Lapsed cardio junkie starting again, F48, on a quest for balance

misssixtea

Hi all

I've been on and off MFP, mainly off, for a few years, and I'm posting here an awkward first post because I really want to commit to prioritising my health and fitness.

I am 48, 5'8, I've been weighing in consistently this week just under 150lbs. My usual weight is 140. I've always been happily active, running regularly, cycled and gym - I enjoy fitness and it's just been a regular part of my life.

I've had some stuff to deal with over the last year. The biggest being that my husband was diagnosed with cancer, almost a year ago. He has coped amazingly with 6 months of chemo, and is now, thankfully, in remission. In the middle of that, we got married, bought a house, bringing together our four teenagers (2 each) and juggling co-parenting responsibilities with our respective ex-es between 3 different schools and houses 30 minutes apart.

I had just left my job at the beginning of last year, and was looking for a new role when the cancer diagnosis arrived. That cemented a whimsical desire to go freelance, so I could prioritise my husband, chemo and family. I really struggled to get traction on contracts, so had a year of frustration and little pay. At the end of the year, I decided to sign up to an MBA course to make myself a little more marketable. I had the time!

Fast forward to January this year (are you still with me?!) and suddenly, my freelance work has exploded. All the contracts I bid for came off, and suddenly I'm dealing with multiple clients, all starting at the same time, doing work which is, in some cases, pretty new to me. I said 'yes' to everything - a strategy I'm still working through - having pretty much committed to work double the days there physically are in January, February and March.
Not a bad problem to have, I know.

On top of that, the MBA keeps on coming. 15 hours a week on top of work work. I've done two out of three assignments, done surprisingly well (whoop!) and nearly pulled out a few weeks ago, because I needed to alleviate some of the pressure - but financially it makes no sense so I am going to persevere and finish this module, final assignment is due in early April.

So, it's all a bit bonkers, and I find myself literally sitting at my desk from 7am until 11pm most days, I'm working over weekends, I'm not prioritising my fitness - at all - because I attempt to go for a run, I'm slow, it's unpleasant (I've had a knee injury too) and all I think about is the overdue deadlines I should be working on. I literally feel I cannot justify an hour at the gym, because there's always another client meeting.

My husband is being amazingly and wonderfully supportive, and this will pass, but at the moment it feels pretty relentless. I look back at my Strava history and see the person who was cycling 100 miles a week and running marathons and feel like I have lost a little bit of myself.

But at the same time, I know I need to be kind to myself, find a way to stay fit and healthy despite work pressures, eat well (stress-eating is my greatest flaw), adjust to accommodate menopause-type-stuff i think I have going on (I started HRT in November) and that things will be ok.

I'm not sure whether anyone will read this, and I know I'll feel super-awkward reading it back - but I needed to somehow mark publicly where I am because I feel the need to get out of my head, reach out into the world and start making some positive changes.

I'm definitely looking for friends to connect with on this journey!