts, It will take time, etc Seek counseling, talk to friends etc.. So now I'm posting to strangers. Death comes to us all, I get that but I wanted a few years more, selfish of me I know. I've dealt with stage 4 bladder cancer, by a miracle of God, the VA saved me with experimental treatment. I've suffer several micro strokes, ON Oct 5th I received a pace maker due to heart failure. My wife was so worried about me and I can't but worried if that stress killed her. 3 days later she litterly dies in my arms. Thank God she died quickly. I'm so messed up. I go to the gym and this flood of grief hits me and I have to rush out of the gym before I fall apart. Sometimes barely getting to my car and I'm sobbing. I want it to end yet feel if it does I've forgotten her. I'll never forget her I can't forget my life. She was my life, 51 years we were a part of each other. She died at 69. How will I ever live without her.

[edited by MFP staff]

fitnessgal1968

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would like to say grief goes away but it doesn't. I can say it gets lighter. I lost my first born son September 2020. I still grieve. I think about him every single day. Working out has been a great therapy for me. I still have my husband thank God but I understand loss and grief. Best of luck to you. Your loss is new and fresh. Allow yourself to grief and feel.

snowflake954

Very sorry for your loss. Grieving is normal, take your time with it. Talk to her in your heart and take her with you wherever you go. That honors her memory. The ancient Romans thought that remembering a person kept them alive in spirit. Hope you find your peace.

AnnPT77

I'm so sorry. I know it's hard. It's been quite some years now, but I lost my husband of 20+ years when he was 45 and I was 43. It was cancer, but fairly fast progression. I understand that your 50 years, and reaching a stage of life where health and support gets complicated, would make loss even more difficult. (For context, I'm 68 now.)

I don't have advice for you. Everyone's path is different.

About all I can say is to encourage you to think what she would want for you now. I'm sure she would wish you all the possible good you can find in the world.

We're all different, but one thing that helped me was committing to go through the motions of a normal life as much as possible, even though I was numb and not really feeling it. Eventually, some of the positive feelings started to creep back into the "going through the motions". Whatever the approach, it takes the time it's going to take.

I hope you're able to find a way to live in grace and acceptance with your grief, but go on with a positive life. Sincere best wishes!