Calorie Counting and Social Life

jackjackattck

Just curious how everyone handles going out or eating at friends/family's houses, or work events?

I used to use MFP very regularly, when I lived alone and was easily able to meal prep and control what/when/where I eat easier, but since having a baby 4 years ago I dropped off. Every time I decide I want to track calories again, I majorly struggle with my social life and tracking food I don't prepare myself. Sure a lot of restaurants have calories listed online and/or pre-loaded into MFP, which helps with eating at an establishment. But what about if my friends or in laws are cooking? I can't exactly sit there and ask my (95 lb. naturally thin never had to care about diet in her life) sister in law exactly every single weighed out ingredient - it's absurd and something she would not be willing to do nor would I dare to ask. And I am NOT willing to just "not eat at friends/family houses" or "take my own food to peoples houses" which I find rude. I need a reasonable and practical (think long term lifestyle, not short term diet fad) way to eat things that I am not preparing and weighing myself. I used to pick the most reasonable guess and go higher on calories for entries than I thought was needed to be conservative, but it was all just that.. a random guess. And when I wasn't losing weight with this method, I am sure it is because I was not accurately counting things. Surely the answer can't be the only way to lose weight is never leave the house and never eat a morsel of food I didn't prepare / weigh / calculate? How does everyone handle this? Is there an in-between that works for people (between weighing every single morsel vs. not tracking calories at all)?

Sadly when I get too overwhelmed with trying to figure out calories in meals (even meals I cook, I don't have time in my day to take 30 mins adding every ingredient up), I just give up and ditch MFP for a while until I get the urge to try again.

xbowhunter

I don't count calories when I go out for dinner.

Life is wat too short for that kind of nonsense.

Retroguy2000

I have a couple of private food entries for Generic Stuff 20% Protein and Generic Stuff 4% Protein. They are 100 calories each with 5g and 1g protein respectively. I don't care about the other macros.

If it's a one-off sort of meal, I'll get the best estimate I can, and in your case it might have to be eye-balling it and guessing based on your tracking experience, and enter it as say 8 * Generic Stuff for 800 calories. Always make an effort to track everything, even if it's just a guess. So what if you're off by a couple hundred, it's a one-off, it's noise in the long run.

You should also be experienced enough from tracking to look at the meal and decide whether it's best to have a smaller portion or not worry about it. You could also load your plate with more veggies and less carbs if possible.

If it's a work event, you know when it will be. Maybe "bank" some calories in the days before and after, and enjoy yourself that night.

PAV8888

There are many ways to control your food intake. They all take some effort, especially if you have not yet managed to embed them and especially if you're trying to create a deficit.

Calorie counting can get you to the point where you're slicing up deficits with a scalpel at the edge of a feather. Or if you log more crudely you could be slicing your deficits with a chainsaw.

Now some people are chainsaw artists and can carve delicate curves... but most of us aren't.

You could only eat a single plate no matter what. You could pile up the veggies and drop the sauce or drop desserts. Or not drink. On drink no more than two fingers and no more than .... There's lots of things you could do. People lose and gain weight in infinite varieties and styles!🤣

So you can keep guessing and accept that your guesses are not going to be as accurate as logging by weight and ingredient.

I do take pictures of what I eat out. And log it as carefully as possible later. But it is work to do so and time consuming.

At maintenance I mostly rely on multiple years of daily logging by ingredient and weight to make a guess when eating out. And accept that I will be off when I guess.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. But it does sound as if you're only using counting as an approximation.

So while it may be a good mindfulness tool for you, you may need to layer in some additional tools to get where you want to be

PAV8888

xbowhunter wrote: »

I don't count calories when I go out for dinner.

Life is wat too short for that kind of nonsense.

How often do you go out for dinner or order take out?

Twice a day? Once every day or second day? On Friday, Saturday and Sunday of every week?

Sure, i would not worry THAT much about a meal or so a week.

But frequent 1500 to 2000 Cal meals cannot fit in all budgets

jackjackattck

Thank you all, this is great advice so far! I am an Engineer and like things in black and white, and I have spent most of my adult life being "all or nothing" with dieting (fairly unsuccessfully). I will get all the motivation to start fresh, weigh myself and take "starting" pictures, make up a fancy spreadsheet on Excel with goals and a tracker, then the second I deviate and have red marks all over my fancy spreadsheet I give up and delete it. I can't tell you how many Excel sheets I started and deleted!

The times when I WAS successful, as mentioned, were before I had a baby and I lived alone - I could spend 1 hour doing HIIT cardio workouts and eat plain grilled chicken and be satisfied. My lifestyle now with a young toddler and both my husband and I working beyond full time, I don't have time for HIIT workouts, and I can't be as picky about what I eat (my husband is the cook in the family, I can't deal with it after working 50 hours). So thats why I feel it had to be all or nothing - when I was in great shape I was exercising A LOT and eating very healthy. It seems so daunting, that I now need to loose 75 lbs. and it's like I am staring at the bottom of Mt. Everest thinking there is no way in hell I can maintain what lifestyle I used to when I was fit in my 20s. I suppose I need a better real life way of accounting for variation and flexibility and not be so black and white, maybe that will help me when I deviate and I won't give up and run away.

I am also trying Intermittent Fasting so far this year which has been successful for me to just control my intake better. My husband is thin and a big eater, so skipping a meal in the morning has been helping me feel less guilty and have some ability to indulge in a higher calorie dinner. For now I know I did not gain 75 lbs. overnight (although it was only over a few months while pregnant yikes), I will not lose it overnight. I am trying to focus on small things (like IF and taking more walks) but somehow my mind keeps telling me I'm not doing all the things I did when I was in good shape. Yet... my life has changed, so maybe it is time for my strategy to change.

PAV8888

Adapt you have to. And yet to start with some big picture wins.

The biggest one for you is going to be figuring out long term how you can walk away from the table with the correct proportion of calories compared to hubby.

Sounds like he may be a OMAD person by nature. And get a good extra 1000 Cal budget on top of yours to begin with.

So you may need to change the mix of what you eat with him. Or figure out the proportions which may be plates 2/3 or 1/2 of his... not equal.

Dinner plate for him ... salad plate for you? An apple or some dates 20-30 min before dinner? 🤷‍♂️

CrazyMermaid1

I find that pre logging what I know I’ll eat really helps me. I always eat oatmeal and protein shakes, then I’ll log my expectations for lunch. Then for dinner I’ll pre log a glass of wine. I can do an hour of cardio for a couple hundred calories more and I know what’s left. I’ll be generally aware of that number but not anal. When I get home I’ll break the meal down into its components so I get a ballpark of calories I ate. I’ll go over my allotment and recognize that it’s going to slow my loss a bit. Then I’ll move on.

jackjackattck

PAV8888 wrote: »

The biggest one for you is going to be figuring out long term how you can walk away from the table with the correct proportion of calories compared to hubby.
🤷‍♂️

Yeah this is the hardest balance, and the main reason why my weight has crept up slowly to >200 lbs over the last 10+ years with him. He will make me a separate steak with less seasoning and salt. Or if we have hot dogs for example, I have one.. and he has five. Same with tacos, I have 2, he has 6. But it takes so much control and makes it harder for us to go enjoy meals together. He's 6 foot and like 140 lbs.. and can eat a whole horse, go poop and weigh less than he did before.. so unfair! Thanks for the insight!

pridesabtch

I'm like you. Chemist by trade and very black and white, all or nothing. I was formerly very active, very fit and very strict with my diet. When life (work & mental illness) got in the way, the first thing that went was the healthy eating. Then the exercise went because my fitness was slipping and I was too proud to reduce my lifts or shorten & slow down my runs/rides. I have been struggling the past few years to start over, but it can be very daunting when you see yourself where you were rather than where you can be. I may not get to my 16% body fat 105 pound version of me that I was at 40-42 (post kids), but I can see me at 125 and maybe a little softer. That is about 65 pounds for me and I'm 50 now. I guess what I'm saying is you aren't alone and we both need to look forward and quit basing today on yesterday. Good luck to us both! Shoot me an FR or DM if you want. Maybe we can make a plan, and learn from each other.

As far as eating with friends and family even before I limited it to once a week and didn't go overboard. Just logged my best guess and moved on.

jackjackattck

pridesabtch wrote: »

I'm like you. Chemist by trade and very black and white, all or nothing. I was formerly very active, very fit and very strict with my diet. When life (work & mental illness) got in the way, the first thing that went was the healthy eating. Then the exercise went because my fitness was slipping and I was too proud to reduce my lifts or shorten & slow down my runs/rides. I have been struggling the past few years to start over, but it can be very daunting when you see yourself where you were rather than where you can be. I may not get to my 16% body fat 105 pound version of me that I was at 40-42 (post kids), but I can see me at 125 and maybe a little softer. That is about 65 pounds for me and I'm 50 now. I guess what I'm saying is you aren't alone and we both need to look forward and quit basing today on yesterday. Good luck to us both! Shoot me an FR or DM if you want. Maybe we can make a plan, and learn from each other.

As far as eating with friends and family even before I limited it to once a week and didn't go overboard. Just logged my best guess and moved on.

How funny, I actually studied Chemical Engineering.. so we are pretty close! Sounds like we're in the same boat, sent you a FR! Not on here as much as I used to be, but trying to find that balance that isn't obsessive or overwhelming.

mtaratoot

The more you log COMPLETELY and ACCURATELY and HONESTLY, the better you will calibrate your eyeball for estimating when you do eat out or at someone else's house.

I went out for a taco today. I had just one taco. I have no actual idea of how many calories there are, but I have a pretty good clue. The entry I use for one taco is a little low, so I log 1.5 or two tacos even though I just had one.

The trick is you have to log most of the time and weigh things to keep your eyeball calibrated. You also have to be somewhat intentional about WHAT you eat when you are out. I was out the other day and someone brought a big pan of ribs to share. They also brought warm home-made cinnamon rolls. I had two ribs and skipped the sweet treat. Another person gave me crap about it; he had been asking me about pastries the week before, and I said I didn't eat them. He said the other day, "You better not eat one of these." I didn't. I wouldn't have no matter what. The ribs weren't planned, but I logged them after I enjoyed them. I was over calories that day. Not much. No big deal - I was under the next day.

AnnPT77

I know that some of this is not your question, but . . .

jackjackattck wrote: »

Thank you all, this is great advice so far! I am an Engineer and like things in black and white, and I have spent most of my adult life being "all or nothing" with dieting (fairly unsuccessfully). I will get all the motivation to start fresh, weigh myself and take "starting" pictures, make up a fancy spreadsheet on Excel with goals and a tracker, then the second I deviate and have red marks all over my fancy spreadsheet I give up and delete it. I can't tell you how many Excel sheets I started and deleted!

With gentleness in my heart (sincerely), but with frankness in my typing fingers: That's not really a full bore scientist/engineer approach, is it? I'm sensing some emotion in there . . . maybe even some guilt, self-recrimination, and that sort of thing? That's not an accusation: We're all human. I get it.

The data can help you, if you're a data geek like me. But what scientist scraps the whole project whenever an outlier bit of data enters the picture? (An unsuccessful scientist, I'm thinking.)

I'm not saying you need to take the data-focused approach, but if you lean that way, lean all the way into it. Track the good, the bad, the everything. Learn from it. It really can be insight-provoking.

There are strategies that can help, I think, but if you can bring a bit more strategic and a bit less subjective focus to the situation, that may help you better sort out what works and what doesn't.

The times when I WAS successful, as mentioned, were before I had a baby and I lived alone - I could spend 1 hour doing HIIT cardio workouts and eat plain grilled chicken and be satisfied. My lifestyle now with a young toddler and both my husband and I working beyond full time, I don't have time for HIIT workouts, and I can't be as picky about what I eat (my husband is the cook in the family, I can't deal with it after working 50 hours). So thats why I feel it had to be all or nothing - when I was in great shape I was exercising A LOT and eating very healthy. It seems so daunting, that I now need to loose 75 lbs. and it's like I am staring at the bottom of Mt. Everest thinking there is no way in hell I can maintain what lifestyle I used to when I was fit in my 20s. I suppose I need a better real life way of accounting for variation and flexibility and not be so black and white, maybe that will help me when I deviate and I won't give up and run away.

I am also trying Intermittent Fasting so far this year which has been successful for me to just control my intake better. My husband is thin and a big eater, so skipping a meal in the morning has been helping me feel less guilty and have some ability to indulge in a higher calorie dinner. For now I know I did not gain 75 lbs. overnight (although it was only over a few months while pregnant yikes), I will not lose it overnight. I am trying to focus on small things (like IF and taking more walks) but somehow my mind keeps telling me I'm not doing all the things I did when I was in good shape. Yet... my life has changed, so maybe it is time for my strategy to change.

To the bolded: Well, yeah. Different circumstances, different tactics.

I grasp the basic situation. (I was married to one of those guys, too. (Widowed now, not divorced. ))

I noticed that you don't seem to have answered PAV's question about how often there are dinners out and that sort of thing. Maybe I'm wrong, but that makes me think there's a little catastrophizing going on in your mind (which is also not "scientist thinking" .)

It sounds like IF is helping you. This is good thinking.

In general, I use the tactics in your first post for meals out: Estimate as best I can, using MFP database entries on the high side. I also use PAV's "snap a phone photo" method when it's polite. (Put a fork or something obvious in the photo for scale. Remember to turn off the flash.)

There are other things I think are polite in others' homes, applied with sensitivity: "This is so delicious! How did you cook it? Can I have your recipe?" "What kind of cheese is this? It's just right in this dish!" etc. That kind of questioning definitive, but it gives hints about calorie level. Of course, the one plate idea is good. Of course, excuses are useful: "Just a tiny slice of pie, please. Looks so delicious, wish I had skipped lunch so I'd have more room." If self-serving, hit the salad/veggies hard. Etc.

Honestly, if the meals out are only a few times a week, estimating is good enough. If you're always over on those days, maybe set a conservative (slow) weight loss rate in MFP, then under-eat goal a little bit most days ("bank calories") in order to have some wiggle room for meals out. It sounds like your husband is cooperative about cooking variations for you, so his help is meaningful here. I assume he knows your goals for improving your health, and understands this will benefit him long-term as well.

Reading between the lines here, so maybe this doesn't apply: It's really important not to give in to "I ate more calories than I had available at lunch, so I'm going to throw in the towel for today and eat whatever for the rest of the day". I'm not saying to skip eating if you're hungry later. What I'm suggesting is that if you have a challenging meal coming up, plan for it: Maybe eat lightly earlier, and - if hungry later in the day after the high-calorie meal - choose something that's filling and nutritious but relatively low calorie to fill out the day.

After some kind of off-plan event, no point in beating yourself up about it. That burns no extra calories and feels bad, so why do it? Look at the clock. Spend no more than 10 minutes thinking about the off-plan situation. Was it worth it? (Sometimes it is, IME . . . especially when during loss most of these things only delay reaching goal weight by a few hours, maybe a day.)

If it wasn't worth it in retrospect, spend that 10 minutes thinking how to manage similar circumstances differently next time they arrive. Mentally revise your plan accordingly. Rehearse the new plan vividly in your head a few times, like a mini-movie.

Then let it go: Log your best estimate, and get back on plan immediately. Next time similar circumstances arrive, test-drive that new plan. If it worked, great, keep it in your toolbox. If it didn't, think of an alternative, and try that next time instead.

It's an experimental process, right? Something that doesn't work isn't a personal failure, it's a learning experience about something that doesn't work for you. That's useful. Learn from it, and try something else. You'll work it out. (Or you may decide some few things aren't worth worry. I'm heading into year 8 of maintenance, still don't handle potluck situations well through some combination of temptation, hedonism, and FOMO. I finally figured out that since I only go to a few potlucks a year, this isn't a life crisis. I usually eat over goal, and that has very little impact in the big picture.)

In my view, what we're really trying to do in these circumstances is figure out new permanent habits that don't just get us to goal weight, but also help us stay around that weight long term (ideally forever) almost on autopilot. Losing weight may be hard, but many people think maintaining is harder. Sometime during loss, I think that means it's a really good idea to find those relatively-easy maintenance habits, and practice them until they're routine. Just my opinion, though.

Best wishes!

ddsb1111

What about creating a spreadsheet where you don’t see red? Made specifically for data and to see the trend, without expectations.

Many of us use Libra or Happy Scale to track the trending weight.



I use a Renpho scale to track my weight, bmi, body fat, water, etc. I don’t take anything other than the weight too seriously because those numbers are pretty misleading. But it does help me to see if the numbers are changing and what that means over time.

Here’s my graph. Because weight loss isn’t linear for anyone, I expected spikes and falls. This is normal. Take the anxiety and emotion out of the process and you’ll start to find a rhythm that works for you now and in maintenance.