I don’t know what I’m doing

courtneycoble77

I’ve lost 95 lbs since last February and since around September I’ve been doing a workout I found on YouTube of Caroline girvan with 20 lb dumbbells. I started using weights simply because I saw some really old weights of my son in laws in my storage building and asked could I have them. I’ve never been to a gym before and am intimidated to go because I’m absolutely clueless where to start. I’ve lost the weight and feel better but I have a lot of loose skin and I’m trying to tighten up. I’m not seeing the definition I’d like after 4 months of doing these workouts. I think I’m not eating enough probably but it’s hard to get past the diet mentality and focus on gaining muscle. I see posts about bulking? What exactly does that mean? I’m 5’4 155-160 and 46 years old and eat around 1500-1800 calories a day. I’m doing the exercise but I’m struggling with the eating and knowing what to do in that area. Any suggestions?

Retroguy2000

Congrats on your progress so far.

I doubt you should focus on bulking. It's an easy way to start gaining fat that you worked so hard to lose. Stay at maintenance.

Lifting is all about progression. Those 20 pound dumbbells were probably somewhat challenging for some exercises a couple of months ago, and too easy for others. And you need to progress in volume for your body to adapt. If you enjoy the dumbbells, I'd recommend you look into a set of adjustable db's. I think the default is up to 50 pounds each for various brands, and it takes seconds to switch between whatever weight you want. Or see if your son in law can pass more stuff your way.

No need to feel intimidated about the gym. People are either in their world, or they might offer to help if you need it. Start off with a tour, maybe a session with a trainer, and you should be able to continue from there.

robertw486

Good advice above, progression will get you where you are going. That is either more repetition (volume), or more weight with the volume you are at.

Gyms seem to intimidate some people, and often women more then men. But for the most part, most gyms aren't intimidating at all. Some stay in their own zone and do their thing. Some are more social and can be helpful to newer people. And at times, there are people that can bug you with too much help or attention of some sort. Just play by the rules (re rack equipment, wipe down benches, machines, and anything else the gym requires) and do your thing. If their aren't helpful types around, usually someone in the gym will help explain things. If you aren't the assertive type, wear earbuds even if you don't have music on. It allows you an easy "pass" to pretend you don't hear someone if they bug you.

The loose skin will take time and it varies from person to person. It might hide some of the muscle you already have, or any gains you make, but over time it usually tightens up for most people.

As for terminology, bulking is intentionally eating at least as much as needed to allow muscle growth. Many eat beyond that and call it a dirty bulk... knowing they will gain fat and muscle, but the emphasis is on not missing out on any possible muscle growth. A clean bulk is similar, but just adding enough calories to in theory not lose out on gains, but minimize fat gain. And then you have recomp, which is essentially staying at maintenance calories, but very slowly gaining muscle as you lose fat if done correctly. It's a choose your poison type of thing.

courtneycoble77

Yes I agree on the bulking. The term itself scares me after working so hard to lose all this weight. I did buy adjustable weights but they still only go up to around 22 lbs. but yes I need a few different weights because I still can’t do all the reps with 20s but they’re not heavy enough for others

AnnPT77

Congratulations on losing 95 pounds: That's a fabulous accomplishment!

Do you have an estimate of your body fat percent?

I'm asking because you mention not seeing more definition after 4 months of workouts. Were you losing weight during that 4 months? If so, I'd expect minimal muscle mass gain (but probably some nice strength gain if you were new to this) in 4 months, unfortunately.

It takes a certain amount of leanness for muscle definition to show (even if it's present). What that body fat percent is will differ depending on individual genetics and history, but for women it's often going to be somewhere in the 20 percents body fat, I think, for most. Some areas will show definition before others, though, depending on individual fat distribution.

As context, I'm a woman about your height (5'5"), bodyfat percent in the mid- to upper 20s someplace right now, post holidays. I've been active, including some lifting but more of a strength-y cardio modality for around 23 years, during roughly a dozen of which I was overweight/obese and maintaining body weight. As a consequence, I have more than average muscle mass for my demographic (li'l ol' ladies' demographic, because I'm 68 ), and have had some muscle for a while, including before weight loss.

In my case, at your current weight of 155-160, I was not showing much muscle definition, either. Losing another maybe 15-20 pounds from there was when I discovered to my surprise that I did have a little bit of visible muscle definition in spots. It was hiding under a fat layer: Women tend to have more of a whole-body subcutaneous fat layer, generally. (My avatar photo is somewhere in the lower 120s pounds, and I'm much leaner looking from my ribcage and up than I am below ribcage because of my personal fat distribution.)

In my experience, my true loose skin was willing to shrink even at age 60+, once it got down to thin wrinkles (like wrinkles in a medium-weight fabric, maybe like denim or corduroy). The rolls or folds that were half an inch or more thick still had residual subcutaneous fat conspiring with gravity to keep those areas stretched out. I'm sure my loose skin kept shrinking at least into year 2 of maintenance, and maybe longer - hard to tell, because it shrunk slower as time went on. The total change was really pretty good, though. Individuals will vary, though: Age is a factor, genetics is a factor, etc.

Retro and Robert have given you good advice on lifting and on getting past gym anxiety. With the latter, it's easy to feel people are seeing us and judging, but it's mostly not the case. The average gym-goer is focused on their own workout. Everyone was new to the gym at some time, and nice people remember that, and have a positive attitude toward new people, whether they express it or not. Only jerks are judge-y or critical, and who cares what jerks think, anyway?

I felt super self-conscious taking adult learn-to-swim classes in my 40s at the Y, as a terrible swimmer and an obese woman who'd had bilateral mastectomies without reconstruction, so fat and totally flat (maybe even concave?) up top. But no one seemed to pay any attention, honestly.

You're doing great, I think. Work on making your strength training more progressive, and hang in there. Good things will happen. I'm cheering for you!

courtneycoble77

Thank you for giving me encouragement that possibly one day some of the skin will tighten. And I do feel like I need to lose another 10-15 pounds. I’ve had ppl tell me if I lost much more I may see more wrinkles. I’m almost 46, wrinkles are inevitable 🤷‍♀️. It’s a struggle for a woman to look fit and young at the same time. I think imma have to pick one. I’d like to at least see what I like, I just have to get there first. I did buy some whey protein powder and I’m going to try increasing my protein intake and still cut a few calories and try losing a bit more. Thanks to everyone for your advice and encouraging words 😊

AnnPT77

courtneycoble77 wrote: »

Thank you for giving me encouragement that possibly one day some of the skin will tighten. And I do feel like I need to lose another 10-15 pounds. I’ve had ppl tell me if I lost much more I may see more wrinkles. I’m almost 46, wrinkles are inevitable 🤷‍♀️. It’s a struggle for a woman to look fit and young at the same time. I think imma have to pick one. I’d like to at least see what I like, I just have to get there first. I did buy some whey protein powder and I’m going to try increasing my protein intake and still cut a few calories and try losing a bit more. Thanks to everyone for your advice and encouraging words 😊

To the bolded: Well, I dunno. Maybe.

The actual loose skin, the thin wrinkles I mentioned, can shrink . . . but there will be a time lag for that to happen after the fat is mostly lost in an area, because the shrinkage takes time, IME.

In general, I looked worse part way to goal weight (those floppy rolls of fat that are droopy, maybe half to one inch folds). At goal weight (mid-120s pounds for my 5'5"), most of those areas had turned into the thin wrinkles that would eventually shrink. So I looked worse then, at goal weight, than I looked a few months to a year or two down the road staying at that weight.

I don't agree that it's a struggle for a woman to look fit and young at the same time. I know several 40+ y/o women who are very fit, and look younger than their chronological age. One is 77, and looks more like 50. I agree that that effect can be less achievable for those of us who have a history of being over-fat, but I don't think it's necessarily impossible. Some of it will be genetics, but there's also other influences in the mix, such as avoiding fast loss (because it's a stress on our health/system), getting good nutrition, etc.

Keep in mind that if you lose weight, give the skin some time to shrink, and don't like the look after that (months down the road), intentionally regaining some weight can reverse the process.

Personally, I care way more about how I feel than how I look. At this point, around 8 years into maintenance, I don't think I look older than (say) my always-thin grandmother did at a similar age. Genetics. It's common for people who newly meet me not to be willing to believe that I was overweight/obese for most of my adult life (I believe them when they say that), and I've had people tell me I don't look 68 (I don't believe those people when they say that ).

courtneycoble77

Well if that’s your arm in your profile picture at 68 I’m officially jealous! 💪😊. I’m just probably overly sensitive to the looking my age thing because I’ve newly lost this weight and although we’ve been together 3 years and he was with me at my heaviest, my bf is 33 and doesn’t even look that old🤦‍♀️. I’m not used to my new body yet but I’m working on getting used to it

AnnPT77

courtneycoble77 wrote: »

Well if that’s your arm in your profile picture at 68 I’m officially jealous! 💪😊. I’m just probably overly sensitive to the looking my age thing because I’ve newly lost this weight and although we’ve been together 3 years and he was with me at my heaviest, my bf is 33 and doesn’t even look that old🤦‍♀️. I’m not used to my new body yet but I’m working on getting used to it

Thank you for the kind compliment! :flowerforyou: It is indeed my arm, but soon after weight loss, so I was 60 then. I don't think it looks much different now, but it is 8 years older now.

KickassAmazon76

Regarding the gym... I have been lifting for 10 years - most of which was in my basement, and I STILL feel anxiety at the gym. I know what I'm doing there and I still feel anxious. There are times when I sit in the parking lot and stress because there are so many cars there and I really don't want to be seen.

But I take a deep breath and go in.

The biggest things that helped me with going (not in order)?
1) if you can go with a friend - it's way easier. Helps you feel less alone and you can laugh off your mistakes together (EVERYONE MAKES THEM). In the very beginning, I used to go to the Y on Saturdays with my sister and we'd laugh while we tried to figure what each machine did. I'm sure we looked goofy, but we had fun and it was good.

2) I strongly STRONGLY recommend taking advantage of a few sessions with a personal trainer. Many gyms will offer a few intro sessions as part of a joining incentive, or offer discounts. The perks to a personal trainer are many - they can help you build a program, they can show you how to do specific exercises with safe and proper form - they can give you real time feedback - and they kind of substitute as a workout buddy. Con: they can be cost prohibitive if you're financially choked - but even a FEW sessions would be helpful.

3) I think did it the hardest way... I searched kijiji (craigslist, buysell, fb marketplace, etc) for used weights - barbells, plates, dumbbells, etc. Then I watched hours of workout videos to learn proper form, videoed every lift, asked complete strangers on here for form tips, refined and refined and refined. Eventually I did find a 3 day training session at a local crossfit gym on the basics of deadlifts / squats / bench and learned a TONNE about powerlifting. I've since moved onto a gym and constantly oush through the anxiety of going, even though I likely hold my own there now.

Remember...
You are already winning! You've lost a lot of weight, you've started lifting, you are progressing! This isn't a flash in the pan and you're ready for the next step! CONGRATULATIONS!