Solo Parenting: Losing yourself

JSharpmfp

It can be so difficult to no lose yourself in the early motherhood days.

I unexpectedly became a solo parent when my son’s father passed at 6 month’s pregnant.

It wasn’t something that I can easily work through and it came with a lot of grief and feeling lost and unprepared.

Since then, I know I have had this chip on my shoulder mindset about self care.

The “I have to do it all” and “have time for everyone but me”

It is so counterintuitive during moments of stress to think working out or movement is the answer.

Let’s lose ourselves again- but to something greater inside.

The women we want to model to our youth and show up as.

Join me on a journey of reconnection to our self and our sense of wellness.

One baby step at a time mamas.

kshama2001

I'm so sorry about your loss. Have you tried a grief group?

While not a parent, @AnnPT77 is a widow, and might have some words of wisdom for you.

AnnPT77

Words of wisdom from me? Nothing I can say would be more important or appropriate than what @JSharpmfp already wrote:

JSharpmfp wrote: »

It can be so difficult to no lose yourself in the early motherhood days.

I unexpectedly became a solo parent when my son’s father passed at 6 month’s pregnant.

It wasn’t something that I can easily work through and it came with a lot of grief and feeling lost and unprepared.

Since then, I know I have had this chip on my shoulder mindset about self care.

The “I have to do it all” and “have time for everyone but me”

It is so counterintuitive during moments of stress to think working out or movement is the answer.

Let’s lose ourselves again- but to something greater inside.

The women we want to model to our youth and show up as.

Join me on a journey of reconnection to our self and our sense of wellness.

One baby step at a time mamas.

I especially like "Let's lose ourselves again - but to something greater inside. The women we want to model to our youth and show up as."

I think that's perfect.

For me, widowhood meant finding a different path from the one I'd planned and expected to be on. I knew that my late husband would've wanted me to be happy and engaged with the world. Knowing that helped. I don't have children, but I think I would've had equal confidence that the right path was just as OP said, to be the right model for them, which would also mean I was being my best and fullest self.

For me, there was a certain amount of going through the motions at first, doing the things I knew I needed to do, until the feeling finally flowed back into those things. It all takes time, trust, and patience, but it can happen.

Wishing you insight, sending strength, @jsharpmfp!

AmunahSki

My heart goes out to you. I feel a very heavy burden as a solo parent (“If I die, our children will be orphans!”).

We split up when the children were young (aged 5 and 6) which WAS my choice, but he was a great dad and after the dust settled we maintained a good relationship and were still friends. He remarried, had another family, seemed happy.

As the children got older we got into the habit of going to theme parks as a family group every year on Father’s Day. When our children were 19 and 18, they were bringing friends and partners along too. Towards the end of the day, when they wanted ‘one last ride’ and we’d both had enough, we sat on the grass and watched them. “Looking at them makes me feel so old.” he said. I shook my head, “No, they make me feel young! We should be glad that they still want to spend time with us - soon they’ll be off with families of their own.”

He thought his life was over, at the age of just 39: inexplicably, he took his own life about a month after that trip. I had to tell our children. Their pain in that moment is etched into my heart.

15 years later, he has missed two University graduations, his daughter’s wedding, two amazing granddaughters, and our son is getting married next spring. He would have made a fantastic granddad, and I often tell him what a stupid, senseless decision he made. But I have the strength to love our family enough for both of us - and I plan to stick around for as long as ever I possibly can, which means keeping myself as healthy as possible.

You sound like a very strong person, and your post is full of hope and love. Be kind to yourself while you’re in the shadow of grief - I promise, there are so many wonderful times ahead for you and your family.