Need advice on MODERATION

inkedShimewaza

Hello all. I could use your advice on something I am really struggling with. I am finally making some good progress on losing weight. However, it seems the more I lose, the more I am compelled to further restrict my calories. I am starting to think I am already getting to be in too much of a calorie deficit. Injuries are starting to happen and I am not recovering from workouts before it's time for the next one. Despite "knowing" that I should probably add some calories back in, I cannot get myself to do it. I am paranoid that even the smallest increase in calories is going to result in weight (fat) gain. Just for full disclosure, I do have OCD. But I am medicated for it, and aside from this, it is under control. Sorry for the long-winded post and thanks in advance for any advice you can give.

Wildkit85

I'll have to think about what advice I can share, but I've been in the same place and for me those thoughts and especially the feelings of anxiety (like the paranoid fear of possibly gaining weight) are signals that my perception is becoming skewed. Also that I may be obsessed with my weight and body shape to the point that can be harmful- to my mental and physical health. For me I have a history of an eating disorder. Worst in my teens, long ago. So when I get to a similar place as you describe (which I've actually been in recently) I use a sort of self talk. I kind of respond with rational points. Like the part of you who "knows" you should or want to change things....a rational thought to hang onto might be, "an extra 150 calories today probably won't sabatouge all my efforts." Remember any change in your calorie consumption will be evident gradually so you can make another change if you want. You won't step on the scale next week and see a 10lb weight gain. We'll, not likely. Sorry this is so long..I feel for you. It's not any fun living in fear and anxiety.

AnnPT77

I don't know what to tell you, because this does seem like a matter of perspective, so more of a personal psychology question than a technical one. (But maybe someone who's worked through a similar problem will comment.)

All I can suggest is working to understand and accept the arithmetic of weight loss: Each half pound per week of weight loss implies a daily deficit of roughly 250 calories.

In other words, with a consistent average calorie intake and similar activity routine, and if losing on average a pound a week, eating 250 calories more daily would result in average weekly loss of half a pound a week instead of one pound; and subtracting 250 calories daily would result in average weekly loss of a pound and a half per week instead of one pound. This would show up in average loss over 4-6 weeks (whole menstrual periods for those to whom that applies), not necessarily from one day to the next or even one week to the next.

Trust in the process is needed, and experience can build trust. Can you get yourself to run a one-month experiment eating higher calories (still with a deficit), and see if you can convince yourself to trust the process and the arithmetic?

You are right to recognize that under-eating (losing too fast) is bad for health, bad for body composition (risk of muscle loss), bad for appearance (hair thinning, brittle nails, haggard, listless affect), bad for athletic performance or fitness improvement, and ultimately bad for weight loss (tends to eventually trigger deprivation-related over-eating, breaks in the action, or giving up altogether).

If you estimate your actual calorie deficit based on how much you lose weekly on average over 4-6 weeks, you can have strong objective assurance that adding back calories will not add back body fat, unless you add back as many calories as that total calorie deficit.

I don't know that that will help you, because you already know you should eat more. (Note lack of quotation marks around the word know - because you're correct, your knowledge is real. It's the feelings about it that are not accurate, and that's a harder thing to work through, I understand.)

I'm cheering for you to be able to work through this, and be on the healthiest possible path!

tomcustombuilder

What is your height and weight and how much have you been losing?

springlering62

Golly. Here’s my story. I don’t know if this will help or hinder, or be any use whatsoever, but I feel ya, as the youngsters say.

In 2020, I reached 127 (5’7” senior female). I thought I was all that. By golly, I was thin! Wheeeee!!!! My trainer was constantly sending me videos of my workouts. I never bothered to look at them. A hangover from the “don’t take my picture!” days of fat assdom.

She knew it. So one day she sent me a still photo she’d secretly taken from behind with a message “stop losing weight or I drop you”. I looked anorexic. I was devastated. She was my weight loss rock through a good bit of it, and I’d lost all the muscle I’d (we’d) worked so hard to build.

I made the very difficult decision to stop losing weight, and put some back on. It was HARD. I envisioned myself fat again and the fear was real.

You know what? It never happened. I stuck with the weight training. My weight increased but the clothes still fit. 😱

Now in 2024, I am at 145, which sounds huge in my head. The critiquing and self flagellation started again.

Then, a couple of days ago, I found that forgotten trove of videos on my phone, which I was cleaning out. This time I looked at them.

The woman in those videos was frail, sickly, and obviously struggling in the gym.

The woman I see today in the mirror is healthy, happy, active, muscular, shapely, and most of all, confident. I’m not the best yogi, the best swimmer, definitely not the best lifter, but I can hold my head up in a gym.

The woman in the 2020 videos? She had the extra skin belly pooch that irritates current me so much. Cutting weight down to the bone didn’t help her at all. If anything, it accentuated it.

I totally get you. I’ve been there and have to fight to keep myself out of there. I obsess over pretty much everything. I log down to single digits. I had to quit Apple Challenges when I found myself cursing at anonymized team members who weren’t ”pulling their weight”. I like to see those damn move rings turn. Every morning I check the mirror to make sure alien fat demons didn’t attach themselves overnight.

If you let go a little, the habits you’ve built will continue to build and sustain you. Take it a little slower. All through my weight loss I had trustworthy IRL people encouraging me to add calories. Add more calories. You still need more. WTF? But they were never wrong.

I’m happy with the 145. My current trainer has carefully mentioned I’m thinning out, that I don’t need to.

Why does the obsessive mind pay someone for that advice and then ignore it? Ay yi yi. 🤦🏻‍♀️

After viewing the woman in those videos this weekend, I don’t want to go back to that person.

Can you create a support team?

Having a dietician in the gym was wonderful- even though I only visited her three or four times. I also had free access to phone consultations with a dietician via my health insurance.

If you can afford a trainer, having lucked into a pair of experienced, concerned, supportive trainers was life changing for me.

My doctor, who is overjoyed I finally listened to her advice to lose weight, has shared useful information and support.

What about an IRL workout partner? Several women in our gym do that. I think it’s awesome.

Who is prescribing the “OCD meds” to you? Can you explain the feelings to them and ask for advice?

It’s hard to do- has taken me several years- but I’ve got a great core set of supportive friends here on MFP (as opposed to those looking for a pretty face lol.)

Anybody you can rope in as your team, do it. This is important!!!


Anyway, now my turn to apologize for the long post. Much success to you quieting the noise in your head. Its your job to corral it to work for you, not against you. 😘

mtaratoot

@springlering62

Can I give a standing ovation for this post?

Because even though I've read this story before... Just wow.

inkedShimewaza

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses! @Wildkit85, thank you for sharing. It sounds like we have been on very similar journeys. I have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues my whole life. I am sure it is very closely tied to my OCD & depression.

@AnnPT77, thank you for the information. It does help to go back and read factual information like this when I am struggling. I appreciate the response!

@tomcustombuilder, I am about 5ft 9in. When I started in mid-January, I was about 285lbs. By the beginning of February, I was struggling to break the 280 mark. Since then, I have gotten down to 265. So this month, I have lost about 15 lbs this month.

@springlering62,thank you so much for sharing your story. I am seeing a therapist to help with the issue, but I figured it would also be helpful to get information from people who have been going through the same (or similar) scenario. The workout partner isn't really feasible for me. I lift in the morning before work and am on a pretty strict schedule so I can get my full workout in. Also, I do a kind of crazy workout regimen that not a whole lot of people are willing to do. My wife is my primary support and she has always been amazing. However, I have given her enough agada with my OCD and depression over the years. I am trying my best not to add to it with this situation.

Again, thanks everyone. I am going to try and add some additional protein to what I am currently eating ... just a little and keep track of how it impacts my weight. I guess depending on the results, I'll go from there. Have a great day everyone.

PAV8888

Large deficits can accentuate thoughts.

Many things in life are on a continuum.

One end of it is happy puppies the other end is in the DSM manual once it takes over our lives and we can't pull out.

Glad you're talking with someone!

I found mfp when squeezing both ends and ready to give up on weight loss and better health. I was down to 245lbs at that time.

Sustainability of effort and ability to achieve compliance is more important than speed.

I haven't seen more than 170 in 8 or 9 years. Weight loss was done in closer to 2 than 3

Crashing and burning seems to come naturally to weight loss efforts.

Keeping things manageable for years at an end requires.... moderation!

Best of luck!

inkedShimewaza

Thanks @PAV8888