Flawed thinking that keeps sabotaging me

sebedina
sebedina Posts: 161 Member
I was out in the morning, was thinking "I've been advised to eat 30g protein each meal. So I thought instead of a regular shop bought wrap around 400 calories (which only has a little protein) I would instead go to a restaurant and order a meal which has proper protein portion and had 2 bowls of salad) thinking it was a good choice. However the calories for the salad and main meal would be approximately 850 cals. Then I had craving so bought a bar of chocolate 280 calories. So my lunch was high in protein and calories 1,000 approx! So although my lunch had good protein, veg and fiber the calories were way over!! I feel this is the flawed thinking that means I can't even do one single day! My plan of eating is a mess because my thinking sabotages me!! I'm fed up of myself. Any advice or thoughts would be really welcome. I'm obese and miserable.

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    Well the 850 calorie salad could be mitigated by learning how to order salads.

    Dressing on the side
    No cheese
    No fried things (like fried meat)
    No croutons

    850 calories could have been 600, which would have been a reasonable calorie count for a meal out.

    That chocolate didn't help. Next time skip that - obviously.

    I mean - at some point you will have to make hard choices. The choices become easier with time and knowledge.

    Get back at it!
  • dldavis879
    dldavis879 Posts: 1 Member
    You have to plan those meals. Balance the protein..carbs.. calories..and fat. I know there are people out there that can do it on the fly but I have to plan it out...even that chocolate craving.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,457 Member
    edited May 20
    Have you considered pre-logging?

    Before I go to bed, I pre-log at least the next day, if not two or three or more out.

    I know what times I’ll get peckish, and I know when my workouts will need to be fueled. I plan meals and snack accordingly.

    I do a slow drip of food all day long, including four or five snacks or desserts. That way I know I have a heavy breakfast before morning workouts, lunch is at noon, a light snack is coming at 1:30, a heavier snack prior to a late afternoon yoga class at 3, and then plan to have dinner on the table at 6:30. By the time I clean up and give the dog his evening walk, and sit for a few minutes, it’s 8 pm. I try to squeeze in a solid dessert, and a lighter snack before 9, knowing I’ll be in bed at 9:30.

    Having everything planned and operating to a well oiled schedule takes the “frantic” out of the equation.

    Boring and regimented but beats the heck out of “on the fly oops I’m over again” style of eating.

    Your thinking isn’t “flawed”. We all most likely did that. I sure did. I didn’t give a thought at all about when or what went in. It’s a matter of simple rethinking our needs.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,225 Member
    It sounds like you're talking about one day, maybe just one meal, and already feeling like you're sabotaging yourself?

    Oh, man.

    If you ask me (as a formerly obese, now slim person), weight management is a forever kind of activity. It requires new habits. New habits evolve through patience and persistence.

    Today, with that combination of choices, you learned one tiny bit of behavior that didn't work out for you. That's useful. It's not a personal failure, it's learning. Frame it that way.

    Others have made suggestions about how you could consider some different choices next time in similar circumstances.

    Myself, I'm not a pre-planner of my days, but I agree that that's a good strategy for many. I do tend to pre-plan restaurant visits, i.e., look at the menu online when I don't feel rushed, and decide what to order. I also recognize that many restaurants will leave off items (dressings, sauces, etc.) if I ask politely. Some may be willing to give me a plate of different veggies sides (if they have some non-fried/low-butter ones) with a protein.

    Though I don't prelog, I do think in terms of my whole day, not just one meal. If I wanted a bigger lunch, like a restaurant meal, I'd think about a calorically light breakfast with some protein, and a plan for dinner that was veggie-heavy with a calorie-efficient protein. (I'm distinguishing that from pre-logging, because I don't pre-plan in detail.)

    Give yourself some grace, some time and space to learn what new habits will work for you. One day or meal is a drop in the ocean. What you do most days, most of the time - your daily habits - is the ocean. You can chip away at evolving those habits in a good direction over a period of time. You don't need to be perfect instantly. Learn and revise. That can work.

    You can do this! Talk to yourself about it like you would talk to a dear friend. You are learning. Encourage yourself, as you would a friend. If that's not a habit, I know it's hard. I'm not talking "it's OK that you failed", I'm suggesting "you tried something new; what did you learn from that, and what would you try differently next time to pursue your goals?" That mindset, too, can evolve over time.

    Only giving up leads to failing. Trying things, learning from them, keeping what works, discarding what doesn't: It's a success process, if you simply keep working at it.

    I'm cheering for you to succeed: The results are worth the effort!

  • kathrynrussell2
    kathrynrussell2 Posts: 6 Member
    Every morning I log in my food plan for the day. This is so helpful to keep me on track. I eat a lot of protein, but the amount of calories I take in trumps everything. My flawed thinking was, "I only eat healthy whole foods so I can eat as much of them as I want." WRONG!! I had to cut back on the amount of food a little and now I'm reaching my goals. You can do this!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,254 Member
    There's many kinds of "wrong" thinkings.

    When I was obese I used to think that "olive oil is healthy", so I'll just poor a half cup over the oven baked potatoes to make the unhealthy lamb roast healthier. You can stop laughing anytime. You want more? Even while losing weight but before I started logging on MFP? This healthy cranberry orange muffin with peanut butter and jam is OBVIOUSLY healthier than an egg mcmuffin so I will eat it instead of the egg mcmuffin I want.

    But wait, there's more--even while doing the right things. While cutting down from the 3 cream 4 sugar large or extra large coffees of which I naively thought a cream is a creamer and a sugar is the same packet regardless of the size of the coffee... I actually increased the cream to compensate for the sugar I was decreasing... eventually I did get to LIKING and PREFERRING black coffee and have actually (and with no intention to do so) spat out in public in the restaurant by reflex the first sip of a double double I was given by mistake.

    Do we even need to continue?

    JUST count your calories. LOG. Review your log. Evaluate the bargains you scored! Was this that or the other worth the calories to you? Did it help you hit your protein, fiber, good fats, or happy jollies goals for the day? Then it was good... keep on adding more good stuff to the next day. No? Bad bargain? Then maybe try something else instead? Or tweak it till it is better!

    I don't know many restaurants that will REFUSE to modify your meal if you're willing to be polite and invest financially. And if they do refuse...you don't have to go back again, do you?

    Now sometimes they will fail even when trying. Try ordering less noodles and a large pho... and see how far you will go. I mean it's not one place or one city where I've tried to.... and I still haven't managed to get the message across!

    Either eat the noodles in the dish and less pho outings for me (the case!)... or go to plan B where you order it as a take out where the noodles are usually not in the soup already (I don't do take outs because at that point I might as well throw a bag of veggies in the nuker)... or to plan C where you just take the dang noodles you don't want out and just leave them on the plate (I've done it but I don't LIKE doing it and on at least a couple of occasions they snuck right back into my bowl anyway).

    Wait a second... you know what's common to all this?

    You slowly make changes and choices that are get you closer to being able to more easily meet your goals.

    Expecting to get it all right from day one? That's a no go.

    And BTW. The minimum RDA for protein is less than half of what most of us consider optimum. Seeking optimum doesn't mean you are going to collapse from malnutrition after a day or ten of suboptimal choices.*

    *depending on starting point. If you're at the tail end of starvation and already malnourished or are otherwise health compromised well yes your margins are narrower and you should be talking to a registered dietician or health professional not a random internet stranger.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,457 Member
    edited May 23
    @PAV8888

    You forgot BOGOs.

    Every morning I would stop at Publix for a cinnamon twist donut (or three or four, if we’re honest) from the bakery

    They always had big displays of BOGOs at the door. I’d find my handbasket (because you can buy less in a basket than a buggy, was my logic) full of BOGO Geneva cookies, candies, Grasshoppers, entenmanns, salt & vinegar chips, you name it, if it was a BOGO I could not walk past it, even if it wasn’t anything I really wanted.

    There were many mornings when my basket was akin to a farmers carry, and hoisting my basket to the counter was practically a deadlift.

    That’s one reason I shop at Lidl now. No BOGOs, smaller choice of candies, chips and cookies. However, they have just reintroduced their very very good homemade bakery cookies, and doncha know, buy two get the third free.

    I came home with three Saturday. The third made me queasy, and I got even queasier when I saw those three cookies had used up almost half my daily calories.

    Something about BOGOs or “buy two get one free” works on my brain.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,457 Member
    edited May 23
    And I think it was you who mentioned your daughter bringing home 20lbs chocolate from the Lindt outlet?

    I walked in with that on my mind, firm intentions, privately smirking “oh, I’d never do that!” And walked out with that or more.

    Those pound bags of Easter chocolate for $5. 😫

    And when you count calories and your friendship circles change a bit, your friends are like “don’t give me any!”

    But…..bargains!!!!!!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    edited May 23
    Please give yourself some grace. There is definitely a learning curve, and learning how to stay within your calorie budget while eating at restaurants is even harder. Do try pre-logging.

    This time of year I make entree salads at home. These focus on veggies and protein. Last night mine clocked in at 454 calories with 38 grams of protein. This included a small amount of bread. For dessert, I had a 35 calorie Hershey's Special Dark mini. So filling!

    I use cottage cheese in salads to reduce fat and calories while increasing protein.

    It took me a long time to dial this in. :smiley:
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,328 Member
    First, it is one meal of one day. It takes time to get things right, and one meal of one day is not make or break thing.

    Second, the flaw is not in your thinking, although 30 grams of protein is a good goal for a meal as for most people it will fill them up more. The issue, as others have pointed out, is not realizing that when ordering a salad you need to order it differently. Dressings should be on the side always as restaurants put huge amounts on salads and salad dressing is one of the higher calorie items in a salad. Breaded fried anything on the salad, while it will give you protein, will also have a lot of fat. Not that fat is in itself bad, but it is higher in calories per gram than protein and carbs. Go will grilled meat instead. Likewise cheese and bacon are higher in calories per gram and should be limited if calories are to be reduced. A small amount of both is fine, and will add a lot of flavor to a salad. Once again, restaurants put far more on a salad than is ideal. Once you learn to customize your order, you can easily drop that calorie amount a significant amount while still getting protein.

    Don't be hard on yourself. It takes time to learn this. Realize though, the flaw was not seeking more protein, it was not yet knowing how to order in a way that maximizes protein yet keeps calories down. You can learn this, it will just take time.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,457 Member
    edited May 23
    A technique I use when eating out is to order the Caesar or garden salad with grilled chicken breast , but I ask for two portions of grilled chicken. That really amps up the protein, is t that expensive, and is very filling.

    I ask for dressing on the side so that it’s not doused on the salad. That way I can control it, choose to just go without any (which I enjoy) or I’ll slip a tiny container of sweet balsamic or zero cal dressing my my pocket and use my own dressing.

    I try to be discrete because others here have mentioned it’s against health dept code to bring your own into a restaurant, but no one has ever questioned us about it.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    edited May 23
    LOL, I worked in restaurants and food prep for years.

    It's not against health department code unless the establishment is preparing your food that you brought in...but most owners simply don't want you bringing in food for financial reasons.

    You'd be surprised what customers try to pull, though, "Hi, I brought my salmon in that I caught, could you have the chef throw it on the flame and cook it for me?" or, "I brought my own tequila/favorite soft drink etc., could I just have a glass with ice and a lime?" and in the five states in which I worked you can't bring in alcohol at all. We don't know how old you are and alcohol is strictly regulated. I know when I drank I'd have a flask, but I would just sneakily add more to the drink I bought. Restaurant cocktails were not strong enough for my taste. :wink:

    Some people bring in their whole lunch in a bag - sometimes from other restaurants. So. Not. Okay...but not because of health codes - that's just what the servers are told to say. We make our living by selling you food and drink, not by heating up your food for free. Eat in your car!! Or wherever you bought it.

    I meeeeeeaaaaaaannnnnnn....really? You just want to sit in our chairs and have us cook your food and serve it to you? Especially servers or bartenders. Their seats are their revenue. That's how they feed THEIR family. That's pretty b@llsy. No one is calling the Health Department on you over salad dressing, though. Nobody cares about salad dressing if you put it on yourself at the table. There's no money being lost with your salad dressing on a paid salad. Just don't ask a server to do it for you - that part they can't do. Down-low, that's the ticket.