How to keep control in a relationship

Traquette

Hi everyone ! I'm not sure if this is in the right section.. sorry if it's not.

After living alone for about 10 years, I have now been living with my partner for a little over 2 years. And I gained 10 kg since (in the first year)

Everything changed in my routines. I feel I lost all control on my food intake, I'm not always the one cooking (and I don't want to take that mental load tbh) so I can't track properly anymore.

How do you do it ? Do you cook only for yourself ? Take the whole job of cooking for your SO (or family) Make them calculate when they do the cooking ??

I need help to gain some control back !

cupcakesandproteinshakes

I make my own breakfast and lunch and my partner cooks dinner sometimes. I talked to him about adjusting recipes and cooking stuff that fitted in with my goals. He is supportive of me so it was easy ish.
I think it depends if your partner is supportive. If they aren’t, it’s perfectly reasonable to cook for yourself and leave them to it!

cupcakesandproteinshakes

I don’t expect my partner to work out calories when he’s. Cooking. He wouldn’t want to do that so I just make an educated guess.

Traquette

Thanks for your replies !
He is supportive, he is trying also to get in better shape, but he is not into counting calories. And frankly, I don't like to do it either, it's so tidious... but I know it works...
We are not good with planning, I keep telling him "we should plan our meals better"... and then...we don't do it coz we are both lazy ! haha

I guess we need to be on the same page on this, even if it's no counting, all eyeballing

Onedaywriter

The struggle is real. Exactly the same for me. My SO can buy junk food and only eat a tiny amount. Then the remainder sits in the cupboard calling me with its siren song!! So I gained close to 10 kgs.

I was fine when I kept the stuff out of the house. I’m seriously considering getting a box with a lock for her to keep her stuff so I can’t get at it b

ninerbuff

You just solved your issue.........................you stop counting calories. And any weight loss/gain/maintenance is based on CICO (calories in/calories out).

So you solve this one of two ways: You either reduce the amount of calories you take in or you increase the amount of physical activity to help to compensate and get into a calorie deficit. A combination of both will result in a little faster weight loss than just dieting alone.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 40 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Traquette

Sure the reason why I gain weight is because I stopped counting (I did stop prior and was maintaining fine before I got with him though) and other life changes.

But my issue is I find it so much more difficult to count when I'm not cooking for myself all the time.

We usually make each our own breakfast, so that is easy. But then come lunches and diners and I can't control all that. Just thinking about it exhaust me mentally !

It is also more complicated keeping any kind of 'routine' as far as exercising goes, because now I need to be considerate to other plans. It's not only me anymore.

I think I did make progress since spring, I've manage to go for a jog almost every day (with or without my SO) and I'm determined to keep going until fall. Maybe I'll find the courage to go to the gym in the winter months... but that's another topic haha

Bex953172

I need to diet, my partner does not.

So I'm in the same position as you, I like counting calories, he says it's a load of rubbish because he can lose weight without doing that, he just cuts back on rubbish and eats healthier in general, but I told him I need to count to keep track and he respects that. However, he's not gonna count them for me.

So, I briefly went over my plans, what I wanted to change with MY diet. So for example, on the night we have Bolognese (he cooks that, mines awful 😂) I won't have spaghetti, I'll have kale instead.
So he will cook the Bolognese and pasta and 5 mins before the end I'll cook my kale and then weigh up and plate my own food whilst he plates up his and the kids.


So you won't have to take over cooking on a daily basis, but you will have to input for the things you want. But for me, him cooking the whole meal and me just having to do 5-10 mins of prep/weighing for myself is much easier than having to do the whole meal.

And then also I ask him what he's put in the meals, like ingredients. And like others I'll take my best guess.

There are ways round it, so deffo communicate with him and cooking together is great bonding anyway whether it's been 2 years or 12 like me

Traquette

Thanks for your reply! It gives me hope that it is achievable! It’s all very new for me and I have difficulties adjusting.

COGypsy

How are your estimating skills? You could treat dinner on nights your partner cooks kind of like eating out. Ask for sauce on the side, estimate the size of the protein or else take a peek and see how much is being cooked in total and estimate your serving from there. For example, if they use a 1 pound package of hamburger and you eat about a 1/3 of the dish, you can base your estimates on that amount. And potentially just "round up" from those estimates to get at least some kind of a calorie count.

I was lucky and my ex mainly made grilled meat and veg on the rare occasions that we shared a meal, so estimating was pretty easy. He usually worked 2nd or 3rd shift, so I mostly just cooked for myself and could control things. I did always have to watch the fat he'd add to things, but the good part is that you get used to how the other person generally tends to cook and can use that info to refine your estimates.

xbowhunter

If you portion out your own plate it shouldn't matter at the end of the day.

If your partner makes a Kingsize pizza then only eat what you need to hit your goals, it really is that simple...

Traquette

I feel like why bother if it's not going to be precise (as unprecise as the app itself may be lol)
I know it's not the right mindset though and I'm already making some other changes that will help me with my goal without focusing too much on calorie count.

BTW, this community is great !!