Depressed. Having trouble making myself do anything...

arains89

So over the weekend my partner and the father to my daughter who isn't even a year old yet left us. Out of no where. He never came home from work on Saturday and then when we finally talked he said he "needs a break" and he is moving out. I am devastated. He hasn't been a very good partner for a long time now but I have stood by him and tried to make things better but he is just not interested. I haven't been able to eat much and I can't find the energy to work out. I just cry all the time. I've never heard of a man thinking he can just "take a break" from his family when he is a father. We had plans to marry and buy a home. We had a life together. How did you pick yourself back up after such devastation? I've never been so betrayed blind sided and hurt in all my life. I am only about 5 pounds from my goal weight and I don't want to let this derail my success. I just can't do anything but cry. This probably was more just an opportunity for me to talk since I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone IRL. I mean the man I have given everything is throwing me and my kids away. I can't help but wonder what I could have done...

anlu37

i'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I know you may be embarrassed, but I'm sure support from those closest to you right now could be really great. I would encourage you to reach out to someone you trust to talk to. The only advice I can really give is to be okay with going through the grief process....you are truly going to grieve over this loss. He may want to come back after his "break" and it's important that you evaluate you expectations from him and if you are okay with someone who is willing to do that. Something I tell my teenage daughter when she is upset over a break up is "why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? that's not really being fair to yourself." obviously, this statement is very complicated since you have a daughter together. It's okay to cry and feel sad. When you don't want to eat, eat anyway. Don't expect to have the same energy in your work outs that you had before. My suggestion would be to do things that are active and make you feel good. Maybe walk to a park and have a picnic dinner with your daughter? Do some stretching and meditating rather than hitting the gym hard. Take everything one day at a time. More than anything, don't let yourself go into a spiral of what you could have done. We only have control over our own choices and when you wonder what you could have done we often fantasize that it would have made everything different. Often times what we do doesn't matter and that person may have made the same awful decision regardless. Message me if you need to talk. I know we don't know each other, but I can be a listening ear if needed.

ikrissyt

I think anlu37 had some really great advise.
Don't blame yourself, I'm sure you didn't do anything. And while he is figuring things out on his "break", definitely make him aware of your expectations if you do accept him back into your life and your baby's life. It's not healthy for the baby either for her father to keep leaving.
Be strong, you don't need a man to make you happy. Find other things that you enjoy and focus on those. Yes, it is healthy to cry and express your emotions, just don't let them take over.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know, maybe you could find a counselor to talk to. They can offer an unbiased perspective on things.

claireables88

You haven't done anything wrong at all and I am sorry to say this but sometimes men are jerks and do this type of thing because they can't handle the pressure. You deserve better than that and maybe you could do what I did when my ex fiancée cheated on me. See it as a way to learn and believe everything happens for a reason. That is the only way I get by when things go topsy turvy but obviously it will be harder for you as you both had a child together and that makes this situation even worse. Everyone on here will be here to talk if you need them including me And if you are struggling to workout and eat properly just try and take a break from concentrating on it for a few weeks. Get yourself together and spend time with your friends and family and hopefully they can get you happy again. It will be hard but I promise it will get easier

arains89

Thank you ladies. I've never felt this way before. I am generally a very strong woman. I know eventually it will be ok but I hate the idea of rerouting my whole life and the life of my children because the man I gave everything to isn't ready to grow up. I guess that is life and when he regrets it I am not sure that I will be able to allow him back in.

happysherri

Oh gosh! I went through Depression, bad marriage (he just fell out of love with me), I have 2 (now) teenagers, job losses, etc... I Totally Understand! My Depression was so bad it lingered on for years. I know this sounds "cliche" but it does take time. Just try and focus on you! You should come first on your list (my therapist told me this). YES, FIRST! It will get better but for now.... It Is Okay to Cry! Crying is therapeutic.

GemmaRowlands

So sorry that you're having to go through this. It must be a shock.. having so many expectations for your future, only to find that things have now changed.

The best thing to do is to focus on yourself and your child. You're the most important, and you will get through this. Don't let him win, don't let him get to you.

arains89

I guess the only upside is I lost 5 pounds this week. Only 5 more to goal. I suppose I can thank him for that. You ladies are right. I know that I will be ok its just hard to see. I have a lot of people that love me. Even his own family has been reaching out completely blown away by his actions. I just need to keep my chin up for my babies.