Back at it, but scared.

SarahsBestLife

I’ve been active in fits and starts, but haven’t ever truly made a permanent change. I start, then I get super enthusiastic, but get so bored, and then life takes over. I could blame it on unmedicated ADHD, having four kids with additional needs, poor mental health, menopause, poorly managed stress - all of those things are absolutely true!

My dear mother-in-law passed away a few weeks ago, despite having spent a lifetime taking a great deal of care with her health. We found her scales, and I stepped on them. It’s not like I didn’t know I’d put on weight - I mean, none of my clothes fit, and I get winded getting into the car sometimes! When I saw that I was nearly 100 kilograms, I wanted to drop through a hole in the earth. I hated myself so intensely. Not for the number, not for the size, but for the lack of care I had given to my own body. My beautiful body, which has grown and nurtured four children, which has cared for my family and home through several moves, which cared for my mother-in-law through her divorce and later, her dying.

Now though, several things are combining to make space for me to really do this thing. Part of me is scared to succeed, because I’ve been overweight for so long. I don’t know what my life would be if I wasn’t big. Would it change how my husband sees me? Would it change how I see myself? I’ve got a significant amount of weight to lose, and I am scared. There’s another part of me that doesn’t really believe I could be healthy.

If you’ve read this far, I thank you. I am cautiously entering the arena one more time, and would love some accountability partners. Right now, I’m focusing on drinking more water, as I barely drink any! Movement wise, I am aiming to walk my dog three times a week, at least 15 minutes. It’s not much, but it’s a place to start.

See you around,
Sarah

AnnPT77

Hi, Sarah, and welcome!

Yes, change is possible . . . but not necessarily easy every second. The good news is that we don't need to be immediately perfect every single second. Gradually better than before in our habits, and pretty good on average overall: That works fine, and is actually achievable.

IMO, there are two things that are non-negotiable in order to succeed:
1. Starting, i.e., committing to change; and
2. Not giving up, but instead adjusting plans and continuing.

You're already doing step 1. Good stuff!

I like your idea of stacking up gradual, manageable changes in habits. Drinking more water and walking your dog absolutely are good places to start.

As far as fears: Yes, how you see yourself may change, and how others see you may change . . . but it will be somewhat gradual, and it should be possible to work through it. You already have a lot going on in your life, and you're handling it: Betcha you can handle this, too. :flowerforyou:

Incremental changes, chipping away at improvements in daily habits: That's really powerful. Small changes add up, and are usually easier to integrate. The things we do routinely, day in and day out, are much more important and higher impact than that one day we eat too much cake (or work out for 3 hours ). Time is going to pass, and the gradual daily changes can put us in a dramatically different place over the months.

I'm cheering for you to succeed, and believe you can do it.

P.S. Just so you know where I'm coming from: I was overweight to obese for around 30 years. About 20 years ago, after cancer treatment, I got more active exercise-wise, and was lucky to find something so fun for me it was easy to keep doing it. That improved my quality of life. But I stayed class 1 obese for another dozen years, even with high activity. At age 59-60, I lost to a healthy weight, and have been at a healthy weight since, now 68. Weight loss was another big improvement in quality of life, and the combination of healthy weight and active is gangbusters. I also feel like I learned some things about myself along the way, about how to chip away at big goals in small steps, that I can apply in other realms of my life. If a hedonistic aging hippie flake like me (with limited discipline, willpower, etc.) can do this, I think you can, too!

jeansuzy88

Hi, Sarah!

I send hugs! I am proud of you for coming back to mfp and starting. It is not easy to start on something that looks hard to do. But you are worth it. Keep setting small incremental steps. I am always so proud of people when I see a person not in the healthy weight range (trying to be politically correct here and not use offensive words) out walking or exercising (this includes me because my BMI is currently in the obese range) because I know they are trying and they are out there making the effort.

I wish you lots of small incremental successes that add up to bigger change. That's what I am working on as well.