All-or-nothing thinking

aubreygstagner

Hello,

I’ve never done this before but I could use some encouragement! I always try to do everything all at once then burn out quickly. My sister just lost like 100 lbs and it’s easy to compare. I want to lose 70 that was gained from going on a medication, and I’ve been “trying” but not consistently for years. Anything could help.

yirara

You already say what is needed: Consistency. And weighing your food intake carefully. Think of it this way: You want to lose weight fast, you crash, you give up. Or you run a moderate deficit, don't crash, you might lose slower but you win. Also, don't compare yourself with your sister. You are you. Please stay in touch in the forum and ask if you have any questions.

AnnPT77

I think you already know where the problem is, right there in your thread title, all or nothing thinking.

To achieve body weight and fitness goals, it's not necessary to be perfect every single minute, and it IS important not to give up if something slips sideways.

IMO, the big prize is not just reaching a healthy weight, it's staying there long term, ideally forever. Doing that depends on finding new, enjoyable (at least tolerable/practical) eating and activity habits that can continue almost on autopilot when other parts of life get challenging (because they will, eventually).

Make some positive changes that are within reach, and build on them over time. Extreme restrictive eating rules aren't essential, and they can make it hard to stay the course. Punitively intense miserable exercise isn't essential, and it's not the best bet for weight loss OR fitness improvement.

Instead, find an eating routine that keeps you, personally, full and happy most of the time, and that delivers decent overall nutrition, plus is affordable/practical. Include a few treats - ones you can moderate - in the mix, for pure enjoyment. Misery is optional.

Find ways of moving more, daily life stuff as well as official exercise, that are fun enough that you'll want to do them regularly, or at least are tolerable and convenient.

To some extent, consistency IS required . . . but I'd say that's on a "pretty good on average, most of the time" basis. We all have bad moments. The consistency that's essential is to not let the bad moment turn into a bad day turn into a bad week and beyond . . . because we made the process inhumanly hard for ourselves, or because we feel like a tiny screw-up means we should give up.

If you have a bad moment or day, log it. Spend maybe 10 minutes, tops, thinking about why it happened, and adjusting your plan going forward to minimize it happening again in future. Then keep going. Get back on that new plan as soon as you possibly can.

That's what the real consistency is: Experimenting to find the plan and strategies that work well for us as unique individuals, and sticking with that process. A bad day isn't a personal failure, it's just teaching us something about what won't work in our particular case. That's useful.

Adjust the plan, keep going.

Best wishes!

csplatt

the first step is to get really good at logging everything you eat. without even aiming for a deficit. then, can you learn to eat at maintenance? then, can you eat in a deficit? no need to even add exercise right off the bat.

Hobartlemagne

Embrace that this is a process. It is long term, and may take you 2 years to reach the goal.
Dont be down on yourself if you lose self discipline- as I like to say: The wagon will always let you back on.
Learn your triggers, and put together plans for how to stop them or how to control the resulting behavior. Cook ahead of time- have portioned, healthy meals ready to eat. Get on a regular schedule of exercise, even if it is just going on a walk.
Dont reward yourself with food when you make an achievement. Indulge in other rewards.

mtaratoot

I have a good friend who has a similar all-or-nothing attitude about new things. I tell him that he likes to dip a toe into the water for many things, but for most of them, his toe is the last thing that gets wet. He dives head-first. Sometimes he realizes he maybe shouldn't have jumped. He recently decided he was going to get a drift boat. I reminded him that he has a very nice canoe that he rarely gets out even though I try to drag him out often. I asked him where he would go in that boat and what he would do. He was moving forward. I finally got him out in his canoe. We passed a drift boat anchored up and fishing. After seeing the size, he realized maybe he should wait a while and maybe paddle the canoe more often.

Of course now he wants to buy more canoes. I can't fault anyone for that, but first he needs to paddle more of them to figure out what he wants. Once you start to get specialized canoes, they are actually fairly different and excel at different things. He's got a decent boat that does most everything but doesn't excel at anything. I keep encouraging him to just slow down.

So I'll repeat that here. All or nothing isn't necessarily bad, but diving head first without testing the water ain't the best. Slow down. It will almost certainly be quite a while until you reach your goal, and when you do, if you take it slow you'll learn good ways to maintain that loss. Make it a lifestyle not a race. Slow down. Do it right. Don't get upset with yourself when you falter - just keep slowly going on towards your goal.

Would it help you slow down to set some small goals that aren't the final goal? Then go all-or-nothing for that tiny (and appropriate) goal? Like maybe lose five pounds this month. Then four pounds each of the next two. Then you're almost a quarter of the way there, and... then you can start slowing down even more.