Losing in a healthy way for the first time

alicegriffiths70

I used to be very thin after following 1200cals to lose about 2 stone. I was obsessive about my goal weight (which, was far too low for my body) and whilst I didn't realise at the time, I was absolutely on the edge of an extreme eating disorder. I recently found my old "before/after" photos and I looked very unwell in them. Fast forward 5 years and a divorce and mild alcoholic stint meant I've gained 3 stone. I've done a lot of work on myself and learned that being overweight is not the end of the world i was terrified of believing before, I've had lots of success in my career and am in a wonderful loving relationship all whilst at this higher weight. So now I'm finally ready to address my weight again, as I want to feel healthier again and treat my body better from the inside. So I've set my calories at around 1600 daily and have so far lost abut 4lbs this week via it (water weight initial loss of course, but it's the nice boost I needed to get on track).

Does anyone have any advice on how to keep myself from slipping back into old obsessive ways? I'm not in a position to pay for therapy sessions unfortunately. I just want to lose this weight and not become mentally unwell during the process and I am a little scared!

sollyn23l2

Good for you!!! I had a similar experience. I chose to focus on eating to benefit my body. Rather than have a specific goal weight, I maintain a range. I try to stay within a certain range of about 10 pounds, allowing myself to fluctuate up and down. Some people do well weighing every day while others do best only weighing once a week. As far as calories, if you choose to count calories as your method of weight loss, maybe try having a calorie range rather than a set number of allowed calories. My calories can range anywhere from 1200 to 1800 calories depending on the day. Rather than being militant about it, for a long time now I've known my maintenence calories, and as long as I come in somewhere around or below that, I'm good. I don't follow the "eat every single calorie to the calorie, no more no less. Don't want to miss out on that single delicious bite that could be left!" mindset. For me, that led to obsession around calories and eating. I obsessed over that bite that could be left. Then I obsessed over it after I ate it. Anything under your maintenence calories, even if it's as little as 50 calories, will, ultimately, lead to weight loss. So I didn't worry about maintaining a 250, 500, or 1000 calorie deficit. It was more just... being under my maintenence calories. All this was basically a long way of saying try and stay flexible with your goals and expectations if you don't want to become obsessive again.

whimsy38

Really look at the thoughts you generated in that obsessive phase and practice answering them with reason. You already have one or two thoughts to practice - Old thought,: You have to be thin to be happy and successful. New thought, "I am happy and successful now." Old thought, "Doing this obsessively will make us happy." New thought, "Doing this obsessively lands us in therapy and unhappy."

Find power in the fact that you know the past behavior was unhealthy. It's unlikely to get power over you again.

I'm also going to offer you the fact that I have lost 50 lbs and kept it off by learning to eat intuitively and I know lots of others who have too, so tell your brain that when it says the restrictive way is the only way

rainydayhappy

I can relate to a lot of this, I easily become seriously obsessed with a minimal calorie goal, multiple daily weighing, intense exercise every day to get my net calories ridiculously low, etc. Last time I tried to lose weight (2018 I think) I ended up losing about 3 stone (still nowhere near a healthy weight range for me though) and then completely stopping because mentally it was so bad for me, and I’ve since put more back on. I finally feel now that I have the mental space to approach this again in a different way, as I need to lose 5-6 stone now at a guess. So I’m trying to avoid ANYTHING that feeds into the obsession. I’m very roughly tracking my food on MFP to get a vague idea of calories and macros, but I’m not putting them on the right dates so that I can’t track it and obsess, I can just glance for that day and know that I’m pretty much in the right ballpark. I’m also not weighing or measuring myself at all - not at the start, not as time goes on. I’m also not tracking exercise, just doing some when I feel like it. So I’m really really hoping that this way I can develop healthier habits while not straying into obsession, and ultimately achieve results through my actions. I’m feeling, I think, quite balanced mentally still (only three weeks in mind you) but feeling positive about it. Feel free to add me if you’d like

frhaberl

Great advice above! I have been actively shifting my focus towards maintaining long term health vs losing weight. Losing weight can be a part of the short term portion of my long term health, but similar to you I've been including mental and social health in my goals and working to balance those with the physical health. I gave myself the goal of maintaining weight over the holidays (vs losing) and have now adjusted my weight loss target to 0.5 lbs/week even with ~20lbs left to my target weight (which I'm also reevaluating). I realized that I want to be living a lifestyle through my weight loss journey that feels sustainable forever, because that's what it will take to maintain the healthy weight once I achieve it. So if that's the goal, being overly restrictive or carving out an unsustainable amount of time for exercise is counterproductive. And since I've already reduced my weight to a lower risk factor level, there's not any hurry to get to my target weight.

I applaud your courage in taking these steps to go against what much of the "diet culture" sets as expectations.

1BlueAurora

I lost weight too fast the first time around. Lost muscle tone and my hair started falling out! I've gained back about half of what I lost, and this time around I've set my goal to lose half a pound a week instead of two, which was too fast for me last time. To stop obsessing about calories, I decided to learn some more hobbies to take my mind off myself. Worked for me!

Overheadfan

I'm a newbie to MFP ( 3 weeks) . I joined at 100 kgs and am aiming for 80 kgs.
My view about my diet and exercise regimen is that if I can realistically see myself still doing it when I'm 80 then it's the right one for me. I've never bothered with the full on gym 4 week fat blaster programs, punitive dieting etc, I understand myself well enough that it'd just be unsustainable long term.
I totally understand how you feel about the hyper vigilance and obsession with the scales and food. It's a nightmare way to live and very toxic for your self esteem long term. I applaud everyone out there who has the courage and self awareness to go against the all pervasive diet and fitness industries which constantly bombard us with " the 8 week solution".
I've been enjoying the MFP food tracking. It's reset my understanding of portions, calorie content etc.
At the ripe old age of 60 I had already honed my healthy eating ...it's just my quantities which had got out of wack.
Being mindful and gentle with ourselves is a good place to work from.
All the best in your wellness journey. It sounds like you're in a great head space.